Chilvary is SO dead...

I just want to say, what’s UP with men today huh? Today on my lunchbreak I happened to notice that I had no oil in my car. So here I am in the parking lot of the post office in a skirt and heels with the hood of my car up, struggling to get the oil cap off. I look up and lo and behold, about 10 different guys in the parking lot are just staring at me. Just staring. DO THEY EVEN THINK TO MAYBE, I DON’T KNOW…OFFER TO HELP??? What’s up with that huh? Gee, what will get a girls attention better, leering at her while she is struggling with her car or offer to talk to her? Seems like a no-brainer to me. That brought me back to a couple of months ago. I’m an event planner and I had to send out 4500 invitations in the mail. Which meant that I had to lug boxes upon boxes upon boxes from the trunk of my car into the post office. There’s a group of guys sitting about 20 feet away. Staring of course. I did this for about 30 minutes until FINALLY a man pulls up and offered to help. I thankfully accepted. What is with men today? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHY IS IT SO HARD TO OFFER TO HELP A FEMALE IN OBVIOUS NEED OF IT??? Okay, i’m done now.

Holy Shit, guys take note:

Sometimes women need help!

This may be the first time in 15 years that I’ve seen, heard, or read this anywhere.

Does not compute.

Did you ask anyone for help?

I’ll help a female in obvious need of an attitude adjustment.

Get thee to a nunnery.

No I didn’t ask for help. The point is, it would have been polite and gentlemanly to OFFER to help. I OFFER to help people who look like they need it. And I’m a female. Go figure. It’s a matter of kindness and thoughtfulness. And besides, if someone is going to take the time to leer at me, they might as well just offer to help.


if she really needed help, she should have asked.

plus, what’s with all the staring? is there some reason why these men exhibited such behavior? just wondering…

as I tell all who work with me: If you need help, ask.

Just where above the Mason-Dixon line do you live?..:smiley:

Why does it have to be a gentleman who helps you out? A woman can’t help you?

You know, I used to open doors for women, offer up my seat on subways and busses, push in my date’s chair, change flats, etc. These days, though, I found that I get as many pissed off reactions as “thank yous.” So now I don’t do any of that stuff out of fear of pissing off some militant feminist.

So yes, I agree. Chivalry is dead. (Well, as far as my chivalrous acts go, anyway…)

Gee, i’d be curious to see if any females reply to this. I didn’t even NEED help people, that’s not the point. It’s a matter of manners. I looked lost, I wasn’t glaring at anyone. My point is, if you are going to spend the time to watch me struggle, why not just ask if I need help? Why is it such a big deal? Why is everyone putting up such a fight about helping out someone? What’s wrong with people today?

I’d wager a guess that a whole lot of women getting PO’d at men offering sincere, genuine help because they don’t want to be percieved as “needing help” probably has a whole lot to do with it.

In other words, what THespos said.

actually Reeder, I live in California. And to you THespos, I’m asking specifically about the men who sit and watch me. Yes, I believe women should offer help as well. As a matter fact, as I stated before, I do help people. I gave a woman a jump the other day. I help old ladies and old men carry bags if they look like they’re struggling. Sometimes I’ll pay the toll for the car behind me even if I don’t know them. They’re called random acts of kindness people, obviously a foreign concept to most of you. I weep for your karma.

I can sympathize with you, lezlers. I’ve been there myself. I was heading back to college early one morning when I blew a tire on a very busy bridge (the Howard Frankland for any of you that know Tampa). I was wearing a skirt and low heels and spent 45 minutes changing the tire myself with cars whipping by in the lane right next to me. Ok, not all of those people could have stopped, but for NO ONE in 45 minutes to have stopped is just inconsiderate. I do know how to change a tire on my own, evidenced by the fact that it got done, but I would have welcomed the help. But where is a little “doing good for your neighbor”? It’s never a matter of being able to do something myself (if I can’t do it, I do steel up my courage and ask - and I am petrified of talking to strangers in any form of conversation) as much as it is a matter of the courtesy involved when someone asks if they can help you.

Now, to me, those women are just outright rude. If they don’t want the door opened (which I do for people, regardless of gender - it’s just polite)/a seat/their chair pushed in/their flat changed, then what’s the harm in a polite “No, thank you”? That’s what I don’t get. Heck, I even come out of Penn Station and say those exact words to the people trying to give me flyers. You can’t lose anything with politeness.

THespos, my friend, I promise you that if you ever act chivalrous toward me in any manner, I’ll either accept or be polite if I have a reason to say no!

People helping people is great. Important, useful, polite and generally just really good.

Men helping women out of “chivalry” sucks. In my opinion, that’s one gender difference that really doesn’t need to exist anymore.

But I am going to try to keep myself restrained 'cause this is a topic I feel strongly about, and I try not to post inflammatory things.

I agree completely, lezlers. If they were just sitting there staring, you would think that they would have offered to help. I certainly would have. I will, however, mitigate that answer with two things:

  1. I am less likely to offer help to a woman in a situation where it is dark, and she is alone, unless she obviously needs it. I’ve found that unecessary offers in those circumstances are not welcome because a woman tends to be frightened by someone approaching if she is alone. But if the assistance is necessary, and not just ‘a nice thing to do’, like a car breakdown in the middle of nowhere, then I’ll still offer. I know I’m not going to hurt her, and the next guy that comes along might.

  2. I will agree with mouthbreather and THespos to an extent. I’ve been greeted with hostility on occasion for trying to be chivalrous. But in my case, it has not made me stop doing it. I still do. I just take the occasional hostility with a smile, and go on, as I know that the larger percentage of women do appreciate it.


female poster here.

I believe in:

asking for help when it’s needed.

thanking those who offer or who help (asked or unasked)

offering help when possible.

note no gender references necessary in any of the above. I call it human kindness.

So, in the circumstances that you provided, I’d ask for help, or do it myself and not bitch about it. YMMV.

Okaaaaay…Maybe they didn’t offer because you DIDN’T need it!

For what it’s worth, I’m a woman and I would have helped you. It’s not a gender thing, it’s a human thing. We all need to help each other.

Chivilry is dead, and not a moment too soon for me. While I’ve certainly gratefully accepted assistance from men when I’ve needed it, I enjoy the fact that they don’t assume I need help doing “manly” things.

Of course, I’m in NY. Your milage may vary.


Join the SCA.


Well, then, wouldn’t a better title for this thread have been “Why don’t people help one another out anymore?”

Chivalry refers specifically to courteous behavior on the part of a man toward a woman.

Yes, it does suck that some people gawked at you while you were dealing with your car. FWIW, I would have offered to help, but not specifically because you’re a woman. I would have offered to help pretty much any human being in that situation.

Chivalry ain’t dead.

Not as long as I’m drawing breath, anyway.

But why? My mom knows how to change a flat.