Overcoming a fear of flying

In My Humble Opinion
1

In a prior part of my life, I was a normal flyer. I even enjoyed it. Take-offs used to be my favorite part of flying in fact, and I found the entire experience relaxing and fun.

In 1997, I went on a business trip for a week, and the flight back home was a “commuter” flight from San Francisco to LA. It was packed, and I was in between two people. I was uncomfortable the whole time, to the point of being slightly clausterphobic, which is unusual for me. But I didn’t give it much thought after that.

The next time I flew was in 2000. Jakeline and I were going to meet a friend in St. Louis, so we were flying into Kansas City and driving the rest of the way. There was a brief layover in Houston. On the way to Houston, I started to become very uncomfortable, to the point of being afraid. I don’t remember whether it was flying into Houston or leaving Houston that I got worse because we flew through, or just around, a thunderstorm. But I started to really freak out, clutching my armrest at the slightest hint of turbulence, etc. I was very grateful when we finally landed in K.C.

As our week in Missouri went on, I became increasingly agitated about the prospect of getting back on a plane. By the time we’d reached the day before departure, I’d begun looking into alternatives to going back home. Ultimately, we ended up taking the train all the way back from K.C. because I just couldn’t bring myself to get back on the plane. Without knowing when or why, exactly, I’d become deathly afraid of flying.

Since that time, I’ve tried to logically work through my fears. I have hopes of seeing much more of the country, and I refuse to be saddled by this irrational fear. In the last couple of years, I’ve taken a few short flights (LA to Vegas, LA to Reno, Reno to Vegas – none longer than 75 minutes) to try to help conquer the fear. I’ve been exceedingly nervous on all of them, and I even took anxiety medication on one of them, but I survived them all, and I’m willing to do it again. Now, essentially I can handle my fear up to the point where I won’t be completely crippled by it, but I’m nowhere near being over the fear.

So I’m wondering if there are any of you out there who have overcome this particular phobia, or if you know of anyone who has. How did you you do it? How long did it take? And how/when did you develop the fear in the first place?

And, while I don’t want to get too far off topic here, if you’ve had a different type of phobia that you’ve been able to overcome, I’d love it if you’d share that as well.

2

Well, I haven’t been able to overcome mine yet, so I’m not much help to you there. But my situation was very similar to yours: I used to not LOVE flying, but I had no problem with it whatsoever. The last time I flew was for my wedding, from Eugene OR to Seattle, and from Seattle to Vegas (and then the whole thing again in reverse on the trip back), and I was absolutely freakin’ terrified from the moment we took off. I’m sure it didn’t help that it was only one month after 9/11, but I wasn’t worried about terrorists or anything, just of the plane crashing. And I mean, terrified. It was all I could do not to jump up and run screaming up and down the aisle LETMEOFFLETMEOFFLETMEOFF! I almost did what you did and looked into alternate means back home, but I had a group of people with me so that wasn’t an option. I was so scared on the flight back my stomach hurt the whole time. I haven’t been able to get back on a plane since, not even for a small flight. :frowning:

I keep thinking I’d be okay with trying it again, but then when I stop and seriously consider it, I start getting all scared and upset again and I know I Just Can’t Do It.

I’m looking forward to hearing some of the advice!!

3

For a a two-year period, I wasn’t necessarily phobic of flying per se (as in, I could get on the plane just fine, but as soon as it took off I’d be on tenterhooks til it landed). This was bad, as I was a student in a college across the country, which usually required at least one transfer.
Then one day, my mom mentioned something about low blood sugar causing anxiety attacks. And I used to have a habit of not eating much before flying (too busy, didn’t want to have to pee on the plane, etc). So I made sure to eat a good breakfast before flying and voila, I am no longer afraid of flying.

I’m not sure how helpful my story is to you, though, since my fear wasn’t that strong in the first place.

4

I wrote a similar thread awhile back…and considering I am off to Hawaii next week, thanks for reminding me to read my old thread again.

In the old thread, Airman Doors made some very good points, as well as some other posters. I know I actually thought of some of their comments during my last flight and it helped.

