A rant about people who define themselves by their relationships

[aerodave]

This isn't so much a pit as an expression of pity...these people don't anger me, they make me shake my head in shame.

Drving in to work this morning, I saw a license plate. It read MOM2MEG. It triggered a reaction to something that's been eating at me for a long time. It seems that the world is full of people who are so devoid of a personal sense of identity that they must label themselves with their relation to other people. It's one thing to introduce yourself to another parent at your kid's softball game as "Becky's mom." But that's only appropriate because it makes use of a shared connection that just happens to be through your respective children. But to define yourself by your children out of that context is just sad.

This is, as far as I can tell, a universally female behavior. More specifically, it is most often associated with teenage girls referencing their boyfriends, and middle-aged moms invoking the names of their children. Message boards are full of screen names like brians_girl, Ben's mom and so forth. And Meg's aforementioned mother doesn't have the only such license plate I've ever seen. But I promise you that Brian isn't hanging out on his dirtbiking message board under the handle Sarah's Man. And Ben? Forget it...that's kid's Myspace is entitled MercilessKillah. Men, as a rule, don't seem to engage in this. I'm honestly not sure if this applies to gay men as well, but I'd be surprised to see a dude on a gay forum who styled himself Troy's Boy.

What the hell causes this phenomenon? What posesses someone to identify herself indirectly be referencing someone else? To me, it reeks of passivity, weakness, and subservience. I understand that parents should always put their children before themselves...but is it necessary to compromise your own identity to do that? Is that all there is to know about you? Oh, you're chad's mom! That'd be helpful if I knew, or cared, who Chad was. (But I bet he's a spoiled little brat whose got you wrapped around his finger.) That's like answering someone's inquiry about your hometown by telling them you grew just one town over from some other place they've never heard of. It's irritating to wrap up your identity in extra layers of pointless detail. jeff's grrl? Give me a break. Telling us your name is Erica might not be any more helpful, but at least it's direct and personal.

Do these soccer moms and teenage girls feel the need to be owned by someone? Do they consider themselves to be incomplete as a person without the definition provided by their man or their child? Labeling yourself with your relationship to someone else gives the impression that you lack any redeeming or interesting personal qualities, and that you may see yourself just that way.

If I saw my wife logged into her favorite IM program as Dave's Chick...I'd laugh my ass off and tell her to stop being lame. Luckily, I don't have to worry about that because she's got her own life and her own identity. I just couldn't respect her as much as I do if she didn't have that level of substance and independence. But some women prefer to base their identities around others. Fortunately, these women are the minority, and for the rest it's not just Kinder, Küche, Kirche.

I'm sure many here will say I'm reading way to much into it, and forming hasty opinions based on a short assemblage of letters. You may be right. But the point in picking a label to hang on yourself (be it screen name, license plate, or T-shirt) is to sum yourself up in just one line. And if all that's worth knowing about you is that you're "brians_girl"...then it makes me wonder why I'm not talking to Brian instead. He's probably way more interesting.

[ultrafilter]

For some people, children or an SO double as status symbols. Same fundamental behavior as has been seen hundreds of times before, just a different superficial behavior.

[Beware of Doug]

Originally Posted by aerodave

Men, as a rule, don't seem to engage in this.

I once signed onto a cable news discussion board as Lis Wiehl's Submissive Male Secretary.

[Anne Neville]

Originally Posted by aerodave

Drving in to work this morning, I saw a license plate. It read MOM2MEG. It triggered a reaction to something that's been eating at me for a long time. It seems that the world is full of people who are so devoid of a personal sense of identity that they must label themselves with their relation to other people. It's one thing to introduce yourself to another parent at your kid's softball game as "Becky's mom." But that's only appropriate because it makes use of a shared connection that just happens to be through your respective children. But to define yourself by your children out of that context is just sad.

I get the same feeling when I see those "Happiness is being so-and-so's mommy/grandma/whatever" license plate holders. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that way. I always hated it when someone referred to me as "Sue's girl" (Sue being the name I just made up for my mom), as if I had no personality or existence independent of my mother. I really can't understand someone wanting to be referred to in that way...

I can, however, understand not wanting to go by your real name on a message board (I certainly don't- now what I don't get is people who do go by their real names on message boards or myspace). I can also understand teenage girls being totally infatuated with their current boyfriend, and not being able to think of anything better to call themselves on the spur of the moment.

[Queen Bruin]

Off the top of my head I can think of posters here named kaylasdad99 and rysdad.

