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  #1  
Old 09-26-2005, 01:39 PM
KlondikeGeoff KlondikeGeoff is offline
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Why do assholes prefer BMWs?

I'm sure not all BMW owners are assholes, but it surely seems like a preponderance of assholes drive them.

Is it that they need this car to boost their self confidence, or is it that buying a Beemer turns them into assholes?
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  #2  
Old 09-26-2005, 01:42 PM
UrbanChic UrbanChic is offline
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I don't know. I consider myself to be an asshole of the highest order. My next car will be one of three BMWs. Make of that what you will.
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  #3  
Old 09-26-2005, 02:00 PM
Stuffy Stuffy is offline
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I don't recall getting a boost of assholery when I bought mine, so I guess I've always been one.
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  #4  
Old 09-26-2005, 02:01 PM
Athena Athena is offline
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Hmm, I don't think I'm an asshole, but I drive a BMW. Is there somewhere I can check? The "am I an asshole?" test?
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  #5  
Old 09-26-2005, 02:01 PM
Shagnasty Shagnasty is offline
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I am an asshole and I had my lovely 3 series BMW until last year when I wasn't paying attention and slid into 3 cars at a red light. Luckliy it was the other drivers instead of me that got hurt. I decided to get an SUV after that but I will probably get another BMW next.

My wife drives a BMW. I suppose she is kind of a bitch but that started before she got the car. Hasn't helped any though.

My FIL drives a BMW 740IL. Everyone always says he is an incredible asshole but he does have some redeeming qualities. I didn't know him before he started driving BMW's.

Do you know the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
The porcupine has a prick on the outside.
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  #6  
Old 09-26-2005, 02:06 PM
buttonjockey308 buttonjockey308 is offline
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Funny coincidence...I was just looking at the M5 on the BMW website, drooling over it, determining where to buy one. Coincidentally, I just got a promotion to management.

I'm wondering if there's a correlation.

Hmm...
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  #7  
Old 09-26-2005, 02:17 PM
ShibbOleth ShibbOleth is offline
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Maybe it's a regional thing. Most of the assholes around here drive large pickup trucks or SUVs, usually with "Choose Life" license plates or "Bush/Cheney" bumper stickers, but those are optional.*



*Note: not all cars with "Choose Life" plates or "Bush/Cheney" bumper stickers are driven by assholes around here. The majority are not assholes. But it does seem that every asshole is in a 4,000+ curbweight vehicle with those stickers/tags affixed.
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  #8  
Old 09-26-2005, 02:18 PM
Shagnasty Shagnasty is offline
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BMW's really will turn you into a driving asshole. They cruise so fast and so well that it is easy to wonder why everyone else has slowed to a crawl until you look down and see that you are going 105. I have had countless passengers say they didn't believe we were going a mile over 60 when I was driving at 90 and above.

Likewise, they handle extremely well too so it is easy to drive them very aggressively in traffic. Most other cars just can't be driven the way a BMW can be very easily.
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  #9  
Old 09-26-2005, 02:47 PM
Airblairxxx Airblairxxx is offline
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I am in full agreement with the notion that BMW Driver = Asshole. I can't begin to count the number of times I've been cut off/tailgated/etc by BMW drivers. The wife and I are in complete agreement on this issue and will brook no contrary discussion.

Fortunately, I don't see too many BMWs here in Silicon Valley.



I'm kidding with that last part.
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  #10  
Old 09-26-2005, 03:29 PM
The New Guy The New Guy is offline
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'Cuz they were sold out of Hummers?
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  #11  
Old 09-26-2005, 03:32 PM
DiosaBellissima DiosaBellissima is offline
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Sorry

:: hangs head in shame ::
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  #12  
Old 09-26-2005, 03:33 PM
audiobottle audiobottle is offline
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I'm fairly certain that if I ever get my M3, I will instantly become a member of the distinguished order of the Orifice of the Ass. Fortunately I'll be flying by so fast and with such mind-numbing nimbleness, my asshole presence will only be felt for a fleeting moment.
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  #13  
Old 09-26-2005, 03:33 PM
Anaamika Anaamika is offline
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I'm not an asshole, but when I buy my BMW, I'll let you know if I've changed.
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  #14  
Old 09-26-2005, 03:37 PM
cardsfan1975 cardsfan1975 is offline
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Tiggrkitty has a Z3, and I haven't noticed any assholishness/bitchiness since she got it.

