I was out with my girlfriend at a dance party in her town. We live about 60 miles away from each other and only see one another every weekend. We have had an on again off again relationship for about a year now and have only been back together for about two weeks after a two month break. We were getting along great and she really wanted me to go to this dance and I was looking forward to it as well.
Other than her very close friends I haven’t met a lot of her other friends so it was surprise to see how many people she knows and, kisses and hugs. My girlfriend is very touchy feely with me so I’m not sure why I was surprised to see how touchy feely she was with, well every one of her friends, guys and girls.
Towards the end of the night a male friend of hers came by for a third time. The first time through I was introduced to him and his girlfriend. This time he was alone and my girlfriend wrapped her arms around his neck and planted a kiss on his lips. This was not a peck on the lips it was a kiss. I would say about 3 seconds.
I was in shock, embarrassed and felt like a fool. I was standing right next to them and he had his eyes open and he was looking at me. I then turned to see my GF’s girl friend looking at me, kinda wondering what was going on, as I was.
We argued about the kiss on the way home and she said it was just her way and I would have to decide if I could accept it or not.
I cannot, so I broke up with her. We text about it some more a couple days after, but she insists she did nothing wrong.
So in your humble opinion could you accept your girlfriend or boyfriend kissing people of the opposite sex in this manner?
I read your entire post, but really, this is as far as I needed to read.
I’d advise you to get away and stay away, but experience tells me you wont.
And on the off chance you DO listen: Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can still be friends, because you can’t. Sure, there are lots of couples who break up and manage to stay friends, but this particular relationship you’re in isn’t destined for that.
FTR: What your GF did was wrong. But that doesn’t matter, you being right is of no benefit towards mending your relationship.
Thank you for the reply. I’ll be the first to admit even at 50 years old I’m a hard learner. The main reason we have been on again, off again has been the distance and it has contributed to the fact that we don’t we don’t know each other that well. I discovered all I needed at this dance. I completely understand that relationships are more than having things “in common.” There has to be spiritual and moral understanding. After seeing this I understand that we don’t have that and she does not know, “boundaries.”
You did the right thing. Your girlfriend did something that made you very uncomfortable and instead of taking your feelings into account, she gave you an ultimatum. Not cool.
I don’t kiss anyone on the mouth except for my love. I know other families do it differently. (I was startled as a pre-teen when a friend’s mom kissed all her kids on the mouth and then kissed me on the mouth, too. But it was a peck and I knew she did it out of love.) I definitely think more than a quick peck on someone else’s lips is disrespectful to your significant other.
But as Robert163* says, it’s more bothersome that she doesn’t care it bothers you.
*What did you do with the other 162 Roberts? :dubious:
She doesn’t seem to be trying to be anything she isn’t. I assume she wants a different type relationship than you are comfortable with. Is she also 50ish? Do you have others lined up waiting for you to dump her?
Don’t we see a lot of this kind of thread? New username, relationship problem with a boyfriend/girlfriend (never a spouse), usually a longish-distance relationship?
It doesn’t really matter what any of us think. Some people may be understanding of that type of behavior from their GF, while some may not. You clearly laid it out to her that her behavior was outside of the boundaries that you were comfortable with. She didn’t agree and you have moved on. You did what was best for you.
You need to find someone that you are more compatible with.
Maybe you are making too much of it, maybe you aren’t. The situation wouldn’t work for me at all, so I might not be the best judge. However, when someone busts out “This is who I am, love it or leave it.” …you love it or leave it.
Either A) She feels that kissing other dudes on the mouth is vital to her being, or B) she’s uncompromising and not relationship material anyway. I’d lean toward B because come on.
