Some friends and I had an opportunity to look at some antique streetcars last Sunday. We were allowed to climb into several of the cars, just to take a look around.
In situations like this, I like to offer ladies my hand to help them down the steps, in case they need it. Predictably, some of the women accepted the assistance, whereas others declined. After visiting the second car though, one woman told me, “You know, you already offered once before and I declined. That should tell you that a woman doesn’t need help. You really shouldn’t offer a second time.”
What are your opinions on this issue?
Perhaps this was naivete on my part, but I was surprised by this reaction. On the one hand, I understand that women don’t want anyone to think that they’re physically incapable of traversing the steps. I would not interpret such gestures in this manner, though. To my mind, it’s akin to holding a door open for a woman. Most women can open doors themselves, but this is nevertheless understood to be a polite gesture.
On a more practical matter, I can see problems with withholding one’s hand just because a woman declined the first time. For one thing, there’s no guarantee that she won’t feel that she needs help the second time around. For another, the woman might think, “Wait a minute. Why isn’t he offering help this time? Did I offend him? Is he snubbing me?” And finally, I think it just looks bad if you offer help to some of the women but not the others. It might be perfectly innocent, but onlookers might think that you’re being deliberately rude or showing favoritism.
In situations like this, I would prefer to err on the side of caution. I know that some would disagree, as the woman in question did. Personally though, I think that when in doubt, it’s best to offer the help, understanding that it might very well be declined.
Again, your thoughts?