This is not one of those threads were I say; today I was with my friends and we (Insert Juvenile Behavior) was it really that bad? I didn’t write this in Live Journal because if I really did anything bad I want someone to tell me exactly what I did wrong to get yelled at by a psycho crazy bitch if not then I’m just getting all this off my chest. I know I had a pit thread just a day ago but this has to go in the pit.
I didn’t do anything wrong at least I don’t think I did but I got a new anal opening torn into my back by a girls Mom and then I came home only to have my own Mother tell me how disappointed she was in me, etc.
I took a girl out on 2 dates, friendship dates. The girl is handicapped, I suppose her handicap has something to do with the fact that she has had a lot of seizures and possibly has had brain surgery, I never asked but she has a huge scar on her head. In my opinion if you look at her physical appearance you wouldn’t think she was “handicapped” but you would know that she was “different”.
The only reason she is going to an alternative High School is because she was being bullied in the regular High School, which I find ironic because we’re supposed to be the “bad” kids. Anyway I didn’t kick it with her at school as far as spending breaks together or eating lunch but every time I saw her I had jokes because she laughed at them and I like it when people laugh at my jokes, she was an easy audience. Her friend who I will name Stacy and let’s say I call the Handicapped girl, Jamie. Stacy told me almost the first week after she went there that Jamie had a crush on me and I never thought anything about it.
She asked me out on a date back in February; I took her to a dance on February 5th at a hospital and I became the center of attention probably because I could break dance. She was really happy that I took her and told everybody there that I was her “man” and to stay away. The dance was over by 8pm so it was not long at all so after I asked if she wanted to go with my friends and I to the Family fun Center because it was barely after 8:00. Jamie went with us, had a great time and all my friends were nice to her, no teasing whatsoever.
That night her family told me; “You have know idea how much this means…” Jamie’s sister who was maybe 10 at the oldest asked if we were dating. I said “No but we are friends” I said this in front of the whole family. Then we see each other at school not much changed and the following week my brother dies and I didn’t really talk to her or anybody for a couple weeks.
Around the beginning of this month Jamie went to the mall with my friends and I so I didn’t consider it a date at all but after that when we got back to school she had Stacy telling me stuff like “Jamie says your cute”, “Jamie says you have a nice butt” and Jamie called me on the phone and no lies she was talking to me so dirty and she was telling me all the things she would do to me. I was trying to keep it a normal conversation but she kept saying all this X-rated shit and to be honest I was getting turned on big time. I ended the call and she said something like “Oh I know what your going to go do…I wish I could see”. I really didn’t think that after our phone conversation I should be telling her jokes so I didn’t say anything to her except a quick Hello and Goodbye when I saw her after that.
After a few days of this “Hi and Bye” stuff Stacy asked me why I was being “mean” to Jamie all of a sudden and I said I wasn’t so she accused me of “leading her on” and that I knew she liked me and shouldn’t have been so nice before if I was only faking it. After Stacy accused me of leading Jamie on she asked me…no actually Jamie asked me herself if I was interested in her as something more than friends and I said that we were just friends and that was all.
She didn’t like that so when we saw each other we didn’t say anything and did not said anything to each other for a while. Okay now the whole point of this thread Today I saw Jamie’s mom and she ripped into me and told said “You don’t fucking take people out on a date if you just want to be friends, my daughter does not need your fucking sympathy, your not that fucking cute…” and then she called me a “retard” because I didn’t think that taking a girl out meant anything special, yes she said retard. Jamie told her mom that I talked dirty to her but she talked dirty to me. This lady was all up in my face and I mean I took anger management but there is only so much I can take. Normally if someone is being confrontational like that my style is to find a physical flaw and make fun of it, this lady had a lot of things I could pick on but I didn’t, I just said “whatever” and walked away.
When I got home my today my Mom said she was so disappointed in me because I was disrespectful to Jamie’s Mom, even though all I did was walk away. Then she gave me a purity talk because she said that she heard I had a dirty conversation on the phone with Jamie. My Mom also said that it was very cruel to make someone think that I liked them and then deny it to look good in front of other people. All I ever did was treat Jamie like any other girl, I took her out had fun and bottom line, I’m not interested in a girlfriend and I told Jamie this both times I took her out. Jamie is a liar and her friend turned into a stupid bitch, Jamie’s Mom is a whore and my Mom is still cool but shouldn’t be taking someone else’s side.
