Some of us have standards not shared by the masses. Heck, probably all of us do. Here’s mine:
Don’t make a spectacle of yourself in public. This is very broad, to include such things as exposing too much flesh (I’ll be the judge of how much is too much, thanks), Making A Scene (in cases other than attempted crimes, etc.), bellowing at your children or anyone else across the yard, and just generally behaving like a jackass in plain view of God and the world. Show some discretion.
Women especially must not communicate with anyone outside, under any circumstances (other than, maybe, house on fire), from their bedroom windows. I can’t STAND this. Have you no shame?
Can we refrain from mentioning specific amounts of money? I really don’t want to hear what you paid for your car, or your house, or even your bunch of broccoli. If you ask me how much I paid for something, I will blanch, lie and say “I’m sorry, I can’t quite remember.” Talking about money in general is fine. Mentioning a dollar amount is not.
I don’t want to hear any swear words in public. I don’t really care for my own sake if you say “fuck” on the bus, but what if my grandmother is with me? She’d just die. How dare you offend an old lady.
Same goes for bodily functions. I don’t want to hear about or even imagine what goes on behind a closed bathroom door. In fact, bathrooms don’t officially exist. Women excuse themselves to powder their nose; men excuse themselves to make a phone call.
(Disclaimer: I’m in an expecially arch mood tonight. Don’t take this too seriously. Just contribute what you consider minor or major impolitenesses, with or without justification. Further disclaimer: I’m not complaining in the least about SDMB topics. We’re all here by choice. I’m talking about real-life, in-public situations only.)
I was taught that it is bad manners for a guy to present his hand to a woman for a handshake, if she offers it it’s fine. I get some weird looks from girls sometimes when being introduced, but the majority seem to know that it’s their call. Is this still the rule?
If I am with Gunslinger, and one of Gunslinger’s acquaintances - who is unknown to me - comes up and enters into conversation with Gunslinger, I assume that I am not part of the conversation, and will stand quietly nearby until they have concluded their conversation OR I am introduced. The main principle is that if I have not been introduced to the person, I am not invited into the conversation; that person is a stranger to me, and I do not talk to strangers unbidden. Now, if Gunslinger remembers to introduce me (“Oh, I’m sorry, this is my fiance Racin; Racin, this is Joe - we worked together on the college newspaper”), I am no longer a stranger and will converse; or if the other person addresses me directly I will enter into conversation; but otherwise, I will not barge into a conversation that I am not a part of.
I believe Gunslinger thinks this is needlessly formal and old-fashioned.
Yes, that’s the social rule. Younger women offer hands to older women. I don’t know what the rule is for men.
The business rule is the underlings offer hands for shaking to bosses.
So if I (being a woman) ran into a male VP of my company at an art show, he should wait to accept my offered hand. If I run into him at Headquarters, I immediately offer him my hand.
I always rsvp for any invitation. I wish my friends did.
I was beginning to think I was the only one who knew this rule. I was quite certain **no men ** knew it, judging by the number of men who offer me their hand when we are introduced. It’s very awkward, because I’m not really into touching people I’ve just me. I don’t want to shake their hand, I wouldn’t have extended my own hand first, and yet, there is their hand just waiting to be shaken. If I don’t shake it, somehow I’m the one who is going to come across as rude as opposed to the man.
Can you tell this really bugs me?
BTW, I’m speaking of social situations, not business, where it’s probably a whole different set of rules.
Kindly wait your turn. A public conveyence will not move until all passengers embark. You will not arrive at your destination any faster if you barrel your way to the head of the line than if you were fifth in line. Your journey may, in fact, be delayed, as you are blocking those who are attempting to leave the bus or train. Two bodies can not occupy the same point in space.
Rude, obscene, and/or possibly offensive messages shall not be displayed publicly, as on a bumper sticker or T-shirt. I love the “GOD IS COMING / AND IS SHE PISSED” bumper sticker on the side of my filing cabinet, but I would never put it on my car.
Yeah, I don’t think men know that rule anymore. Whenever I am introduced to a man, they’re always the first to extend their hand (I’m a female, BTW). It doesn’t shock me anymore, but rather just seems rather boorish. I always give them a little mental head-slap and think, ‘Didn’t your momma raise you right?’
And for the love of God, do they have to demonstrate how strong they are with said handshake? I’m no dainty flower, but crushing the bones in my hand is just plain rude.
Another one… When the elevator doors open, and you’re waiting to get ON, stand to one side and let the people already on it get OFF first. No one seems to understand that one at all. They just shove their way on as the exiting passengers are trying to get off.
