How complicated can a Starbucks order realistically get?
I am listening to someone who wants a (1) venti, (2)double (3)[something] with (4)[somethng] and (5) [something] and I got to thinking. Just how many things could one *realistically *order?
I’m guessing that 5 is no where near the limit. I don’t want to know how many a frat boy might be required to order during hazing or any such.
size, type of coffee, amount of esspresso, type of dairy, type of sweetener/flavoring, kind of topping (nutmeg, choc shavings, whipped cream, etc). that’s pretty much it, but 5 degrees of freedom is a lot.
Also amount of sweetner/flavoring (one pump, half pump, 5 pumps, whatever.) Decaf or full strength and how hot.
You could conceivably order something like a
Half Caf, non fat Grande 4 shot late in a venti cup, with 1 pump mocha half a pump raspberry (do they still have that?), 2 splenda, no foam, extra whip, extra hot, ad pumpkin spice topping and caramel syrup drizzled on the whip.
It would be disgusting and they would probably get it wrong, but you could do it.
Every Saturday morning I get a venti latte before my squash game. I get a chuckle when the coffee jerk reads the order back to these yuppies, and the guy isn’t sure if that’s right or not. He can’t even remember his own convoluted order. 
But then I realize I can’t make fun of yuppies and their Starbucks, because I’m at Starbucks, too…so that’d be the pot calling the kettle non-fat and extra hot. 
I’m always the one behind these people in the queue, trying to order a large filter coffee to take away. And for some reason I’m the one who gets the baffled looks from the server when I place my order.
My standard order is “venti light mocha frap 2% no whip with a shot” but I don’t have to keep saying it because the barristas at my local Starbucks start making it when I walk in the door.
My standard order is “coffee,” but somehow that causes endless confusion. Ain’t like the old days.
The extra hot is just code for I am an incredible wanker, right?
Well, they have 3 varieties of brewed coffee, not to mention 3 sizes. 4, if you know that they still offer a “short.”
It’s like walking into a pizzeria and saying “I want a pizza.” 
Oh yeah, I should haul out my anecdote about the full-of-herself person who was in line ahead of me and rattled off her order, something to the effect of, “I want a venti half-caf, soy, white chocolate mocha with peppermint, no whip.” The barista chuckled and said, “Gosh, I hope I can remember that,” in an obviously jovial tone, and she snapped back, “You’d better!”
:eek:
I mean, wow, lady. I’m thinking you should just forget the ‘half-caf’ thing and go full decaf.
Or so I presume. I’ve never tore into a Starbucks coffee, taken a pause, and then went, “Well, God damn. This thing didn’t burn the roof of my mouth, or my tongue. What kind of a Mickey Mouse operation are they running in here?” :mad:
I went into a Starbucks this morning and heard “no foam”, “easy whip” (I’m assuming that’s “go easy on the whipped cream”), and also “no water” on a chai order. I don’t know for sure what normal chai is made with, maybe milk and water?
That’s why they’ve got the tip jar out there, folks.
This one scene made the whole crappy movie worthwhile.
No, it’s code for “I’m planning to drink most of it later rather than right now.”
Exactly; how is it more pretentious than going to McDonalds and asking for a double cheeseburger, extra pickle, hold the onions? And getting ticked 'cause they put the fucking onions on your burger anyway?
Note: I actually like onions. Preceding comment was for demonstration purposes only.
Uh oh. It’s not the “leave a dollar/take a dollar” jar? That explains some of the looks I got.
I order a short coffee. Room for cream? No. Black coffee. Small cup. Sometimes they echo “a *short *coffee?” back to me, as though caught off guard— how is this strange interloper familiar with our secret menu? While they stand there dazed with shock, I liberate a couple of dollars from the tip jar. “Keep the change,” I say.
While I agree that the starbucks menu is ridiculous, the baristas, at least the baristas at my local starbucks, are not assholes. I can quite happily order a small decaf and they will get me the appropriate size without any fuss.
There was a time when I was partial to short decaf cappuccinos made with soy milk and an extra shot of espresso. Apparently the order of the list matters. (Which makes sense to me since all that stuff is confusing). I kept getting confused and the nice lady wrote it down for me. So all I had to do was pull out the slip of paper and read it off. Ridiculous? yes. Nice? also yes.
So how do they MAKE an extra hot? Do they have a little heat coil they stir it with?
I have been to a lot of star bucks around the country. Never have I once had any issue with ordering a medium cup of coffee.
Well, you do at least have to tell them what *kind *of coffee. I’m usually so confused by the display board that I just ask for “a tall of whatever medium roast you have going, two inches of room on top” and then go over to the condiment station and mix in my own cream and sugar. I mean, I like my coffee sweet and creamy - I could pay $5 for their sweet and creamy options, or $1.50 for coffee and add their free sweet and creamy options myself. Duh.
Oh, but once in a while I’ll splurge for a Caramel Machiatto, 'cause I can’t replicate that, and it’s heaven in a cup.
But yeah, they’re often a little taken aback by a “just coffee” order, even if you specify the blend of coffee. This is more of a problem in Lincoln Park (yuppie central) than in Uptown (students and homeless people).