Ladies, chivalrous or chauvinistic? Guys, do you consider yourselves chivalrous?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I was inspired by this thread in the Pit, but I want to keep the discussion nice so I decided to start a similar topic here.

Doors: I hold them open for anyone, male or female, nearby. However, if I’m holding it open for a female(s), I’ll let her/them walk through first, then proceed. In the case of holding the door for a male(s), I’ll either walk through first and hold it, or let the guy(s) walk through first, depending on: who’s closest to the door, whether they’re customers, etc. (Geez, I never put this much thought into it IRL. Trying to articulate your habits can be such a pain sometimes.)

Cars: I always open the door for a female (I drive a pick-up so it’s almost always just one passenger), whether she’s a girlfriend or just a friend. For the most part I find that chicks dig it (OW! Stop hitting me! I mean, “women appreciate it”) when I do this. The only time I refrain is in the heat of summer when I figure she doesn’t want to fry in the front seat while I’m walking over to the driver’s side. Even then, some of my female friends prefer that I open the door for them regardless of how hot it is. Guys? – eh, screw 'em. I let them get their own door, unless I have stuff in the front seat that I need to move.

Carrying stuff: I’ll pretty much ask anyone if he/she needs assitance in carrying something, if it looks like a pretty big load.

I’m sure there are other things I could mention, but I can’t think of anything right now.

Go ahead and weigh in with your thoughts. (chauvinistic/not chivalrous enough? what are your habits? etc.)

2

Well, for all three of those things, I like it. I makes me feel like a lady.

I can tell that a guy is really special if he does these things because I am not the most ladylike woman one has ever met- I like collecting bugs and turtles and sports and my jeans have grass stains on them frequently.
An ordinary guy would think- “Aw, she wouldn’t dig that holding-door crap, she’s a grrrl.”

Nope- if i guy can recognize I’m still a lady through the taxidermy and the bugs in the jar, than he’s one in a million.

Besides, it’s not as if the guy actually believes i can’t do those things by myself.

3

I enjoy doing kind things for others. If they happen to be female, extra points! I was also taught to hold open doors and say “thank you” too a person who does it for me. Making a good impression on people is high up on my list.

4

I think holding doors open and giving up seats to those who appear to need them and helping someone who’s overloaded with stuff is just common courtesy. I don’t particularly like people (especially men) who make an over-exaggerated show of it (“Look! I’m racing ahead of you to grab that door, elbowing you out of the way in the process, 'cause I’m so dang polite!”), but I really like people (especially men) who just quietly do that stuff as a matter of course – because they were raised right, not because they’re trying to impress me.

I know in a relationship you get to a point where the shiny newness wears off, and maybe he’s just reaching over to unlock your door and calling it good – and that’s okay. But if it’s a first date and Mr. Man isn’t opening doors and pulling out chairs – major deductions. And if he just sits in his car at the curb and honks – forget about it; the first date is going to be short, and there ain’t gonna be a second.

I may be able to kick your ass up around your shoulders if the situation requires it, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like being treated like a lady. :wink:

5

I believe all examples given here are common courtesy. They all show a basic level of caring and compassion.

My question:
Who gets the towel first after sex?

6

I consider myself chivalrous, although I sometimes like to consider it a form of rebellion. I hold doors for anybody, and I open car doors for women, but I think it’s less patronizing with a post-modern, nobody-does-this-anymore attitude. I know they can open their own doors, but it’s like the swing music revival; sometimes you can surprise people by going back to something that everyone else has abandoned.

And chivalry isn’t what it once was. Damsels in distress are few and far between. I helped a woman who got locked out of the office next to mine, but that’s about it lately. And most people won’t even accept a seat on the subway these days.

7

Just an ordinary guy here, and I don’t think I’m chivalrous.

Doors: I hold doors for everyone, but to varying degrees. For people that look like they can’t easily open doors for themselves (laden with packages, on crutches, walking with a cane, etc…) I’ll always hold doors, of course. For able men, I’ll hold the door only long enough for them to grab the door. For pull doors, I’ll walk through first and then hold the door from the inside. For women, I’ll always hold the door for them until they’re all the way through (on pull doors, I let them go through first). Chauvinistic? Possibly, but my excuse is that it’s not something I do consciously.