[RickJay]

Originally Posted by aerodave

[i]What the hell causes this phenomenon? What posesses someone to identify herself indirectly be referencing someone else? To me, it reeks of passivity, weakness, and subservience.

It's not like anyone's changing their legal name to "Meg's Mom."

If you're going to come up with a silly vanity plate of a screen name, why not devise one around what you think is the most important thing in your life? How is this any worse than "Steelersfan" or "VanHalenRox" or, say "Aerodave"? What the hell is an "Aerodave"? Do you like airplanes? Well, why are you identifying yourself in reference to a machine?

[DiosaBellissima]

Great rant- I agree 100%. I hate this as much as the license plate holders that say: "Finaly Score? Boys 3, Girls 2, Angels 5!". Oh, or the "Dad's payment, mom's prize!" or something equally stupid like, "I'm not spoiled, my husband just loves me!" (such a license plate holder is ALWAYS on some beater, too. You never see such a thing on a car that is worth bragging about). Bah.

Although I will say: I've seen men with similar things: "Joe((heart))Liz," etc. Yet, I always think, "Wow, homeboy must be pussy-whipped!" Then I make the little whip crack noise and giggle. Yup, that's pretty much how I entertain myself. What? I'm an only child.

I suppose it's odd that the same thing illicits a different reaction based on the sex, but when I see a woman with such stupidity on her car, I think: "Wow, what a raging, materialistic, stupid, frost bitch." (Which is, unironically, something I had an ex call me. It's a damn good insult).

[IvoryTowerDenizen]

Once in a blue moon I would listen to Dr. Laura just to get pissed off. It used to drive me batty how the women were expected to introduce themselves and say "I'm a mom", or such. It was supposed to be the best indentifier a women could have.


Really, I'm a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister etc etc etc but mostly, well, I'm me.

[Queen Bruin]

Originally Posted by DiosaBellissima

Great rant- I agree 100%. I hate this as much as the license plate holders that say: "Finaly Score? Boys 3, Girls 2, Angels 5!". Oh, or the "Dad's payment, mom's prize!" or something equally stupid like, "I'm not spoiled, my husband just loves me!" .

All of those pretty much give me instant road rage. The stupid, it burns!

[tomndebb]

You do know that license plates and internet usernames are simply tags picked (usually on the spur of the moment) without immense forethought. right? So, it is entirely possible that a name has been picked because some notable event is on one's mind rather than being an expression of total sublimation of one person to another?

[ultrafilter]

Originally Posted by IvoryTowerDenizen

Once in a blue moon I would listen to Dr. Laura just to get pissed off. It used to drive me batty how the women were expected to introduce themselves and say "I'm a mom", or such. It was supposed to be the best indentifier a women could have.


Really, I'm a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister etc etc etc but mostly, well, I'm me.

And yet, unless your username doesn't describe you, you've just introduced yourself to everyone who reads this thread as an academic. Doesn't that strike you as just the least bit similar?

[Ferret Herder]

Well, crap. Apparently I've defined myself by my pets.

Alternately, maybe I couldn't come up with a better option but detested my last screen name.

I think - or at least hope - a lot of those cutesy bumper stickers, T-shirts, license plate holders, etc. are bought by relatives of the recipient (or sometimes the referenced person themselves) and are merely displayed to avoid offending the person who gave it. However, I will assert that my choice of a T-shirt for my dad which read, "My daughter and my money go to the University of Wisconsin," was actually terribly amusing and certainly not an example of this phenomenon.

[susan]

So really my user name should be Eating While Reading (and Sometimes Scratching).

[kaylasdad99]

I'm sorry...



NOT

[Leviosaurus]

I knew a pathetic guy in high school who, in his senior year, started dating his first Real Girlfriend - a very cute freshman girl. She eventually became a cheerleader, which pleased him to no end. He had a picture of her in her cheeleader outfit put on a giant button which he wore everywhere. Next to it was another button with "I <heart> <GF's name>" in giant letters. It was the first thing about him you noticed, and he wanted it that way.

They dated through that summer, and that fall he showed up for his freshman year of college, still wearing those ridiculous buttons everywhere he went. She dumped him, of course, and he'd never even gotten past first base. Every time I saw him for the next two years, he'd start by telling me that she still refused tp get back together with him, followed by a long litany of what she was doing with her life now, the cool people she was dating and the fun things she was doing that didn't involve him. I always felt bad for that guy. I felt bad for his GF too - she didn't know she was dating her future stalker

[IvoryTowerDenizen]

Originally Posted by ultrafilter

And yet, unless your username doesn't describe you, you've just introduced yourself to everyone who reads this thread as an academic. Doesn't that strike you as just the least bit similar?

