I need bad Christmas songs.

[Batsinma Belfry]

I'm making a cd for a Christmas party. I'm looking for both bad lyrics and/or bad singing.
So far, I have

This horrible rendition of "O Holy Night" (if you haven't already heard it, you must!) http://www.ourmedia.org/node/123369

Christmas Shoes
Backdoor Santa
Suzy Snowflake

[twickster]

The freakin' dogs.
Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.

[yellowval]

I Yust Go Nuts at Christmas by Yogi Yorgesson (It's my mom's favorite Christmas song )
Daddy, Please Don't Get Drunk This Christmas by John Denver (I think Alan Jackson also did this one)

[Zsofia]

How about "I Want a Hippopatamus for Christmas" as sung by that irritating little girl? For that matter, the Chipmunk song too.

Oh, and Feliz Navidad. See, it's already in your head.

[Cluricaun]

Twisted Sister just released an album of standard Christmas songs that sound remarkably like most other Twisted Sister songs. "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" sounds like they just redid the lyrics to "We're Not Gonna Take It". It's awful.

[rowrrbazzle]

You mean the stop-motion animation in black-and-white Suzy Snowflake? It's overly cute, perhaps, and not prime quality, but I wouldn't call it bad. I saw it every year as a kid, so it's nostalgic for me.

In any case, then Hardrock, Coco, and Joe and the version of "Frosty the Snowman" on the same page probably qualify by your standard.

But isn't the South Park "O Holy Night" THE standard? It is for me.

If it's just dementia you want, I have a version of a woman comic doing "12 Days of Christmas" as a drunk.

[Batsinma Belfry]

I didn't know there was an animated Suzy Snowflake. I remember the song from a Christmas album my parents had. It's the high pitch, and the "wooo wooo"s that bug me.

[Ludovic]

Originally Posted by Batsinma Belfry

It's the high pitch, and the "wooo wooo"s that bug me.

Sympathy for the Santa?

[xizor]

The novelty song "The 12 pains of Christmas" has some people who, while not actually singing, have really annoying voices.

[Ethilrist]

Originally Posted by Cluricaun

Twisted Sister just released an album of standard Christmas songs that sound remarkably like most other Twisted Sister songs. "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" sounds like they just redid the lyrics to "We're Not Gonna Take It". It's awful.

Well, it'd be the other way around, then, wouldn't it? They filked Oh Come, All Ye Faithful" for "We're Not Gonna Take It," and since it's in the public domain, they couldn't get sued. Brilliant!

There are some who would think of the Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas Album as especially cringeworthy.

[gigi]

Originally Posted by xizor

The novelty song "The 12 pains of Christmas" has some people who, while not actually singing, have really annoying voices.

HANGOVERS!

[gigi]

Originally Posted by Zsofia

How about "I Want a Hippopatamus for Christmas" as sung by that irritating little girl?

Heh. There's a telethon locally for one of the community service orgs and people pledge money to have this played. Then others pledge money to MAKE IT STOP!

[MikeG]

The Chistmas Jug Band doing "Santa lost a 'Ho" is a personal favorite.

[Oakminster]

Last year I heard a bizarre tune...it was a parody of Iron Man with Christmas lyrics. Don't remember what it was called or who did it....

[ZipperJJ]

Originally Posted by Oakminster

Last year I heard a bizarre tune...it was a parody of Iron Man with Christmas lyrics. Don't remember what it was called or who did it....

Welp, they replace "I am iron-man" with "I am santa-claus" so it's either called "I Am Santa Claus" or "Santa Claus"...which would be hard to find. I have it on a tape, no idea of the real name.

A good suggestion.

[Krokodil]

"Santa Baby" by Everclear
"Walkin' 'Round in Women's Underwear," no idea who recorded it

[jackelope]

Originally Posted by Batsinma Belfry

This horrible rendition of "O Holy Night" (if you haven't already heard it, you must!) http://www.ourmedia.org/node/123369

Wow! I mean WOW! Fifteen seconds into it, you think, "Oh, I get it. I see how bad this is." And then it tops itself. And then it tops itself again. Again and again, it finds brand-new ways to suck.

That song just disproved everything Christmas is supposed to stand for. Ick.

In the spirit of the thread: In Athens, Georgia, the alternative weekly used to have local bands donate songs for an annual Christmas album, from which the proceeds would go to local charities. Some bands would do straight-up Christmas songs, and some would have fun with it. A band called Daddy Upright did a song one year, with my favorite title ever:

"I Guess I Won't Be Fucking You This Christmas"

[Batsinma Belfry]

I've never heard of some of these, which up until now was a good thing.

