Do women, these days, still appreciate (or even pay any attention to) gentleman’s etiquette qualities such as:
[li]Opening and closing the car door (or any door) for the lady.[/li][li]hat-tipping[/li][li]hand-kissing[/li][li]helping the lady with her coat on/off or giving her his jacket if she hasn’t one[/li][li]pulling out and pushing in her chair for her as needed[/li][li]rising at the table to greet someone who has just arrived[/li][li]putting the toilet seat down[/li]
etc etc etc
I know there’s a zillion more.
IMHO, it seems to be a dying art, although I consciously make effort to do as much “gentlemanly-like” things as possible. I like being the gentleman. I think it adds character and is distinguishing. Also, for the women who DO appreciate that sort of thing, it makes a good impression, through humility. (as opposed to deliberately trying to impress a lady with gags, cheap-big-talk, and boasting)
I helped a lady at the bar the other day when she dropped her purse, twice, and she was very pleased with my gentlemanly-politeness. She thanked me and complimented me, multiple times. As a matter of fact, (she was drop-dead gorgeous) she was more impressed with me, being polite and a gentleman, than the jerk who was hitting on her. That made me feel good
I certainly appreciate those things . . . But then, I am a Woman Of a Certain Age, and I was raised in a rather old-fashioned part of the country.
I, by the way, hold doors for whomever is following me, stand when an older person enters the room (there are fewer and fewer people older than I, as time goes on), and always say, “excuse ME” before pushing someone onto the subway tracks.
This woman certainly appreciates gentlemanly behavior. My SO always opens doors (including the car door, on both entering and exiting) and all the other things you mentioned, excluding the hat tipping. Not many man wear hats these days
I’ve taught my two sons gentlemanly behavior, as well. My younger son and I were taking a walk in the neighborhood recently and I laughed with delight every time we turned a corner and he made sure he was on the traffic side of the walk.
I have been a single woman for eleven years and I am VERY independent but, I am also a lady and certainly expect to be treated as such.
I’ll answer these point by point, if that’s alright (and even if it’s not ):
[li]Opening and closing the car door (or any door) for the lady.[/li]
Yes, but only when getting into the car. I think it’s silly to sit and wait for someone to open my door when getting out of a car.
[li]hat-tipping[/li]
Do men still wear hats? Besides baseball caps (which shouldn’t be tipped 'cause that’s just silly). But I wouldn’t be offended by it.
[li]hand-kissing[/li]
By men I’m just meeting? Uh, no… that’s too much an invasion of my personal space. I don’t think hand-kissing is ever an appropriate substitution for a handshake anymore.
[li]helping the lady with her coat on/off or giving her his jacket if she hasn’t one[/li]
This is good. Especially the suffering in the cold so I don’t have to part
[li]pulling out and pushing in her chair for her as needed[/li]
Like the car door thing: if we’re both just sitting down, fine, it’s lovely, but I’m not going to sit in my chair and wait to get up for it.
[li]rising at the table to greet someone who has just arrived[/li]
Maybe the first time they come to the table, but not every time that same meal.
[li]putting the toilet seat down[/li]
Good god, yes! Put the damn seat DOWN! And before I get jumped on for it – when I’ve gone to a friend’s house that was male, I’ve put the seat back up for him.
And for what it’s worth: I don’t like to be called a “lady”. Yes, I like to be treated with respect and even a certain amount of … what’s the word? caring? no. Well, crap. Anyway, “lady” makes me feel as though I need to be refined, prim and proper.
Also, I’ve been known to hold doors open, light cigarettes, etc for men and women, just in the name of being polite.
Yes, women still appreciate it, but it should be practiced so as to not draw attention to itself. Many younger women, who have not learned that it is simply easier to let the fellow always open the door sometimes get a bit bent out of shape, or will rush to the door first, which you should ignore gracefully.
One that you didn’t mention is that when walking down a street the gentleman walks closest to traffic and the lady walks on the inside, this being in the way of any splashing caused by passing vehicles. This is especially tricky when both parties do not know the rule or the woman wants to be close to the street side. When the woman is oblivious to the rule, just ignore it as I have found it will freak her out if you try to maneuver to the street side when she wants to be on it.
Most women I have gone out with usually take the outside chair at a restaurant, leaving me with the view of the room, or as we really old teenagers call it, “the gunfighter’s seat”. I’ve never seen any rule on this, does anyone know?
[li]Opening and closing the car door (or any door) for the lady.[/li]
No problem, but only when it’s practical. For instance, I would think it were a bit silly if a guy carrying ten bags tried to open a door for empty-handed me.
[li]hat-tipping[/li]
No problem with this one either, but I tend to associate it with elderly men. Plus, I don’t know many guys who wear hats … (I actually had Mauvaise’s point written down - the bit about guys not wearing hats, and baseball caps, and silly baseball cap-tipping guys, but then I scrolled and realised it’s already been said)
[li]hand-kissing[/li]
Not unless it’s my SO, male friend or a really cute little old man.
