I was watching documentary on poisonous animals, and I got to thinking. What manner of death would piss me off to no end? What manner of death would I be embarassed it showed up on my death certificate?
Death by bad hamburger: That would have to be on the top of my list. Can you imagine? You go out to have fast food only to end up dying a painful e.coli death.
Falling down in the shower: Man that has got to suck. It sucks when it happens to old people, but to have it happen to a young guy as a freak accident…
Death on the toilet: The indignity or it. I would hope I have a few moments to give the paramedics a courtesy flush before I die.
New Years Eve Gunfire: Some moron shoots his gun in the air. Miles away I am celebrating and I get nailed by the bullet on its way down.
Freak meteorite: Similar to the New Years Eve Gunfire scenario. I can see the news anchor now. “The chances of this happening is one in 5 billion”. I can’t win the lottery, but hey I got nailed by a frickin’ meteorite!!
Death by Bee Sting: Luckily, I am not allergic to bees, but boy that would suck. Creatures that far down the evolutionary scale should not be able to kill humans.
The worst manner of death I can think of would be listening to a Britney Spears CD. The scary thing is, millions of people die every year listening to Spears… she’s more deadly than cigarettes…
However, I like what Dennis Leary came up with…
“You could be walking down the street tomorrow, feeling good about yourself… drink free, drug free, looking forward to your future, and somebody accidently nudges their poodle off a 75th-floor ledge - poink - and he’s heading for the ground at 175,000 miles an hour -aaawwwrrooooo!!! - and KER-CHUNK! he’s imbedded in your head! You’re dead on contact. The headline in the Post the next day reads ‘Man Killed By Best Friend.’ People cut the article out and laugh about it at the office, and you’re forever remembered as ‘The Poodle Man’!!!”
The dog story reminded me of something. Everytime I see a movie where a guy jumps of a building, my thought was alway what if he hits someone on the way down. Man that would suck. I got killed by someone attempting suicide.
Aneurysm during masturbation: The twist would be that the paramedics got to me before my wife found me. Your body is in rigor with your hand on your johnson. You know they would be on the floor laughing. Taking pictures. Next thing you know your picture is on rotten.com
To die of extreame dihorea, in a public place.
Lets say the million dollar question on ‘who wants to be a millionaire’. Or the first man on mars,with a kerjillion people watching
‘one small step for a man, one…keeerrrrgghhhhhhh!!!’
Oh the indigity.
I think being stabbed to death would be awful. I mean, someone’s really got to hate you to stab you to death; they’d have to be right up on you, and they’ll probably do it more than once. In my newspaper a few weeks ago, there was an article about a woman who was stabbed to death 61 times. 61 times!!! Tap your knee 61 times–it takes forever, and you get bored. Imagine being stabbed that many times. It scares the hell out of me.
I would think being crushed by something slowly would be pretty horrible. Having a 60 ton container drop on you (like in Leathal Weapon 2) would be pretty quick and painless, but being rolled over by a steamroller or caught in some heavy industrial equipment would suck real bad.
The worst death of someone I know was a co-worker who threw a lit cigar butt out his car window, and it came back in the back window and burned up the car and him. I use to tell him to stop coming in the stinking up with office. He claimed cigars do not kill people.
I had no sympathy for his death. What sort of an idiot throws a lit cigar out of his car. He didn’t care if he burned up the whole town. Served him right. Ironic justice.
I think the worst way to die would be something that would make people question your morale, especially if those thoughts are incorrect. For example, if you “fell” bottom down on a pointy object(ie: broom handle), puncturing vital organs. “one in a million shot, doc.” Anything anal would be nasty way to go, methinks.
Trying to pass a log with such force that you develop an aneurysm is another.
Hmm. Don’t whizz on the electric fence.
During my summers in high school and into college I would work for temp services. One of the places they sent me was a dairy factory that made butter products. There was a huge boiler where butter was melted down into butter oil. The foreman insisted I wear a safety harness because **“If you slip into the vat and drown in butter sauce your family will have to make up a different cause of death for your obituary out of sheer embarassment”[/b}
