Stupid little crotchspawn

The BBQ Pit
1

Really now. My parents have been, in the past few days, what is known as unusually social. This means lots of dinners with friends (okay, two dinners). Unfortunately, it also means I had to share those two dinners with the most pretentious, irritating little 11-year-old jerk I’ve ever met. I mean, I was pretty intolerable as a kid, but by the age of 11 even I’d grown out of my precocious assclown stage. Let’s list the things that irk me about him, shall we? He’s intelligent. He’s incredibly, painfully, stupid-intelligent. He has manners but no tact. He’s loud and self-important. He finds ways to work his IQ into everyday conversation. No really, he does. When you CASUALLY starts asking about something for no reason you can be sure he’s trying to set things up so he can talk about his own intelligence. He speaks in a high-pitched whine. His inflection is 6 different types of annoying. He’s fat. I feel halfway bad for saying this since this isn’t exactly a character flaw and I wouldn’t hold it against anyone else but with HIM it’s like the icing on the cake of asshole. Let’s look at some dinnertime conversations we’ve had.

Cast:

Adults. They eat and murmer in the background, saying absolutely nothing of importance.
Linda, 15. Partner in crime.
Wendy, 6. Linda’s sister. Slightly spoiled, woopdedo.
Ben, 11. Dickwad-in-training.
Me, I’m there too but I try not to talk when he’s talking because I’m afraid of what I’ll say.

(We arrive at the table; there are elaborate napkin flowers under our cups. Several people pull apart their flowers and attempt to reconstruct them.)
Ben: Hey, I wonder who will finish theirs first.
(Works at flower)
Ben: I WONDER who will finish first.
(Fiddles some more)
Ben: Hey, this is harder than I thought. I mean, I know I’m brainy, but I guess I’m not quite brainy enough to solve this puzzle!
(Meanwhile, my dad has figured it out and is folding Wendy’s napkin for her)

Wendy: Ben is stupid.
Ben: Shut up, YOU’RE stupid.
Wendy: Ben’s a stupid head.
Ben: Oh really? Who got a high distinction in the Australian maths AND science competitions, scoring in the top 1%? HUH?
Wendy: … (quietly) Ben eats stupid food for breakfast.

Ben: Hey, do you think it’s possible to fail 7th grade?
Linda: (rolls eyes) I’m sure YOU can’t fail 7th grade, Ben.
Ben: Of COURSE not! But there’s this boy in our class. I think he’s just a little (whispers) stupid.
Wendy: I think YOU’RE a little stupid.
Ben: SHUT UP, WENDY. He can’t read. How stupid is that?
Linda: Really?
Ben: He has dyslexia, so it’s not his fault. But he’s still stupid.

And there we go, that’s Ben in a nutshell. I want to strangle him sometimes.

Am I a bad person for hating this little twerp?

2

Good grief.

How old is the OP?

3

I guess about 14.

4

Wendy: … (quietly) Ben eats stupid food for breakfast.

GOLD! I think I have a new comeback.

And I couldn’t have been the only one that opened this thread and expected it to be about some sort of STD or something. Oh, I was? Well, damn!

5

If it’s any consolation, he’ll be ten times worse by the time he’s a teenager.

6

16, actually. And I am serious about being twerpier-than-average as a kid. I think if I met me now I would punch me in the face. But gawd, I’m pretty sure I wasn’t that bad.

He’s going to be SUCCESSFUL when he’s older. It irks me somewhat that people like him are the ones who get ahead in life.

7

Yes, how old is the OP? Because, I had a little bratty cousin who really annoyed me. One day, we were both sitting in the back of the station wagon (can’t do that anymore!), and we were going to a party, and we got into a fight, and he spit on my brand new salwar-kameez. (Fancy Indian clothes). Well, I started crying, and l I hauled back and slapped him so hard across the face he fell over, and then he started crying.

He was 9. I was 12.
I know little kids can be annoying, but then again, his parents may focus only on his IQ and may have stopped focusing on everything else. He might be feeling like that’s the only thing that gives him value. It’s not so long ago that I was a kid. Go easy on the little bastard. :slight_smile:

8

No, you were.

9

What makes you think he’ll be successful in life? I know at least a few people with very high IQs who are past their mid-thirties and never amounted to much of anything. One of them’s in her sixties. But I guess there’s still time.

10

Yeah, in all the movies and TV shows I’ve seen in the past 20 years or so, kids that act like that are always wrong. Always.

11

I like Wendy. And yes, I thought it was some sort of crabs…

12

I hang out with Mensans, including Mensa kids. Believe me, I know what you’re talking about. The good news is they can grow out of it. One of the best cures for intellectual arrogance I’ve seen is dumping the arrogant twit in with a bunch of peers and letting him deal with suddenly not being the smartest person in the room, at least on paper. Once the shock wears off, some folks turn into actual, likable human beings. Of course, that doesn’t always work and I can offer a few Mensans I know as proof!

Part of me feels sorry for the kid. While I don’t know what things are like for smart kids in Australia, being smart or overweight alone can make things pretty rough for a kid here in the States. Both make for a nasty combination. On the other hand, I’d be real tempted to take him a side, have a little talk with him and, if need be, produce the trump card and let him know he ain’t necessarily the smartest idjit in the room! :wink:

Cross your fingers and pray he’ll grow out of it. That or hope he meets someone smarter than himself someday, maybe even Wendy!

CJ

13

[QUOTE=Siege]
One of the best cures for intellectual arrogance I’ve seen is dumping the arrogant twit in with a bunch of peers and letting him deal with suddenly not being the smartest person in the room, at least on paper. Once the shock wears off, some folks turn into actual, likable human beings./QUOTE]Or you could do the online equivalent and set him up here. :smiley:

14

So, no pubic lice.

Well, anyway–he sounds really insecure and immature. Not uncommon at 11. He’ll grow out of it OR he’ll grow into a sanctimonous prig who should be avoided at all costs.

I like Wendy, meself. She sounds like she knows what’s what. And I am intrigued by “stupid food” for breakfast. I wonder what that might be?
PS-isn’t the point of napkins to be unfolded and put in laps–why the linen origami on the part of the kids? Put your napkins in your laps, dammit!

15

I wrote that shortly after coming home. I feel better now :slight_smile: Sorry for sounding like an immature loon myself. I think I’ll go to bed now.

16

Next time, ask little ben what happens on May 33rd, every other year on a Tuesday…

17

Not neccessarily - it is very important how people relate to others. I have friends in the upper echelon of intellegence who now in their mid/late 30’s are career students, working $10/h jobs, or are mentally unbalanced because despite their high IQ, and university degrees (Masters Degrees in some cases) they are unable to get jobs in their field because of their lack of social skills.

18

It’s easy to deal with a kid like that. Every time he begins talking about his intelligence, just start making farting sounds. When he stops, you stop. It’d be even more effective if you could actually fart continuously during one of his episodes, but perhaps you aren’t physically capable.

Nothing destroys intellectual pretension like rude flatulating sounds.

19

[QUOTE=Sunspace]

No. The minimum age for these boards is 13, and the kid is 11. Personally, I’d prefer the minimum age to be higher, but the Powers That Be have decreed it so.

Lynn
For the Straight Dope

20

What? What happens? :33

Chinese people don’t seem to be in the habit of using napkins. We just keep 'em on the table to wipe our hands with. Which I suppose we could still do if they were on our laps, so I guess we have been logic’d.

Because he is ASIAN. Nonsensical and borderline racist as this sounds, believe me, it is significant.