You know how sometimes you read an article about someone dying, and you feel bad because, you know, they’re dead and all and it’s sad… but how they died is just so amusing, weird, or stupid that you have to laugh? Ok so if you had to die, and you wanted people to be able to laugh about it later, how would you die?
Me, I think freak home-canning accident. Or a tragi-comic stapler mishap.
I think the standard “guy” answer involves a bed or a hot tub and at least 2 women, but that’s kind of cliche.
I don’t think I’m creative enough to nail it, but it would have to be something Darwin-Worthy.
Nah, the standard “guy” answer would involve a phrase such as, “Hey, watch this guys!” 
But the question isn’t “how do you want to die” it’s what hilarious way would you want to die, so that it is funny to talk about after the fact. The sex thing isn’t funny, it’s just a male fantasy of “the perfect way to go” and doesn’t fit the question.
I want to be standing at the eyepiece[sup][/sup] of a 10-meter telescope that just happens to be pointed directly at the Sun when the lens cap[sup][/sup] accidentally falls off and get a hole burnt clean through me.
This would be extra hilarious because I’m always telling my students to never ever ever look directly at the Sun.
[sup]*[/sup] I know, 10-meter telescopes don’t have eyepieces or lens caps. This is my silly death fantasy, m’kay?
I fail to see the conflict here.
I’m a traditionalist. I slip on a banana peel, and while I’m lying there, an anvil falls on me.
Okay. Here’s the scene.
It’s late in the morning, a beautiful fall day. I walk into a local coffee bar, put my coat and book at a table, and order something warm and sweet. A mocha, say. Whip of course.
I have a seat at the table and read quietly.
Around me are maybe a dozen people, some alone, some in small groups chatting quietly. There’s the rustle of newspaper, and the hiss of the espresso machine.
“Mocha whip,” says the barista.
I go up to the counter and get my coffee. Drop a buck in the tip jar.
Go back to the table. Sit down. Pick up my book.
Sip the coffee gingerly to gauge the heat.
Blow on it a bit.
Turn to the next page of the book.
Sip on the coffee again.
Then, I’m attacked by a leopard.
Not sure, but right now, I think the mode of death I’m leaning towards is ninja attack. Not only would he make the death very quick, but it’d make for great conversation afterwards…
“So how’d he die?”
“A ninja did it.”
pause
“No, really. How’d he die?”
Plus, once confirmed, I’d be, like, the coolest man ever.
Okay SDMB, here’s the callenge for today. Think one up for me using the all of the words and phases listed below:
foot
freak accident
table salt
CD drive
some animal
jigsaw
melted pudding pop
I’m on stage with Benny Henn. We’re on national TV, live. He puts his hand up and touches my forehead and I convulse in pain and DIE!
Gotta think about this… Tragedy is at the heart of comedy, so there’s no real difficulty with the assignment - just got to think of something funny.
…yes, I think that timing is everything for this gag. …I get a letter from the I.R.S. ordering me to appear for an audit; while I’m trying to make sense out of this, a dog comes up out of nowhere and for unknown reasons tries to take a nip out of my butt, ripping the seat of my pants. While I’m tripping over my pants, I fall down in a driveway, where a truck carrying… something clownish… fails to see me and accidently backs up over me. My executor finally figures out - after several “He can’t come to the audit: he’s DEAD!” back-and-forth letters - that the original I.R.S. letter was sent to me by mistake, after all.
Second scenario… me and my lover, both of us in our eighties, do something foolish while having sex. Possibly involving the retrieval of thrown clothing while outdoors… My lover would show up at the funeral with a tearful, bittersweet smile, but I’d surely leave her with a smile, even - dare I say - with a grin.
Pudding asphyxiation.
Well DUH. But how?
A real traditionalist would choose a piano.
I think it would be fun to just spontaneously implode. Do they sell implosives anywhere?
Why wait? I’m going out via an N[sub]2[/sub]O overdose, and I’m taking as many of you with me as I can.
As noted in the past, I might be the only man alive who has made the “yes, and don’t call me Shirley” joke during sex." (The girl is now an ex, but that isn’t why.) I hope/expect to die while attempting a more complicated joke during sex at some future date.
As long as I can say “gotcha ya” at the funeral, it’s all good. Then they’ll know I was a Doper to the end.
I often in conversation with my best friends, comment, “Wouldn’t it be hilarious if this is how I died? Only me.”
Not that I am trying to be morbid, but my friends and I know I’m a dork, and when I do die, it will probably be from some ridiculous cause.
I can’t think of anything clever right now, but knowing me it would involve one of the following:
tripping
falling
slipping
beer
I think we’re writing the script for Final Destination IV.
I think the funniest way I could die would be if my giant aluminum ball fell out of my ceiling and onto my head. Though it’s not really heavy enough. (Yes I did make a giant aluminum foil ball)
I think this is when Wildfire**MM comes in and says “jumping out of the WTC”
Instantaneous death from a lightning strike would be a pretty spectacular way to go.