To My Coworker: Yes, I'm Aware We're Low on Chocolate

[Siege]

I can't bring myself to pour on the ire this requires, but I'm certain that, given the topic, my fellow Dopers can help me out.

Not long after I started working for my current employer, I took to keeping a small jar on my desk filled with chocolate in various forms, usually Hershey's Kisses. Anyone who wants to is welcome to a piece, especially since my immediate boss and the CEO are chocoholics, and I was pretty good at keeping it replenished. Three and a half weeks ago, however, I injured my knee and I've been on crutches ever since. This makes grocery shopping difficult to do unassisted. Actually, last night was the first time I was allowed by my friends to go to the store on my own and even then, it was with a promise that I would limit myself to essentials and stop shopping if my knee started hurting too badly. When I have gone shopping with friends, I've kept things light because I don't want to presume on them too much, which means luxuries are out. I haven't even bought the usual six-pack of cola I because it's cheaper than buying it from the vending machine at work. I have chocolate at home; they sell candy bars in the vending machines at work; therefore, I haven't bought chocolate for the jar.

Yesterday, the supply on my desk was down to one last kiss, the one no one wants to take lest he or she appear rude. Sure enough, a coworker of mine, one who's constantly on a diet but who raids the jar at least once a week commented on it. Since I'd been trying to figure out if I could manage to buy bread for sandwiches that evening, I gently pointed out to her that it hadn't been easy for me to buy groceries and chocolate wasn't high on the list. She's a nice person, so I left it at that.

Here's what I wanted to say: if you want chocolate, buy it yourself. I can't. OK, technically, I can, but right now I've got higher priorities. The week of work I missed because of this knee put a serious dent in my budget since I wasn't paid for it. Chocolate, much as I would like to say otherwise, is a luxury, especially when I'm not the one eating the majority of it. I'm cranky and easily frustrated because I can't walk, do grocery shopping, laundry, or a dozen other basic things easily. Buy your own bloody chocolate! For now, the jar will remain empty until I can go grocery shopping without using a cane or crutches and without being in severe pain afterwards. My fellow is taking me for a full grocery shop on Wednesday; even though he's as big a chocoholic as I am, office chocolate isn't on the list.

CJ
/|\

[Mangetout]

There's no hope for the human race. Seriously.

[Otto]

It's your own fault for leaving community chocolate lying about. Do it once in a while and people look upon it as a nice treat and a surprise. Do it all the time and people look upon it as an entitlement and will become angered if the flow is interrupted. Hell, I had people bitch one Halloween because they didn't like the selection of free candy I put out on my desk. next year I didn't put out any candy and people bitched about that. I pretty much stopped with the free stuff after that.

[Mangetout]

Pavlov's dogs, Siege.

[Siege]

True. I may use this as an excuse to stop the community chocolate completely. I just love how it was the coworker who's on Weight Watchers and constantly fussing about how many points are in food who pointed out the lack of chocolate.

CJ

[Girl From Mars]

Oh, had this happen to me and it pissed me off - we had a communal jar that I took responsibility for filling, but everyone threw me a few coins when I went to fill it. Except this one guy. Who ate lots. He began to see it as a bit of a joke, was totally aware he never contributed, and eventually I stopped bothering. And just had my own private supply for when people came to visit me at my desxk. Wanker. 5 years later and I still hate him - thanks for reminding me and allowing me to vent!

[Sir Doris]

Originally Posted by Siege

I may use this as an excuse to stop the community chocolate completely.

Since not one of your colleagues has been generous or thoughtful enough to replenish it for you, I'd say this is a good idea. If they comment about this once you are better just say you got out of the habit of eating chocolate when you couldn't get out to buy some. I'm really surprised that not one of them has brought in chocolate for you.

