I’ve watched this twice recently on cable. Like the first time, when I saw it in the theater, I always want it to be good.
It never is.
But, unlike “Phantom” or “Clones,” it has enough seeds of goodness in it to fool the viewer into thinking, “Somehow, this time it might just be better.”
I like lightsabers. I like the Emp’s character and his performance. The idea of being seduced to the Dark Side has infinite potential for interest.
Leave it to Lucas to pump it, pinch it, and flush it.
Another strangely beguiling thing about this film is that there are plenty of scenes that ought to be good, but which in fact are not good. And what’s even stranger is that repeated watching, although they disappoint every time, still do not convince one that they were not good.
Jedi vs. Dooku (still a rotten name). Short and dissatisfying.
Jedi (including Windu) vs. Palpatine. No, just a bunch of closeups, can’t really see how they’re fighting (a common problem). Force lighting and blowing Mace away are cool, however. (BTW, Jackson has no Jedi gravitas; what a poor choice.)
Emp vs. Yoda. Just doesn’t do it, can’t say why.
Obi Wan vs. Grievous. Again, the closeups–how is Obi Wan actually defending against those four lightsabers? The world will never know. All the iguana-riding and chasing and whatnot–yawn. (BTW, the patently electronic “voice” of the giant lizard may be the single most annoying sound effect created for a motion picture.)
Annikin vs. Obi Wan. This is a pretty decent fight, actually. You get to see them fighting! Too bad there’s a bunch of CGI nonsense going on around them. The right way to do was this: They’re fighting near a volcano, and there are dangerous lava flows around them. That’s it.
I put “I have the high ground” in the dumbth category.
Speaking of which, Sith is rotten with dumbth. I mean just stupid shit that should not have been in there but is, although plenty of it is carried over from the first two movies. Battle droids that can’t fight, aren’t menacing at all. Destroyer droids, which, in contrast, the Jedi can’t fight at all (hint: Build more of those). Ray shields that capture Jedi quite easily (hint: compress the shields, etc., to kill them on the spot. While you’re at it, shoot James Bond).
If the most dangerous thing you can do with the Force is pick someone up and throw him across the room, then why not just fight like that, and not bother with the ol’ sabers? E.g., Dooku comes close to killing Obi Wan without touching him, and Obi Wan later knocks out a bunch of fairly butch ‘n’ scary bots by bringing an air conditioner down on their heads. I can understand, as in “Empire,” Vader’s picking up shit and throwing it at Luke as a distraction, etc., but this is different!
Why does Annikin suddenly see that Palp is a Sith Lord in the chambers scene, whereas he didn’t catch on after being regaled with the story of Darth Plagueis? It don’t compute.
Frankly, there’s a heck of a lot of dumbth in the whole “save Padme” thing. It’s not really interesting to have Palp justing lying about shit, and the whole dream thing was embarrassingly stupid. Much better would be really dark premonitions about her dying in childbirth, whatever (not fuzzy dreams with 70s disco colors, c’mon!), and then Darth actually uses the Dark Side to bring her back to life. But now she, when she comes back, has those orange eyes–she’s Dark Side herself! And Annikin can’t stand it, so he kills her himself, which act finally pushes him over fully to the Dark Side. C’mon, that would be some cool shit! Anything would be better than what actually happened.
Anyhow, one year later. I’m still crying. Do you think anyone will remake the series in the next 20 years or so so that we can see it for real?
