I’ve recently started working part-time in a candy store. It’s not a long-term career sort of thing, but a way of bringing in money until I can get something better. For the most part, it’s pretty decent, actually. Smile a lot, be nice to people, sell candy and nuts.
However, as with all jobs there are certain people you wish you didn’t have to deal with. Here are some of them from the candy store:
The Little Old Lady With Grabby Hands - the other employees tell me there are a few men who do this, too, but so far only old ladies on my watch. They typically hobble in on a cane, making you think they don’t move too fast, then dart over to one of the bins, whip off the lid, and stick their hands into the candy and start stuffing it in their mouths. Now, WE have to wear gloves before touching anything. Miss Daffy Old Biddy invariably laughs - “Oh, my hands are clean!” - “Oh, don’t you give free samples?” Look, you old hag, the free samples are in little dishes on the countertops and I don’t want to know where your hands have been. Goddamn you are old enough to know better!
Howard Hughes - well, no, of course it’s not THE Howard Hughes, and in fact all these particular people have been women (invariably middle-aged and black, frequently with southern accents) but they are certainly channeling his ideas on germs. They must see you put on a brand new glove from the box (and Og forbid that box is in any way less than pristine), carefully observe you take up a pristine bag, carefully open said virgin container all the while not touching anything BUT the gloves and the bag, they will demand you scrub a perfectly clean scoop, fret over possible germs as you open the bin lid (you know, the device that keeps germs out of the bin), and so on. One wanted me to wear TWO pairs of gloves, one was not enough.
Og forbid Grabby and Howard meet over the same bucket of vanilla caramel pecan patties…
I’m Here For the Free Lunch - Yes, we give samples. No, a half a pound is NOT a “sample”! Today’s Most Egregious Example was a young boy who kept trying to angle for free truffles. Our truffles are $1-2 each. they are not given as free samples, not ever. Want to try one? Buy one. We’ll be happy to sell you just one. But we will never *give *you one.
Mind you, I’m not talking about the occasional toddler who helps him/herself - they’re children, by definition little barbarians. The Free Lunch Brigade are, again, invariably old enough to know better.
Intolerant Fellow Employees - Look, gals, when the six and a half foot tall presumed MtF transsexual walks in the door for his/her regular shopping spree do not frown at this person, ignore this person, or treat this person any differently than any other customer. Yes, I know he/she is creepy in some ways, it a living embodiment of the phrase “tits on a bull”, looks like a former semi-pro wrestler in bad drag (his/her fingers have been described as “sausage like”), and there’s the inevitable confusion as to whether to address this person as “sir” or “ma’am”, HOWEVER, this individual has invariably been courteous to us and his/her money is just as green as anyone else’s. Most transsexuals tend to be very unhappy people, I don’t feel we need to add to this person’s burden. We’re just here to sell candy, not pass judgement.