My dream car (most accessible one anyway) is an M3.

I want one. I will have one. And if getting one turns me into an asshole, well, then I'll be an asshole.

But, I'll be an asshole with an M3!

cf'75
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  #15  
Old 09-26-2005, 04:13 PM
Meaty Beaty Big and Bouncy Meaty Beaty Big and Bouncy is offline
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I'm a first-rate asshole, where's my BMW?
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  #16  
Old 09-26-2005, 04:20 PM
GorillaMan GorillaMan is offline
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Come to Britain, where everyone agrees that BMW drivers are wankers. Audi drivers, too.
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  #17  
Old 09-26-2005, 04:27 PM
Anastasaeon Anastasaeon is offline
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I'm an asshole. Be getting my BMW next year to prove it.

Seriously, it's like saying "Why are all Honda drivers assholes?" Well, there's bound to be a few. There are many asshole drivers, period.
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  #18  
Old 09-26-2005, 04:30 PM
TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW is offline
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A serious answer - I think that the reason many BMW drivers are assholes is that the BMW brand has kind of become the ultimate lazy/unthinking status symbol - your average asshole knows that "BMW = Nice, bro" so that's what they buy. Any halfway-knowledgable auto afficianado knows that BMW's are exceedingly low quality vehicles with extensive maintenance problems, but your average ex-fratboy that's clawed his way up to middle management doesn't have the slightest clue other than that they're a status symbol, so that's what he drives.
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  #19  
Old 09-26-2005, 04:39 PM
Skywatcher Skywatcher is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VCO3
Any halfway-knowledgable auto afficianado knows that BMW's are exceedingly low quality vehicles with extensive...
and expensive maitenance problems. Perhaps the level of asshollery corresponds to the level of the repair bills?
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  #20  
Old 09-26-2005, 04:42 PM
RickJay RickJay is offline
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Not just BMWs; I find VW drivers seem to be especially prone to cutting you off, not signalling, doing stupid shit in parking lots, etc., just like BMW drivers.

It's the German influence. The car wants to be a Panzer.

Actually, VCO3, you may be right about it being a status symbol and hence drawing from a self-selected sampling of shallow-minded simpletons (great alliteration.) My buddy, during his materialistic stage, bought a 318. I could not distinguish anything about the car that made it worth the price; it was a shitty little car with a useless backseat that had three significant breakdowns in a span of 24 months. It wasn't BAD when it worked, but I couldn't tell how it was really much better than an all-options Hyundai Elantra. It had decent pickup but nothing more impressive than my sister's used Buick Regal. But he was convinced it made him a big man, and his driving was just appalling after he got it.

Since he got engaged and became more of a human, he's trying to get rid of it.
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  #21  
Old 09-26-2005, 04:43 PM
Shagnasty Shagnasty is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VCO3
Any halfway-knowledgable auto afficianado knows that BMW's are exceedingly low quality vehicles with extensive maintenance problems, but your average ex-fratboy that's clawed his way up to middle management doesn't have the slightest clue other than that they're a status symbol, so that's what he drives.
Uh oh. You going to get to see what real assholes BMW drivers are now that you said that.

I have to say that I respectfully disagree based on extensive personal experience and from reading expert opinions. They certainly seem like outstanding, beautifully engineered cars even after I have owned two of them and put thousands of miles on others.

What am I missing? Are you honestly saying that something like the M3 is a piece of garbage?

You are just mad because no one would let you drive their BMW.
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  #22  
Old 09-26-2005, 04:45 PM
Syntropy Syntropy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shagnasty
I am an asshole and I had my lovely 3 series BMW until last year when I wasn't paying attention and slid into 3 cars at a red light. Luckliy it was the other drivers instead of me that got hurt.
I think this answers THAT question. BMW driver=asshole.