I am now at the stage that, although I don’t relish the idea of flying, and certainly am not looking forward to it, I no longer have that feeling of dread I used to have. I guess living in Las Vegas has shown me how true statistical odds are - my chances of winning Wheel Of Fortune for several million dollars are greater than anything happening on my flight - hell, people win Wheel Of Fortune for big bucks almost every week in Nevada (although I have not been one of those winners). And I was almost ran head-on by a drunk driver a few months ago…so I know I have a better chance in the sky than on the drive to the airport.

Still…if you are on the flight to Hawaii next Thursday from Las Vegas, and you see a guy in the corner with white knuckles and nervous tic in his right eye, come up and say hello to me.

5

I travel for business and also because my parents have been living far away from me since I left for undergrad.

  1. The threads on flying where Broomstick has answered questions about turbulence, bouncing on the runway have really helped me (including many submitted by me). I keep these points in mind whenever I fly.

  2. I learned how a plane works. Everyone in my family besides me happen to be scientists so I got them to explain the science and engineering of it to me and that helped quite a bit.

  3. I pop Tylenol PM about 20 minutes prior to getting on the plane. This tends to knock me out for most of my flight.

  4. I re-dedicate my firstborn to either Krishna or Ganpati during take-off and landing. I figure this takes the work of piety off of me and puts it on someone else. I don’t know which one, but one of them seems to be pleased with my sacrifice. I’ve got to get on breeding at some point, though, you just don’t break Ganpati promises.

I work with people with SEVERE flying phobias. They all have prescriptions for Xanax. I hope that helps.

6

I’m in the same boat. I have never flown and never intend to.

Whenever someone learns of my fear the first thing out of their mouths is the age old “You’re WAY more likely to die in a car crash than a plane crash”.

Um, yes I’m aware of that. It’s not the odds of dying in a plane that scare me, it’s the method of dying. Death by car crash is (with a few exceptions) very quick. And you don’t know ten miles and 5 minutes before the crash that you’re going to die.
With a plane you know when you start going down that you’re a goner. I don’t know how long it takes for a plane to go from 30,000 feet to a burning heap of metal on the ground, but however long it is, it’s too long for me to think about the fact that this is the end of my life.

In my mind, car crash versus plane crash=sudden death(heart attack) versus long drawn out illness (cancer)

Give me the quickie.

7

Yes, as a matter of fact, at one point in my life I was afraid of flying.

I, too, was a normal passeger for many years. Then a Bad Thing happened on a take-off on a flight from Detroit to Chicago, oh, many years ago now. I’m sure I’ve recounted the tale a couple times on these boards. Long story short - we sucked something into an engine just as we left the ground. Airplane moved in very peculiar and abnormal ways, there was fire and smoke and stuff flying out of the engine… and that’s how the flight started. There was another 40 minutes after that.

Anyhow, we all did land safely at Midway. Shook up, but physically unharmed.

I didn’t get on an airplane for the next 7 years. The next time I had to fly commercial (job requirement) I was so scared I puked twice before I could force myself onto the plane to ride from Chicago to Phoenix. The return flight was only marginally less anxiety-inducing.

How did I get over it? I took flying lessons. Seriously. I’ve got a pilot’s license. I don’t recommend it as the first way to go about shaking the phobia, as it’s a lot of work and money. But once you’ve almost flipped an airplane over on your own and safely put it back right side up on your own then commercial airline bumpy rides for some reason just don’t seem that bad anymore. :smiley:

I also, in addition to flying small airplanes on the weekends, had to take more business trips.

It sounds to me like you had a bad experience. Now your mind and body recalls that nasty scary feeling every time you get on an airplane.

Here are my suggestions, use whatever you find helpful and ignore the rest:

  1. Try to figure out what sets off the anxiety - is it turbulence? The fear the plane is going to somehow “fall out of the sky”? Fire? Crash? My biggest problem with commercial flying is that I’m somewhat claustrophobic so these days it’s the crowding in the cabin that causes the greatest anxiety in me. But it’s no different than the anxiety I feel in an over-crowded bus or train. Anyhow, if you can find out what your trigger is, that’s a good first step.