What part of “taking turns” did you not understand in Kindergarten?
I’ve never heard those rules for shaking hands. Now I’m worried about who I might have offended by offering or not offering my hand at the appropriate time. :smack:
As for the OP: if your children are not behaving themselves in a restaurant, take them outside. Don’t let them scream, run around, wiggle in the booth enough to distract the diner on the other side. I’m paying good money to enjoy my dinner, I shouldn’t be irritated by your unruly kids. Plus, it’s never too early to teach good manners.
Here’s one I was taught that nobody seems to know and it is one of those things that really make sense for a change. You never hand someone a knife or scissors with the point facing them. It should face you. Doi!
I do the exact same thing. If the conversation turns into a long drawn out one, I will excuse myself to my husband and wander off to see/do other things. Depends on where we are at the time.
My mother trained me, when walking on a sidewalk with a lady (or any woman, for that matter) to walk on the street side. That is, to walk between the lady and the street. When we go around a corner, I step BEHIND the lady to again place myself between her and the traffic.
Enough of my female acquaintences (business and personal) find this unusual that I am forced to believe that I am one of the only people so trained. But mother trained me too well – I can’t change at this late date.
Miss Manners (Judith Martin) was once asked if a guest should run the water in the bathroom sink to cover up any noises that might occur. The eminently sensible Ms. Martin’s response struck me as just about perfect:
"It makes no difference whether you run the water or not. No matter what noises emerge from the bathroom, Miss Manners simply will not hear them."
Along the lines of what racinchikki said (which I am of the same mind about as well) = you don’t shove yourself into a conversation already in progress - nor interrupt in any way. You wait until you are recognized and addressed. That sounds rather formal explaining it that way, but it happens every day where I work. Usual scenario goes like this:
CowOrker and I, out of traffic area but standing in common room where sales people have their “cubes”, discussing anything at all.
Sales person walks into common room - sees us there, and booms a loud “HEEY!!! Good Mornin! Man, that traffic is BRUTAL today, you should’ve SEEN…”
Now, I’m sorry but I would never be so disruptive. Yes, it’s just a greeting. If you must, a normal inside-voiced “Mornin” and I’ll return a nod, while still conversing. But even that will still irk me. Wait your flippin TURN! Just because you walked into a room doesnt mean everyone stops what they’re doing to throw you a parade. Crikey!
Brother Cadfael, my Dad does that with my sisters and I! He always puts himself on the outside of the sidewalk, nearest the street. In my 30 years I’ve never known anyone else to do that. Now I know you!
I’ve been reading through the thread to see if anyone mentioned this! My grandmother taught me that one. And yes, female acquaitances seem generally clueless about the gesture and give me quizzical looks, too.
As for the Great Female Handshake debate, enough women have extended their hand to me upon introduction over the years that I figured it’s something most females want to do just like men traditionally have. So I stick my hand out to any woman I’m meeting as I would any man. This explains the occasional awkward pause.
If I may take this oppurtunity to ask- is it still considered proper to stand up, say, at a resturant table, when a woman is either sitting down or being introduced?
If I get a phone call, either at home or on my cell phone, I quickly end the call if I am with a friend or with company. I’ll tell the caller I’ll call them back because I’m with company at the moment. I would feel embarassed and extremely rude if I did otherwise.
Totally agree with this one. Hell, half the time if I have guests I don’t even answer the phone. In-person people trump telephone people.
Conversations: I hate hate HATE it when, say, two couples are having dinner. There’s a lively conversation going on, and at one point maybe the two men start talking back and forth. Not in a rude way, just the flow of conversation makes it so Man 1 says something, Man 2 answers, etc. I know SO MANY women who just wait for this to happen to draw me away into a “girls” conversation. So we’re left with the guys talking about one thing, the girls talking about something else. I never know how to deal with this - most of the time I’m interested in the first conversation, I don’t want to get into “girl talk” and I don’t know how to tell the other woman “Hey, there’s a conversation going on here, between FOUR people. Please don’t start another one that excludes 2 of the people at the table!”
Technically I guess it is still the rule though generally ignored…but then again I will refuse to shake hands with a guy who just sticks his hand out expecting it…makes car salesmen really uncomfortable=)
What I hate is visiting relatives in California where the air kiss is the way of doing things. If I want to kiss someone I will, and it ISN’T a damned greeting unless you are related very closely or i am sleeping with you!
