ever just lost it on a telemarketer?

[shizaru]

Reading Master Wang-Ka's thread on hard sales made me think of what I hate almost as much as spam....telemarketers. Before i left the US I had to get on the no call list because these jackasses would not leave me alone. I'm not kidding when I tell you that I set my answering machine to answer after one ring and screened every call. My message at one time had a nasty message for telemarketers, but Mrs. Shizaru made me change it.

I absolutely hate it when a telemarketer won't let you off of the phone. It began only as a discomfort...because my parents raised me to be polite always. Instead of "F*** off" you say "No thank you" and the like. But after being bombarded with telemarketing calls for months my patience was getting thin. I crossed into the Dark Side when I had a reall bad day. I came home from work and I was thinking only this: I want to be left alone. My day sucked, and I just wanted to go home, drink some beer and play on my computer. Mrs. Shizaru was already home and she knew by my demeanor that I was in "that kind of foul mood" when the phone rang. She answered it, and then gave it to me. (Which only made me madder, 'cuz it was a sales call and she could have just let the machine get it.) It was some sleazy credit card deal, and the lady on the other end didn't give me a chance to say anything while she went on about it. Really, I was trying to seek a break in her speech so I could say "No thanks" and hang up, but there was no break. She then began asking me for information like my birthday, my real address, my mother's name, etc, as if I had accepted the GREAT DEAL. I just hung up, which I hate to do, but I was in no mood for this.

So I told my wife how upset I was that she gave me the phone knowing that I really didn't want to talk to one of the two thousand telemarketers that call us everyday when it rang again. Already I could feel the disturbance in the force. I picked it up kinda angrily and growled "Hello?"

It was the same telemarketer lady! She said "Mr. Shizaru, we got disconnected before you could tell me your social security number and...."

I just lost it. I screamed into the phone "Listen bitch, I didn't want what you're selling!!! Are you nuts, calling me back!? Leave me the hell alone! If you call me back I swear I'll find a way to make your life miserable!"

I hung up and then unplugged every phone in the house. I was in a rage, I'll admit, but I was under a lot of stress back then. Still, to me that was unacceptable. Telemarketers always try to just pester you into saying yes. I have yet to encounter one that was selling anything i was looking for or needed. Parasites. I hate them with a passion hotter than a burning star. Now a lot of people say "They need commissions to make a living". Y'know what? I don't effin' care. I need my peace and quiet and privacy to keep from becoming a homicidal maniac. They should care about that. When I say "no" I don't mean "ask me again"....I don't mean "keep talking to me"....I mean "no thanks, goodbye.".

Man, that was 2 years ago and it still makes me angry. Which is the only reason I posted this, to see if anyone else has had a telemarketer call them and they just couldn't take it anymore. I can't be the only one that lost it, and i'm normally long tempered.

[pope_hentai]

i usually play games with em. when they try to sell magazines i always ask if they have any porn.. usually they say no or then have playboy... which i follow up with a bizzarre fetish mag like "creamed corn monthly" or "popular sodomite" i've been hung up on twice for that.....

[Antinor01]

Originally Posted by shizaru

I absolutely hate it when a telemarketer won't let you off of the phone.

I dislike these calls as much as the next person but when someone says the above, it totally baffles me. Someone cannot keep you on the phone against your will. Simply say, No thank you, and hang up. Or if you want taken off their call list, say Please put my number on your do not call list, verify that they are doing so and hang up.

[Rick]

Yeah I have lost it.
I work for a really big company (Ford Motor Company). I have a training center in Northern California where it seems I get almost non-stop telemarketing calls.
If I am in a playful mood when they ask for the boss, I will tell them his name is Bill Ford and he is located in Dearborn.
But this one time I had just started class, and the phone rang. I picked it up and it was American Express trying to sell my company some financial product. I told them, no I wasn't in the market because we (Volvo) is part of Ford Motor Company.
Not 20 minutes later the damn phone rings again.
American Express again.
I. Lost. It.
I went into full screaming, cussing, questioning their intellegence, morals, breeding and rude mode. For about 3 minutes. I did not repeat myself.
After I had told them to fuck off in many new and novel ways, I hung up.
All eight of my students were sitting there like this ->
One of my students then made a comment that cracked everyone up
"Remind me never to piss you off."