  2. Educate yourself as to how airplanes/pilots deal with whatever bothers you - if you don’t understand how something that big and heavy stays up in the air maybe learning about aerodynamics would help. If you’re worried about turbulence - well, is it making you fell ill? Anxiety/fear is a normal reaction to motion sickness, and the way to deal with the fear is to alleviate the nausea. (And if you are prone to motion sickness avoid alcohol and make sure you’re hydrated before boarding. Take medication if you need it.) Are you worried about the turbulence becoming dangerous, damaging the airplane? Airplanes are built tough - I wouldn’t even begin to worry about that until the flight attendants start richoceting off the ceiling, and even then I’d be more concerned with human injuries than physical damage to the airplane. In actual fact, airplanes can sustain quite a bit of damage and still make a safe landing Are you worried about a rough landing? I’ve posted a few times about situations where a “firm” landing, even one that gives you a thump on the butt, is actually safer than a butter-smooth touch-down.

  3. Better living through chemistry - I don’t want to push drugs on anyone, but they do have a potential role here. Please do not self-medicate - if you are anxious enough to require drugs consult a doctor. There is absolutely nothing wrong with with taking a pill to make your anxiety in this situation managable. Preferable if you don’t need it, of course, but it’s a useful tool. And, it’s not like you’re doing the driving! (Please don’t drive after medicating - take a cab, m’okay? That goes for motion-sickness drugs, too)

  4. Good living makes for good flying - lay off the booze. Although it might temporarilly relieve anxiety, it can also make you more prone to motion sickness and less able to approach things rationally. Make sure you are adequately hydrated, pee before you board, eat a light breakfast (or lunch or whatever meal is appropriate). Wear comfortable clothing. In other words, make yourself as healthy and physically comfortable as possible. Discomfort can intensify anxiety.

  5. Good experiences can eventually erase bad ones - this is partly why we have #3 and #4. The more uneventful, (relatively) comfortable flights you have the more likely that fear is to fade. This is called desensitization, and it works - eventually.

  6. Professional help is an option - there are training schemes out there designed to deal with flying phobias far more severe than yours, which include educating people on how airplanes work and habituating them to the normal noises and motions of airliners. It costs some money, but they can be quite effective.

  7. It’s OK to be (a little) afraid - seriously. Look, flying is still not something most people do on a regular basis. Since it’s so infequent you don’t know what’s normal and what’s not. I’ve been on plenty of flights where the person sitting next to me nearly jumps out of his/her skin when the landing gear goes down - Oh my GOD that’s a THUD my GOD what just felll off the airplane oh JEEZ we’re all gonna — No, we’re not. That’s just the landing gear going down. That’s a GOOD thump, I’d be far more worried if we didn’t hear/feel it! See how knowing what’s happening transforms a Big Scary Thump into a reassuing, comforting little thud? And that turbulence thing - the airplane starts bumping up and down and, ohmigosh, cars don’t do that! You don’t know what’s the normal up-and-down, or whether it’s a problem or not, and you can’t control it – yeah, that tends to produce anxiety. There are people who are afraid of boats for the same reason - that up-and-down motion is alien and not understand and not controllable and thus causes fear. I tell people, fear of flying is not totally irrational - it’s normal to fear things that you don’t really understand and that appear threatening. It’s a perfectly valid defense mechanism, your brain and body telling you that this is unknown territory with poentially serious consequences. You know that falling from great heights smarts when you hit the ground - that’s not an irrational thing to fear. Hell, I’M afraid of falling form great heights, too! The difference is, I know why the airplane isn’t going to fall out of the sky, why the bounces aren’t going to rip the wings off, and what all those strange bangs and noises going on around us are about.

I dunno - did any of that help?

8

Aircraft accidents generally don’t happen up at 30,000’ (there is nothing to hit, after all), if it’s going to happen, it is most likely to be during the take-off or landing part of the flight, and you won’t know much more about it than you would a car crash.