I never said I don't define myself, just not by my relationships to other people. I love my husband and would die for my kids, but they are not the singular defintion of my identity.

It's difficult for me to articulate. Being a college prof is so tied into who I am as a person, it was my only dream since I was in 2nd grade, and I feel I am a prof because of who I am- my personality, my traits, my interests, my values- that it really describes me as a person.

Since it can also describe my committment to my family (work flexibility, summers basically off etc) as well as my profession that is, for me, a more inclusive identifier.

[asterion]

Originally Posted by IvoryTowerDenizen

Once in a blue moon I would listen to Dr. Laura just to get pissed off. It used to drive me batty how the women were expected to introduce themselves and say "I'm a mom", or such. It was supposed to be the best indentifier a women could have.


Really, I'm a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister etc etc etc but mostly, well, I'm me.

Dang, now I wish someone would call in and start singing Meredith Brooks.

[saoirse]

Originally Posted by aerodave

But some women prefer to base their identities around others. Fortunately, these women are the minority, and for the rest it's not just Kinder, Küche, Kirche.

Wait a minute, what's this about küchen?

[kanicbird]

I don't see how it diminishes one's identity, on the contrary just adds to it. Humans have throughout history have presented themselves in terms of others i.e. Peterson came from son or Peter.

[aerodave]

Originally Posted by RickJay

Well, why are you identifying yourself in reference to a machine?

Haha...I knew that rebuttal would come up at some point. Listen, everyone identifies himself as something or other. My only point was that it's sad when the most defining part of your existence is your role as somebody's . I've chosen to label myself by referring to my chosen profession, as well as one of my major historical and technical interests. I think many people would agree it's not the same thing as calling myself "so-and-so's hubby". Again...everyone here has a label. You, as far as I can tell, seem to be identifying yourself with some sort of bird.

Originally Posted by tomndebb

You do know that license plates and internet usernames are simply tags picked (usually on the spur of the moment) without immense forethought. right?

Of course. But the ability to leave an impression is the same whether it took the user 3 seconds or 3 weeks to pick the name out.

Originally Posted by saoirse

Wait a minute, what's this about küchen?

No, not "küchie"...seriously, get your mind out of the gutter.

[Sarahfeena]

Originally Posted by IvoryTowerDenizen

I never said I don't define myself, just not by my relationships to other people. I love my husband and would die for my kids, but they are not the singular defintion of my identity.

It's difficult for me to articulate. Being a college prof is so tied into who I am as a person, it was my only dream since I was in 2nd grade, and I feel I am a prof because of who I am- my personality, my traits, my interests, my values- that it really describes me as a person.

Since it can also describe my committment to my family (work flexibility, summers basically off etc) as well as my profession that is, for me, a more inclusive identifier.

The words you use to describe how you feel about being a professor could very well be used to describe someone's feelings about being a mother. And...what is wrong with that, exactly?

[Slithy Tove]

I guess I'll agree, although I always thought Naked-Wire Surrogate Monkey Mother would make a good screen name.

Of course, the OP would have a big problem with Oslo phone book.

[IvoryTowerDenizen]

Originally Posted by Sarahfeena

The words you use to describe how you feel about being a professor could very well be used to describe someone's feelings about being a mother. And...what is wrong with that, exactly?

Writing about being a prof earlier was to explain that I do choose to define myself by something, something I worked hard for and that represents many different aspects of me. However, I've been thinking about that since I wrote it. For many people, it may be exactly the same feeling, no doubt.

The Dr. Laura example I was describing got to me because every women was expected to define herself by her reproductive status- kids?? How many??

As if bearing children somehow elevated that woman above what she had been prior to having kids. It's that attitude- that you are defined by the kids you have or the husband you married- that riles me up.


To put it another way, A woman who has children may feel the same way about it positively defining her. It was specifically the attitude expressed on Dr. Laura- that having kids is the definition of a woman- that got me.

[JohnT]

This is worrisome how?

Because defining yourself by your career on a license plate is so much better? Or your ideology? Or religion? Or possessions? Or hobby?

Because we are oblivious to the non-availabilty of a license plate that just says "Me"? Or "I"? Who has a two-character license plate?

