So anyway, I’m minding my own business walking through a store, when a bright orange display caught my eye. On my second pass-by, I realized that Gillette was marketing a new razor. Evidently, the technology of dragging a sharp blade over your face has a product life of 12-18 months.
The latest razor monstrosity is called the “Gillette Fusion”, and comes in both a vibrating and non-vibrating model. Of course, Gillette could never just plain one-up Schick’s Quattro razor, which has four blades. NO, they have to come up with a disposable razor with SIX FUCKING BLADES. You scrape five of these blades across your face, and just in case you want to do some extra shaving/cutting, there’s another blade that sticks up at a right angle, to allow you to trim sideburns, etc.
Holy flying fuck!! When are three or four blades not enough? Gillette, do you have a toilet paper subsidiary, because people will be putting at least 66% more toilet on their faces to stem the tide in the gushers these blades are destined to create. On top of that, the razor is neon orange, which is guaranteed to put out your eyes, if the blade sticking up at a 90 degree angle misses the mark. I don’t know how people ever made it through life with single blade disposables.
(Of course, I bought one. I shave my head, and I’m always looking for the perfect shave. I feel like such a tool.)
Don’t I know it. I haaaate myself when I do stuff like that. However, in my defense, I will state for the record, that I don’t believe that adding more blades does anything but up the price of the heavily marketed tool, but I, also shave my legs, which is a lot of surface area, and time consuming. I am a whore for a good shave, and if I found it in a twenty blader, I’d be satisfied. I had a razor once that only had two blades. It was great! I lost it. Never found a two blader that did it justice since. Now I’ve got the quatro and it’s as good as it gets right now.
So. In summary, it ain’t more blades I’m necessarily after. It’s a nice fit.
Don’t I know it. I haaaate myself when I do stuff like that. However, in my defense, I will state for the record, that I don’t believe that adding more blades does anything but up the price of the heavily marketed tool, but I, also shave my legs, which is a lot of surface area, and time consuming. I am a whore for a good shave, and if I found it in a twenty blader, I’d be satisfied. I had a razor once that only had two blades. It was great! I lost it. Never found a two blader that did it justice since. Now I’ve got the quatro and it’s as good as it gets right now.
So. In summary, it ain’t more blades I’m necessarily after. It’s a nice fit.
Nah, double posts actually give a closer read than do single posts. It’s only when you multipost six times, with the last one fluorescent orange and at right angles to the others, that you’re an Idiot.
Have you seen the TV ads for this Fusion monstrosity? They’re INSANE! I don’t know what it is, but over the last few years, manufacturers of razors and dental hygeine products have begun taking themselves WAAAAY too seriously. The fusion ad features CGI that looks like it should be on the big screen. There are attack helicopters flying to a heavily defended military-looking base out in the middle of the desert, where seriously intense scientists are engaging in what appears to be highly risky nuclear experiments. There’s a shot of one of them holding a bottle of glowing plasma. And in the end, they don’t even tell you anything about the razor that is supposedly being created at such expense and secrecy. They just say “Fusion - coming soon”. Honestly, it looks like a teaser for the next Star Trek movie.
Eh? In my experience, more blades really does make for a more comfortable shave. I haven’t had to use shaving cream in years, and I honestly can’t remember the last time I cut myself shaving.
I’ve tried single-bladed BICs before, and even with cream, I ended up bleeding almost every time.
I’ll probably end up getting a Fusion, but I do have some reservations about the cost. Mach 3 replacement blades were too expensive. Quattro blades were way too expensive. How much am I going to be paying for these suckers?