Cars: I’ll only get the door if I’m on a date with someone and we are approaching my car. I have never had the opportunity to get the door for a woman when exiting the vehicle as she usually gets out of the car as soon as I do. I don’t open car doors for female friends or guys.

Carrying Items: Only if I know the person to some degree. With a woman, I’ll ask if she needs any assistance. If it’s a guy, I’ll just say “Here, let me get that” and grab for the items which are held the most loosely.

Giving up my seat on public transportation: Only if it looks like standing would be a hardship to the individual, male or female. I’ll give up my seat for the elderly, the handicapped, people with packages, children, people who look tired, and anyone who asks if it would be possible if he/she could have my seat. Otherwise, you could be the most attractive woman on the planet but if it looked like you could stand with very little inconvenience to your person, I’d stay seated and not offer up my seat (and try to steal glances when I thought you weren’t looking my way).

Paying for a meal: To guys: “Okay, everyone pay for what they ate.” To women (both dates and friends): “Oh, don’t worry about it. I’ll get the bill.”

Doing general small tasks as favors when someone asks: By small tasks, I generally mean simple errands for which I have time (e.g. picking something up at the store when I’m not busy, dropping off a package). Not “can you do me a favor and repaint my house?” When guys ask: only if I’m in a good mood and feeling generous. When women ask: “Sure, no problem.”

“Who gets the towel first after sex?” When there actually is a towel available for use, she does. Not that I’ve personally had the opportunity to exhibit this behavior in a quite a while, mind you. :frowning:

I consider my habits to be a sexist form of courtesy. It’s not right, it’s not fair, but at least it’s courtesy on some level. It’s certainly better than being a complete jerk, IMHO.

8

I’m the first one to admit I adore it when men open doors and carry things for me. Makes me go all weak-kneed and think seriously about returning the favor by helping them remove their clothing at some later date. But…

It’s definitely NOT charming if it’s done with a “Look at me, I’m a gentleman!” attitude. The fact that you have to call attention to it proves you’re not.

9

Warning, This Is A Crosspost!

Quite simply, I hold the door for everyone. Once in a while there is that true prince (or princess) who after watching me keep station for five or ten people will wrench the handle out of my grasp and take over for me.

I just refuse to imagine a world without manners. They will always be cool, period. As a male, I also have a mile wide protective streak for women and children, but some things just make too much sense.

Just as living well is the best revenge, to live that way demands that you lead by example. Virtue is its own reward. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that, “Duty done is the fireside of the soul.” There’s just no other way to look in the mirror without flinching.

So many women and men alike have risen to protect what I consider to be nothing less or more than good manners. Please bring your most or least favorite list of things about liberation and chivalry to this thread.

10

Chivalrous.

I believe in courtesy. Plus I’ve been around a lot of rednecks and assholes in my time who seem to feel that they own their ‘wimmin’ and ‘caint unnerstand’ why the gal don’t listen and they just gotta whomp her now and then.

I like opening doors, standing when a lady comes in during a formal dinner, buying dinner, drinks, movie tickets and gifts. I like her opinions, comments and to have her disagree with me if I’m wrong or even if I’m not wrong and she thinks I am.

11

When I was just a wee Feynnling my beloved and much revered grandmother taught me that a gentleman always holds the door for a lady. If a lady joins your table at dinner a gentleman rises and assists the lady with her chair. A gentlemen will always offer to help a lady with her packages. Although many women these days don’t appreciate our chivalrous efforts there are still those that do.

I had a couple of younger ladies get very offended when I held the door for them one afternoon, the two older ladies behind them commented that they appreciated that there were still gentlemen in the world.

I don’t consider it going out of my way to hold the door for someone and it really doesn’t matter if it is for a man or a woman. It is just common courtesy to do so.