I'm now reminded of the meaness of several of my colleagues when it comes to buying drinks. Especially on when on conferences, and either I or the boss picks up the tab, none of the rest make a contibution and then they go ahead and claim for it anyway

[Katriona]

Originally Posted by Otto

It's your own fault for leaving community chocolate lying about. Do it once in a while and people look upon it as a nice treat and a surprise. Do it all the time and people look upon it as an entitlement and will become angered if the flow is interrupted. Hell, I had people bitch one Halloween because they didn't like the selection of free candy I put out on my desk. next year I didn't put out any candy and people bitched about that. I pretty much stopped with the free stuff after that.

That's pretty much how it happened in our office, too. Don't like what I choose? Bring your own. Can't be bothered? Quitcher whining.

The only time I leave candy out now is when it's left over from a meeting, and the company pays for that. And if it's a variety pack, I pick out what I want and leave the dregs for the scavengers!

[Dung Beetle]

*slips up on jar while the argument rages, strolls away munching last kiss*

[stretch]

Originally Posted by Sir Doris

Since not one of your colleagues has been generous or thoughtful enough to replenish it for you, I'd say this is a good idea. If they comment about this once you are better just say you got out of the habit of eating chocolate when you couldn't get out to buy some. I'm really surprised that not one of them has brought in chocolate for you.

Your co-workers suck--they should have been bringing you candy to fill the bowl while you are injured.

I must work with the best people ever. I keep Jelly Bellys and Tootsie Pops out for anyone who wanders by. If I'm out of the office for a few days and the Jelly Belly bowl runs empty, I usually come back to a new container of Jelly Bellys--this has happened at least half a dozen times, the most recent just last week. Other folks just come up and give me money periodically.

I do get occasional faux gripes about not having the correct flavors left, but other than that everyone seems very appreciative of the free candy. One more reason to be thankful that I fell into this job.

[GingerOfTheNorth]

Originally Posted by Siege

True. I may use this as an excuse to stop the community chocolate completely. I just love how it was the coworker who's on Weight Watchers and constantly fussing about how many points are in food who pointed out the lack of chocolate.

CJ

One Hershey's Kiss is one point. She may well allow herself three or four 'luxury' points.

Still, she should be bringing them in herself if she sees it's empty.

[Pythian Habenero]

I empathise completely with your plight. I am one of those sorry few who can't stop myself from handing out chocolate to random acquaintances, just because the looks of shining gratitude on some of those faces are the ambrosia and nectar of my existence. Yet always there are the people who come to expect my chocolate, to anxiously ask after it each day, and to complain bitterly when I inform them that I had better things to do that morning than purchase chocolate for other people. I have even once purchased a type of chocolate which I knew one of those people particularly enjoyed, in hopes of seeing her light up again (as I had not been giving out chocolate of any kind for some time), only to be informed that she wasn't hungry that day and didn't want any, thank you very much. This from the person who had for the past several weeks been anxiously asking after the chocolate supply. What does it take to keep my friends happy?

Of course I bear her no ill will for it; it's just rather frustrating.

[corncobpipe]

10 boxes of chocolate Ex-Lax

1 Hershey kiss mold and 1 box of foil

Revenge. The sweetest treat of all

[lurkernomore]

Originally Posted by GingerOfTheNorth

One Hershey's Kiss is one point. She may well allow herself three or four 'luxury' points.

Still, she should be bringing them in herself if she sees it's empty.

Especially if it is once a week, and one or two pieces. Some folk, that minor indulgence is something to look forward to and gets them thru another couple of days of dieting. "Ah, it's Tuesday - or Choco-day!"

[eleanorigby]

Originally Posted by Siege

True. I may use this as an excuse to stop the community chocolate completely. I just love how it was the coworker who's on Weight Watchers and constantly fussing about how many points are in food who pointed out the lack of chocolate.

CJ

But don't you see? You are messing with her carefully constructed House of Denial!
She is on WW, but is figuring that filching from your choco stash doesn't "count" in some non-physiological way. You are effing up her system, GF! How dare you!