And, contra-wise, who prefers to put their full names on the things? Who here has a license plate that's "firstname middlename lastname" Lord knows I've heard enough, early internet "advice", about having the sobriquet JohnT - "but somebody could track you down if they wanted!" Imagine if you put your first name, last initial on your license plate to assert "yourself", the unique you that makes you you - that would just work out great:

"Hey, JohnT! Pull over, asswipe, and let us through!"

Me, I prefer being XKJ169. Accept no substitutes.

But that's just me.

[ultrafilter]

Originally Posted by aerodave

I think many people would agree it's not the same thing as calling myself "so-and-so's hubby".

That's not obvious to me.

[mischievous]

If it makes you feel better, when my mother decided to get a vanity license plate (too damn many of the same model cars around - she kept losing hers) hers was "Maude". From Harold and Maude. Ever since then, people come up to her and address her as Maude - which is not her name.

mischievous

And, if you must know, my screenname is a translation of my real name into English.

[Cat Whisperer]

I define myself through my cats (the current Feather and the former Lou).

Interesting rant, though. I think license plates like that are all part of the Cult of the Child.

[astro]

Originally Posted by tomndebb

You do know that license plates and internet usernames are simply tags picked (usually on the spur of the moment) without immense forethought. right? So, it is entirely possible that a name has been picked because some notable event is on one's mind rather than being an expression of total sublimation of one person to another?

Oh, nice job of ass covering tom. Don't get defensive about the OP's bright arc light of revelation shining down on the fact that you felt the pathetic, needy compulsion to add your SO to your compound user tag. What's the matter, aren't you a complete person without "ndebb". Why can't you just be a proud, stand alone, fully self actualized "tom" without leaning on "ndebb". Poor ndebb having to shoulder that heavy burden all these years.

[tomndebb]

Originally Posted by aerodave

Of course. But the ability to leave an impression is the same whether it took the user 3 seconds or 3 weeks to pick the name out.

I suppose. But then, given that I am aware that many people make selections without considering how the name will appear twenty years from now, the impressions I take are generally not based in my inference that the poster is defined only by another person (or that the poster is defined by the username, at all).

[tomndebb]

Originally Posted by astro

Oh, nice job of ass covering tom. Don't get defensive about the OP's bright arc light of revelation shining down on the fact that you felt the pathetic, needy compulsion to add your SO to your compound user tag. What's the matter, aren't you a complete person without "ndebb". Why can't you just be a proud, stand alone, fully self actualized "tom" without leaning on "ndebb". Poor ndebb having to shoulder that heavy burden all these years.

~

[tashabot]

I dunno, I always thought my mom's "METLMOM" license plate was pretty funny.

I dunno about most parents, because I'm not one, but once you have a kid (if you're a good parent, that is) you don't necessarily CEASE to be yourself, but your kids are a hell of a lot more important than what you used to do before the kids. Your kids are your life. At least, that's how it was with my parents and the friends I have that have kids. So you ARE defined by your children.

It is stupid, however, to define yourself by whatever romantic relationships you're in. I know a lot of people like that, and I think it's dumb. But the parent thing I can understand a lot better.

~Tasha

[Manda JO]

Originally Posted by astro

Oh, nice job of ass covering tom. Don't get defensive about the OP's bright arc light of revelation shining down on the fact that you felt the pathetic, needy compulsion to add your SO to your compound user tag. What's the matter, aren't you a complete person without "ndebb". Why can't you just be a proud, stand alone, fully self actualized "tom" without leaning on "ndebb". Poor ndebb having to shoulder that heavy burden all these years.

I know! Do you think poor ndeb has any idea how her name's been dragged through the mud, trailing in the wake of Tom's seven year rampage of insight, knowledge, and patience? No doubt she'd be appalled.

[kanicbird]

Originally Posted by aerodave

I've chosen to label myself by referring to my chosen profession,

And we accept that, but a mom can also be defined as a profession as sorts, and require more commitment and time. If you want to take a title to add to your username, I don't see why you think it's wrong/sad for someone else to do that also, especially when their title represents a very importaint part of humanity and has been through out history.

I do suspect that some who get the feeling that the OP expressed are the one who feel incomplete. These people make statments like the OP said to cover their own feeling of incompleteness. Now I'm not saying that the OP poster is one who is projection their feelings on MOM2MEG, but it could easially be, even without realizing he is doing it.

[BubbaDog]

Relationship identification is just a pathetic way of expressing your personality.

I could provide addtional arguments but its time to take my dog, Bubba, for a walk.

