The Virgin Mary: Now available in chocolate

Well, we knew it was just a matter of time before Mary showed up again. She’s shown up on road surfaces and grilled cheese sandwiches, now I give you the Chocolate Virgin Mary.

Now, I’m a fairly devout Christian, but I’ve gotta say, I don’t buy this for a second. Everyone knows Mary prefers milk chocolate.

It’s not meant to be taken literally; it refers to any manufacturer of chocolate products.

Oi! Shut it Big Nose!

I’m holding out for the Virgin Mary licorice whip. Or perhaps Madonna of the Rock Candy. Or a mosaic made of Pop Rocks…

I wonder if the chocolate Virgin Mary would be good in ice cream? I guess it already has the cherry…

If the Body of CHRIST were chocolate insead of those tasteless wafers, I might still be going to church.

Alert the Vatican!

Blasphemer! You will burn in eternal hellfire! (And I’ll be right there next to you, laughing my ass off.)

I don’t know why people keep insisting these little pissant things are signs from God. I’ll be impressed if the Moon spontaneously morphs into Mary’s face or something. Even then, I’ll be more likely to think some aliens found us and were yanking our chain.

That’s not the Virgin Mary, it’s the Maltese Falcon!

Good Lord, some people are just too stupid for words. (DeathLlama is kinder; he says they’re just eager to believe.)

“Look! This chocolate dripping looks kinda like a painter’s rendition of a woman no one has ever seen! But it looks like what painters think she looked like!”

I need to somehow get “Mary” to appear in my litterbox or something. I could use the cash.

(Seriously, why don’t these images ever appear in litterboxes? Or toilets?)

Dear Mary, Jesus, and other higher beings:

If you want to reveal yourself to your followers, just come back to this plain and stay a while. We’ll make a buffet and this time we’ll make sure there is plenty of wine (really, Jesus, you seemed a bit put out about the Cana party). Come introduce yourselves, give a few lectures (a guy in Rome named Benny has a great palazzo with a nice balcony just made for sermons, plenty of room for the followers), see what we’ve done with the place. But for the love of You, knock off this appearing in bits of food scraps. It makes your followers look desperate and goofy to think You’d come to them in something destined for the compost box. Or if it is You in the compost, hey, whatever You think is appropriate, but could I suggest You animate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel or Michaelangelo’s Pieta or something with just a bit more of the majesty befitting Y’all? These chocolate and cheese sandwich appearances just don’t inspire the awe.

The first thing I thought of when I saw the thread title was the Tom Waits song “Chocolate Jesus”.

I dunno, if I were the Virgin Mary, I’d rather show up in chocolate than eggs and toast.

They’ve sold chocolate images of the Three Kings, Mary with Child and St Joseph here in Spain for over 50 years. This one just forgot to self-wrap in printed foil.