I would still bring choc to work-and keep it in my desk, just for moi.

Also, if it is pointed out to you that "you dont' have that jar of Kisses anymore", I would reply--"yeah, I'm not your monkey." but that might be a wee hostile......

[Ponder Stibbons]

Originally Posted by eleanorigby

But don't you see? You are messing with her carefully constructed House of Denial!
She is on WW, but is figuring that filching from your choco stash doesn't "count" in some non-physiological way. You are effing up her system, GF! How dare you!

Hmmm ... If it wasn't for the money situation, you know what might be funny? Go ahead and refill the chocolate: With a single chocolate bar. The biggest, hugest, weightiest chocolate bar available to man. I have no idea how big this might be, but I think it would be hilarious to see Miss Weight Watcher confronted with a ten pound slab of chocolate. Go ahead, bitch, rationalize that!!! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

[Bippy the Beardless]

Are the supply of chocolate is not to be considered lightly. Most companies have policys against supplying Heroin or Cocane to co-workers so the option for us psychoterrorists to control the company from a lowly position is through the supply of chocolate or doughnuts. Simply by controling the supply of chocolate to co-workers you can control the entire corporate structure without being noticed. Soon the fools will gain a pavlovian reliance on you chocolate providing and they will be helpless from doing whatever you ask of them for fear of losing their daily chocolate fix. Should your control ever be challenged you can provide for a short while healthy snacks, the challengers will be reduced to pittyful wrecks until you mercyfully replace the chocolate supply.

[Revtim]

Originally Posted by corncobpipe

10 boxes of chocolate Ex-Lax

1 Hershey kiss mold and 1 box of foil

Revenge. The sweetest treat of all

Do they even make the chocolate Ex-Lax anymore? I thought I read somewhere they didn't.

I bet it's gone because it's just not a great idea to make a medicine look and taste like candy, expecially if there's young kids in the house.

[Revtim]

Originally Posted by Revtim

Do they even make the chocolate Ex-Lax anymore? I thought I read somewhere they didn't.

I bet it's gone because it's just not a great idea to make a medicine look and taste like candy, expecially if there's young kids in the house.

Don't know why I didn't think to Google for it before, but yeah, they still sell it:
http://shop.store.yahoo.com/buyinprivate/exchoclax.html

[lurkernomore]

Originally Posted by Revtim

I bet it's gone because it's just not a great idea to make a medicine look and taste like candy, expecially if there's young kids in the house.

Because they'll go for it... then go FROM it? ::ducks::

[Giraffe]

No chocolate?? Get the hell out!

(Off to MPSIMS.)

[Baker]

I once knew someone who kept Jelly Bellys in a bowl on their desk, and of course there was one person who ate and ate, but never contributed. So the next time they refilled it with jalapeno beans, not the lime people might expect. Ms. Muncher took a mouthful, and walked away with teeth grinding, then started gasping in surprise. She then had the nerve to complain she should have been warned about the flavor!

[jayjay]

Better yet, for Jelly Belly replacements, is the new Bertie Bott's All-Flavors Jelly Bellies. A couple of those unexpectedly would cure them of THAT habit...

[Bippy the Beardless]

Originally Posted by jayjay

Better yet, for Jelly Belly replacements, is the new Bertie Bott's All-Flavors Jelly Bellies. A couple of those unexpectedly would cure them of THAT habit...

Strangely enough you can get Bertie Bott's selections that only contain the bad flavours!

[DMark]

Years ago I started picking up Krispy Kreme doughnuts for the office every Wednesday. And yes, like Pavlov's dogs, I would have people hovering around my desk if I was running late getting in.

I don't bring them to work in the summer as it is just too hot, and a lot of people stop eating them due to glances in the mirror wearing their Speedos before going to the pool.

A few people over the years have quietly handed me $5 or $10 out of the blue as a thank you for bringing them in.

