I don’t want anyone to add to my anxiety please. I’m looking for input from Dopers who have overcome their fear of flying, and how, not terrible tales that will jack up my fears. Thanks in advance.
I have to fly across country in about 10 days. I really dislike flying, but since 9/11 I’m even worse.
My biggest problem is that I’m imagining the worst. I’m writing a birthday note to my sister and feeling like it will be cherished by her, since it will be my last communication to her. I’m conjuring up all these scenarios of how it will be after my hunny and I die in some flight-related disaster…terrorists, ice in NY, missing bolts on the plane wings due to post 9/11 cutbacks…what the fuck ever.
So… has anyone else thought these same ways and repeatedly found themselves safe and sound? Got a key for getting over it? Tell me I’m not alone, and these visions are common amongst people with a fear of flying and we will of course be fine, because even now, perhaps especially now, flying is the safest form of travel there is.
Did the driver do a thorough pre-trip check before turning the key?
Has he or she had thousands of hours of rigorous training and practice just to be able to take paying passengers?
Lots of time in a simulator pulling into your bus stop in all sorts of conditions?
Will other motor vehicles be kept thousands of feet away by trained controllers?
How is the security when you get on board?
How many engines does the bus have?
Is there a co-driver or auto-pilot?
Really, planes do crash on occasion, but the stats speak for themselves. You’ll be fine. Think of it this way: if you’re worried about one flight, what about the flight crew and cabin crew who will be with you? They’re there for an entire career. They wouldn’t be in the job if it was overly dangerous.
I don’t know how to take away a fear of flying, but think of it as a theme park ride, or a scary movie (a little nervy - but fun as well).
I am scared of flying, to the point where I almost go into anxiety attacks every time I have to fly (I live in NY, family is in TX). I’ve always made it home okay, though, and that even counts flying on those tiny puddle jumper planes. I just remind myself that these people are well trained and that thousands of planes fly every day and there is rarely an accident. Land travel is a lot more dangerous.
I saw something on TV once about a class to help people get over their fear of flying. Mostly the taught them things about how the plane works, and apparently it really helped. Maybe it would be helpful for you to find out that lots of things can go wrong and you’ll still be OK. What scenario freaks you out the most?
Well, I like flying but here are some suggestions.
#1. Know what causes the sound the plane is making. During lift off and landing there is going to be noise, the landing gear going up or down and the flaps being deployed. The noise freaks alot of people out. If you understand what is happening it may help.
#2. Breathe deeply and find something to read. Take your mind off the plane and into something else.
#3. This isn’t really a suggestion, more of a thought. My Dad had a job where he would fly from Albuquerque NM, to D.C. and back roughly 35 times a year. He did that for about 15 years and he never encountered an emergency situation. It took him about 8 years to use up all the frequent flier miles.
I’ll echo what sleestak said. Understanding the noises is important. I fly more than the average guy, and I get surprised every now and then at how loud the thump of the gear lowering is. Especially when you’re sitting right over them.
Try to keep one thing in mind about noises, though: If you hear a weird noise which starts to scare you, ask yourself if the plane is still flying and if the pilots still have control of the aircraft. If the answer is yes to both (and it will be), then hopefully this’ll make you feel better.
And definitely get something to distract you. I’m always comforted at how all the passengers happily go about their lives after they board the plane. People talk to each other, read, listen to music, work… it’s very comforting to see and hear all this.
The pilots aren’t any more interested in checking out than you are (I’m assuming this isn’t EgyptAir), and they’ll try really hard to prevent it. And many of them have flown under combat conditions so commercial flight is kid stuff for them. Ever watch those “hurricane hunter” flights on Discovery? The planes routinely bounce 35 feet up and down, through much of the flight – and the airframe holds up just fine.
My wife has been a flight attendant for over four years now. Do you think that I could let her go if I thought there was anything to worry about? Actually, there is something that worries me. The drives back and forth to Memphis. :eek:
I dunno, I watch a lot of TV and it’s always the person you least expect who you really should be worried about. If I were you, I wouldn’t let this individual pack your suitcase. Or prepare food for you, for that matter. And don’t trust cats for a second…
If anyone makes you more anxious let me know, honey - I’ll be over right away to slap them silly, OK? It’s very much a pet peeve of mine, people making other people afraid of flying.
You see, I’ve been there. I used to be so afraid of getting on an airplane I’d actually throw up a time or two before boarding. How’s that for fear?
I got over it by a rather extreme method - I learned to fly, and now I’m a pilot myself. I don’t recommend this for everyone, but it worked for me.
As others have mentioned, there are “fear of flying” classes that educate you as to how the airplanes work, what’s the normal noises and such, and what to expect. They almost always work to reduce anxiety.
Let me say that is normal to be anxious or fearful in certain circumstances. You know from experience that going up high and falling down hurts. You’ve heard about Terrible Things from the news. Now you’re getting into this machine you don’t really understand and you have no control over. Yes, a littleanxiety is perfectly natural. But when you learn how they stay up in the air, all the safety precautions taken, and what to expect… then the anxiety goes away. Your subconcious has a checklist, so to speak, and goes “yes, that’s normal… yes, that’s expected…” and never sets off the alarm bells.
