You’ve groaned when you’re stuck behind them in line … yuppies at Starbucks that order something like a “grande iced half caf triple mocha latte macchiato”, while all you want is a large cup of joe to go.
What’s the most complicated, longest-named order you can make at Starbucks that would result in a single drink?
I wish I knew what my daughter ordered the other day. It was a small cup, took a long time to make, involved a blender, and cost $4.95. I usually ask for a tall (that’s small right?) black coffee and would suggest that is a complicated order based on the number of questions it leads to.
Supposedly there is an undocumented “short” that you can get if you ask. Never tried it.
Large, black.
Try it and see looks of abject confusion with a 1/2 shot of terror.
Even though I don’t drink coffee, it is my dream to walk into the most yuppie-looking starbucks I can find, wait my turn, and order a coffee. When they ask what size, what kind, I will become perturbed and reply “regular coffee please”.
rinse,
lather,
repeat,
until I can justifiably shout “Just give me a freakin regular, normal coffee!!!” and storm out of the place.
Just a dream I have. 
The short does exist. At least when a friend of mine asked for it, she got one.
Ask for an “Alaskan Polar Bear Cooler”.
Yep, my girlfriend (hmmm, I guess she’s my ex now) always gets a short hot chocolate when we stop in. Apparently, there were three original sizes: short, tall and grande. Then people kept asking if they had a 20oz size, so they came up with the venti, and dropped the short off the menu.
As a former Starbucks employee, I think I could provide some insight.
a) Yes, there is such thing as a “short”, though not all drinks can be ordered in that size. No iced drinks can, for example (no Frappuccinos, no iced lattes, etc.
b) The possibilities for starbucks drinks are seemingly endless. I’ve seen people request things like iced half-coffee half-tea with fixins. I mean things you wouldn’t want to even smell.
One regular which I’d give the prize for “most annoying drink” to was a lady who got (if my memory is right) a tall latte with 1 Splenda and 1/2 pouch of nutra-sweet, I believe with 1/2 shot of regular espresso and 1/2 shot of decaf and extra foam. It’s not the hardest to make, but certainly one of the most picky.
Of course, I haven’t talked about the woman who ordered 15 shots of decaf. espresso at a time, every day. She wanted them in cups filled with ice. (Essentially, for the 'bucks savvy, that is 3 5-shot Americanos with no water).
Yes, I had some odd customers. I could go on for ages.
I once waited in line behind a gaggle of chattering teens ordering horribly complicated sugar concoctions. When I got to the front I ordered “large black coffee”. The clerk did a double take and then, in his best stoner voice, said “oh man, I forgot to make the coffee. It will only take a few minutes”. Um… no. That kind of set the tone for all my interactions with Starbucks.
I can’t respond to the OP, but I’ve heard some horribly complicated orders. One of my buddies typically orders a tall four-shot mocha and many of the clerks balk at putting that much espresso in, as if it were a controlled substance or something. I think anything outside their usual playbook confuses them.
I’m not sure about anybody else’s opinion, but mine is that the simple ‘black coffee’ is so complicated at Starbuck’s that they can’t do it. Their plain black coffee is awful.
Here’s my coffee background. Being from New Orleans, I drink a lot of coffee and chickory. I drink it black with a couple of sweeteners and a few ice cubes so I don’t have to wait an hour to drink it.
Last year, my wife and I went to Niagara Falls (I’ve been there many times) and the first place I go when I cross into Canada is Tim Horton’s on Morrison & Dorchester. A large coffee is about $1.25 Canadian and it’s the best cup of coffee I’ve ever had.
Anyway, we stayed in the Fallsview Marriot and being a ritzy, trendy hotel, it has a Starbucks in the lobby. One morning, I didn’t have time to drive to Tim Horton’s so I got a plain black coffee from the Starbucks (around $4.50 Canadian). It was so bad I couldn’t drink it. It didn’t even really taste like coffee.
I guess my order was too complicated.
Heh, when I worked at Starbucks I actually liked taking the complex orders than yelling them to the barista on bar as fast as possible. Usually would get a “recall!” for my troubles, although, it was fun and challenging to quickly mentally re-arrainge the persons order to the Starbucks official calling order™, ah to be easily amused . . .
$4.50 for a cup of coffee? Stop! You’re killing me!
I was born and raised in southeast Texas near the Louisiana border, and we had coffee with chickory, too.
Haven’t seen any around California, though.
I have to ask, when did “minimum wage coffee monkey” become “Barista” (WTF is that anyway).
Unclviny (who has never set foot in a “Threebucks”)
I think I’ll give this a shot…
Double Tall, Nonfat, Half-Caf, Extra Hot Latte with Whipped Cream, Vanilla, Hazelnut, Almond, Raspberry, and Toffee Nut Syrup, Extra Foam, 2 packets of Sweet ‘n’ Low, 1 packet of Sugar, 1/2 pack of Equal, and Caramel Sauce
whew
I suppose, to some extent anyway, Starbucks orders are like sentences and chemicals – you can always make them more complicated by adding one more subunit. With jjprodmast’s order, you could add, say, ‘extra room’, or ‘extra hot’, or ‘half soy half nonfat’.
‘Barista’ is apparently a legitimate term used in Italy for coffee (espresso, specificially) servers. Starbucks probably uses it for the same reason Walmart employees are called ‘associates’, and also to promote their upscale image. It’s easier to justify their prices if the drinks are served by baristas who have intimate knowledge of coffee. They actually do learn quite a lot about coffee, and they’re encouraged to become something like coffee sommeliers, being able to suggest which drinks would complement their foods. They don’t quite make minimum wage, and they get various perks that are probably appealing to people that are used to this sort of job. They get stock options, discounts on Starbucks merchandise, and a pound (IIRC) of free coffee every week. (The free coffee is meant to encourage them to try all the available coffees.) This is why, if you know anyone who works at Starbucks, they will have a vast collection of coffee machines, cups, food, and coffee.
As a side note, I heartily recommend this site for anything and everything you’d want to know about Starbucks varieties.
Nitpick - he already had “extra hot”
Emphasis mine.
When someone in front of me gets -
“Quad venti decaf no fat carmel macchiatto” - or some such concoction -
I will order in a loud voice -
“Grande steamed water, please.”