Bubbadog

[Charlie Tan]

Originally Posted by aerodave

... I understand that parents should always put their children before themselves...

The best vanity plate I ever saw was on a red Porsche and read MACHO, which either demonstrated a deep sense of self irony or a total jerkwad.
To continue the vanity plate hijack, I guy living close to me has 42 as vp on his Ferrari.
/hijack

I do take an exception to the snipped quote above. I don't think parents should put their kids first, I think they should put themselves first, so as to be good providers for their kids.

BTW, it's good to be back.

[Anaamika]

Just a note - those teenage girls generally grow up to to be the soccer moms.

And yes, it annoys me too. But I have no kids, so maybe it's different when you spawn*.


It occurs to me I should point out I don't mean that insultingly. I always use the word spawn, tongue-in-cheek.

[Autumn Almanac]

My wife is the center of my life, and I consider my marriage to be the defining acheivement of my life, more important than my career or my hobbies or my bank account or whatever else.

I wasn't aware that that made me a pathetic loser. Thanks for clearing that up, aerodave.

I'm sure your wife/kids/family are gratified to know that whatever "aero" signifies, it's vastly more important to you than the people you love.

[Inigo Montoya]

Arabs do it.

Names that start with Bin, Om and Abu translate as "Son of" "Mother of" and "Father of" respectively. Evidently nobody really cares who you're the daughter of.

[Dangerosa]

Years ago, I went through a bad spell. My first husband left. At the same time, I took a leave from my job where I was being sexually harrassed. For about two months, I'd lost all my handy identity tags. I wasn't Greg's wife, I didn't have a boyfriend to let people know where I belonged. And when people asked me what I did for a living, I was "between jobs." It was really telling to me how much of my identity I hung on these handy hooks. And I'm a pretty interesting well rounded person - its just that the hooks were handy and that is what people ask about "married? kids? what do you do for a living?" (Or back then, it was who you were seeing instead of married with kids). People expected the hooks that I didn't have.

Anyway, my screen name here identifies me as my daughter's mother, just far more obscure than most.

(I've always wondered what you do when you tatoo "Lisa" on your arm and she dumps you.)

[Dangerosa]

Originally Posted by IvoryTowerDenizen

To put it another way, A woman who has children may feel the same way about it positively defining her. It was specifically the attitude expressed on Dr. Laura- that having kids is the definition of a woman- that got me.

Well, that's Dr. Laura. Not every woman who introduces herself as "I'm Austin's mom" is doing so because she wants to disparge your choice. She feels its pertenent in some fashion. Maybe she wants to head off the "and what do you do for a living" conversation that I understand some SAHMs feel is insulting. Maybe because after a few too many soccer games, she's just gotten used to being Austin's mom. There is a whole group of people I know only as "Austin's mom" or "Shelby's Dad" because - frankly - I don't need to know them as people - and don't really have time to know them outside their roles.

It is funny when you are walking through the grocery store and someone comes yelling up after you "Hey, Alex's Mom!!!!" and you turn around and its Nick's Mom and she wants to know if Alex has plans for Saturday or can he do a play date. And you get a phone number that you stick in your purse that says "Nick's Mom's cell phone"

[aerodave]

wm--, unless your name is short for "Wendy's Man", I don't think my rant applies to you. You haven't demonstrated that you're one of the people who are the subject of my OP. Now go away.

Anyway, I never said that being a mother or wife wasn't a job worth being proud of. But my rant was directed at a very specific subset of those mothers, who make themselves the possessive object of another. Handles like Mom_in_TX and ProudGranny don't bother me in the slightest. Those nicks are a statement of who that person is...not who they are to someone else.

I work for the government...but I don't style myself on these boards as UncleSam's Insignificant Peon. It maybe an accurate alternative way of reflecting my life's work. But it takes a different approach that gives a much different connotation. Similarly, there's a big difference between showing that you're a proud mother and showing that you belong to someone else.

I guess it's a distinction that only matters to me and a handful of other like-minded people. If it doesn't bother the rest of you, than don't let my rant bother you either.

[Plynck]

Originally Posted by tashabot

I dunno, I always thought my mom's "METLMOM" license plate was pretty funny.

There's nothing funny about being an insurance agent!



I don't have children. A lot of my friends do. They are focused on being good parents, doing the right thing, and they are very proud of their children's achievements. They may define themselves by their relationship with their children, and I know that they can occasionally take this to extremes, but it's still preferable than defining their children in relationship with themselves. See "The Squid and the Whale" as a perfect example of two selfish and self-absorbed people putting themselves in front of their children. I'd much rather that people overcompensate the other way.