On the plus side American Express has never called back.

[Hippy Hollow]

I have caller ID, and if I don't recognize the number I don't answer. If you're a friend with a new number leave a message.

Here in Mass there are laws against telemarketing... I've signed up on the state and national do-not-call list. It has reduced my telemarketing call volume almost completely. I just get the survey people and the fireman's benevolent society, mostly

Second, I'm with Antinor01 here. If they're babbling on and won't let you get a word in edgewise, just hang up. No muss, no fuss. I'd rather be able to say, "No, thanks," but if you won't let me... dialtone!

[shizaru]

Originally Posted by Antinor01

I dislike these calls as much as the next person but when someone says the above, it totally baffles me. Someone cannot keep you on the phone against your will. Simply say, No thank you, and hang up. Or if you want taken off their call list, say Please put my number on your do not call list, verify that they are doing so and hang up.

I understand what you're saying. Its just a manners thing to me. I don't want to just hang up, and be rude. Not that the telemarketer isn't being rude. After the situation I explained though, I have hung up with people trying to sell me stuff. I think my patience just wore out, it became easier to say "I'm not dealing with this BS" and go "click". But before It....well, made me feel bad. And thats what telemarketers counted on....me feeling too bad about hanging up even when I made it clear I had no interest in what they were pitching.

Nowadays I'm just plain mean.

[dalej42]

A friend of mine worked this horrible job for a while. The telemarketers are actually trained to just keep talking until they make a sale or the person hangs up. No need to be polite, they won't respond to politeness if they're doing their job "correctly."

[kunilou]

Originally Posted by shizaru

I understand what you're saying. Its just a manners thing to me. I don't want to just hang up, and be rude.

Look at it this way. The telemarketer is paid to make a sale.

You are obviously not interested in buying. Therefore, the longer you are on the phone, the more time you're taking away from the telemarketer from contacting a real prospect.

In short, your attempts at politeness are actually DEPRIVING THIS PERSON A CHANCE TO EARN A LIVING!

It's a much greater kindness to end the phone call with dispatch and let the telemarketer try to earn a living.

At least that's my rationale.

[Jurph]

When the guy collecting for some police-related charity told me that the call was being recorded for my safety and convenience, I stopped him dead in his tracks.

"WHOA. Hold on. STOP. You're recording this call?"
"Yes."
"For my safety and convenience?"
"Yes, and we--"
"Stop. Having a total stranger recording a cold call to my home does not make me feel safe. Having a total stranger cold call me at home is not convenient for me. In fact, I think the safest, most convenient thing I can think of would be for you to NEVER CALL ME AGAIN. I hope you got that on tape. Goodbye."
*CLICK*

[Sternvogel]

As I've detailed elsewhere on the boards, I finally cancelled my America Online "service" in April, but never received a bill for my final month until June (by which time, of course, I was responsible for paying a late charge on top of the standard monthly amount). Although I sent the check promptly, I continued to get dunning calls from AOL for the next several weeks, even after the "customer service representative" assured me that the payment had arrived and my account had been credited.

What I haven't posted until now is that on July 8 -- one month to the day after I submitted the payment -- I received a letter informing me that my delinquent account, now 120 days past due, had been turned over to a collection agency. I called AOL and informed the "customer service rep" that not only had I sent the check, I had just received the bank statement which showed a Xeroxed copy of said check, on which a "Received" stamp was visible. The "service rep" then chirpily informed me that "We'd like to reopen the account!"

My response was to ask just why she thought that sending me a threat-laced bill for an amount I HAD ALREADY PAID was a good marketing strategy, and to angrily inform her that her employer's next act of harassment would inspire me to engage the services of an attorney friend of mine who'd expressed great interest in my accounts of AOL's deceptive dissembling. She promptly hung up, and her employer has since neglected to send any of those "you're a valued customer, and we want you back" letters and postcards that had been clogging my mailbox since the spring.

[Cunctator]

Originally Posted by shizaru

I understand what you're saying. Its just a manners thing to me. I don't want to just hang up, and be rude.

