I like the NYU architecture student looking up at the detail of the lovely old New York Library and a giant chunk of it coming off in a stiff wind and turning him into splatter matter.
I just thought of another one.
Getting your ass beaten to death by a pacifist. “Ladies and gentleman, I can’t comment much during an investigation. All I can say is that a man is dead and we are currently interviewing the Dalai Lama”
Boy, it’s surprising when creativity strikes.
You’re a War Recreationist who dies in a freak accident during a mock battle: “He was a brave man, who died in the phony defense of his country. His death WAS in vain.”
How about a state trooper getting electrocuted by a radar detector with a faulty power cord.
Ronald McDonald keeling over from a heart attack brought on by a hamburger diet.
Drowning in a pool of your own vomit. Do you realize how much you have to puke to fill up an entire pool?
Teddy Roosevelt getting beaten to death by a “bully”:p:
That actually happens in England from time to time where civil war recreators use authentic pikes in skirmishes. As they are very long and hard to control in the massed crowd of fighters, several people have been inadvertently skewered to death over the years. I saw this in a British television documentary about English Civil War recreators sometime around 1997. Sorry, no cite, but one can probably be turned up.
I assume you wouldn’t want someone else to say, “Ha! Annie laughed at somebody who died in a car fire and, you wouldn’t believe, oh… oh (gasping for air), her CAR blew up with her in it at a gas station because she forgot to turn off the ignition! Isn’t that ironic justice?! She died the most horrible, flaming, screaming death imaginable after laughing at it happening to another guy!!”
Have a heart, he made a mistake and died for it. You even knew him personally. That’s sad.
:rolleyes: Moving on.
Years ago, I heard on National Public Radio a story about an illegal alien who died in Los Angeles. He was driving a truck loaded down with tires. The truck was involved in a bad accident, trapping him inside. The flames spread and horrified onlookers heard him scream for 12 minutes, “help ME!!! Please!!! Someone… Please help me!”
They tried, but the heat was too intense from the melting, bubbling tires. He was worth more in those 12 minutes before he died than all of his life leading up to then. His family received over 10 million dollars in damages. The point of the radio show was that if he had been killed in a normal way in the accident, they would have awarded the family only $10,000.
Death by bubbling, melting tire is a very altruistic way to go.
Substitute “Dave Thomas: the Founder of Wendy’s” for “Ronald McDonald” and you’re skirting real life. Dave didn’t die though. He just seems like a propped up dead guy in his commercials.
How 'bout if someone sewed your penis hole closed and your intestine exploded? Same goes for your rectum.
People, people, people. I didn’t say he deserved to die. But if you are going to be throwing lit cigars out your car window, it’s ironic if you and your junky car (no gasoline, but piles of papers) burn up instead of some innocent people on the sidewalk. He wore polyester and a cheap toupee, which probably hastened his death.
As for people laughing at my death, I DON’T EVEN DRIVE! And I am a very careful person.
Lawnmower.
I heard a story on the news of a man who was mowing his lawn, the push kind you walk behind–not a riding mower. he was leading on a slanted portion of his yard when it tipped over, taking him with it (I assume he was trying to right it) and got caught in the blade.
Graphic and horrible, yes, but who wants to be standing around in the afterlife, trading stories how you got there, and be the one to say, “death my lawnmower”?
As far as truly horrible ways to die, burning and drowning are my faves as the most painful.
I read somewhere that in some town one of the local caves collapsed and there was a real fear that someone had been trapped inside.
Being a small town the whole population started digging, Im talkin men women and children all trying to get to a possibly trapped man.
Well they found him
inserted into a cat!!
The only good thing (for him) is that he was dead. Can you amagine if he had lived?
i think those ancient sadists had the right ideas about the worst way to die…
i mean hanging drawing and quartering, that HAS to suck!
so does the iron maiden, the rack, being burnt at the stake, having a knotted cord twisted around your skull until it cracks like an egg, crucifiction, being flayed alive…
all the really medieaval stuff.
i reckon the spanish inquistion had it figured out.
The best torturers were the ones that could keep their subject alive for the longest time, particularly painful tortures include.
.Slicing open a mans belly, having him hold his own guts and then setting fire to him, as soon as he passes out, dowse the fire, wake the man and repeat shiver
Or how about being strapped to the outside of a Cartwheel and then having the cart ride around on cobbled streets ,ouch!
These sort of practices were a common form of entertainment (as well as hanging drawing and quartering) in Shakespeares England.
I’ve narrowly avoided two potentially fatal accidents. The other day I barely saved myself from falling headfirst down a long concrete stairway. That would be a likely ending to my life. “You hear Erica died?” “Really? What happened?” “She fell down a flight of stairs headfirst.” “Oh. Well, that makes sense. Wanna get some lunch?” Last winter, a HUGE chunk of ice (about a foot wide and thick) fell off the top of a rather tall building I was walking past. It fell less than 6 inches in front of my face and landed at my feet. I stepped over it and walked about twenty feet before thinking, “Holy shit!” So, those would suck kinda bad.
But the worst I can think of that’s actually happened is the woman who was essentially sliced in two by a falling windowpane from a skyscraper while walking with her young son. Poor kid.
As bad as that was for the guy, imagine how much worse a way to die that was for the CAT.
This really happened–On July 4th, a guy filled a garbage can with fireworks, lit one, put the lid on, and ran away to what he thought was a safe distance. The lid flew off and sliced him threw in his torso, completely in half.
Well, there seems to be a competition here between most painful and most embarrassing ways to die.
The most embarrassing seems to be well-populated with “autoerotic asphyxiation” entries. However, I read a story about two years ago that beats that:
It seems police found a man dead in his home, strangled to death. Every vertical surface of the apartment was covered with pornographic pictures, and the man was wearing a frame on his head, made from coathangers, with more porn pasted on the inside, leaving only a slit for viewing out. The obvious effect was total immersion.
The man died when the wire frame on his head got caught on a light fixture while he was vacuuming, and he hung himself.
I think the worst way to die would be in my sleep, on a Friday night, so that my cat, Boojum, would have the entire weekend to nosh on my corpse before anyone became even slightly concerned at my absence. (And he would, too… that cat is one ornery little bastard.)
The most painful way would probably be from something slow and excruciating, like a belly wound, or intestinal sepsis, or something equally horrid.
“But the worst I can think of that’s actually happened is the woman who was essentially sliced in two by a falling windowpane from a skyscraper while walking with her young son. Poor kid.”
:eek: I remember that! CNA Building at Jackson and Wabash. My office is just a block away. Actually, the place I worked at four years ago was right next door; I pretty much HAD to go past that building to get to and from work, court, the library, etc…
“I actually know a guy who can [suck his own organ] without the “break your neck” part…”
Details, to the extent feasible for privacy’s sake! I thought this was actually physically impossible to do.
I read about a guy (I believe this is a Darwin Award winner), who was found face down on his couch, naked. They lifted him, found his organ between the cushion cracks. Underneath, 2 sanders (or something like that). Apparently, the semen caused the sanders to short-circuit, effectively electrocuting himself.
I think this post qualifies you to teach anatomy at DeVry.