I think you handled the situation very well, to be honest. It’s a sticky situation to be friends with someone who likes you romantically. As long as you were honest with her about the “dates”, as you said you were in your last paragraph, you did the best you could.
Jamie sounds like a typical young high school girl with a crush. That’s not a judgement, necessarily. But (at least, this was true for me and my social group) girls at that age can LATCH onto guys they’re interested in. Other Dopers will chime in with more insight, I’m sure, but I see nothing but good in the way you acted here. 
I think you should write up this thread into a letter for your mom to explain your side. Only if I were you, I’d leave out the Jamie’s mom is a whore" part.
It sounds as if you got into a situation that could have happened with you and any girl that you liked as a friend and not a girlfriend. Jamie’s disability didn’t have anything to do with it. Best of luck. It sounds like an uncomfortable situation.
START-this time you actually didn’t do anything wrong.
You took her out as a friend -which you made absolutely clear.
You let her talk to you on the phone in a way which was inappropriate- but you’re a teenage boy, there are grown men who wouldn’t have put the phone down (which, by the way is what should have happened).
You were nice and it was misconstrued as a romantic interest. Now I don’t know if you did anything to encourage that, (but with everything going on in your life, I can understand that it wasn’t exactly high on your list of priorities). As long as you didn’t lead the girl on OR RETURN THE DIRTY TALK (which would count as leading her on) you just got caught up in her crush.
You could maybe try and see where Jamie and her mother are coming from. remember that the mother doesn’t have all the facts; the way she sees it is that you took her daughter out on a couple of dates, made dirty comments to her and then dumped her when you felt like it.
What Jamie sees is that she really liked you, and for once (maybe the first time ever) the guy she liked was actually going out with her, talking to her in public, getting turned on by her comments etc. So she thought you felt the same way, and realised horribly that you didn’t (and can you really blame her for telling her mother it was YOU who called HER?).
Unfortunately it was just a big misunderstanding-you were being a nice guy, because you’re a nice guy, and were treating Jamie as a friend because that’s what you saw her as. I don’t know if you could have been clearer about this (like setting her straight when she called you her “man”), but that’s your business.
Just try to be a little empathetic as to where they’re coming from (think how hurt you’d be if your understanding of the situation was like Jamie’s) they’re seeing this in a totally different way from you. You can try to set them straight (after a little time and distance) but don’t be too surprised if they feel that you’re changing the facts to cover your ass.
You also might want to think about a different way of approaching conflict- picking on physical flaws doesn’t really help, and it makes you look like a jerk, even when you’re in the right.
But no, you didn’t do anything wrong and you didn’t deserve to be shouted at by Jamie’s mother.
I don’t think you did anything wrong, but irishgirl is right; you should have hung up when she started talking dirty. I know that hindsight is 20/20 and you couldn’t have anticipated that it would all turn out like this, but if anything like this happens again, you’ll know what to do—just politely hang up the damn phone.
It sounds like you did make it clear that you were just friends, but some people really won’t get the message until you repeat it a kajillion times. She didn’t want to hear what she didn’t want to hear. That’s not your fault, but on the other hand, she’s young and she’s got hormones and emotions like every other girl, and she got carried away.
You certainly didn’t do anything malicious here but the above quote is a big warning that you seem to have missed, also the fact that she had a “crush” on you probably means you should never have taken her out–seeing as you didn’t feel the same way about her. Hopefully next time you’ll be better at heading off unwanted romantic interest EARLY.
START, you did the best you could. It’s a sticky situation, definitely, but you handled it as best you could.
Speaking as someone who’s criticized you in the past, START, I think you did just fine.
Ya know START, people can get so screwy sometimes that all youi casn do is walk away. You did the right thing.
(And thanks for the paragraph spacing.)
Sounds like you’ve gotten caught up in a situation that spun way out of your control.
You’re probably the first guy she’s ever known that treated her halfway decent, and when you brought her out and your friends seemed to accept her, she went into major “crush mode” on you. You’re really not to blame here, START.