The only time I got a little pissed was when the cheapest cow-orker in the place actually got pissed at me for not bringing them in on a Thursday "because you were out sick yesterday, I would have thought you could pick them up today."
She wasn't joking either.

But it is true - once a year or so ago, I forgot it was a Wednesday and didn't bring them. People were nice about it, but I could tell they felt like their dealer just told them he was out of stash for the weekend.

[Ashes, Ashes]

I'm the recipient of second generation whining. My dad taught at the same school I do now. Back when he was still here my mom would bake all sorts of quick breads for everyone to share during the holidays, as a thank you to the staff who helped him during the year. Now, my dad died a couple of years before I started teaching and I've been there for eleven years. Yet there are still people who gripe, to me(why me?) about how my mom doesn't send the holiday quick bread anymore.

Dude, she's 65, has emphysema and is recovering from cataract surgery. Never mind she lives 5 hours away, and has been retired for the better part of a decade. The only reason she sent them to your school anyway was because of my dad, who's dead. Pony up for a box of CrustEze bread mix and leave me alone. Or do you not remember that it is the anniversary of his death tomorrow and we've got better things to do than bake treats for you? You should remember this because you were at both of his memorial services. Sometimes, people suck.

I stopped bringing in candy when my jar was always empty but I hadn't gotten a thank you in over a month. Miraculously, the earth continued to spin on it's axis, sans candy jar.

[jsgoddess]

I have a coworker who bitches at me because one of the company giveaways is 1 pound bars of chocolate with our logo on them.

I guess she thinks that I'm going to protect her waistline from the supply of chocolate. I'll trade my coworker for yours, though yours sounds dire.

[The Mad Hermit]

What really sucks is that the same people who whine when the bowl is empty will often file a lawsuit at the slightest provocation, or at least threaten to do so. These days, one must be conscious of the unintended consequences of everything.

I've also noticed that when food of any type is left out in an office environment, it attracts attention. If no one is there to say anything, it is assumed that it belongs to the "company", therefore is open for consumption. This stretches to the office refrigerator as well. It's not everyone that does this, but it seems that there are some in every office of any size.

[MagicEyes]

Originally Posted by Bippy the Beardless

Strangely enough you can get Bertie Bott's selections that only contain the bad flavours!

I used to have a candy dish on my desk. I usually kept it filled, but sometimes my co-workers would contribute. My boss at my former job got Jelly Bellys one time, so we were all excited, we're getting the good stuff, woohoo! But somehow she managed to pick the three nastiest flavors of Jelly Bellys. These weren't even Bertie Botts, just normal old JB's, but it was some kind of berry flavor that tasted like soap, a coffee flavor that wasn't too bad, and some other flavor I've forgotten that was also unpleasant. And she only got those three flavors, not even a random selection of many flavors, like you're supposed to do when you buy Jelly Bellys. It takes sheer talent to pick out the only yucky flavors of Jelly Bellys.

I had a rule against putting lollipops in the candy dish, because she had the most disgusting way of eating them--she'd grab one, park it in her cheek, and suck and chomp on it at the same time, with her mouth open, talking around it. Slurp, chomp, smack, until I wanted to scream! After the first time this happened, I thought to myself, "I really shouldn't put lollipops in the candy dish." Time passed, I forgot, and I put lollipops in the candy dish again. After another senseless lollipop slaughter, I took the rest of them out and never did it again. Then she left the used lollipop stick in the copy room. Nice.

Candy had a way of disappearing while I was at lunch. The one person who consistently took handfuls of candy while I was away from my desk was, coincidentally, independently wealthy, didn't even need a job, yet somehow he couldn't buy his own candy. He did bring in some candy once, but it was only part of a bag of candy, not even the whole bag. Another co-worker brought in some seriously old candy that tasted nasty. It must have been stuck in a closet for many months. Probably leftover from a long-forgotten Halloween.

