It has officially been one year to the day since the Monstre announced his eligibility and intention to run in 2008. On this one year anniversary of this historic and momentous event, campaign headquarters would like to present a status update on the Monstre in 2008 Campaign.
Polls: Monstre has remained steady in the polls, not in the lead position, but losing no ground against the other candidates. Monstre thanks the polled voters for their continued support. (Both of them). Campaign Finances: Monstre is proud to be leading the charge in honesty and integrity, adhering strictly to campaign finance laws with each contribution staying under the legl cap, and not pandering to the special interests.
[ul]
[li]Last year’s campaign contributions: 42 cents, a ball of lint, a half stick of gum[/li][li]Last year’s operating expenses: 19 cents, a half stick of gum[/li][li]2006-2007 Proposed Budget: $1,492,381.23[/li][/ul]
As you can see, the campaign operated at a surplus for 2005-2006, which gives it a head start for reaching 2006-2007 budgetary needs. Miscellaneous Items:
[ul]
[li]Monstre’s challenges to the other candidates to televised debates have gone unanswered. Clearly they are scared of meeting Monstre face-to-face on the issues.[/li][li]New campaign volunteers are needed.[/li][li]Monstre thanks those who signed up for cabinet positions last year and requests updates on their 2005-2006 campaign work, as well as any new policy proposals they wish to implement once Monstre takes office.[/li][li]While Monstre continues to refer to himself in the third person, he cites as evidence of his humility and dedication to service the fact that he has not at any point in the campaign used the royal “we”.[/li][li]Monstre still wants some cake, dammit…[/li][/ul]
Monstre’s position is slightly reclined and relaxed, with feet elevated. And recently, Monstre kept Ernesto down to a tropical storm by helping steer it towards land more quickly so it wouldn’t gain in strength. So while you’re probably getting some rain, your house should not be currently airborne.
Monstre feels that as much as possible of both should be sent to campaign headquarters so that he can seriously study the issue.
While I thank **Monstre ** for saving **Shibboleth’s ** house, couldn’t you have had Ernesto rage just a tiny bit in my area so I would have had today off from work? It’s no fun having a hurricane party if there’s no hurricane present!
I’ll be sure to try to steer the next hurricane more in your direction. But I will have more influence with the National Weather Service and Secret Hurricane Control Board once I’m actually in office, just so you know.
Although, if it’s a better work schedule you’re looking for… I notice here that marque elf is listed as “guest” now. So since the former Party Chairman is no longer with us, it seems the position is open. (And when you’re in charge of running the Party, every day at work on the Monstre Campaign is a party.)
Question #1
Do you feel that coming from Florida is a detriment to your political future? I mean, the politicis of that state has been a little…odd lately. Hell, it’s even got its own Fark tag.
Question #2
Have you selected a running mate yet? Although the choice of running mate is not often a deciding factor for me in presidential elections, it is helpful to some small degree.
If you have not chosen a running mate, I’d like to throw my name in for consideration. My main qualification is that I’m an avid student of the Patrician Lord Vetinari.
If I come up with more questions, I’ll be sure to let you know.
Monstre will be running under the newly formed Monstre-ous Party, which he expects will grow to great prominence, overshadowing both of the current major parties.
Or another name under consideration, pending how it tests in public opinion polls, is the Monstrelicious Party.
Susie Derkins will be getting a cabinet position if she wants one.
No.
It’s MY birthday, dammit, and I’ll run nekkid through the thread if I want to!
There’s this guy Dibbler who can get you a really good deal on scorpion pits. Plus I’m sure he will want to handle the publicity and the food concessions for your political rallies as well. I’m sure he’ll give you a discount if you grant him a position in your cabinet, and that’s cutting his own throat.
Excuse me, I believe my position on scorpions was made clear earlier today. While I remain against scorpion juggling, let me assure the electorate that scorpion pits are a-ok.
I am intrigued by your platform, and feel I may be an ideal running mate. Well, perhaps not running. Are you at all open to the idea of a gasping and wheezing brisk walking mate?
I can offer not only scorpions, but day-old soiled diapers, to begin our biological and chemical weapons offensive. And I make a mean biscuits and gravy.
Now this sounds promising, although I wish biscuits and gravy were not being proffered in the same paragraph. What sort of soiled diaper delivery system are you envisioning, and how would it affect the budget?
Susie Derkins will be getting a cabinet position if she wants one.