Hi Cecil (and others)
Just wanted to correct some errors in the above article, since I work for a company that are selling a device that can both straighten and enlarge a penis.
This product is currently being tested (again) by a Norwegian doctor and has previously been tested and proven to straighten and lengthening a penis – especially when a person has a curved penis, this device can help correct the curvature, and give back the possibility to have sex again.
Ole Nielsen
Webmaster
Hi again
Sorry, forgot to mention the Cecil article - found it here : http://www.straightdope.com/columns/001020.html
Great. A medieval torture device (in cute iPod color scheme) for 3 centimeters. Thank you, Norway.
Dear olenielsen, welcome to the Straight Dope Message Board.
I removed the link in your original post because we do not allow posters to advertise their own products.
Sorry - and no problem - just wanted to straighten out (phun intended) the errors in the article.
Ole Nielsen
My girlfriend seems to know how to lengthen and straighten… what? Oh… never mind…
IME, the best way to lengthen and straighten the penis is to replace it with a dildo. An 18"DHIBJD :eek: :eek: might be a little excessive
I am reminded of one of the great composers (I forget his name, but you can bet someone will be by soon who knows it) who tried to increase the span of his hands by using a little stretching device, and ended up screwing up his hands irreparably.
No gizmos for me, please; there’s too much at stake.
Didn’t a guy strech himeself so that he could meet the police minimum height requirement?
I’m not too worried about lengthening or straightening ( I wonder if that would work for gay guys??)
My question is: is there some gadget that will let me USE THE DAMN THING ONCE IN A WHILE?
I do believe that the composer was Johannes Brahmes, and I also believe that he did not try to lengthen his span, but rather stretch his tendons so that the ring finger would not droop. When you lower the fingers to either side of the ring finger, it will tend to follow - a natural limitation of the hand. He allegedly tied his finger back to try to overcome this limitation, and caused permanent damage.
Years ago there were african tribes that considered it attractive to stretch out and distort parts of the body - the Ubangis were one. They could stretch their mouths with plates until they projected out nine or ten inches - very dramatic. Also, by using rings they could stretch their necks until they were a couple of feet long.
These days, the piercing crowd engages in similar practice with earlobes and perhaps other body parts as well. People with legs that are of different lengths (whether through accidents or other causes) can have stretching frames implanted that will gradually increase the length of bones - a painful but effective practice. Orthodontia is more or less the same idea. And the practice has been used in reverse to keep things from growing - check out the ancient asian practice of foot binding and also the nineteenth century use of corsets.
[cheap vegas comedian]
Whatever you do, don’t use the so-called penis stretcher in the men’s john.
It’s a ripoff.
[/chep vegas comedian]
You’ll find one at the end of your wrist. In fact, odds are there is another one at the end of your other wrist. Unless you have one arm, in which case, see sentence one. If you have no arms and are using a talk-and-type program, please accept my sincerest apologies, and start taking yoga classes to build up your spinal flexibility.
Also, with the correct state of mind you can hang your bath towel on it, which I always find amusing.
With washable markers (preferably neon ones and a black light) you could possibly do some sort of performance art; I wonder if dry-erase markers work very well on condoms?
I do not, however, recommend twitching it under the covers for use as a cat toy. This method has been tested; it is (regrettably) effective.
Corrvin
Heh. Thankfully, our cat is declawed.
Does twitching your penis under a sheet as a cat toy with a declawed animal help to lengthen or straighten the penis? Also, does this or does this not constitute bestiality?
A wide variety of cultures in various parts of the world stretch out and distort parts of the body (braces, push up bras, corsets…).
The neck folks would be the women of the Karen (they call themselves Kayan I believe) of the Thai-Burmese border. The rings provide downward pressure on the collarbone; I’m uncertain to the degree to which their necks are stretched, but I think the effect is somewhat deceptive in that the collarbones are more distorted. These women also wear rings on their arms and legs, but as these are concealed by clothing they don’t seem to have acheived the same fame.