I am 41. While I was growing up I was taught how to be well mannered and a gentleman. To always say please, thank you, yes ma’am/sir, and no ma’am/sir. I always get the door for a woman and always stand when a woman approaches.
Now days when I stand for a woman, they seem confused. Example, I was at the bank. I came in and sat down to speak with a lady. She had to get up and get something. I stood as she got up and she told me not to leave she would be right back. I told her that I always stand when a lady stands. She was taken aback by that. After my explanation she said it made her feel special.
Why do women not see it as the thing that a gentleman does? Has good manners died and been wiped from peoples memory?
Men, start being a gentleman! If you can make someone feel special just by standing, do it. Bring back good manners. I feel as if I was born in the wrong time period.
To all the men out there that do practice good manners, thanks. I feel all women deserve to be treated as ladies. Even if a woman has murdered someone. You should still open the door to her jail cell.
Sorry about the length of this post and the rambling. I am just frustrated with the lack of good manners I see these days.
Let’s not confuse medieval customs with treating people well. It’s polite and respectful to say please and thank you, for example. Standing for your date doesn’t do much of anything, and these days women generally prefer to be treated like people instead of resources or fine china. That’s not a bad thing.
Substitute “person” for “woman” and I’d agree with you. There’s no reason we should confine politeness to women. Can’t men and children need help and appreciate politeness as well?
I think this explicit linking of politeness to gender, with its subtext that women are delicate creatures who cannot take care of themselves, is a major reason that the previous generation rejected gender-based chivalry in the first place.
I get that some women like it, perhaps even prefer it, and in more formal settings I’ll get the door, or pull out the chair for my wife. It’s a nice thing to do for your SO or your mom, but otherwise, it’s fairly passé.
Other than that, isn’t it a bit patronizing in this day and age?
I pull out the chair for my gf in a restaurant (assuming an employee doesn’t) but I also do it at home, out of habit. I open her car door 75% of the time.
Strangers? I’ll avoid hitting a puddle and spraying them, other than that, meh.
I have not come across a lady yet that did not appreciate what I do ( standing, opening doors, etc.). They do seem confused at first sometimes, but always appreciative when they realize what I’m doing. As I said, sometimes they make the comment that it makes them feel special.
Maybe it’s my location. I am in a small town in South Arkansas. Maybe ladies here are different and appreciate the way that I treat them. If I was in a big city, they might not be so appreciative.
Indeed, especially when it conflicts with business etiquette. As an employee at a hospital, I’m supposed to let patients and their families go through elevator doors first, that sort of thing, but inevitably I will get an older gentleman who insists on waiting in the elevator while his family and other people depart and then holding it for me (a younger woman) so he will exit last. Well, that’s awfully kind, but it separates him from his family in an oft-crowded hallway, and his family waits in front of the elevator doors because they’ve lost track of him, blocking everyone else who’s trying to get into the elevator in the meantime, etc. As a hospital employee, I should not be charging off an elevator before patients (who may be less mobile and/or unsure of where they are going) unless I am blocking someone else’s exit if I don’t move.
And I thought standing for ladies was only done when they first entered a room, not at each time they left/returned. (I may be wrong.) Someone standing except for rising to greet me/shake hands would confuse me; I would expect they were intending to go somewhere. However, as an employee and polite person, I certainly would not criticize them for their attempts to be polite. I personally would stand to greet anyone entering the room unless I was seated at a reception desk.
There is a real tension today between being a gentleman and being a man, and I think not just men, but a lot of modern women, would prefer a man if it came to that.
I had a roomie when I was in the navy and she was really militant about being treated as an equal, not as a delicate flower. OK, she was a bit of a whacko. On day, a guy held a door for her, and she lectured him!! She was doing her best to kill courtesy, single handedly.
Chivalry hasn’t died, it’s just been updated. Chivalry is now respecting a woman as a person with hands and everything that can open the door for you as much as you opening the door for her. It’s respecting her in business and in the real world, and not griping about how the good women are always chasing bad boys. It’s acknowledging also that some women aren’t deserving of such manners. It’s noticing that we’re all different people, us women, not some autonomous set with boobs and a vagina. It’s getting to know our personalities. If you’re friends with me, you should know whether or not I like the door held open for me, and I certainly don’t want you to stand for me - it puts me on the spot and it’s dreadfully awkward.
You think clinging to antiquated ways of treating women makes you a gentleman. I know a gentleman when I see one, and he is kind and respectful to all people, not just females.
I’m kind of old fashioned when it comes to manners; I think men should open doors for women etc. as a sign of respect. It doesn’t, in any way, imply that a woman is weak or the lesser sex.
No it isn’t because I’m young-ish (26) and I always am polite, hold doors open, say my Ps and Qs, yes ma’ams, yes sirs, treat women right, and everything.
Does it get me anything? Nope.
Do I still finish last? Yup.
Is it gonna stop me? Apparently not.