Those classes also usually teach you how to calm yourself down, which helps a lot, too.
Let me do some reassuring about the airplanes, OK?
First of all, those things are overbuilt. There’s LOTS of redundancy. You can lose a bolt or rivet and it will not affect the strength and structural integrity of the airplane. Anywhere one bolt is required they’ve added three more, OK?
Airliners use a minimum of triple redundancy - there’s not one hydraulic system operating the wings and tail and landing gear, there are three independent systems. If one fails (exceedingly rare) you still have two more, either one of which is capable of doing all the required work. Every essential system on that airplane is duplicated at least three times.
That goes for the instruments, too - more than one of everything, just in case.
There more than one emergency exit.
There’s more than one flight attendent to to assist you in an emergency, or just to comfort you and tell you everything is going fine, it’s a perfectly normal flight.
There’s more than one pilot. Ever notice that? You really only need one pilot to fly one of those planes, but you always have at least two (sometimes, on trans-oceanic flights, you have two entire cockpit crews). Now, those guys get an extensive physical every six months, they’re healthy people, but just in case one of 'em had a bad burrito the night before, you’ve got two. And, by the way - the two pilots are NOT allowed to eat the same food. If one gets the chicken dinner, the other has to have something else. All this elaborate care is taken to avoid the already small chance of one of those two guys getting a bad tummy.
This sort of caution is carried throughout airline flying. Everything is checked, re-checked, backed-up, redundant, and checked again.
And THAT’S why flying is the safest form of transportation today.
If you get on that airplane and you are nervous, tell the flight attendents you’re a little nervous. I know from experience they can be very reassuring (although they’re so busy these days it’s a wonder they find time for hand-holding, but they do), and they do want folks to be at ease.
As I’ve said, I feel some level of concern is perfectly normal and OK. Yes, your imaginings are quite common. And understandable. Most folks only hear about airplanes when Something Bad Happens. They don’t understand how they work. Of course this leads to Bad Imaginings. There’s nothing wrong with you, OK?
BILLIONS of people fly every year. All but the tiniest fraction arrive entirely safe and sound. Prior to 9/11, there was an 18 month period where NO scheduled airline accidents happened - anywhere. No other form of transportation can make such a claim.
You really are safe on an airline than in your car. And you probably drive every day, right?
Also, a few more tips:
Although the ride tends to be smoother in a seat near the wings, that’s also where you’ll get the most bumps and thuds during take off and landings. If strange noises bother you a lot, try to sit up front or in back. If you do find yourself over the wing, just be aware you will be hearing thuds during take off and even more so during landing. This is actually a good sign, OK? It means stuff is working.
Seats near engines means you get lots of noise. Now, some people (like my husband) find this reassuring - they like to hear that the engines are running with a nice steady roar. Other people don’t like the noise.
Take a book with you, or a small handheld video game (which must be turned off during take-off and landing) or some music (also must be off during those parts of the flight) to listen to, to distract you and pass the time.
Really. Go to your Primary Care Physician, explain what’s going on, and specifically request sedatives for the flight. I’ve always had a fear of flying, and the last two years have actually had to fly frequently on business. My doc prescribed Diazepam, which she characterized as a “mild sedative”. The pharmacist filling the prescription called it “good medicine” if used for it’s intended purpose. I can speak to both - mild and helpful. It didn’t induce some 70’s style sloppy drug-coma, or anything silly like that. After a few (safe and successful) flights on the wings of Valium, my fear retreated and I can now fly without any chemical enhancements. Go figure.
one of your statements is factually incorrect. Stoid -
I have a fear of heights (except when flying) - how’s that for weird?
I guess it’s because I know how planes work, how the air traffic control system works, etc.
If you are still anxious, take a valium (or equivalent) when you get to the airport, and don’t start worrying until everyone else on the plane does - the odds that you are the only one aboard who recognizes a danger is pretty slim.
and aside from the factual error, Broomstick’s presentation was excellent.
p.s. - the sounds you will hear (other than engine thrust - you expect that, right?):
Landing gear - these are massive assemblies, and are lowered by electro-hydraulic systems - a motor driving a pump, which activates a cylinder (think really big shock absorber, if you are not familiar with hydraulic cylinders).
Flaps - the trailing edge of the wing extends during take-off and landing (they improves lift/increases low speed stability, respectively).
They are also operated by loud motors.
Thrust Reversers - the engines’ thrust is diverted backward after landing to reduce groundspeed.
those are the biggies.
minor sounds:
galley elevators
Ground/Auxillary power unit
cabin heat/ventilation equipment
couple 100 others, none of which are worth worrying about.
Well, heck, that wouldn’t surprise me - I was going more for reassurance than exactitude, and I don’t pretend to be an authority on jet planes of any size.
Actually, not uncommon. I think it’s true of about 1/3 of all pilots.
I have a fear of flying, so your OP sounded so familiar to me. These are some things that I have done that seemed to help me, although phobias are such odd things, it’s hard to say what will help someone else.