You don't have to be rude. You just say, politely but firmly: "No thanks. I am not interested. Goodbye". Then hang up. I do this for all telemarketer calls.

[Ragiel]

I used to simply lay down the phone and let them wear themselves out bombinating endlessly into the silence. Since then, I've switched to cell phone exclusively, where it's harder for them to find me.

[Tripler]

I used to get telemarketers in Great Falls, and learned that even though they're blabbing at the speed of light, if you've got something to say you just gotta interrupt them loudly. Maybe it's because I do it habitually, but when I got those calls and it occured to me it was a telemarketer after a few seconds I would simply put on my best "R. Lee Ermey" voice for the first sentence: _{(a relative transcript taken from at least two or three phone calls I used to get)}

Quoth me:
I DO NOT WANT YOUR SERVICE!

This would usually shut them up for a second that I could squeeze in:

Me again:
I do not want your service, nor do I want any more phone calls. Please put me on your 'Do-Not-Call' list and be advised that I have already registered with Montana's State List. I will be reporting this number to the state's Better Business Bureau, and will note the date and time of this call. . .

At this point, the telemarketer would run into their spiel that it would take them 6-8 weeks for the list to process and I may recieve one or two more calls blah blah blah blah, to where I would once again interrupt:

Me, for the last time:
I do not care. Get it done. And I would like a confirmation number that I am in fact now on your do not call list. . .

Listen, these people have the tactic of interrupting your lives at inconvenient times. Play that tactic back on them during their spiel. Just frackin' interrupt them and tell them what's on your mind. Don't care what they think about you, because chances are you'll never meet. Besides, they chose this line of work and are probably used to being treated much, much worse. Just interrupt their rehearsed speech with real life.

You'll feel better you did. Trust me.

Tripler
And learn to yell real loud.

[Kevbo]

Nope, not me, I'd never do anything like that, but there's this guy I know....

Back when all phones came from ma-bell, they were really stout phones.

You could bang the reciever on a desk or counter top pretty hard with no worries of breaking it. (the phone that is...the counter top might very well break).

When you did this it made a really loud noise for the person on the other end to listen to. This was very effective at shutting them the hell up so you could get a word in edgewise....or so I hear anyway.


First time ....this guy I know.... tried it with a non-MaBell phone, the phone did not survive.

Fortunatly, all the new, fragile phones are touch tone. Holding down a key makes a very loud noise, which is as effective as banging the reciever on the desk, but is much less satisfying....or so I've heard.

[Mangetout]

I don't get telesales calls at work because I'm on the Telephone Preference Scheme (a government-run do-not-call list), but at work, I get quite a lot - usually either trying to sell me computer gear, or trying to get me to switch telephone providers. Most of the callers seem to be from foreign call centres (or at least their accent, diction and general command of the language suggests it) - with these, it seems you can often trip them up mid-spiel by just muttering "Can I..." or "Is..." (but never finishing the sentence) - then wait for them to start up again, and repeat until bored.

[eleanorigby]

The person on the other end is a person--a person with a truly sucky job.

I just say, "I'm sorry, I am not interested." and hang up.

I used to say thank you as well, but realized that was insane.


I just loooove the cop ones--one guy tried to imply that if I wanted to safer, I would give to his sheriff charity or some damned shit. I don't consider cops to be underpaid, so I just laughed and said "as if" and hung up.

[silenus]

Originally Posted by Cunctator

You don't have to be rude.

Yes, yes you do. Besides, it's very cathartic. I work out all my hostility and frustration on telemarketers whenever I can. I've actually pissed a few of them off so much that they've called back to try and get their say in. Those are the real fun ones, because they get so frustrated when I laugh at them.

[jsgoddess]

I've just started yelling, "No, thank you!" and I cut them off until they hang up. It's satisfying.

[gotpasswords]

Originally Posted by Kevbo

Back when all phones came from ma-bell, they were really stout phones.

You could bang the reciever on a desk or counter top pretty hard with no worries of breaking it. (the phone that is...the counter top might very well break).

When you did this it made a really loud noise for the person on the other end to listen to. This was very effective at shutting them the hell up so you could get a word in edgewise....or so I hear anyway.