I gave up the candy dish at my current job because it all mysteriously disappears when I'm not in the office. The last straw was when a woman I didn't even know stopped by the office, asked if she could have some candy, and then she took a handful. How about one or two pieces? People, where is your dignity?

Wow. That ended up being really long. Who knew there was so much drama around the candy dish?

[DMark]

Originally Posted by The Mad Hermit

I've also noticed that when food of any type is left out in an office environment, it attracts attention.

Ain't that the truth! I always claim I could leave a bowl full of gravel in the company kitchen and it would disappear gradually during the course of the day.

[Anaamika]

Originally Posted by Giraffe

No chocolate?? Get the hell out!

(Off to MPSIMS.)

I thought giraffes liked carrots?

Least that's hwat we fed them last year at the fair.

[Ashes, Ashes]

It was my post that got the thread moved to the Pit, wasn't it? Well, I wouldn't have gotten so upset if I'd had some chocolate to calm me. Unfortunately somebody hasn't re-filled the candy dish.

[Cat Whisperer]

Originally Posted by DMark

Ain't that the truth! I always claim I could leave a bowl full of gravel in the company kitchen and it would disappear gradually during the course of the day.

HA! I did something similar to that once - I bought this new gum flavour (cherry ice mint or something like that) and it tasted like particularly awful cough syrup - completely inedible. I laced the communal candy jar with pieces of this terrible gum.

At one job I had a supervisor who would always grab a couple of whatever I was snacking on. We had a great relationship, so I didn't mind, but one day I was snacking on supersour candies (my motto - the sourer the better!), he didn't realize they weren't regular candies, he grabbed a couple, and gave me this look like a kicked puppy when he realized they were sours. I laughed until I stopped.


I'm basically a good person. Honest.

[flodnak]

Originally Posted by corncobpipe

10 boxes of chocolate Ex-Lax

1 Hershey kiss mold and 1 box of foil

Actual trick used by someone I know: 1 jar of pickled garlic cloves, one large block of chocolate confectioner's coating, toothpicks, and a double boiler, and you've got...

[Baker]

Originally Posted by MagicEyes

And she only got those three flavors, not even a random selection of many flavors, like you're supposed to do when you buy Jelly Bellys. It takes sheer talent to pick out the only yucky flavors of Jelly Bellys.

You don't have to pick through them. A number of bulk candy places, like in the local mall, have bins of single flavors of beans. They do the same thing for different colors of M&M's.

[Hypno-Toad]

A customer at the grocery store was buying Altoids and told me her husband was always raiding them. So I told what I'd do: refill the can with generic asprin. Let him crunch one or two of those and watch what happens. She got an evil grin on her face and I wish I could have heard how it turned out.

[SkipMagic]

Originally Posted by Hypno-Toad

A customer at the grocery store was buying Altoids and told me her husband was always raiding them. So I told what I'd do: refill the can with generic asprin. Let him crunch one or two of those and watch what happens. She got an evil grin on her face and I wish I could have heard how it turned out.

I'm not sure if you're aware of this, Hypno-Toad, but aspirin is an anticoagulant--meaning that it's a blood thinner. What might seem to be an innocent prank on your part could have some pretty nasty effects on the unsuspecting butt of your joke. Practical jokes tend to be iffy, anyway, when it comes to determining what's funny and what's not; practical jokes involving medicine, however, cross the line--especially when you don't know how that medicine is going to affect the recipient.

In the future, please refrain from bringing up such suggestions on this message board.

[Cat Whisperer]

Originally Posted by flodnak

Actual trick used by someone I know: 1 jar of pickled garlic cloves, one large block of chocolate confectioner's coating, toothpicks, and a double boiler, and you've got...

You don't even need to go to that much trouble - just buy chocolate-coated ginger. I'm sure there are people in the world who actually enjoy that, but the reaction from us normal people is "What in the holy hell have I put in my mouth?!?"

[Beadalin]

Originally posted by featherlou:
I laughed until I stopped.

Ain't that always the way?

