Straight, single or polyamorous women- would you be hesitant or flat-out refuse to have a sexual relationship with a bisexual man?
I recently corresponded with a man on an online dating site. After a couple of emails, he told me he was bisexual, even though his profile indicated he was straight. I regretfully let him know that I was no longer interested. I’m not squicked out or homophobic- I’m just not willing to assume the extra risk of HIV infection, even with condom usage. He indicated that a lot of other women feel the same. I had gotten the impression from some of the more sexually adventurous ladies on this board that I would be in the minority in my decision to not date (and by dating I mean have sex with also) a bisexual man.
Well, it would depend on the person of course. If I were totally in love with someone who was totally in love with me who then revealed to me that he was bisexual, I doubt I would break up over that. As long as that person was completely committed to a monagamous relationship with me. I have zero interest in non monagamous relationships.
But if I were screening possible suitors, yeah I would probably screen out bisexuality. It does kind of squick me out.
A bonus question for those not willing: Do you have children, and does your decision have anything to do with them? If I didn’t have kids, I may be more inclined to assume the extra risk. But as a mother, I feel more responsible to do things like wear my seatbelt, drive carefully, and have as few risk factors for deadly disease as possible.
Bisexuality would most likely be a deal breaker for me too. I’d be happy to be friends with him, but not date him.
Maybe this is partially because my good buddy, a gay man, went through a phase where he identified as “bisexual”, so even though I do realize that there are guys who are truly bi and not “in denial about being gay”, I would be a bit wary of him ultimately revealing to me that he was truly gay after all. I wouldn’t want to get attached to someone who might ultimately decide that being with a woman wasn’t satisfying to him.
Like **carlotta **, I think that there would obviously be some other factors that play into it.
On its face? Well, if a guy I had just started chatting with told me he was bisexual, I would probably back away. This is, of course, just my personal thing, but I find male on male sex or even kissing to be tremendously unsexy (like I said, just my thing- I know many women love it). I know that I could not get into him sexually if I was thinking about him with another man. That is just the one thing that is very, very unsexy to me.
But, as I said in the begining, sex isn’t everything. I guess it depends on the situation.
That can be a real concern. I dated a guy last year who said he was bi in his ad. Doesn’t bother me, like Glassy, I actually think it’s kinda hot. Anyway, only dated him a few times before I decided he was sweet but, bi or not, very dull. The next time I saw his ad up, he’d switched it from bi to openly gay and looking for his first boyfriend.
I’d still have no problem dating a bi guy but I’d be kinda leary about getting too attached.
Well I’m one of the willing but I’ll answer anyway. I’m a mother, and as such date far more carefully than if I weren’t. What type of person the guy is, character-wise, is always a factor in developing a relationship and I generally don’t introduce potential boyfriends to my family until/less things have progressed pretty seriously. Considering monogamy would be a requirement for Serious Progression in my book, bisexuality still wouldn’t be a deciding factor.
I would be unwilling to assume the extra risks of non-monogamous behaviour on the part of the man.
I have read of gay men who have fallen in emotional love with a woman, and even a few who married. But their desires for their “true” sexuality won out and the woman always ended up either having to live with it, or leave him as the man returned to what he really desired for his sexual life.
It’s hard enough to have and be in a relationship, why add the extra burden of iffy sexual desire? From the bi-sexuals that I’ve spoken with they have a whole 'nother way of viewing sexuality. And it’s generally not very monogamy friendly. Though OF COURSE there are always exceptions.
If you don’t care about that, then I don’t see the problem, other than the potential for more risk of AIDS/HIV,
:dubious: I’m sorry but I’d have to charaterize Gay Sex = AIDS homophobic. That you hear “bisexual” as “extra risk” automatically?
I’m not saying it’s not worth concern. Statisically guys who sleep with guys are somewhat more likely to be HIV positive then those who don’t. But we’re not talking about statistics. We’re talking about an individual. And a guy who’s has three monogamous relationships with two guys and one girl in the past decade is less likely than a guy who’s fucked every girl in every gin joint from here to Casablanca. Wouldn’t it make more sense to find out if the guy is promiscuous, or careless about safe sex, or in any way really IS an HIV risk, rather than going by the shape of his former partners genitalia?
Oh, and to answer, I might be a bit concerned for the noted reason…a lot of gay guys call themselves bi…but then that would be something I’d want to talk about (like AIDS and consistent condom use) not something I’d assume.
It would be a dealbreaker for me. The disease risk is a small factor, but I think you are risking it even with a hetero partner.
First of all, because I too believe that most “bi” guys are actually gay (based on the formally “bi” guys in my circle of friends that are now openly gay).
Also because even if he remained “bi” I would never be everything that he needed/wanted, there would be no way that I could fill that need/desire of his, I feel that I can compete with another woman, but I just can’t grow a penis (strap-ons not included).
Dealbreaker for me too, for the reasons Poysyn and others have given. I prefer to have to worry about just other women, rather than worry about every single person on the planet. And knowing that someone was very interested in qualities I can never possess would be worrisome.
As a bisexual with only an incidental interest in males, I find it somewhat amusing that I’m automatically assumed to be a closeted homosexual. Sexuality isn’t black and white. It’s possible to find a wide range of physical attributes attractive. Penises are nice and, I assume, fun to play with but I vastly prefer women.
Also, the whole line of thought that we’re incapable of true happiness is just stupid and no more true of us than anyone else, straight or gay. There is no such thing as a perfect match.
I don’t think I’m homophobic because I associate gay sex with HIV/AIDS. I also don’t think it’s homophobic discrimination to not allow gay men to donate blood or sell their plasma. There has been a strong correlation between homosexual sex and HIV/AIDS shown. I wouldn’t have sex with a recently emigrated Haitian or an IV drug user, either, but that doesn’t mean I have any personal issues with either of those groups of people. There’s just a higher risk with those demographics that I’m not comfortable exposing myself to.
And I’m not saying that sex with straight men is risk-free. I’m just willing to take that risk, using condoms of course. (And yes, I do know that even with condoms things can still be transmitted.)
Fair enough, as far as that goes, but I don’t entirely agree with you. betenoir brings up a very good point, which is that many people who engage in gay sex who are responsible and monogamous (two separate things). It may be that some gay men engage in sexually irresponsible behaviour or be promiscuous, but that certainly isn’t true enough to warrent assumptions about their HIV status or their committment.
Wow, I didn’t realize I was so much in the minority. I personally think bisexuality is very appealing. But maybe I don’t really fit the poll, since I’m only mostly straight.
But those limitations are quick and dirty ways to screen large numbers of people quickly and cheaply. I just don’t see how that’s relevant for picking a partner.
If I was looking for quick ‘n’ easy sex, (and I am a fan of that, in the abstract: married and monogamous, now), then I suppose I would avoid bisexuals, IV drug users, and men who frequent prostitutes. But in the case of a potential long term relationship, I think I’d be open to taking the time and effort to figure out what “bisexual” meant in this case and whether or not it matched my own priorities. I can see why the Red Cross doesn’t want to take the time, but I am not processing nearly as many people per day!