Yeah, maybe you should have seen the warning signs - like the “stay away, he’s my man” stuff; and maybe you should have hung up when she started talking nasty on the phone. But just because you didn’t doesn’t mean you led her on.
START, you did fine–learning to handle difficult situations is part of growing up and it appears you are growing up. Do talk to your Mom, though, and explain things to her the best you can.
You guys crack me up.
“sticky situation”
snicker
Looking at the bright side, your mom said she was disappointed because she has high hopes for you, and believes in you. That’s a good thing. Her not listening to your side, well, that’s not so good, but the truth usually comes out eventually. Pretty much all you can do is state what you know to be the truth quietly and firmly and leave it.
I don’t think you did anything near deserving of being screamed at. And it’s a situation millions of people find themselves in.
I would say that she obviously fancied you. Did you never fancy her, or perhaps wonder, but pull bakc later? Anyway, if you didn’t ideally you should have found some tactful way of letting her know. I know that’s impossible and no-one else can do it either, but while I’m sure you didn’t mean to, you probably did hurt her very badly when she found out.
WAG: mother and possibly daughter are oversensitive because many people are bigoted against her, so losing you meant more.
PS. Is it possible that you subconciously thought of her as a back-up girl because she was nice but not too popular? And did lead her on, without really meaning to? And were too busy liking yourself for being nice to her to actually think about it? This isn’t an attack, it’s the sort of thing everyone does sometimes without meaning to, but if it could be, you should still avoid it later…
PPS. I hope you can be friends again, good luck…
I feel your pain, START, and I’m sorry you had to put up with it. It’s a rough situation - I once met two girls (actually, I met one girl who then introduced me to her friend, who I got along much better with). I ended up dating the friend, which led to a great deal of drama, because the first girl thought we were going to end up together and had dun dun DUN survived cancer.
It’s a sticky situation, and it sucks.
Yeah…speaking as someone who’s had unkind words for you and your behavior in the past, it sounds like you handled this situation as well as you possibly could have. It sounds to me like the girl, her mom, and your mom all owe you an apology.
I agree that you handled the situation as well as anyone could reasonably expect.
Try not to take the mom’s reaction personally. She was just lashing out because she was upset that her daughter is upset. It’s a good thing that you walked away instead of yelling back at her. That would have just made things worse.
I don’t think you did anything wrong either. It’s rare that things go smoothly when one person likes someone more than they’re liked by that person. Hurt feelings often cause people to lash out and friends and family get into the act.
The girl’s mom is reacting to the fact that you broke her little girl’s heart. She loves her daughter, and you hurt that daughter’s feelings. Maybe later she will realize you didn’t do anything wrong. But for right now, you’re the bad boy who made her baby cry. My mother still insists all the boys who broke my heart are complete jerks. They aren’t (well, not *all * of them). They’re mostly guys who just didn’t like me as much as I liked them. But to my mom, that makes them awful people. It’s not logical, but neither is my mom when her babies are involved.
Your mom is probably just upset because she heard you were talking dirty on the phone. My mom would have been upset about that too, but she would have gotten over it.
I guess I shouldn’t have taken her out at all and shouldn’t have let the dirty talk go on even though I was trying to have a normal conversation but she is good at dirty talk, really good. I was about to explode, **I didn’t encourage ** the X rated stuff but I guess my pleas of “please don’t talk like that” were not at all convincing.
I saw Jamie’s mom again today and she gave me the dagger eyes so I won’t be approaching her for a long time.
My mom just bought me a book that I am supposed to read about sexual purity but I had to put it down when it said I couldn’t take steps to relieve tension. If you can’t do that then how can you stay pure?
Stupid book :smack: .
Oh yeh one more thing so nobody gets this misunderstood when I say trying to keep the phone conversation normal that means that I could say something like “Did you study for that test?” and she would say “I couldn’t study because I was thinking about getting my hands on your…” “Did you see that TV Show?” and she would say something like “You know what I’d really like to watch?..” and then she would go off into some graphic description so after realizing that the conversation wouldn’t go anywhere I had to tell her that I had to go.
and No I didn’t like her in any other way than as a friend and I am 100 per cent positive.
Thanks for “listening” to me rant