Song parodies from your youth

The “What do you use instead of T.P.” thread reminded me of a parody of the theme song from the old western “Branded”. This got me thinking of song parodies I used to sing as a kid. Being a good mom, I have taught my children all of the parodies I know and I need more. So post what you remember!

Here are 2 more to start you off.

I can’t get no
Big erection
I can’t get no
Big erection
Well I try and I try and I try and I try
No no no.
McDonald’s is my kind of place
They serve you rattlesnakes
French fries between your toes
Hamburgers up you nose
The last time I went there
They stole my underwear
McDonald’s is my kind of place!

Why are you teaching your kids about erections?

Anyways, here’s one I just remembered:

“My old friend he had some plastic guy,
And with a magnifying glass he fried (a),
With a torso here,
and a finger there,
Here a head,
There an arm,
Everywhere some dead parts,
My old friend he had a plastic guy

This reminds me of something I was thinking about…has anyone ever tried to trace the origin of those goofy songs we sing as little kids? Here’s parts of a couple I remember…

I saw <insert name here> floating down the Delaware
Riding with a polar bear
Chewing on his underwear
…something something something…
Poor little baby died.
Then there was that one…

Glory glory hallelujah
Teacher hit me with a ruler
We tied up all the janitors and flushed them down the stool
Our truth goes marching on

I wonder if whoever made these up originally realized how far they would spread, and how long kids would keep on singing them.

I still remember a little of Mad magazine’s Coke song parody:

I’d like to catch a bus one day
Where I don’t lose my mind
To wait forever 'til it comes
With seven more behind

I’d like a rear seat in a car
Built for a family
With leg-room that will fit a kid
Who’s more than four-foot-three

But most of all I’d like a song
That doesn’t have to be
Just another free plug for
Some soft-drink company.

I don’t remember how it started out. Maybe someone has that issue?

It makes your mouth turn green.
It tastes like listerine.
Comet, it’ll make you vomit,
So take some Commet, and vomit, todaaaaay!

All my skin is falling off of me!
And I’m not half the man I used to be
Oh Leprosy came suddenly.

Why My Leg fell off,
I don’t know,
it wouldn’t stay.
I ate something wrong,
now I’m in a colony for


Caviar comes from virgin sturgeon
Virgin sturgeon is a very rare fish
Virgin sturgeon need no urgin’
That’s why caviar’s a very rare dish.

ahhh, youth
There’s a place in France
Where the naked ladies dance
But the men don’t care
cause they chew their underwear

Jesus Christ, superstar
Got a way with a stolen car
Cops were there, I don’t care
Cause I got bulletproof underwear

When I die, bury me
But hang my balls on a cherry tree
When they’re ripe, take a bite
But don’t blame me if you barf all night

two parodies of “On top of old Smokey”:
On top of spaghetti
All covered with cheese
I lost my poor meatball
'cause somebody sneezed
On top of old smokey
all covered with blood
I shot my poor teacher
With a submachine gun

I shot her with glory
I shot her with pride
I couldn’t have missed her
She’s thirty feet wide

I went to her funeral
I went to her grave
Some people threw flower
I threw hand grenades

I looked in her coffin
She wasn’t quite dead
So I took my bazooka
And blew off her head

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school
We have tortured every teacher we have broken every rule
(??? ??? leads into the “glory glory hallelujah/teacher hit me with a ruler” song)

there’s a boy scout camp song to the tune of “yellow submarine” whose words I never knew, but whose refrain is “We all live in a flooded latrine”

-There’s a song I used to think was about as clever as could be in 4th grade whose chorus is either “it’s a rupture” or “it’s erection” (I was never quite sure), in which the verses are always improvised, ie:

person A: When you’re running to the party, and you let out a big farty, it’s a rupture, it’s a rupture

person B: When you get to the door and you slip on the floor, it’s a rupture, it’s a rupture

person A: When you go in to the teepee and you have to make some peepee, …

(and so forth)

And finally, for your listening pleasure, every verse I can remember of the Camp Oljato version of “Mary had a little lamb” (which is not, oddly enough, sung to the tune of “Mary had a little lamb”) (also oddly, "shouting out the battle cry of free-ee-dom keeps being inserted in the middle of verses, although it’s not sung to the tune of Battle Hymn of the Republic, either)

Mary had a little lamb
She kept it in the closet
And every time she let it out
It left a little deposit

Hurrah for the Mary
Hurrah for the Lamb
Hurrah for the Teacher, who wouldn’t give a particle
If all the lambs in region twelve went marching off to school, hey!
Shouting out the battle cry of free-ee-dom

Mary had a little lamb
She fed it castor oil
And every time she let it out
It fertilized the soil