– Actually, I avoid alcohol on flights. A lot of people say “oh, just have a drink” and I like alcohol and enjoy it on many occasions. However, on a plane, I like to leave the medicating to the professionals, and get a prescription if necessary (in my world, any flight over an hour).
– I tell the FA up front that I’m a nervous flyer, in a polite, cheerful way. Especially if the flight isn’t very crowded, most FAs will try to check in with you more frequently during the flight. Even if you don’t find this reassuring, I find it’s at least distracting.
– Take off your watch so you’re not looking at it every minute, wondering why the heck time has slowed to a standstill while you’re trapped in an airplane.
– Carefully select what you will bring on the plane. I find it almost impossible to muster the concentration to read, so I skip the books. I like crosswords, because they require only short bursts of concentration, or things that I do with my hands, like crochet. The video games supplied on some flights are pretty good for mindless time-wasting as well.
– I’m not sure whether you will consider this a terrible tale or not (obviously, I hope not!), but sometimes I flat out indulge my phobia. I’ve written long letters on planes to loved ones to be read in the event of my sudden, airborn, demise. Naturally, they will be filled with sorrow after I’m splattered all over Illinois, so I try to make the letters upbeat and interesting, filled with all sorts of great memories of times we’ve spent together, and all the things I’ve always admired about them as people. My love of melodrama is almost as great as my anxiety about flying, so I have sometimes found myself so caught up in the letter-writing that I start to enjoy myself, and include tidbits like instructions for my epitaph to read “I TOLD YOU SO”. Other passengers must wonder, at this point, why I’m smirking like a fiend. I put the letters in Zip-loc baggies, in the event of a water landing. Then, after the flight is safely landed, I still give the letters to their recipients, because after all, isn’t it better to tell people these things while everyone is still alive?
I realize that whole thing is completely looney, but hey, it works for me. For me, my fear of flying is almost entirely about control issues – I feel out of a control on a plane in a way that I don’t in a car (because I’m driving), or in a bus (because if I thought the driver or bus seemed unsafe, I could freakin’ GET OFF THE BUS, an option unavailable on a plane). Preparing my little supply of stationery and baggies is a way for me feel more in control of at least one aspect of a flight. Also, and this is hard to explain, it abates somewhat the (irrational) frustration of people telling me I shouldn’t be afraid to fly, which is sort of like telling me not to breathe. I realize it’s a phobia, but it’s MY phobia darn it, so don’t go messing with it.
I’m kind of a nervous flier myself, and one of the things I do to feel better is that any time I hear a noise or something happens that makes me nervous, I look around for the flight attendants. If they’re still calmly doing their jobs, I figure it’s nothing to worry about–they’re going to know a scary sound a lot better than I will.
Another thing I find comforting is a web site where you can fill in your plane type and route and it will give you the chances of an incident based on previous statistical data. Unfortunately after searching around I can’t find it right now, but maybe somebody else knows where it is. It was very comforting to see that even on some airlines I’d be too scared to fly, the odds of an incident (and “incidents” are by no means always fatal) were a few in a million.
airsafe.com has some good info, though that’s not the one I’m thinking of.
Broomstick, I have shared your phobia. (Since you admit that it is the safest way to travel, you anxiety indicates a phobia. Phobias are irrational and can be treated.
I wouldn’t normally recommend this, but it has worked for me at other times. I would ask my doctor to prescribe something even more powerful than vallium (which acts as a depressant). If you want something just to take the edge off of your anxiety, sure – take a sedative like xanax. If you want to actually enjoy the flight, ask your physician for something along the lines of a pain killers such as vicodin. Get only enough to KEEP you medicated for the flight there and back.
There is no point in your having to suffer the way that you do.
You obviously never finished reading that post – I’m a pilot, now. The FAA would be Very Unhappy if I was full of valium or xanax or vicodin anything of that nature while at the controls.
I actually do enjoy the flight now.
I took care of the problem by confronting it. As I previously stated, it’s not something I’d recommend in most cases, but it most certainly did work for me.
And, by the way - the fear (let’s be real - it was terror) was the aftermath of a Very Bad Thing that happened during a flight, which I will not mention here because this thread is to reassure someone who already has anxiety. (If you want details, e-mail me and I’ll tell you) So, in that sense, it wasn’t entirely irrational, more the aftermath of a trauma. It’s perfectly natural to suffer anxiety about something that scared the living crap out of you at one point. The real question is whether you will let the fear dictate your actions and dominate your life, or if you will take control.
My past Bad Experience might be one reason I am now very very conscientious about making sure my passengers suffer no unnecessary anxiety and have a good time, no matter how nervous they are before take off. Then again, in a small plane I’m able to give them some control - like being able to say they’ve had enough, or they prefer not to fly over a lake, or what have you - that you’d never get on a commercial flight. And I can inform them of what’s happening - “I’m going to reduce power”, “I’m going to turn left” - before it happens, so the surprise factor is considerably reduced. I can explain what all those intimidating gauges are for, so they can see for themselves we have lots of fuel left, or that the engine is running in a steady manner. It’s a completely different experience than commercial flying.