[Pixisis]

I, too, kept a bowl at my desk, filled with Hershey's kisses. After a while, they were disappearing *much* too quickly for me to keep up with the demand (basic economics, I just don't earn that much) so ... when next the bowl was empty, I filled it with Japanese gummy candies with no English on the lables.
Two weeks went by before anyone even asked what they were

but, after a while, a few people tried them after seeing me eat them and developed at taste for them

[MagicEyes]

Originally Posted by featherlou

You don't even need to go to that much trouble - just buy chocolate-coated ginger. I'm sure there are people in the world who actually enjoy that, but the reaction from us normal people is "What in the holy hell have I put in my mouth?!?"

I like chocolate with candied ginger--my favorite. Raw ginger might be. . .interesting.

[alice_in_wonderland]

Originally Posted by featherlou

You don't even need to go to that much trouble - just buy chocolate-coated ginger. I'm sure there are people in the world who actually enjoy that, but the reaction from us normal people is "What in the holy hell have I put in my mouth?!?"

What choo talkin' 'bout Willis? Chocolate covered ginger is the food of the gods. It is possibly the best thing EVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVAR.

Clearly, yer mental...




I loves me some chocolate ginger...

[alice_in_wonderland]

P.S. Lets just skip the comments about my IRL name, K...

[Cat Whisperer]

Originally Posted by alice_in_wonderland

<snip>Clearly, yer mental...

Oh yeah, well, I can see yer nuts.

[Cat Whisperer]

If a mod wanted to put a ] in there, I wouldn't mind.

[SkipMagic]

Originally Posted by featherlou

If a mod wanted to put a ] in there, I wouldn't mind.

It's not like I get paid for it, though...

[ioioio]

Last Kiss

Oh where, oh where, can my chocolate be?
Siege took it away from me.
She's got a bad knee, so I got to be sweet
So I can get more chocolate when she's back on her feet.

----
On the plus side, siege, you've got some great friends who are watching out for you and were willing to do your shopping.
----
It's possible that the complaining coworker buys a bag of chocolates every week with the intention of bringing them in to fill your jar, but somehow the bag never makes it to work. That's what would happen to any bag of cholcolates I bought.

[Cat Whisperer]

Originally Posted by SkipMagic

It's not like I get paid for it, though...

You know you have our undying gratitude, don't you?

[jayjay]

Originally Posted by featherlou

You know you have our undying gratitude, don't you?

I've noticed that crisp $20s work better. American money, of course, not that funny Canadian stuff.

[Siege]

Go easy, folks. My coworker's not all that bad and it's a nice company. In fact, I started this thread as much because I thought you'd be amused by it as because I was a trifle ticked off. On the other hand, she would choose to comment on the low supply when I was facing the fact that I did need at least a loaf of bread and something to eat for breakfast. As it was, a minimal shopping trip was about all my knee could take. I did, however, eat the last kiss early Tuesday morning!

Laina_f, I love the parody. Me, I've had Meatloaf's "One Last Kiss" running through my head when I think about the situation.

It's funny. A few years ago, I was sent out to a client who had never used my employer before. It was to be a 3 or 4 month assignment, and I was told to keep them happy. Since I am not above shameless bribery and I passed a doughnut shop on my way to work, I took to turning up on Fridays with a dozen doughnuts. The "3 or 4 month" assignment turned into 16 months. There, however, people would give me money for doughnuts every so often.

My mother also asked me to bring in 2 week old homemade chocolate chip cookies to work once since she wanted to get rid of them. Sure enough, they were gone by noon. I also disposed of 8 dozen cookies I got in a cookie exchange this past Christmas by taking them into work. I've discovered that locusts have nothing on hungry coworkers, at least not when sweets are involved!

As for the knee, the guys are coming over tonight to do their laundry and mine and take me shopping for the heavy stuff I couldn't get on Monday. I do hate these stupid crutches. :sigh:

CJ