On this day, I woke up at boarding school and ate my cold porridge while listening to the 8 o’clock news on the Home Service (later BBC Radio 4). (By the way, does anyone know what sort of channel Hilversum is, and why it was written on all the portable radios that were quite the thing back in the 60s and 70s?)
I went to chapel with the rest of the snot-nosed brats that were my schoolmates, including the day-boys who were a load of puffs still living with mummy and daddy, the lot of them. During the morning break, I swapped 70/71 English First Division Football cards with Suarez Minor and Kaplan, who called me a Jew because I wouldn’t part with my spare Frank McLintock unless he gave me both Peter Storey and Pat Rice. Either that, or he’d seen me in the showers. Pretty ironic anyway, looking back - him being a Jew and all.
During History with Cyril Greenwood, I was stabbed by Nicholas Senior, who was the brainiest boy in the school after Curtis and Pearce, because I was sitting next to him when he was asked “What is heavier - a ton of lead or a ton of feathers?” and he answered “A ton of lead” and everyone burst out laughing. He stabbed me with his green biro. I didn’t even think we were allowed biros.
After lunch (dead man’s leg followed by tapioca - we called it frog’s spawn), we played British Bulldogs on Ascot Heath. I can’t remember who won.
Then afternoon lessons, including French with Brigadier “Bogey” Greenwood (because he used to pick his nose and roll it up into a giant bogey). I remember he got out his enormous “magnetophone” and we had to watch as one big spool got transferred to a much smaller spool. Or was it the other way round? I never could tell, as someone was blathering in a funny language.
Dinner I can’t remember, but it wasn’t very nice and there was no chips. Then prep followed by bed, lights out at 8.00pm, which was a bit stupid as it was still light and we all had torches anyway for reading under the bedclothes.
Then Dormitory Monitor Tim “Suck” Hurn caught me talking to the boy in the next bed and sent me to the Headmaster Snatchballs-Huggesen for three of the best. I returned to the dormitory pausing only to inspect my welts in the bog. One on top of the other, bleeding slightly. Quite painful.
Even if you lot don’t, I shall remember.
Is this a parody thread? Shouldn’t there be a link if it is? I’m not sure how to react…