[li]helping the lady with her coat on/off or giving her his jacket if she hasn’t one[/li]
Oooh, I love this one. I’m with my boyfriend of 18 months because he offered me his jacket when I was cold.
[li]pulling out and pushing in her chair for her as needed[/li][li]rising at the table to greet someone who has just arrived[/li][li]putting the toilet seat down[/li]
Indifferent to these.
I like it when guys are gentlemen, but I’m definitely not used to it with people my age (18). Depending on the situation, I might be weirded out or flattered.
Ooh! My friend does this! (Yes, I know … I’ve just contradicted what I wrote in my previous post) I never noticed until one day I noticed he was making an extreme effort to walk on the outside of the pavement. Another friend and I quizzed him on it, and eventually he told us the reason. We thought it was just the cutest thing ever.
I appreciate it. Everything, the hand kissing, hat tipping (which has been done by older Gentlemen that still wear hats), etc. I would prefer if my fella didn’t throw his coat onto the ground for me to walk on, cus then he winds up with a nasty coat. However, at a formal evening function, when I was wearing grossly inappropriate shoes (I do this quite a bit - you’d think I’d learn), I did have a fella sweep me up into his arms and carry me across a muddy snow bank, and I certainly appreciated that.
I always accept it as courtesy, as opposed to some demented male plot to keep women in their place. (Which I have heard some woman claim).
I do enjoy most of these things, or at least those which are practiced. My SO does the hand-kissing every once in a while, which for some reason just makes me melt. :swoon:
Practiced, as others have said, practically, most of these gestures can really impress me and/or make me happy.
What Mauvaise said, except the part about being called a “lady.” I will say that the number one courtesy I MOST appreciate is fellas putting the toilet seat down and cleaning up after themselves. I ain’t nobody’s maid.
I don’t feel threatened by a man showing me courtesy because I will show him courtesy in return. Just so long as the guy will respect me, I don’t mind if a fella calls me a “lady” because I know the rude, crude and excessively silly, non-proper, non-refined, non-prim person I really am. [giggle] My mom did try to raise me to be a lady, though, so maybe she didn’t fail 100%. Yet. :0)
I appreciate it, and I am young. Some of these things I also do, like opening and closing doors. I like it when they do that favor to me, so I reciprocate. I also give my jackets or gloves when I notice I am not the coldest around and someone needs it more than me(someone else has a cold and would appreciate the warmth). I take my cap or hat off when I enter a church, and sometime also during classes. Kissing in the hand? In my culture, a kiss on the cheek is a normal way of greeting, so no problem with someone kissing my hand instead of my cheek.
I appreciate all of the things listed (except for the hat-tipping, only because I’ve never experienced), but some only when Simetra is the one doing it. For instance, I think it’s infinitely sweet that he always opens car doors for me, but it would make me slightly uncomfortable if a casual acquaintance constantly opened my car door. Same thing for hand-kissing – it gives me such butterflies when my sweetie kisses on my hands, but it would creep me out if anyone else tried that.
I like politeness as much as anyone but hand-kissing?? I would be completely weirded out by someone kissing my hand as a greeting. Well, maybe it would be cute if a 4-year-old or a grandfatherly, Santa Claus-type European man did it, but a regular guy my own age? That’s bordering on creepy weirdo territory.
Actually, I had not forgotten about the man-walking-on-the-street-side-of-the-sidewalk one. I didn’t mention it because I thought it was passe and no one else knew of it! LOL, I guess I was severely mistaken.
RE: hand-kissing > I should have pointed out that I meant this one to used for dating situations, not as a simple introductory greeting.
Are there any good books which would describe more gentleman’s etiquette practices? I would love to learn more. I have never read Emily Post, so I don’t know if her book, “Etiquette” is gender-neutral, or gender-specific.
To be brutally honest, most of these things annoy me…
I can open my own car door, it just takes twice as long if you open mine, and then have to open yours…
Helping with coats is fine, as long as it’s fine if I help you with yours too !
Pulling and pushing chairs is awkward. I have problems sitting when someone is pushing the chair for me.
Rising at the table is fine, as long as it’s done for all who arrive, not just the ladies.
Put the toilet seat in whatever position turns you on, it’s not going to bother me, and I never understood how this was such a big deal.
I guess my point of view is that any polite, courteous behaviour is welcome, as long as it’s done to any other human being, not just to ladies. If you happen to get to the door first, and hold it open for me, I appreciate that. It’s very polite. Don’t refuse to walk through the door if I happen to get to it first, and hold it open for you. My take on etiquette is that it is basically polite behaviour for all people, not just special behaviour for those who are female.
