Thanks for all of your support and kind words. I have an appointment tomorrow to talk to a rehab center. I think my plan will be to wean off and go to NA and AA meetings. Those have helped me in the past when I’ve had problems with alcohol.
I did cut my arm, but I’m not suicidal. I didn’t do it to try to kill myself. I don’t really know why I did it. But, I am being open and honest with my fiance, and he’s helping.
My daugher has been at her dad’s for the last week because I just had surgery, so she’s not involved in any of this. I don’t think she’s been in harm’s way at all throughout this, it’s been very clean and discreet.
I started taking them when my pain really started to get bad about four years ago. I didn’t feel addicted until I started getting them from another source. I’m not trying to hide anything. I do have a big bottle of them sitting in my bathroom right now, and I’m vowing it will be my last.
I don’t want to go through any horrible withdrawals, so I’m not going cold turkey. But, I do think I can use these last pills to wean myself off. I’m hoping professionals and NA people can give me good advice on how to do this.
And then there’s the whole pain thing. I swear, I’m starting to think the pills do it more harm than good. I don’t know, but the first step will start tomorrow and I will try my best to kick this stupid thing. I’m mad at myself for getting myself into it, but I’m smart enough to know I can get myself over it.
Again, thank you all, and I will keep you posted.
Indygrrl Now is no the time to worry what people think. If you’re only alive because a knife wasn’t sharp enough, now is the time to run and get help.
If you don’t how long before your kid has one less parent?
How will your life be without your pills? A hell of a lot better than it is now.
I’m really glad to hear this, Indygrrl, I’ll keep an eye out for more news from you, and am always willing to offer an ear if you need it.
Good luck beating this!
Indygrrl, It seems that you have an addictive personality much like myself. Alchohol is my drug of choice, but smoking and caffiene are there as well. I still manage to have a good job but I know that I need to do something soon as well. I have been to rehab in the past about 5 years ago, It didn’t take. My e-mail is in my profile for some advice that may help you get past it and why mine failed. Good luck! 
I know why. Ya did it so that when I posted without previewing, I’d look like an insincere jerk who only read the OP.
I’m hurt that you’d do that to me. I really am.
I also think you’re overstating this danger–most people IRL will give you the love and respect you deserve for getting yourself free of this problem. But, more important, anyone who would judge you is probably someone you need out of your life, at least for right now and at least partially, AND you can always (or nearly always) reconnect after you’re done getting better and/or they’re done judging.
And anytime you’re feeling alone, or you’ve been made to feel judged IRL, start another thread and see how much support you have here. I suspect you’ll be able to start hundreds of threads here about your efforts that will get you nothing but good wishes and hugs from this community.