[moonstarssun]

Originally Posted by DiosaBellissima

or something equally stupid like, "I'm not spoiled, my husband just loves me!" (such a license plate holder is ALWAYS on some beater, too. You never see such a thing on a car that is worth bragging about). Bah.

Last week I saw two cars--nice ones--with these vanity plates: XWYF NO2 and WAS HIS. I really had to wonder if WAS HIS belonged to XWYF NO1.

As far as people defining themselves by their marital/parental status goes, I guess I never gave it too much thought. I've only noticed people doing it in the context of "you know my kid/spouse, so we'll start there" when introducing themselves. But then Mr. m and I don't have kids, so it would be extremely weird for someone to introduce herself as "so-and-so's mom" when we probably wouldn't know the kid anyway.

A little off topic, but similar: At my former job, I overheard two women comparing notes about how old they were when their kids were born. The one who was older when she had her first pointed out that it didn't bother her, because she was younger than the other woman when she got married, so it balanced out. These were both career women, but they weren't interested in talking about when they finished college, got their first jobs, etc. It was all about the wedding dates and birth dates.

[teela brown]

I always thought that the "MegansMom" style of license plates, etc. were for the purpose of trying to start a conversation based on their kids right from square one.

[Sarahfeena]

I actually don't think it's any different to define yourself by a career vs. a relationship vs. a hobby, or anything else. Some of the usernames here on SD refer to very specific things...a character in a movie or a book, for instance. Are we supposed to think that these people wish to be defined ONLY by their appreciation for that particular movie or book? Sure, maybe it says something about them they want everyone to know...that they have a particular sense of humor, for instance...but I doubt it sums up their entire personality.

Even in the Dr. Laura example, I don't think her point is that she thinks all women should be defined by being mothers (and, incidentally, she has "I am my kid's dad" t-shirts, as well). She is using that as a tool to try to get society to value the parental role.

Personally, I find it a little hokey. I am not apt to decribe myself that way, and that's why I specifically picked one that is just a takeoff on my actual name. On the other hand, I am not likely to find my handle mentioned in the "Best Usernames" thread someone has going now, either! But if someone wants to be proud of being a mom, or an accountant, or a dog owner, hey, who am I to judge? Good for them that they are happy about what they have going on in their lives.

[Carlyjay]

I dunno. I can see it being a bit eyeroll-worthy if your license plate or e-mail moniker or something is the name of someone you're dating. But I think the idea of someone with a license plate saying "MEGSMOM" or something is kind of nice. Maybe that's because I've seen so many people who don't give a hoot about their kids.

In my family, as soon as you have kids, that's your first priority, and your kids become the most important thing in your life. It doesn't mean you lose your identity as a person. But immediately the most important role you play in life is that of a parent. The rest of the family comes in as a close #2.

Someday, when I have kids, I hope I'm a good enough Mom that I'd be proud if I had personalized plates stating my momness. I think that there's a sweetness and a nobility in that. Anyway, it's better than "565 GVWM".

But that's just IMHO.

[Sarahfeena]

I love your post, Carlyjay. For someone with no kids, you describe the feelings of being a mom with amazing clarity.

[CandidGamera]

The occasional vanity plate or bumper sticker is not necessarily indicative of Zero Personality Syndrome. This diagnosis can only be established through long, annoying dialogues with the person in question, during which they can seem to find nothing else to talk about.

I'd find anyone odd that defined themselves by a single thing consistently. Even moreso if that thing was another person. It's a little unnerving to deal with someone who's, in effect, just a satellite of some other person. And it does happen.

[John Mace]

Wow, you'd hate Iceland... and much of the Arab world.

Iceland still uses patronymics for last names, and many Arab men call themselves "Abu <insert son's name>", where "Abu" means "father of".

[MsRobyn]

Originally Posted by Carlyjay

In my family, as soon as you have kids, that's your first priority, and your kids become the most important thing in your life. It doesn't mean you lose your identity as a person. But immediately the most important role you play in life is that of a parent. The rest of the family comes in as a close #2.

Wanna bet? In certain circles, I'm "Aaron's Mom". Not Robin, not Mrs. C., but Aaron's Mom.

Of course, I went through a rather annoying period where virtually every post I made was about my child, but I got over that rather quickly. Now it's around 50%.

Robin