Lola tells me that I still open the door for her whenever we go out so I guess that the shine hasn’t worn off yet. For anyone who’s counting it will soon be five years since I met my beloved. I figure that I will be holding the door for her when we are old and decrepid… okay… I’ll be old and decrepid but Lola will always be simply gorgeous…

12

I personally think that all these things are chivalrous and oh so very sweet. I have one or two guys friends that are absolute gentlemen, they do all of those things and more. One of them was home schooled so I respect his mother quite a bit for teaching what’s “right” and “polite” He also knows how to waltz and ball room dance. I find that so incredibly romantic.

Kitty

13

I still open doors for others, allow other people through doors first, offer assistance when I can etc…

Though I noticed the other day I don’t do it automatically anymore. Only a year ago I would have done so without thinking, but nowadays - a little shellshocked with recent feminazi hostility - I’m a tad more reluctant to just jump in. I normally still do but there’s a moment of hesitation now because of some of the reactions I’ve received despite me not having any hidden agendas or ulterior motives.

When I realised this I thought how sad it was that I’d allowed myself to get to this point.

14

I always give up seats on public transit for women. I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t. The only time I won’t is if there are already plenty of vacant seats and the lady in question won’t go over to them.

15

Call me old-fashioned, but chilvalry, when done in the polite, charming, way, makes me swoon.

16

I had a mild, good-natured argument with a guy the other day when I held the door open for him. He tried to step behind me to hold the door so I could go into a store. We bantered happily for a few moments about whether he was a gentleman if I held the door for him.
I’m always impressed when anyone has the observational skills to notice when a door should be held open for another, or something moved out of the way, or carried or whatever. My grandmother always told me to respect my elders and care for them and as I grew up I realized it was just as easy to extend that respect and care to anyone.
I’m a sucker. I let people out in traffic, I stop my car when the street looks too crowded for my car and another to pass a parked vehicle, I wait endlessly for pedestrians. It irritates everyone else, but I figure it might just be the only nice thing anyone does for that person that day.
When someone does it for me? Well, I feel that for a moment I’m important to that person. That’s nice.

17

One of the things the instructor for our sales training class was something along the lines of, “Common courtesy isn’t common anymore.” I consider a lot of the things I do to be courteous, although I do more for ladies than guys (e.g. opening the car door). I’ve never received a negative reaction for holding the door, etc. Usually I get a thank you. The worst response I ever receive is no response.

18

Things I do because I was taught to do so:
Open doors for ladies.
Open car doors for ladies.
Walk on the street side of the sidewalk.
Help ladies with their coat or wrap.
Give up my seat for women and the elderly.
Tip my hat to ladies.
Take my hat off when I enter a building.
I never start to eat until the most senior lady at the table has begun to eat.
Say yes-mam and yes-sir to people senior to me.
Carry heavy packages for ladies.
And one of the things that most impressed Mrs. Opengrave…
I watch where ladies are walking to make sure they don’t step on anything or in a hole or something.

The funny thing is that I’m actually shocked that everyone isn’t like this. Maybe it just the more genteel southern women I dated but as mentioned above if I didn’t do these things there wouldn’t be a second date. As was mentioned in one of the related threads watch Due South for an example of how to act.

Oh and for the record I’m 31 and grew up in TEXAS!

<minor rant> Can you see how someone like me get so pissed off when women want to marry men like me but want to date the bad boy biker type. I swear… how many more women could I have scored with if I had showed up drunk and peed in their front yard first!!! </minor rant>

19

[rant]
Oh lord do I hate the term “chivalry”. Probably stems from the guy who lived across the hall from me who said that word ENTIRELY too much. When asked what he wanted to do with his life, or what his dreams were, he would inevitably go all dreamy-eyed and talk about wanting to be a knight in medieval times.

Lord did that make me want to vomit. These are typically the guys who complain that girls don’t go out with them, even though they are so chivalrous and make such an effort to make women feel taken care of. Turns out, they go WAY overboard, look a little overbearing and smothering, and scare the crap out of them.
[/rant]

Nope. Don’t consider myself chivalrous, but DO consider myself considerate and caring.

20

Opengrave, please crosspost your rant at this thread.

Remember ladies, there wouldn’t be such a huge supply of jerks if there wasn’t such a huge demand for them.