I came out to my parents yesterday. I’ve talked about my parents’ racism on the boards before, but they’re homophobic as well. This went about as well as could be expected:
This is a choice I’m making just to shame them
This is all the influence of those queers I run around with (my parents are unaware that correlation does not imply causation)
They should have whipped me more when I was younger
They should have never let me go to UT
They should have pulled me out of Austin when I graduated from college
I’m the victim of a seductive older woman (ooh, four years’ age difference)
I’m being used and am too stupid to realize it (apparently, my girlfriend loves me for…tacos, Chinese food, T-shirts and books, as that’s all I can afford to give her)
I’m weak
I’m stubborn (Not sure how I pulled off both at once)
This is the most horrible thing that has ever happened to my mom, replacing the affair my dad had
I’m welcome at home, but my girlfriend never will be
I’m sorry their reaction was so bad, but it sounds as if you were expecting it. Maybe, as time goes by and they have a chance to get used to the idea, they will be a little more accepting.
So how are you taking it? With a stiff upper lip, or is it killing you?
Sorry to hear you are having to go through this. At least it is maybe a big weight off your chest to have them know and now you can deal with dealing with them instead of hiding from them?
Best wishes on all this. I don’t envy you at all (well yes I do. You have a SO and I don’t )
I’m not giving up hope they might some day come around some day. This has been alternately devastating, frustrating and darkly amusing.
Tonight, they offered me a choice between moving home for sixth months to try and straighten out (pun possibly intended, who knows?), during which they would continue the slight financial support they still offer me, or losing all support, including the Jeep they bought me. I told them to come get it. They called back an hour later and said they would work out something to let me pay off the Jeep, so they could save a trip to Austin.
Hang in there, Fionn, I know how tough it is. I was outed to my Mom and it was very tough at first, but we manage to get along OK now. I don’t know how I will ever come out to my Dad, you have way more courage than me. My best friend is at this moment driving back to see her Mom and come out this weekend. I’m thinking of her apprehension on the way there and praying she finds a peaceful, strong place within herself to come out from. Holding her in my heart… you too…
It sucks so bad to lose the support of parents, but you are not alone. You’ve found support networks, haven’t you? Help is available if you need it. You’ve got a good place to find support right here. Often when a loved one comes out, people get so shocked they don’t know what to say and blurt out something offensive. I’ve noticed this again and again. You did right by sticking up for yourself and not letting them blackmail you. You rock.
Sorry for the problems, Fionn. But you seem to be taking it fairly well.
Remember that this will take them some time to adjust to. After all, how long did it take you to accept this? Age 13 to …? Figure they need at least that much or longer.
One suggestion: don’t drop out from your family. Continue to communicate with your brothers & sisters, show up at your nieces & nephews school plays, send them birthday cards, etc. And at family events, don’t let your sexuality become the main topic of conversation – say “we’re here for little Bobbie’s party – we can discuss that some other time”. Many families will be fine with this. even actively participate (like if we never mention it again, it isn’t real – maybe she’ll grow out of this ‘phase’).
Sometimes they will try to throw you out of the family. If so, make them be the ones to do that. You be the gracious ones; continue to send Xmas cards, etc. If they try to force the rest of the family to shun you (“Mom says they won’t come to Bobbies party if you are invited”), be the reasonable one (“well, we really want to see him, but we don’t want Bobbies party to be spoiled”). Hopefully your other relatives won’t stand for Mom’s threats for very long. You may have to be forceful about this eventually. But if you come off as reasonable compared to Mom’s demands, it will help.
You’ll probably eventually have to deal with them playing games about this. Your parents will ask “how your friend’s new job?” (never using the word ‘girlfriend’). So you answer “My girlfriend really likes her new job”. Try to keep a sense of humor about this, and don’t turn it into a big confrontation. After all, just mentioning her is probably a big step for them.
Just hang in there, and do keep your sense of humor about this.
I’m sorry to hear you’re inthis situation. It’s a shame your parents can’t accept who you are. It’s also a shame they intend to cut you off because they disagree with your life choices.
OTOH, Based on your statements about your parents in this and other threads, I am kind of inclined to say that maybe you’re better off. But then I think about how I would feel to be rejected by my parents and think “God I’m an asshole sometimes.” :smack:
It makes fabulous toast.
But thankfully, in this day and age, you have a wide range of support from groups and friends. Be glad you didn’t live back in the 1700’s. And we are all here for you.
Congrats on coming out. Sorry your family is being a passle of douchebags. At least they haven’t cut off all communication (since you’re still welcome) and perhaps given some time they’ll wise up.
I’m very sorry that your family have reacted so badly.
I’m straight, while my best friend eventually turned out to be gay, but it didn’t change who he was. (The conversation went something like: “You do know I’m gay, don’t you?” “Oh - no, I hadn’t realised. Do you want to go to the cinema tomorrow?”)
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