I think, no, I know, I’m addicted to my prescription pain pills. I’m afraid I can’t stop and I don’t know what to do. I can’t just check into rehab, I have a job and a kid and people I don’t want to know about this.
I’m afraid of what it will be like to detox from these stupid things. It all started with my pain issues, and has gotten worse because of my pain issues, but now I think I’ve gone too far. I’m worried they’re changing my personality and worsening my depression. I almost slit my wrist yesterday, but it didn’t work because the knife wasn’t sharp enough.
I don’t want my family and friends to know about this. I’m afraid they will think I’m a horrible person.
I don’t know what to do. I called a rehab place, and even that made me nervous. They want me to come in for a “consultation” but I’m afraid they just want my money.
If anyone can offer advice, experiences, etc. please share if you can. I’ve been addicted to everything I’ve ever tried over the years and I don’t even know if I can cope with life without my little white pills.
Again, I’m trying to be honest, so be kind with your replies. I know this is my own fault, but I’m really in need of help.
Hey Indy. Being honest is a great first step; staying there will get you sober.
If you truly want to get it done, you are going to have to say ‘fuck it’ to the idea of people finding out. Shame is a major reason you are where you are. Ditto your job and kids. Look at it this way: you can’t be a good mom, a good employee, etc., for very much longer if you don’t sober up. More than likely, you can point to places where you haven’t been what you want to be in these places already. If not, they’re coming. Soon.
I got sober at an outpatient thing run by Kaiser. After two weeks of intense all-day stuff, people were able to go back to work. You can do both: sober up and keep your job.
It all boils down to how badly you want to get sober. If you would rather hide the fact from coworkers and family and such than be honest, it won’t work. Surrender, face up to it, it’s not going to be as bad as you think, and life will change so fast and so wonderfully if you can be honest.
I know a guy in Indy who used to be addicted to GHB, I do not know if the place(s) he went for rehab would help you though but I can try to find him and ask him if there are anonymous places in Indy.
Have you tried (N)arcotics (A)nonymous? They can probably put you in touch with some helpful people.
You might want to check out Narcotics Anonymous (NA) – a group based on the same 12 steps as AA. As it says in their name, it’s an anonymous community – and they’re there to help. If there are no NA groups around, AA might be another good place to start – I went back and forth between the two groups quite a bit when I first got clean.
There’s plenty of recovering folks here on the Boards, and I’m sure several more will be along soon.
It takes a lot of guts to come out with this. Hugs and good thoughts are being broadcast to you.
I have a similar situation going on with my sis-in-law. She very obviously has a drug problem, but she refuses to admit it to the rest of the family, of whom everyone wants to help her. She doesn’t want to get better and doesn’t want to seek help, so nothing we do will help her.
You, on the other hand, have admitted that you have a problem. You want to straighten yourself out. Because of this, I think if you were to tell your family, you would find them very willing to help you kick this thing.
I also would like to offer my e-mail (Found in my profile) if you would like someone to talk to.
First, talk to your doctor. The doctor will be better able to determine if you are addicted and he or she will have a better idea of what you need to do to fix it.
Second I don’t think your family or anyone else will think you are a horrible person. Getting addicted to prescribtion pain killers is not something that you set out to do. And realizing that you have a problem and dealing with it are signs that you are, in fact, a good person. Getting support from those around you is hard to do sometimes but in this case, it is going to be necessary.
You can and will get through this.
If you have already tried to slit your wrists, you need to get help right now. Immediately. As in get off the computer and call a hotline, doctor, or somebody who can help you. We are no more than well intentioned strangers.
Anyone who thinks you are a bad person for your addiction or attempt has far more to be ashamed of than you. Talk to a nurse, if you want a reference you can trust for a clinic and you can’t bring yourself to go further. They aren’t in it for money; they don’t make enough.
If I remember right, you have a particularly difficult boy to raise. He needs you to take care of yourself. Do it now.
Well, my only advice here is that you do have links to various pictures floating around, so you may not be as anonymous as you’d hope on the SDMB. Unless none of your friends and family spend time on the internet, I wouldn’t spill too many secrets unless you’re sure that they don’t know of your posting identity.
Indy, good for you for recognizing this and wanting to do something about it.
It’ll be okay. It really will. No one thinks you’re a terrible person for this. And I know you have issues with your parents, so I won’t push on that score. But I will say that I hope you do have someone you can spill this to, someone close who will keep your confidence for you. It’s much easier with a support system than without.
It is not necessary to be an inpatient to go through rehab. You don’t even have to miss any work. But please do talk to someone soon. Do as twickster and Wesley Clark suggested, and call NarcAnon. They can direct you to some low cost help, as well. Most insurance companies cover outpatient rehabilitation, and they are not allowed to inform your employer that you’re receiving drug rehab counselling.
Indygrrl, good on you for admiting you have a problem. hugs You can beat this, but it’s going to be hard, and you’re not likely to be able to keep it from your family. Besides, they probably already have noticed your personality changes - think how much happier they’ll be to know that it’s mostly a result of the medication, and not some other reason!
I have to second zebra’s reccomendation. In this day and age, your situation is most doctor’s nightmare: A patient addicted to a medication. Your doctor will be able to help you find help, may be able to prescribe different pain pills, and should be glad to work with you. I am not someone who’s had problems with addiction, myself, but I have major depression problems, and group therapy for both conditions is often co-mingled. I’ve seen a lot of how addictions are fought, and if you’re addicted to a pain pill you’ve been taking without doing any prescription tricks to get extra doses, no one will think it’s your fault or you’re a bad person.
NarcAnon is another good place to go for help, too.
I just don’t want to see you ignoring the help you doctor could give you, because embrassment at talking about side effects of medication I couldn’t live with was one thing that helped me get where I am, now: unemployable.
Your doctor can help you wean yourself of the drugs little by little. Having support, be it NA or a counselor or family and friends, will help you through the process. Good luck!
I would highly recommend that you not go to Narconon. They are a front group for Scientology, which organization should need no introduction – they are Bad News.
People have been in your position before and been able to regain control of their lives. Taking this first step is a great indication that you will as well. At the moment you’re at the foot of the mountain, which must look about a million miles tall. don’t despair, put one foot in front of the other, and before you know it you’ll be at the top. We’re here for you if you need anything, my email is in my profile as well.
There’s no shame in admitting you have a problem and want to fix it. I think everyone here has posted some very good advice (well, except for the accidental $cientology person.)
Though in your position, I would probably tell my family. You won’t be able to hide it from them forever, and I would wager you’ll be much more likely to succeed at getting rid of the addiction with their understanding and support, rather than continuing to make yourself feel worse by believing (wrongly IMO) you need to hide it from them.
I accidentally got addicted to codiene once when I was taking it all the time waiting to get my severely-impacted wisdom teeth removed. When I ran out I had some nasty nasty withdrawl headaches and pains. They lasted for a couple of weeks at least. I didn’t go through what you’re going through now, but my point is that it’s very easy to become addicted to these painkillers, that’s why they’re monitored so carefully. It can happen to anyone, so you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it. It happens.
