This happened to me yesterday afternoon and it’s still bothering me! (okay, I admit to being a bit on the obsessive side, but still…). Here’s what happened: I’m coming home from work, carrying my coat because even though it was cold in the morning, it got quite warm during the day and was still close to 70 degrees then. I also have a large shoulder bag purse as well as a tote bag (I take a thermos of coffee and my lunch to work in that). I had just gotten off the bus and was crossing the parking lot of Safeway (which was shorter than following the sidewalk around the store, btw), minding my own business too, mind you. I see this woman heading to her car–which btw was -parked- in the loading zone that you’re not supposed to park in!–and she calls out to me, “Are you traveling?” Now, I don’t know what in the world possessed her to ask that of me, and I looked at her in surprise, and must have said something like, “I beg your pardon?” At this point, the lady proceeds to tell me, “Oh, I thought you were homeless and was going to give you some money.” WTF!!! Did I look like I was homeless or something, I was thinking. In what I hoped was an indignant voice, I replied, “NO, I’m heading home from work!” and kept going, muttering under my breath, “Presumptious-assed bitch!” Argh, I wish I had been able to come back at her to her face with a really snappy retort (or better yet, used my bag to knock her out … er… heh, yes, I admit it, I wanted to do that!). I have -no- idea why this woman thought that I looked homeless, though. While I wasn’t wearing a dress and hose, I was wearing clean and comfortable slacks and blouse. But what in the world would even possess someone to say something like that?! Perhaps her heart was in the right place, trying to help someone, but my god, that’s an awfully presumptious thing to say.
Ultrafilter asks: Really, why is it so bad to be mistaken for a homeless person?
Now let me just say at the start that I realize that many folks live paycheck to paycheck (actually so do I), and that sometimes the possibility of losing one’s home may not be that far off from happening. Nothing against those who have lost their homes; I realize that sometimes it’s just through a series of misfortunes that it happens too.
However, I live in a large metropolitan area and … well, many of the homeless here are quite visible. Many of the ones that are, are also mentally ill, unfortunately. I guess it upset me that this person thought that I was homeless and probably mentally ill. Though I have no idea why she would think that.
My children and my husband all laughed when I told them this, and their first response to me was that I should have accepted money from her! Perhaps I need to have a talk with all of them …!
Well, the woman was trying to be kind to you. So it was rather bizarre that she thought you were homeless, but she WAS trying to be nice.
Actually, this happened to my sister. She had been to pottery class, (had smears of clay all over her) and looked rather ruffled up (from the pottery class). Took the bus home, stopped in a Bob’s Big Boy to pick up something. Was called “sweetie” by the waitress, and was asked to pay in advance. My sister connected the dots and figured that she was being mistaken for a homeless person. She thought it was hilarious! She still does.
I was mistaken for a homeless person by another homeless person once. He told me all about where to get coffee and how the local shelters worked and where I could get a hot meal. I was actually pretty amazed at how helpful he was.
Y’know, as a Poor College Student[sup]TM[/sup], I wouldn’t have cared if someone thought I was homeless. I coulda gotten a piece of change! Yeesh, there’ve been days that I’ve been so desperate for money that I’d go to the parking lot of a local grocery store and wander around for an hour, looking for dropped change on the ground. On a good day, you can find fifty cents or so, which usually means the difference between getting cheese on your hamburger or not.
How horrible - a person was trying to be nice to you because she thought you were in trouble. I must remember not to do that in future.
Now there was that time I was in the metro dressed in Goth, and I lay down for a rest on the bench (which technically you’re not supposed to do, but there are little ledges at the end of the benches at the station I was in, so I put my feet there so as not to soil the seat.) Anyway, a couple of jock boys further down the station started making snotty comments about bums and crazy people and squeegee punks. That pissed me off, not because the comments were directed at me, but because they were directed to a person they thought was homeless, which means they’d probably say the same to a real homeless person.
Come on now you know why she thought this. It’s your hair. You’ve got homeless person hair. It’s time for a makeover! Now here… relax and sip this cup of herbal tea and the stylist will be with you in a minute.
Yeah, I’m confused like Kayeby. What’s with the “are you traveling” business? Never heard of that. Is it Hobospeak or something? Please clarify. Thanks.
Kayebe and Stuyguy both asked about the traveling question. LOL I have -no- idea what that meant; like I said, I was simply cutting across the parking lot, minding my own business; I wasn’t mumbling to myself (LOL I have been known to do that on occasion …) or anything. So I have no idea, except that perhaps because I had two bags she may have thought that I had my belongings in them, and to be honest, the purse is large as is the tote bag.
I’ve decided to take the most positive slant on this, that the woman’s heart was in the right place and she was trying to be helpful to someone. But it still made me feel weird that simply from looking at me for a few seconds she thought that I was a homeless person. Nope, just a hard-working older woman, who has worked steadily for nearly 25 years and is honestly looking forward to retirement!
I have this problem all the time in Ann Arbor!! People dress fairly funky and casual, and sometimes it’s a real puzzle. I used to make extra lunches and give them to the homeless in my work neighborhood, but I few times I held back offering because I couldn’t decide if the person was homeless or not. No lie.
I am sure Hello Again will laugh at this, but I have to say I’m glad the Borders employees all wear their ID card around their necks. Sometimes when they come out for a smoke break they look exactly like the panhandlers who loiter. Only the ID clues you in.
Most shelters have a maximum time limit a person is allowed to stay. If you are working your stay limit increases (yes, there are a lot of working homeless). Different cities offer different services depending on the time of year. Shelters in colder cities (take Salt Lake City for example) supply winter clothing begining in the fall and contining through the winter, however, the shelters are booked to full capacity in colder climates so there may not be a bed. Homeless Veteran Stand Downs are held all over the country throughout the year. The need for temporary labor such as construction, orchard and field work, and road crews fluctuated from area to area depending on the year. These reasons as well as many others are what keeps most homeless transient.
This is strictly my own personal observation over the years as a homeless veteran rep, but the only homeless people who seem to stay in one place are the severely mentally disabled, the others are usually travelling.
So getting to the short ::::cough:::: answer to your question, “travelling” is actually a well known term for the homeless and is usually the preferred term. I’m guessing that this woman must be a little familiar with homeless programs if that was the term she used. I am also a little surprise that you seem to have such contempt for a person who reached out to help another.
My apologies for sounding contempuous or ill-mannered, and I certainly did not mean to denigrate someone who thought she was offering help to someone who needed it.
Diane says: <cuts made>
So getting to the short ::::cough:::: answer to your question, “travelling” is actually a well known term for the
homeless and is usually the preferred term. I’m guessing that this woman must be a little familiar with
homeless programs if that was the term she used. I am also a little surprise that you seem to have such contempt for a person who reached out to help another.
Unfortunately, the woman freaked me out with her approach. Frankly, I don’t see what’s so wrong with my reaction; perhaps it’s my age (nearly 50); perhaps it is some insecurity in my own looks. But it quite simply was a very freaky thing for me.
That’s a fun situation to play “what would you do?” with.
I think I’d be taken aback for several beats, blink, then respond “Er…no, I’m just headed home from work. But if you’d like to give me some money, that’d be fine,” with a grin. Ideally, she’d be totally flustered and embarassed, and I’d stroll away snickering.
i don’t want to be insulting, but most of the homeless around where i live haven’t showered recently and are wearing dirty clothes. i think i’d be a little insulted at the implication that i resembled someone like that.
really, this is NOT meant as an insult to the homeless, it’s just part of their situation. i know that my s.o. was homeless for a little while, and one of the things he told me was how obsessive he became about brushing his teeth once he had a regular place to do it again.