I agree with VCO3. Ownership of a status symbol always seems to infer some kind of pomposity on the owner. Unfortunately. "This is what I drive. It's better than what you drive, therefore I can act however I like on the road."
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  #23  
Old 09-26-2005, 04:51 PM
TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maureen
I agree with VCO3. Ownership of a status symbol always seems to infer some kind of pomposity on the owner. Unfortunately. "This is what I drive. It's better than what you drive, therefore I can act however I like on the road."
Exactly - but not just a status symbol, a particularly shallow or hollow status symbol, since its "coolness" or status is the only thing going for it. There are other cars, like the Mercedes, that are status symbols, but they're also truly great cars - they're status symbols because of their substance and quality rather than shallow, hollow fashion (like the BMW).
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  #24  
Old 09-26-2005, 04:52 PM
TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shagnasty
You are just mad because no one would let you drive their BMW.
I actually have very little interest in driving anything, but I love taking public transportation. I'm sure that this "they want my toys!" attitude speaks volumes about BMW owners as well.
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  #25  
Old 09-26-2005, 04:53 PM
Fridgemagnet Fridgemagnet is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VCO3
A serious answer - I think that the reason many BMW drivers are assholes is that the BMW brand has kind of become the ultimate lazy/unthinking status symbol - your average asshole knows that "BMW = Nice, bro" so that's what they buy. Any halfway-knowledgable auto afficianado knows that BMW's are exceedingly low quality vehicles with extensive maintenance problems, but your average ex-fratboy that's clawed his way up to middle management doesn't have the slightest clue other than that they're a status symbol, so that's what he drives.
Hit the nail on the head there I think - it's a brand loyalty thing for massive wankers. At least in the UK and US - any German Dopers out there on the German position? It's not just a performance/luxury thing, or Mercedes/Alfa Romeo/Lexus drivers would be similarly categorised. Though I see GorillaMan makes honorable mention of the Audi driver...
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  #26  
Old 09-26-2005, 04:54 PM
Elza B Elza B is offline
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Would someone buy me a BMW so I can see if I turn into an asshole? I'll give you a ride every once in awhile.

E.
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  #27  
Old 09-26-2005, 04:55 PM
Syntropy Syntropy is offline
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The accusation of someone being jealous is not only a good justification for continuing assholery, it's almost impossible to disprove. How can you prove one way or another that you're not jealous? You're not going to be believed simply by denying it, and denying it and listing your reasons for what amounts to a personal preference just sounds lame. Good catch 22.
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  #28  
Old 09-26-2005, 04:55 PM
Mint Julep Mint Julep is offline
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My ex, the Porsche driver, has all BMW owners beat.
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  #29  
Old 09-26-2005, 04:55 PM
Fridgemagnet Fridgemagnet is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VCO3
There are other cars, like the Mercedes, that are status symbols, but they're also truly great cars - they're status symbols because of their substance and quality rather than shallow, hollow fashion (like the BMW).
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Beat me like a ginger stepchild.
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  #30  
Old 09-26-2005, 04:57 PM
Danalan Danalan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shagnasty
I decided to get an SUV after that but I will probably get another BMW next.
Why did you decide to get an SUV rather than a BMW after the accident? Did you feel that the SUV would be safer? Because that's wrong. Really, really wrong. Most passenger cars, including the little econo-boxes, are way safer than SUV's. They also handle better, so they help you stay out of accidents.

I agree with the OP -- it seems a high percentage of selfish pricks choose to buy Beemer's. I'm sure BMW's marketing research says something similar. Wonder if that gives them any heartburn?
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  #31  
Old 09-26-2005, 05:02 PM
GorillaMan GorillaMan is offline
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Wasn't there an episode of Top Gear recently, where they took the BMW 4x4 onto a decent test track, and it couldn't cope with anything at all?
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  #32  
Old 09-26-2005, 05:04 PM
TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shagnasty
I am an asshole and I had my lovely 3 series BMW until last year when I wasn't paying attention and slid into 3 cars at a red light. Luckliy it was the other drivers instead of me that got hurt. I decided to get an SUV after that but I will probably get another BMW next.
You seriously must be putting us on with this post, if only because the idea that you might actually be serious is unthinkable and a one-way ticket to a brutal, serial-anal pitting.