9

My brother-in-law had an intense fear of flying. I flew with him, once, on a one hour flight in a large commercial airliner, and it was like sitting next to John Lithgow in The Twilight Zone Movie. He was sweating and fidgety and talking just to talk. He told me later that he thought the reason he hated it so much was that he had no control over the outcome of the flight, that his life was in the hands of a few strangers in the cockpit, and that feeling of helplessness was just about too much for him to handle.

About ten years after that flight, he started playing Microsoft Flight Simulator obsessively, eventually deciding he wanted to learn to fly a plane, which he did. Once he knew all about how planes work and how to fly one, he lost the fear, and can now easily fly as a passenger anywhere he wants.

10

As an aside, thank you, Broomstick. I’m printing that out - I haven’t been able to fly to see my mom in several years - I’d like to.

11

Many thanks for all of the replies so far, and a very special thanks to Broomstick for so much information. A good friend of mine who shares my fear uses Xanax on every trip. I’d like to avoid that if I could, but we’ll see. I’ve joked that it would be great if I could just pull an A-Team maneuver and be truly knocked unconscious for flights. :slight_smile: But no, I’d really rather just get over the problem.

I will say that the idea of learning to fly has intrigued me from time to time, but the expense makes it impractical for me. I have, however, wondered if going for a ride up front in a small plane might be helpful to me. I’m not sure if my fears are based on the lack of control, but I certainly imagine being able to see out of the front and watch the pilot would be a different experience, if nothing else.

12

I haven’t flown a great deal, but the flight I’ve been making pretty much every year for the last fifteen is from one end of the country to the other, so it’s fairly long, and if I have to change planes I get to go through take-off and landing four times instead of two. Years ago, starting with my first plane ride when I was a wee lass of 6, I thought flying was the greatest. Then, about ten years ago I developed first an uneasy feeling and then an outright dread. I’m not really sure why. I may have had a bumpier than usual flight at some point, but in the past I had enjoyed the bumps. It was like a rollercoaster to me. Anyway, whatever the reason, I suddenly was terrified to fly.

The way I overcame it was to stay focused on the flight attendants. Whenever the plane would lurch or make a weird sound I would watch them and notice how their expressions never wavered. I realize this is probably part of their training, but at the time I was able to rationalize to myself that they go through this dozens of times a week and that bumps and whatnot are just a normal part of flying. It also helped to try to pick up on their calm demeanor as opposed to looking around at other passengers who might be tensing up. I’ve oversimplified it, but hopefully you get what I mean.

Oh, and if you see a little man on the wing DO NOT try and open the emergency exit :smiley:

13

You can certainly approach a local flight school and explain that you have some anxiety about flying and you think a flight where you can see what’s going on and have a pilot explain a bit about how all airplanes work might help you. Many flight schools offer a $50 “intro-ride” where you get a bit of ground school and on the flight actually get to manipulate the controls yourself. You can also, depending on where you go, get a taste of how air traffice control and pilots work together.

One risk, of course, is that you might get bit by the aviation bug and get hooked on your first flight. :smiley:

CFI’s at smaller fields are more likely to customize such a flight to your particular needs than at a larger, busier “flight academy”.

14

Asimovian, from what you’ve written I would say your fear stems from claustrophobia. I have this as and so does one of my uncles. It seems to get worse as we age. It’s may not be just the fear of being enclosed but also the fear of not being in charge. I took my uncle flying with me in a small plane and not only were we bounced around I was doing sharp turns (at his direction). He had no problem with it because he could see what was going on and I explained what would happen in the event of an engine failure (something I practice for a lot). His fears were removed because he could see and predict what would happen.

