And I’m scared to death.
Without going into too many details, I’ve been addicted to a medication for almost three years. I’ve taken it for my arthritis, which developed after an accident. It’s considered a lower level painkiller. Trying to get off of it on my own causes intense physical withdrawal symptoms. I’ve tried. I can’t do it alone.
I start an outpatient treatment program on Monday with a drug called suboxone, which limits the withdrawal symptoms. I’ve done three months of research on it and finally got up the nerve to call the only doctor here who offers a treatment program for it. I saw him today, and I will go back on Monday for my first dose. After that, I will see him every day for the next two days, and then once a week for ten weeks. He has a counselor that I can see, and that he recommends I see the first week and the last week. I will be trying to see the counselor at least once a week.
It’s an expensive program, unfortunately, but my family and I have discussed it, and we’ve decided it’s worth my health. My husband and I can’t afford the entire thing, though, so I called my parents for help, something that was incredibly hard for me because I had to admit my addiction to them. My insurance will cover part of it, my husband and I will pay a portion, but my parents have said they will pay the rest. I realized today that I have an amazing mother. I called her to discuss it, lost it on her, and she told me to stop crying because many people in our family have done this. We have addictive personalities, and she’s proud of me for wanting to do something about mine. Needless to say, that set me off again and I burst into tears.
I want to start a family. My husband and I would like to have our own child. I’m tired of being tied to these pills every day. I’m tired of having to scrounge up money to pay for these expensive prescriptions for the medication. I want to get rid of this addiction. And I will - I’m going to do it for my husband, my future kids, my parents, and most of all, I’m going to do this for myself. I’m going to be free of this addiction, healthy, and happy again.
I’m admitting this here because I know there are probably others who have been through something similar, and because I need to admit it in black and white so I can go back and look in a month when I might be feeling bad and remember why I’m doing this.
But I’m really scared. I don’t think I’ve ever been this scared of something.
E.