[Scarlett67]

"Look who's coming 'round the bend,
It's Santa and his reindeer friends,
With a ho-ho-ho and a hey-hey-hey,
It's Santa's Super Sleigh!"

-- from About a Boy (too bad it's not on the soundtrack album)

[JThunder]

"Last Christmas" by Wham!. (Okay, so tastes vary. I think the lyrics are pretty bad.)

[Biffy the Elephant Shrew]

I nominate "Captain Starship Christmas" by Keith Emerson. Yeesh!

I love "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas"!

[gigi]

"All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth"

[jayjay]

Originally Posted by Krokodil

"Walkin' 'Round in Women's Underwear," no idea who recorded it

Bob Rivers. There's a long list of other Christmas parodies he's done at that link.

[gotpasswords]

Originally Posted by gigi

HANGOVERS!

THEY'RE NOT BLINKING!

[Cat Whisperer]

"Christmas at Ground Zero" by "Weird Al" Yankovic

"Six White Boomers" by Rolf Harris (it's not actually a bad song - I quite like it. It's definitely not your typical Christmas song, though.)

Doing a little googling, it seems that there is a "Star Wars" Christmas album - the link is complete with music. C3P0 singing "Christmas With The Stars" (R2D2 beeping back-up). Oh my god. We have a winner!

(My favourite Christmas carol is "Walking 'Round in Women's Underwear." It's such a classic. )

[jayjay]

Originally Posted by gotpasswords

THEY'RE NOT BLINKING!

I HATE HER! SHE'S A WITCH!

[longhair75]

all of the christmas music stations locally play "hava a holly jolly christmas" "jingle bell rock" and "rocking around the christmas tree" at least three times an hour

[Thudlow Boink]

Originally Posted by Ethilrist

There are some who would think of the Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas Album as especially cringeworthy.

I think The Chipmunk Song can safely be put on the list of bad Christmas songs.

(The original version, by The Chipmunks, is the definitive verson, but there's a version by The Lost Dogs that is, in some ways, far worse, that can be heard at their myspace page.)

[dangermom]

Some one posted this one the other day on Shirley Ujest's thread. Prepare for the horror: I'm gonna spend my Christmas with a Dalek.

[MagicEyes]

Any CD of bad Christmas songs would be incomplete without "I farted on Santa's lap." A true Christmas classic!

Now I have to go listen to some of these songs.

[fisha]

Clean or dirty? I was compiling a Christmas CD last year for a friend and there is a lot of pretty off color Christmas tunes. You'd be amazed. Or disgusted. Funny either way.

"Frosty the pervert"
"Suck on my cock" (the the tune of "Jingle Bell Rock") actually pretty well done.

Of course for the clean, any Bing Crosby, Gene Autry, any of the classics.

[blondebear]

I can't believe that no one has mentioned "A John Waters Christmas" yet.

He talks about the album, and Christmas in general, here.

[Uvula Donor]

There's a great parody of the Chipmunks: Holy Shit, It's Christmas by Red Peters.

Christmas Time For My Penis by The Vandals is both funny and poorly done.

For some of the crappiest Christmas glurge you can ever wrap an ear around, try The Little Boy That Santa Claus Forgot by Nat King Cole and Dean Martin.

Look for stuff by Kevin Bloody Wilson, too.

[mobo85]

Originally Posted by dahfisheroo

Clean or dirty? I was compiling a Christmas CD last year for a friend and there is a lot of pretty off color Christmas tunes. You'd be amazed. Or disgusted. Funny either way.

"Frosty the pervert"
"Suck on my cock" (the the tune of "Jingle Bell Rock") actually pretty well done.

They got sued for that able. Apparently, the copyright holder of Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas didn't care.

[mobo85]

That should read "album" instead of "able," of course.

[Dahnlor]

Originally Posted by ZipperJJ

Welp, they replace "I am iron-man" with "I am santa-claus" so it's either called "I Am Santa Claus" or "Santa Claus"...which would be hard to find. I have it on a tape, no idea of the real name.

A good suggestion.

This would be the same Bob Rivers & Twisted Radio also attributed to "Walkin' 'Round in Womens' Underwear" above, on the same album even, entitled "I Am Santa Claus". That album also has a rendition of "These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things" done Bon-Scott-era-AC/DC style.

[Bites When Provoked]

I don't know if it's so much 'bad' as ... well, okay, it's bad - but sort of in a good way.

If you can get your hands on Bucko and Champs you can get a bundle of songs about Christmas in Australia, including things like driving in a Holden ute (instead of riding in a one-horse open sleigh), or Santa's sleigh being pulled by white kangaroos, etc.