I’ve recently started having what I’d describe as anxiety attacks while sleeping. The feelings of claustrophobia are so strong that on occasion I’ve had to get dressed and stand outside for a couple of minutes. I believe it’s triggered by nasal congestion. I’ve gained enough weight to change how I breathe at night and a stuffed up nose becomes a real challenge. Breathing through my mouth involves a lot of rough/restrictive snoring. Fortunately I’ve learned to react to dreams and wake up. If my dreams become violent it means I’m about to get a migraine and if they become claustrophobic then it means I can’t breath through my nose. I wake up immediately when I recognize what’s going on. Despite a quick intervention of a claustrophobic event I’m still left with anxiety problems that require some attention. It’s not a rational feeling so logic cannot be applied to break the spell. It requires concentration on something interesting and upbeat. Thinking about something funny is a great stress reliever. I’ve even forced my self to laugh and usually I just laugh at the situation.

I haven’t had any problems with commercial flights (yet) but I never fly more than 4 hours a leg and I also knock down a couple of drinks to relax. I’ve even been known to take an OTC product that works toward the same goal. If I thought I was going to have an anxiety attack then I’d have my doctor prescribe something that is not addictive (as a precaution). If it really got bad I’d bump it up to a shrink. I found the idea that it was related to blood sugar quite interesting and would further note that I am more likely to get feelings of claustrophobia when I cut back on vitamins. Nutrition could easily be a factor in this.

Best of luck with it. You’re not alone.

15

I know that phobias are not rational. However, you have to believe how safe American jet airliners are.

Just a quick mental poll:

  1. When was the last fatal car accident you heard about?
  2. The last murder in your area?
  3. The last freak accident, kidnapping, rape etc.?
  4. Now when was the last U.S. jetliner crash?

You probably can’t think of one can you because it has been many years since it happened? Being on an airliner is about as safe as one can be.

American Airlines flight 587 crashed in Queens, NY right after 9/11 over 4 years ago and that was the last time it happened despite millions of U.S. airline flights a year since then

16

I forgot to mention in my post above that my son who is now 12, actually flew a plane when he was nine.

It was through a program at our (very small) local airport. It was a tiny plane, and he actually only got to take the controls for a few minutes, but he did it. He got a really nice certificate signed by Chuck Yeager, and his name listed on a website run by the program.

Now he is on the “make fun of mom’s irrational fear” bandwagon.

I guess I should not have posted that I would never fly. My soon to be husband has many dreams of us travelling someday and has pointed out that I will need to board a plane to do so. At this point I can’t envision it, but maybe I will overcome it someday.

17

(Great topic, by the way!)

Though strickened early in life with a terrible case of wanderlust, I have never been a comfortable flyer. My desire to see the world always outweighed my fear but there were sweaty palms and bad nerves each and every flight.

I carry charms and amulets, grit my teeth etc. My favorite stomping grounds for several years was SE Asia, that’s a lot of long flights for a nervous Nelly, not to mention the dodgy smaller carriers in India and South America. I have had the science of lift spelled out to me in detail, repeatedly, as I awaited boarding. But I could never get past that I was looking at something as large as a building. Somehow, “It MUST lift”, just never did it for me.

I wasn’t getting any braver from all these flights, it was only increasing my belief that I was using up my luck. I did resort, with success, to the miracle that is pharmacueticals from time to time. I came to be most close to comfortable on big planes, the kind of planes that leave Chicago and touch down inTokyo 15 hrs later. [Word to the wise; never, never, leave the tv set on the carrier’s channel, they switch to the camera mounted on the front of the plane - this is no view for the faint of heart, during take off.]

What actually cured me though, was most unexpected, we were taking a holiday in northern Ontario, into a friends very isolated woodland cabin on lake. To save our host a lengthy boat journey to fetch us we decided to fly in on a small pontoon plane. A Cesna 185 it was. I was some nervous as I knew it was the smallest plane I’d ever flown on.

It was real small, the interior was smaller than our car, I swear. It was old too, and piloted by a teenager. Lake to lake flight also requires no airport or tower, not very confidence inspiring. It was such a short flight I hadn’t taken any pills, but I was regretting it as soon as I saw how it was. Gulp

:eek:

But there was no turning back and the only way through was through so me and my sweaty palms climbed aboard. Of course it really is God’s country and the view was spectacular in the extreme. Old growth forest, a beautiful clear day, rocks and lakes like glass, it was truly amazing.