C'mon, at least toss us the smirking smiley so we know that you were just playing around.
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  #33  
Old 09-26-2005, 05:32 PM
Shagnasty Shagnasty is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VCO3
You seriously must be putting us on with this post, if only because the idea that you might actually be serious is unthinkable and a one-way ticket to a brutal, serial-anal pitting.

C'mon, at least toss us the smirking smiley so we know that you were just playing around.
The facts in that post are true. Just change the word "Luckilly" to "Regretably" and that will show how I really feel. I exchanged a word to increase the asshole factor that is supposed to be high per the OP.
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  #34  
Old 09-26-2005, 05:33 PM
Shagnasty Shagnasty is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Danalan
Why did you decide to get an SUV rather than a BMW after the accident? Did you feel that the SUV would be safer? Because that's wrong. Really, really wrong. Most passenger cars, including the little econo-boxes, are way safer than SUV's. They also handle better, so they help you stay out of accidents.
I just wanted one. Very simple.
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  #35  
Old 09-26-2005, 05:42 PM
Khadaji Khadaji is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DiosaBellissima
Sorry

:: hangs head in shame ::
Which one is you?
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  #36  
Old 09-26-2005, 05:52 PM
Giant_Spongess Giant_Spongess is offline
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Pardon me, I always thought the definition of an asshole = young white male in a pickup truck.

Guess I didn't get the memo.
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  #37  
Old 09-26-2005, 05:53 PM
PunditLisa PunditLisa is offline
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Hm, Mr. Pundit drives a BMV X5 (the BMW SUV). Technically that makes him a double asshole.

Of course, it's only when he drives.* Off the road, he's a pretty nice guy. Honest.

*Though, in response to the OP, he was an asshole driver when he drove his Dodge Charger, his Toyota Celica, his Cadillac Seville, AND his BMW X5.
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  #38  
Old 09-26-2005, 05:58 PM
DiosaBellissima DiosaBellissima is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Khadaji
Which one is you?
The left is my friend Amanda (she's pretty, no?) and I'm on the right. I think my assholishness went up two fold because I pose for pictures in the BMW. Am I right?
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  #39  
Old 09-26-2005, 06:12 PM
Hung Mung Hung Mung is offline
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The biggest assholes here are either
1) middle aged women in Navigators, Expeditions, Hummers or other monstrous SUVs, or
2) scruffy, rat-faced shitheads who jump in and out of lanes in their souped up, half-painted, pizza-dishes-for-rims ricer cars.

Can't stand either one. If the speed limit is 45, then by Og I'm not going to go over 50. Especially not in the right-hand lane. Bastards.
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  #40  
Old 09-26-2005, 06:17 PM
hajario hajario is online now
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All of these nice peeps driving Beemers posting to this thread disproves the assertion. In addition, I think that there would be no one who would argue that I am not an asshole yet I drive a Honda.
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  #41  
Old 09-26-2005, 06:18 PM
chaparralv8 chaparralv8 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VCO3
A serious answer - I think that the reason many BMW drivers are assholes is that the BMW brand has kind of become the ultimate lazy/unthinking status symbol - your average asshole knows that "BMW = Nice, bro" so that's what they buy. Any halfway-knowledgable auto afficianado knows that BMW's are exceedingly low quality vehicles with extensive maintenance problems, but your average ex-fratboy that's clawed his way up to middle management doesn't have the slightest clue other than that they're a status symbol, so that's what he drives.
No, no, a thousand times no.
BMWs are built much better than Mercedes-Benzes and Audis. They're built about as well as Toyotas or Mazdas. The engineering that goes into them is superb. The driving experience is what a car should be - great body control, plenty of grip, and tight, accurate steering.