It's silly stuff, but the target audience - kids - love it.

[susan]

Jingle Cats, Meowy Christmas. Audio clips available.

[astorian]

I've got them all beat. This song is so godawful, so utterly wrong-headed, you won't know whether to laugh or just stare at the stereo in horror.

Tiny Tim's "Santa Claus Has Got the AIDS This Year."

I don't think it was meant as a joke... or if it is, it's a joke by a guy who has no idea what AIDS entails (the lyrics make it sound like AIDS is just a bad cold- so don't worry kiddies, Sanat will be good as new next year).

[BrassyPhrase]

Originally Posted by Batsinma Belfry

I'm making a cd for a Christmas party. I'm looking for both bad lyrics and/or bad singing.
So far, I have

This horrible rendition of "O Holy Night" (if you haven't already heard it, you must!) http://www.ourmedia.org/node/123369

Christmas Shoes
Backdoor Santa
Suzy Snowflake

Warning: if you have your sounds on, this is NSFW.

But it uses no crude words or dirty pics.

http://www.samtsai.com/p28/the-twelv...of-xmas-ecard/

It was a uk website about condom usage and the diseases/infections one can get if they aren't used.

Hearing "Chlaaaaamidiaaaaa" to the tune of "Five Golden Rings" is a hoot.

Merry XXXmas

[Askance]

I need bad Christmas songs.

Is there any other kind?

Oh, all right. "I Believe in Father Christmas" by ELP (Greg Lake really), which he released as a single every year for about a decade.

[Slypork]

I mentioned these in another thread but:
Denis Leary - Merry Fucking Christmas
Weird Al - The Night Santa Went Crazy

[Clothahump]

I need bad Christmas songs.

Rockin' around t.he Christmas tree

Jingle Bell Rock



Absolutely the worst Christmas songs that have ever been written or ever will be written.

[Sternvogel]

There's no crap like Hung For The Holidays. The "Hung" is not a sexual reference -- it's the surname of William of American Idol notoriety. Give any of the samples on the linked page a listen, and you'll be adding this masterpiece -- er, make that disasterpiece -- to your collection. Perfect for nudging those last few stragglers out the door at the end of your holiday get-together!

[Cat Whisperer]

Ooh, I'd forgotten about that version of "O Holy Night," Batsinma. It brings a tear to my ear.

(Thanks for all your contributions, guys - I'm sending out an email list of the mp3's I can find of these songs to my friends and family to get them in the holiday spirit. )

[Talon Karrde]

Originally Posted by jackelope

Wow! I mean WOW! Fifteen seconds into it, you think, "Oh, I get it. I see how bad this is." And then it tops itself. And then it tops itself again. Again and again, it finds brand-new ways to suck.

That song just disproved everything Christmas is supposed to stand for. Ick.

In the spirit of the thread: In Athens, Georgia, the alternative weekly used to have local bands donate songs for an annual Christmas album, from which the proceeds would go to local charities. Some bands would do straight-up Christmas songs, and some would have fun with it. A band called Daddy Upright did a song one year, with my favorite title ever:

"I Guess I Won't Be Fucking You This Christmas"

That performance of "O Holy Night" been posted a number of times and I keep losing the link, so I'm glad to see it posted again. It's priceless. Plus it makes me feel better about my own singing. It really is almost brilliant the way it manages to keep getting worse and worse (and better and better).

Did REM ever do any songs for any of those cds?

[Oslo Ostragoth]

I don't have a link handy, but nobody mentioned South Park Christmas stuff yet?

[Fern Forest]

"Christmas Time is Here Again" by the Beatles of one of their Christmas albums. So annoyingly repetitive.

[Batsinma Belfry]

Originally Posted by Oslo Ostragoth

I don't have a link handy, but nobody mentioned South Park Christmas stuff yet?

I mentioned it in the other thread, (with link to snippets on Amazon). It's one of my favorites!

These are great! Did William Shatner do a Christmas album? Maybe it was some other actor who had no business trying to sing, but it was deffinately a Christmas song or album. And I think somebody posted it on here a couple of years ago.

[H3Knuckles]

Amazing! How did Dominic the Italian Christmas Donkey escape notice for so long?

Granted, I'm not that old, and the song is from the 60's I imagine, but I never heard this song once in my life until I worked in a retail store that played 24/7 Christmas music as soon as a local station provided it. Mein Gott, is that song annoying.

"Jiggity-jig
Eee-Ah! Ee-Ah!
Dominic the Donkey!"