But the most startling part, for me, was I could sort of feel, in my bones, the dynamics of flight. I sat up front beside the teenage pilot, we taxied a long way into the lake before taking off, and the tiny plane seemed to struggle to gain speed, the dashboard was shuddering and everything sort of creaked a bit. But, I swear you could so much feel the wind against the wings. You really could feel the lift in a way you just cannot in a mega plane.

As for landings, there is nothing gentler than when the pontoons touch the water, it’s like landing on whipped cream. There is effectively none of the noise, shudder or impact you feel when you land on a runway, very cool indeed.

When it was time to leave this Eden like woodland cabin, I reboarded that little Cesna without sweaty palms or the slightest agitation. I think I finally internalized that it, indeed, MUST lift.

It’s not expensive, our flights, in and out, for two people, was something like $150 (Can.) pretty reasonable I thought at the time. Now I think it was worth twice that, and I should have done it long ago.

I’m sure I haven’t explained it well, but I’m leading up to: think about giving such a thing a try. It’s a real eye opener and it cured me, the great view is just gravy.

Good luck to you!

18

in theory, flying is easy, simply throw yourself at the ground and miss

okay, lets go then, up, on the desk, arms out, start flapping, and jump…

pathetic, totally pathetic, try again :wink:

(someone had to do it :wink: )

19

I don’t know if this will help, but I feel like sharing so here goes.
I went up with my dad one day for a flying lesson. We’d been doing this for a while and it was just another day. I noticed pretty early that we were climbing a LOT longer than we normally did before he turned over the contrls to me. When he asked, “Got it?” like he always did, I took the yoke, put pressure on the pedals and engaged my “flying” brain. “I got it.” Okay I’m in control. Flaps, rudder, throttle, ailerons(sp), air speed, compass, heading all that stuff. Check. Dad reaches up and to the left (where I can’t reach) and turns off the (only) engine. Okay, this is today’s lesson. Never did this before. Oh shit. Wait, people do this all the time. Airplanes GLIDE, too. Okay, okay, i got it. Keep the nose up. No thrust. Keep the nose up. Panic causes accidents. Keep the nose up. Keep 'er level. Watch the horizon. How’s the trim? Keep the nose up. No thrust, the stall warning!! Okay, we’re falling but we’re not FALLING!!! Keep it level. Keep the nose up. After about three years Dad says, “Okay, I got it” and takes back the controls. “I don’t want to ever see you do this, but this is what you’d do if you have to.” Dad lines up into the wind on the country road below. And lands. Deadstick on a narrow country road with telephone poles on both side. Around a corner from a small crop-duster’s airfield. I was eleven. The next year the family sold the plane and that was it for the flying lessons.

Twenty some odd years later, my brother calls from Dallas and has Pink Floyd tickets, but needs someone to drive him back (about four hours) so he’ll be able to go to work tomorrow. I can fly for $50, see Pink Floyd and drive him back. He gets some sleep and I don’t work until tomorrow night. I have been up in small planes a few times, but never in a commercial airliner. I’m a little nervous. I can’t even see the controls, much less take over if something happens. (Like I would remember enough.) The jet starts down the runway. This is a lot more acceleration than that Cessna 180 had. The wheels leave the ground and we sideslip just a hair. Pilot has it, before it even registers to me. And it all comes back. Flaps, rudder, gear up, throttle, heading… How does it go? I’ve “slipped the bonds of gravity and thrown myself in to the sky” or something like that.

Yeah, I think familiarity could help a lot with a “fear of flying.” A true full-blown PHOBIA should probably be dealt with by professionals, though.

20

For those of you who continue to share my disease, Jakeline found a very interesting website. The writing is kind of silly and grandfathery, but the explanations are sound and the videos of flight are interesting and (I think) helpful. This will take you a little while to read thoroughly, especially if you watch all the videos (which I didn’t). I mainly focused on the sections that applied to my specific fears, most of which revolve around turbulence.

At any rate, now that I’ve talked up the site, here you go:
Fear of Flying Help

Thanks again for all of the input. I didn’t realize how many others do or had suffered in the same way.