While fighting a cold recently and hacking up half a lung, I told a co-worker that I was coughing up so much phlem that I could open up a sugar-free caramel shop.
She litereral took three more steps before stopping and saying, “EWWWWWW!!! That’s disgusting!!!”.
Any other examples of things you’ve said that took the person a few seconds before getting it?
This one borders on an intelligence test. I gained a best friend because I laughed when she told it and others just looked confused like she said most everyone did. I have found the same thing.
A chicken and an egg were laying in bed. The chicken looked over at the egg, took a drag on a cigarette, and said “I guess that answers that question.”
One of my favorites.
One of my favorites, too! Although I’ve heard it the other way: the chicken looking angrily at the egg and sayind “Well, I guess that answers *that *question!”
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his pants. The bartender says “Hey! Do you know there’s a steering wheel down your pants?” “Arr,” says the pirate. “It’s driving me nuts.”
Told it to my maths class. There was a 2-second delay before everyone started laughing, and some people just never got it. :dubious:
Then there’s the cannibal that passed his brother in the jungle.
Or, “Did you hear the one about the cannibal that dumped his girlfriend?”
Two guys walk into a bar; the third one ducks.
My own unscientific tests have it at about a 1:3 ratio of people who get it (though I’d expect much higher from this crowd).
My favorite:
Two fish are sitting in a tank. One looks at the other and says “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
I love it specifically for the delayed reaction. Always takes a moment before it sinks in.
Smoker: Doc, I’m having trouble applying the nicotine patch you prescribed last week.
Doctor: It’s easy. You just peel off the back and stick it on.
S: Ok, but do you remember you said to put on a new one every 6 hours?
D: That’s right.
S: Well, I’m running out of room.
Two parrots are sitting on a perch. One turns to the other and says “Here, can you smell fish?”.
I’ve always liked this one:
When told aloud, it’s always interesting to see how long the gap between the joke and the laugh is.
CJ
:: request for the slow! ::
…is it possible to spoiler box the meaning of the punchline? I hardly get any of the jokes!!! 
( Particulary Shagnasty’s, and Malacandra’s) :smack:
Shagnasty’sthe chicken came to orgasm first.
Malacandra’s Perch is a type of fish
Did you hear about the plastic surgeon that hung himself?
I just inhaled part of a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit on this one. BWAAHAAAHAAAHAAA
:smack:
Explanation requested for this one. :smack:
(plastic surgeon could create a dong that would render him “well hung”.
Old Italian guy comes to America and wins the lottery. He decides to have a beautiful mansion built. He tells the builder he wants a statue in every room.
So the mansion is finally completed. After months of scouring the world, the statues are all put in place.
The old Italian guy walks in, looks around and goes into a rage. “Ima tell you I wanna da statue in every-a room-a. I look around I no see-a no statue!”
The builder says, “What are you talking about? I’ve gone to the ends of the Earth and found original Picassos, DaVincis, and all the other statues that are considered to be the most beautiful in all the world!”
The old Italian guy says, “No! No! I’m a-lookin’-a for a STATUE!” (mimes the dialing of a phone and holds his hand up to his ear) “Hello! Statue?”