First time ....this guy I know.... tried it with a non-MaBell phone, the phone did not survive.

Just one of the reasons I have one of Ma's classic model 2500 desk phones in bright red on my desk.

[LavenderBlue]

Originally Posted by eleanorigby

The person on the other end is a person--a person with a truly sucky job.

I just say, "I'm sorry, I am not interested." and hang up.

I used to say thank you as well, but realized that was insane.


I just loooove the cop ones--one guy tried to imply that if I wanted to safer, I would give to his sheriff charity or some damned shit. I don't consider cops to be underpaid, so I just laughed and said "as if" and hung up.

I get the cop calls all the time. The SOB's make more money than my husband does and will retire long before I ever do. I've asked them to stop telemarketing my house to no effect. But everytime they call I am not polite.

I lost it today with Washington Mutual. They have infuriated me lately with four calls in two weeks. I work at home with a requirement that I have to answer the phone. The calls are even more annoying because I wind up listening for thirty seconds while the recorded voice implies there's a problem with my mortgage. Today I let the stupid spiel play to the end and then yelled at the guy on the other end urging me to take out a stupid fucking second home loan with an interest rate two points higher than my mortgage. They told me that because my name's technically not on the mortgage I have to get my husband to call them.

Damn it. I've paid these lousy twits thousands of dollars in interest and initial loan fees. You'd think that would buy me a little peace and quiet in my own house but apparently not.

The other telemarketers are the morons who keep calling me under the disguise of taking surveys. If they want my time, let them pay me for it!

[MacSpon]

Originally Posted by Cunctator

You don't have to be rude.

And why not? They're being rude to you. They're interrupting whatever you were doing, probably in the privacy of your own home, to try and make a buck off you. Why don't they deserve rudeness?

I don't much care that they're just trying to make a living themselves. It's a contemptible living.

[Dewey Finn]

Originally Posted by eleanorigby

I just loooove the cop ones--one guy tried to imply that if I wanted to safer, I would give to his sheriff charity or some damned shit. I don't consider cops to be underpaid, so I just laughed and said "as if" and hung up.

It's not actual police officers or sheriff's deputies who are calling you. Instead, it's some fundraising firm that keeps most of the money, so that the police charity gets only a few dollars out of every hundred.

I usually ask them how the money contributed will be spent, and it's like pulling teeth to get them to admit that only a small percentage of the money goes to doing anything useful. Once I get them to tell me the percentage, I tell them that I'll contribute directly instead.

[Ogre]

Here is a thread I started some time ago about Fraternal Order of Police chicanery.

[shizaru]

Originally Posted by Dewey Finn

It's not actual police officers or sheriff's deputies who are calling you. Instead, it's some fundraising firm that keeps most of the money, so that the police charity gets only a few dollars out of every hundred.

I usually ask them how the money contributed will be spent, and it's like pulling teeth to get them to admit that only a small percentage of the money goes to doing anything useful. Once I get them to tell me the percentage, I tell them that I'll contribute directly instead.

Hahaha! My wife told me she did when I wasn't home one day. She asked the telemarketing guy how much he was donating and said "uuuuh...nothing" and then she told him that is what she was donating and hung up.

[Dragwyr]

Speaking as a reformed telemarketer (Hey! I was in college and times were tough for me.) who used to make Fraternal Order of Police calls, I can say that the percentage the police actually got was ZERO! The angle that the company I worked for was trying was that they would approach an emergency service organization (police, firefighters, ambulance drivers etc.) and say that they will put on a community event to help put them more in the public eye. They wouldn't have to do anything, the company would make all the cold calls asking for people to buy tickets to the event, then that money would go to the telemarketing company to suposedly pay for the cost of putting on the event. Nevermind that most of what was going on was donated by everyone who participated... meaning that the event cost this company NADA. They pocketed every last cent.