There is no other mainstream manufacturer that relies on enthusiasts more or supports them better. BMW parts prices for pre-E39 5ers and pre-E46 3ers are among the lowest in the industry. They are or at least were straightforward and easy to work on - designed so they could actually be fixed by the owner. They're as durable and abuse-tolerant as a Honda. There is a toolkit in the trunk lid of every BMW for a good reason; you can actually fix the car with it when it breaks. Even the jack is decent and a decent factory jack is rarer than rocking horse manure.


Just because the average BMW buyer is a know-nothing wanker doesn't mean that's who the cars are designed for.
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  #42  
Old 09-26-2005, 06:19 PM
Syntropy Syntropy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hajario
All of these nice peeps driving Beemers posting to this thread disproves the assertion. In addition, I think that there would be no one who would argue that I am not an asshole yet I drive a Honda.
Well, I don't think you're an asshole, but that's only because you helped me with my Omaha game. However, I think I speak fairly when I opine that all poker players are assholes.
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  #43  
Old 09-26-2005, 06:38 PM
Khadaji Khadaji is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DiosaBellissima
The left is my friend Amanda (she's pretty, no?) and I'm on the right. I think my assholishness went up two fold because I pose for pictures in the BMW. Am I right?
You both are attractive young ladies. Alas, if only I were 20 years younger...
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  #44  
Old 09-26-2005, 06:52 PM
Shagnasty Shagnasty is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chaparralv8
No, no, a thousand times no.
BMWs are built much better than Mercedes-Benzes and Audis. They're built about as well as Toyotas or Mazdas. The engineering that goes into them is superb. The driving experience is what a car should be - great body control, plenty of grip, and tight, accurate steering.
Amen. I have no idea what some of these people are smoking. BMW's are some well engineered machines.

I didn't even know I was interested in a BMW until I test drove one on a whim. I had just test driven a Mercedes and the difference was night and day in the BMW's favor. I was sold on BMW by its merits on that test drive.
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  #45  
Old 09-26-2005, 07:01 PM
silenus silenus is offline
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My asshole prefers Charmin Ultra.
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  #46  
Old 09-26-2005, 07:14 PM
Unintentionally Blank Unintentionally Blank is offline
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So, does this Assholiness extend to the Mini?
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  #47  
Old 09-26-2005, 07:49 PM
Diceman Diceman is offline
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Originally Posted by Unintentionally Blank
So, does this Assholiness extend to the Mini?
I can't tell. Whenever you see a Mini around here, it's usually been crushed under the wheels of a semi.






Just kidding. Mini drivers are, IME, very considerate. Mostly because they know that, if they aren't, they probably will end up crushed under the wheels of a semi



I'd say that most Beemer drivers are assholes no matter what they drive. It's just that they tend to be attracted to high-end European cars like BMW, Audi, and Mercedes. Our manager at work drives an Audi. He would be a raging asshole even if he drove a Yugo.
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  #48  
Old 09-26-2005, 08:14 PM
Sublight Sublight is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Athena
Hmm, I don't think I'm an asshole, but I drive a BMW. Is there somewhere I can check? The "am I an asshole?" test?
Well, TheSpark.com used to have a Jerk Test, a Bitch Test, and a Bastard Test, so I suppose you could take an average of the three if you're curious (I'm 72% bastard).

Anyway, as for the OP, the biggest assholes I've met all drove Jeep Cherokees. Camaro/Trans Am also ranks up there, but that's a different price range.
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  #49  
Old 09-26-2005, 08:34 PM
CynicalGabe CynicalGabe is offline
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Damn sterotypes.

I'll have you know I drive a Chevy.
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  #50  
Old 09-26-2005, 08:51 PM
Man With a Cat Man With a Cat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DiosaBellissima
The left is my friend Amanda (she's pretty, no?) and I'm on the right. I think my assholishness went up two fold because I pose for pictures in the BMW. Am I right?
Based on your posts, I'd say you're pretty low on the asshole scale.

But to the OP, I frequently choose to be an asshole, and I drive a Nissan.

Why are all those Nissan drivers such assholes they wonder as I race past them on the tollway?
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