I had 1 or 2 iffy reasons to think he wanted me to, but 1 or 2 not-as-iffy reasons to think he didn’t want me to, and when the time came I went and kissed him before I even realized what I was doing.
And he didn’t kiss me back.
And when I apologized, he asked me if I was ok to drive home. :smack:
So now I might have screwed up a perfectly decent friendship, all because I’m a stupid fucking moron who can’t control her stupid fucking impulses.
I’m having so much empathy right now for you. That’s such an awkward situation. I hope you and your friend work through it quickly and painlessly, and can look back on it and laugh with no weirdness about it.
Ouch. I can relate to how awkward you feel since I did indeed lose a friend over revealing my feelings. But even though it messed things up, I don’t regret telling him. I had to try. And so did you. If you had never tried, you would have always wondered and might have someday kicked yourself for never taking the chance. If he is mature and a true friend, he’ll take it as a compliment instead of acting weird about it.
Nothing moronic about it – you had the guts to take a shot. I’m sorry it didn’t work out this time, but I hope this won’t dissuade you from taking chances in the future.
FTR, I wouldn’t be married to my wife today if she stolen a kiss from me back when we were “just friends”.
Thanks, everyone. I posted less than an hour after it happened, and was feeling very embarrassed and worried that I’d changed the dynamic of our friendship too much.
It wasn’t really brave or gutsy, it was a complete impulse (and a selfish one, at that) at the end of an otherwise great night. He walked me to my car, we hugged, I kissed his cheek, he kissed my cheek, and next thing I know cheeks aren’t involved anymore and I’m not being kissed back. (First time that’s happened, btw … I’m not bragging, it’s just that I’m not usually so impulsive and I typically only kiss men if I’m way more sure that they wouldn’t mind. Not being kissed back is a very weird feeling!) Then I apologized – twice – and got in my car and left.
I don’t even have “feelings” for him: I like him a lot, and we get along very well, but I think the most I’d want right now is a friends-with-benefits kind of thing. It’s definitely not unrequited love or anything – unrequited lust, at most.
He’s supposed to come to my house Wednesday evening for poker, so sometime this weekend I’ll send him a quick e-mail apologizing again and saying that the last thing I want is for him to feel uncomfortable around me, and then I’ll see if he shows up for the game. He’s moving out of state in 2 weeks, and worst case I won’t see him again before he leaves … which would suck, but would be my own fault.
The last time something like that happened for me, I managed to stop myself at the last minute (or he stopped himself; I’ve never been sure). Which was a good thing. He was drunk, I was drunker, and we work together. So all kinds of bad!
Indeed. Knowing is always better, even if the answer is no. It’s easy to get over somebody who’s not into me, personally. I mean, they’re obviously not bright.
I’ve learned quite a few lessons the hard way over the years, Misnomer, and here’s one of them:
It is better to find out the answer to an important life question and have that answer be disappointing than never to have found out in the first place. Two of the worst words you could choose as a mantra in life are “What if”.
Or, basically what everyone else is telling you. You did the right thing.
He replied to my e-mail today: He accepts my apology, and, while he admits that I made him a little uncomfortable, he says no real damage was done. He’s still up for poker on Wednesday, and even possibly hanging out again this Friday evening (we’ve been going to a free outdoor concert series for the past couple of weeks).
He told me not to worry or beat myself up about it, but I still feel like a moron.
I hadn’t kissed anyone in over a year, and it’s just classic that the next guy I picked was one who didn’t want me to kiss him… :smack:
Is that all? I once told a woman, towards the end of a date, that I’d really like to make love to her. She laughed and said “Well, you’re not going to!”.
nineteen years, five months and twenty-three days ago.
So no, this is one of these Crocodile Dundee moments when I say “That’s not embarrassment, this is embarrassment”, and good on you for trying.
If he’s moving away in two weeks, he probably doesn’t want to start anything.
Ya still done good.
Now HE’LL be the one saying “What if…?” down the road, and if he ever brings it up a long time from now after you’ve happily moved on, you can rub his face in it.