Mary had a little lamb
She kept it by the heater
And every time it turned around
It burned its little feeter

Mary had a little lamb
The doctors were astounded
And everywhere that Mary went
Gynecoligists surrounded

(on a similar note)
Mary had a little lmab
The doctors were surprised
But when old macdonald had a farm
You should have scene their eyes

Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a duck
She put them on the table
To see if they would fall off

Mary had a little car
And it was painted red
And everywhere that Mary went
The cops picked up the dead

Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a bear
Now often I have seen her lamb
But I’ve never seen her bare

Mary had a bathing suit
And it was very airy
It didn’t help her much to swim
But it showed a lot of Mary

(and the traditional final verse)
Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
So now she takes that lamb to school
Between two hunks of bread

My goodness I’m wasting a lot of brain space on this nonsense :slight_smile:

I heard those as well, but the chorus was, "Diarrhea cha-cha-cha, diarrhea cha-cha-cha (later made famous by Beavis and Butt-head).

To that I’ll add: I was walking down the hall and I felt something fall…

I was driving in my Chevy and I felt something heavy…

Some people think it’s funny but it’s really wet and runny…

Some people think it’s gross but it’s pretty good on toast…

I was sliding into third when I felt something burn…

There used to be an animated TV series called Hercules (mid-70s), and I can’t believe I remember the first two lines of the spoof, but not the title song itself…

“Hercules–he’s a female phoney,
Hercules–he’s made of cheese and baloney…”

Kickstart any memories, anyone?

When you’re sitting on the john and the toilet paper’s gone, diarrhea cha-cha-cha diarrhea cha-cha-cha so you take it like a man and you wipe it w/your hand diarrhea cha-cha-cha diarrhea cha-cha-cha


More diarrhea verses:

Gotta run real fast 'cause it’s dripping out your ass
(diarrhia cha-cha-cha)

No strain no pain just let it drain
(diarrhia cha-cha-cha)

And Tigerye, my kids are 14 years old. Do you think the talk about anything but erections?

To the tune of the “Battle Hymn of the Republic”

I wear my silk pajamas in the summer when it’s hot
And I wear my flannel PJs in the winter when it’s not
And sometimes in the summer
And sometimes in the fall
I just right in between the sheets with nothing on at all!
Glory glory hallejuah
Balmy breeze is blowing through ya
Glory glory hallejuah
I jump right in between the sheets with nothing on at all!

From MAD magazine, to the tune of Maria:

I just bought an oil by Picasso.
And suddenly I’m told,
This painting I’ve been sold
Ain’t real!

For the NYers among you 40 and older, we have this one (to the tune of Frere Jacques):

Marijuana, marijuana
Rockefeller makes it!
Mayor Lindsay takes it!
Why can’t we? Why can’t we?

All the girls in France
Do a hula hula dance
And they way they shake
Is enough to kill a snake
When the snake is dead
They put roses in its head
When the roses die
They put tulips in its eye
When the tulips die
They make orange pumpkin pie.

(So we were weird as kids!!!)

I think someone else alluded to this one:

(to the tune of That’s Amore)

When your b**** hit the floor
Like a b-54
that’s a rupture
when your d*** stands up straight
Like the empire State
That’s a boner.

(like I said - we were weird kids)

Joy to the world!
The school burned down,
With all the teachers inside!

We’re looking for the principal
He’s hanging on the flagpole
With a rope around his neck
With a rope around his neck
With a rooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-oooo-ooope
Around his neck!

There’s one I picked up lately from my brother’s collection, so it was probably playing when I was little.

Homer & Jethro - The Battle Of Kookamonga

Sounds like an oldie the Battle Of New Orleans “In 1814 we took a little trip, along with Colnel Jackson down the mighty Mississip”

In Kookamonga, though, the boys’ camp is sneaking down on the girls’ camp, and gets into poison ivy and such.

I’ll add a few more:

When you’re climbing up a ladder and you hear something spatter…

When you’re playing in the dirt and you hear something squirt…

When you’re far from home, and your pants are full of foam…
There’s another great song I know, but I don’t know the final line:

Stick your buttocks against the window and I’ll know that you’re home
The view from the sidewalk is a vision all it’s own
There’s no need to turn out the light
Just stick your buns against the window and today and tonight

Deck the Halls with gasoline,
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Light a match and watch it gleam.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Watch the school burn down to ashes
Fa la la la la la la la la.
This is why we play with matches
Fa la la la la la la la la.

The last line might be wrong…I can’t remember.


I heard it as “aren’t you glad you played with matches…”

I’m so glad I’m not the only one who found diarrhea so entertaining as a kid :slight_smile: