Spare me the legal crap. She doesn’t want your money, or your parental father-figure-time.
Would you?
We’re not taliking sperm-bank where you may never know anything.
Sire a child? Yay or nay?
It seems he’s not fathering children though. Just claiming them.
Steve Martin bit:
SM: I do a lot of work with unwed mothers.
Audience: [groaning]
SM: Aw, come on! Just helping them get their start!
I really have no idea, and I’ve pondered the (hypothetical) question before. Are we talking about a friend or a stranger? Am I involved in a relationship when I’m asked? For some reason, I think I would find the idea less weird if someone asked me after I already had a child of my own.
Hm. Okay, let me get this straight. This is a non-real-world situation where there will be no financial, moral, or other claims on the father. The man is acting as a sperm donor, only delivering the sperm in the natural way instead of through an intermediate medium. Right?
Sure, why not? As long as I’m not in a committed relationship at the time.
How does being in a committed relationship change things for you?
I’ve been asked to (more than once actually) and just couldn’t do it. Financially and emotionally I’m not responsible or mature enough for fatherhood, and though assured I’d only have to have as much of a relationship with the kid as I chose (it would be raised by a lesbian couple) I would not want to be a father if I was not going to be a dad as well (I don’t want to be “Uncle Bio-Pa”). Besides, my genes are a crap shoot- my family has produced everything from prodigies and Christlike people (if only fashion-wise) and centenarians and crackpots and sociopaths and diabetics and schizoaffectives and sometimes some flat out dangerous combinations thereof= for every centenarian Christlike person you’ll have two prodigious diabetic sociopaths or whatever (and all of them blonde).
PS- When I say above that I’m not mature enough for fatherhood it’s something of an indictment. I’ve known several guys (and even more women) my age who had grandchildren.
The sacred lowe o’ weel-plac’d love,
Luxuriantly indulge it;
But never tempt th’ illicit rove,
Tho’ naething should divulge it:
I waive the quantum o’ the sin,
The hazard of concealing;
But, Och! it hardens a’ within,
And petrifies the feeling!
Resounding hell no.
Main reason: what’s in it for me?
You said no anonymous sperm bank deal, but didn’t make it clear if that meant doing it natural or donating to someone you knew. Even if I did get a little booty - and don’t get me wrong, sex is great - but it’s not great enough to warrant having a child I’d never get to raise. Case closed.
I would love to father a child, but definitely would NOT want to do the “natural” way… As a Gay man, it ain’t so natural to me…
But, at 45, I’m over the hill for most of the lesbians I know… My biological time clock is ticking… who woulda guessed?
If you say ‘father’ a child, then I immediately feel responsible for that child’s future.
What is the woman who raises my child going to say about me to the child?
‘You don’t have a father?’
‘Your father wants nothing to do with you?’
‘Your father agreed as soon as he knew he didn’t have to pay money to you?’
I hate messing up children.
I’ve been asked to do that twice: once (100% seriously) by my ex-wife, and once (probably 75% jokingly, 25% seriously) by an ex-girlfriend.
I said no on both occasions, but I did spend a few moments at least considering the latter offer. It wouldn’t have been her first child, and she’s financially very well-off with several family members who are close to her both geographically and emotionally, and I get on well with all of them.
No.
I am Gay and was once asked by a Lesbian friend when I was in my 20’s.
I thought about it.
If I were going to be a part of the child’s life, probably yes.
But that wasn’t the deal.
They wanted the sperm, and that was it. They would take it from there. If I remember correctly, the idea was to have the birth certificate read “father unknown” (so I had no legal obligations) but they would tell the child who the father was when the child was old enough to understand and ask.
But the thought that I had a kid out there, even though it had loving (Lesbian) parents who I am 100% sure would have done a good job, well - I would have a problem thinking I was not a part of that child’s life on a regular basis. They didn’t want that.
I guess even at my young age back then, I was “old school”. If you are a parent, you have obligations and that means being there on a regular basis from day one.
My father was one of the most awkward men imaginable around small children. He’d never been around them until he had them. I think he changed diapers once or twice for my sister (the oldest) but made such a mess that the women asked him to stop (and it wasn’t the way men usually make intentional messes when they don’t want to do housework but I think legitimate). One of my earliest memories of him is of him playing some pre-literacy-necessary Road Runner/Coyote board game (kind of like Candyland) that I’d gotten as a present and that my mother essentially ordered him to play with me, so he’d puff a cigar and drink his Coke & whiskey while reading his history book while “waiting” for his turn, which I’d have to tap him for- “Daddy, move your Road Runner! No, don’t just move it you gotta spin the arrow there first…”. “How about this… you’ll be my regent in the matter. I delegate you to spin the arrow yourself and follow the rules of the game on my behalf.” I agreed (knowing good and well what he’d just done) and after a few more turns he said “I’m gonna go fix me another drink, you go on with the game. You can play my Ridge Runner thing…” and of course he was gone, having put up with it as long as he could.
He always said “I’ll be a better and more actively involved father when they’re of communicative stature and can appreciate me and respond to my guidance, which will liberate my wife who has tended to their lower needs.” Unfortunately he died about the time I was getting to be of communicative stature, but the “of communicative stature” line gets quoted in my family constantly. My mother always uses it negatively in referring to the man (“always had excuses for not showing emotion or doing anything he didn’t want to do… ‘of communicative stature’… the old fart”) but to be honest I actually don’t fault him for it at all and know exactly what he meant because I’m exactly the same way. Small children make me nervous. Their proportions are wrong (they raise their arms and it barely clears their heads!) and they can’t talk about anything and everything’s new to them (“Of course the Clampetts arent’ going to shoot the Drysdales! You act like you’ve never seen BEVERLY HILLBILLIES be… oh my God, you haven’t!”) and I’d be absolutely terrified I’d have the only non Special-Needs child on the block who never learned to talk (and it’s because I won’t talk to him), etc…
At the same point, a few years ago I actually did start having the occasional paternal-ish feelings for a couple of teenagers I met. Both were from terribly unhappy disfunctional families (one male, one female), both ended up coming to see me constantly in my office with personal matters, etc… The guy ended up staying in my apartment for about a month (totally platonic, though he was gay- I had no interest in him at all in that way and that’s actually sincere) when his family situation became unbearable (drug addicted mother, a stepfather his age, etc.- he was a college student but lived at home since his mother lived 10 miles away) and no student housing would be available for a month. I actually found myself yelling one time when he was going out “If you’re gonna be out late CALL AND LET ME KNOW! I WORRY!” and immediately thought “OH MY GOD! I DID NOT SAY THAT! I DID NOT!” Both he and the girl (they were friends who sort of clung to each other) used to do such mundane things as go grocery shopping with me, I saw a hair ribbon one day and bought it because I thought “Oh, A___ would look great in that” and stuff like this and it hit me “Mother of Jerry Springer, I’m nesting!” It was disturbing.
But then, they were of communicative stature. I still keep some contact with them, but it was just very bizarre. Later I saw an interview with provocateur author and bitter queen extraordinaire Gore Vidal in which he stated he’d never wanted kids, but did find himself at 40 wishing he had a college age son to impart some of his observations to. I understood what he meant (and it’s really not as sordid as it sounds), and of course I add the words “of communicative stature”.
Point: Babies freak me out.
Under the conditions described by the OP? Absolutely.
I have no desire for children of my own, and my wife and i have decided not to have any. If some friend or acquaintance wanted my sperm to have a baby, i’d be absolutely willing to give it.
If i were single, i’d probably even be happy to make the delivery in person, as it were. As a married man, however, it would have to be via the more clinical method.
The only caveat to the latter situation would be if my wife opposed the deal. I wouldn’t be interested in doing anything that might make her upset or uncomfortable.
Yes, but I’d want to provide the Father-Figure time.
Yes, I would do so, & be grateful.
I feel you, Sampiro. A good buddy of mine knocked this girl up. Now, she’s no ordinary girl. She’s a cute blond girl with big boobs. Big deal, you say. They grow on trees around here! Well, this particular one, by the age of 22, had committed check fraud an unknown number of times (think we’re around a half dozen), drag racing, implicated in grand theft auto, and small time tax evasion.
This is the definition of “winner”, in case Webster belongs to these boards.
Apparently, a condom was used and she was also on the pill, but we all think that she was using the baby to get her hooks into him. We suspect she went off the pill at a convenient time and talked my buddy into no condom use, which he won’t admit to. Anyways, he goes off to Arizona for some schooling. He gets there and gives her a call to see how she is and gets her dad on the phone. The father says that she is busy feeding his son.
This is how my buddy found out about the kid. And yes, if he knew he was a father, he’d never have left the state.
Fast forward to now, where the mother is STILL in jail for jumping parole and whatever the charge is now. My buddy has a pretty good support system. His mother is a nurse, his dad is a pediatrician, and then there’s me. I don’t do babies. I don’t find them particularly cute, and I can’t work with them. They can’t emote to me, and I can’t emote to them. I haven’t held the son of my best friend. My buddy’s mom and the baby’s momma thought it’d be funny if they tried to put me in a situation in which I HAD to hold the kid. So I placed the kid on the floor and walked away. (Note that if I HAD to, like if I we were in danger and I had to carry the kid, I’d be fine with it, but under normal circumstances, I just don’t baby.) Of course, when the kid gets older and can talk, I’ve got no problem at all spending time with it and helping it along the path of life. It’s just…babies.
And I know it’s apples and oranges, but in college, I was always the mom. I made sure everyone from our group and their friends always had a way to have fun and be safe and come home in one piece. It’s not like I’m devoid of nurture…it’s just…babies. (And they’re not even cute!)
dodging rotten fruit
Wonder if it’ll change if/when I have kids. Wife better be supportive…grumble grumble
Ha. To answer the question, though. No. Under no circumstance. Not in a BILLION years. Sperm is like an ATM card. Last thing I’d need is a person giving me a call 15 r 16 years after I do this favor and ask for financial help and then gets a court to agree with them. The baggage that a child can bring, even if you’re just a sperm donor, has the potential to be life-altering.
No way, no how, not ever, nuh-uh, nein, nope.