Telemarketers really don't like being there. Their actual success rate in getting a sale in telemarketing is less than 3%, and most work on commission. Back when I was doing it, we didn't have the autodialers that made the calls for us. We each had a phone and a stack of 3 x 5 cards with names and addresses that we had to go through each evening, so our commisions were pretty low. I used to get harrased by my employer because I would not press people to buy when they said no. I figured if they didn't want it, no meant no, so I would thank them and move on. The our sales were so bad that the company actually changed it's salery policy of "base pay + commision" to straight commision. There were weeks when I would literally get paid $15 for my paycheck. Then on top of that, there's the psychological impact of the job. Just hearing people say no on almost every call, every night I worked there really took it's toll.

So, having been through all that, I find it easier to just hang up. It minimizes my time on the phone when they call me and minimizes their time with somone who will not buy their crap.

[MizGrand]

Most of the telemarketing calls I've been getting lately must be using autodialers. If I don't hear anyone talking within a count of three after I pick up, then I hang up. These idiots actually expect me to wait for the pleasure of their annoyance. Idjits.

[Subway Prophet]

To everyone who rips a telemarketer a new cornhole, I have this to say:

Back when I was a starving college student, I did this work for a few months. It was long, gruelling work. The shift leaders were constantly on your ass, the managers were contantly threatening to fire the whole lot of callers, and the QA people listening in on the calls would make idle chat with you in the hallway about raising your "professional tone". It is thankless, low-paying work that emasculates your soul.

Then you call someone who just screams at you. ...And this is a good thing. You're helping them. I can't stress this enough. It's a break from the monotony, the cellmates and managers get a laugh, and the folks in QA make a note about how resiliant you are to abuse.

No, the calls that really sucked were the ones that took a long time and ended with no sale. "Time is money" is the equation of this job, and the shorter you can keep the calls, the more chances you have to make comission.

So today, back in the real world where that kind of shit doesn't matter anymore, here's what I do: stretch the call out as long as I possibly can. If you really want to make a mark, if you really want to piss off the caller, you will damage their oh-so-vital productivity numbers. Act interested. Drag the caller all the way through the script. Make them repeat themselves. Lead them backwards and down other branches through the script. Have fun with them. Confuse them with the people who called yesterday. Rattle out 16 random digits and have them explain that they can't take your credit card information yet. Put them on hold at random intervals for only 5-10 seconds. Give them a fake mailing address that sends mail to the drainage ditch, say you desparately want to see it in writing, offer to pay in cash. Be like a housecat playing with a grasshopper before the kill. Watch TV while talking to them, be distracted, be interested, be the person that makes the caller hate the job so much they decide to quit and get a better-paying job at McDonald's.

[Max Torque]

Originally Posted by kunilou

Look at it this way. The telemarketer is paid to make a sale.

You are obviously not interested in buying. Therefore, the longer you are on the phone, the more time you're taking away from the telemarketer from contacting a real prospect.

In short, your attempts at politeness are actually DEPRIVING THIS PERSON A CHANCE TO EARN A LIVING!

It's a much greater kindness to end the phone call with dispatch and let the telemarketer try to earn a living.

At least that's my rationale.

See, I think about it in the opposite way. Here's how I see things: telemarketing will not stop until it becomes unprofitable. Every second of a telemarketer's time that I waste is time that he could spend doing something profitable. Therefore, it is my sacred duty to waste as much of a telemarketer's time as possible, for the public good.

I let them read their little script for three minutes or however long it takes 'em. At the first stop, I say, "Not interested, thanks," and hang up. There! That wasn't rude, but it wasted some of their time, and made me feel a little warmer inside. One more step toward unprofitability.

[Mr. Slant]

Originally Posted by eleanorigby

The person on the other end is a person--a person with a truly sucky job.

I just say, "I'm sorry, I am not interested." and hang up.

I used to say thank you as well, but realized that was insane.


I just loooove the cop ones--one guy tried to imply that if I wanted to safer, I would give to his sheriff charity or some damned shit. I don't consider cops to be underpaid, so I just laughed and said "as if" and hung up.

The cop ones, I just explain that I just got outta' jail and have contributed adequately to the employment of law enforcement officers.
Not true, but it makes for an awkward silence as they decide whether or not to hang up.
With commercial ones, I ask for a copy of their "DO NOT CALL LIST" procedures. I figure if they'll waste my time, I'll waste their printing and postage time.