TokyoWife: “Honey, you’re crummy in bed”

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Really, why does this have to come out the morning after Valentine’s Day? After I brought home the roses? Cooked the dinner and washed the dished? How could a modern woman not realize how sensitive guys are to any criticism in this so important territory?

Not to brag unnecessarily here, but others haven’t shared the same thoughts. I could dig up the references, but I don’t know if that would help our marriage.

A single comment would have been enough, but really, is it necessary to get into the specifics? Do you not realize how embarrassing it is to listen to the gory details? “All speed and no enjoyment.” Maybe, but come on, I was in a hurry. I had to get to work. “There’s more than just finishing.” See above. “Can’t you just slow down?” See above.

OK, so normally I take my time. Usually I enjoy the sensations and think of others, not just myself. But that was an unfair criticism. The only reason I was in bed was because of you. So I was a bit sloppy, sue me. It wasn’t as good for you as it was for me. Hey, sometimes shit happens. Get over it, already.

Maybe a little more detail would help. TokyoWife is 8 weeks along and is in the exhaustion phase. Normally she gets up and fixes breakfast for me while I’m in the shower, since she works later. This morning she slept in, which was good for her, so I fixed myself breakfast. I just had a few minutes to eat, so I took the toast into our bedroom to eat, so we could talk while I was finishing getting ready. And, yes, I got some crumbs in bed.

2

Ouch.

A few things to ponder:

One, she’s pregnant. While this is by no means a get-out-of-jail-free card, I can testify that a pregnant woman’s brain stops working at inopportune moments. She definitely owes you an apology as a result, don’t get me wrong. If not for the content of her comments, for the way in which she delivered them.

Two, she’s pregnant. Given your recent painful history and the loss of your son, and the lack of medical assurance that it won’t happen again, I’m sure she’s all kinds of preoccupied and worried right now. Yes, she shouldn’t take it out on you, you’re totally correct. Again, she owes you that apology. But both of you, IMHO, still need to be very gentle with one another right now.

Three, she’s pregnant. All sorts of things that used to feel physically good suddenly don’t, and she might not really understand how wide the scope of that is, since she’s so early on. What you were doing might have worked for her 10 weeks ago, but suddenly some tissue is inflamed or some ligament is loose or some hormone the baby needed surged at a libido-killing moment for her. She will remember soon how her body is betraying her in a million and one ways, but this morning it was easiest to blame you.

Four, what you did this morning really didn’t work for her. Do you want to continue it not working for her, or do you want her to speak up and let you know how it can improve for her (and, therefore, for you?) Again, tact is all important, but c’mon. How would you bring it up to her if you weren’t having any fun in bed? It’s a really hard thing to talk about, and it sounds like she went with the spill-it-all-out-at-once-and-get-it-over-with approach. Which, much like it didn’t work for her, didn’t work for you. :wink:

Try not to brood on it, and try not to see it as an attack.

3

Don’t worry, she’s says that to everyone.

I kid, I’m a kidder.

Regards,
Shodan

4

But was the toast buttered when it fell down?

(WhyNot: woooosh!)

5

Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooosh!

6

Simulwhoosh!

7

Hmm. Tough one this. I think you need to spice things up a little. Try doing it on the kitchen table.

:wink:

8

I promise you that when certain hormones have their way with the feminine brain, the sensible and nice lady on the inside is appalled at what the witch on the outside is doing or saying. I know this and I’ve never been pregnant - I can only imagine (shudder) how much worse it gets.

Imagine that she’s been possessed. That her mouth is moving but a demon inside is speaking. Your loving wife will return in time (she might even be back by the time you get home) but right now she’s not herself.

I don’t think men can begine to imagine how bizarre it is to find oneself behaving contrary to one’s wishes or desires - and the distress over acting oddly adds even more stress and subsequent additional distress. It’s bad enough you feel rotten - and then you think you’re losing your mind as well.

So pay no mind to anything that seems hurtful. Please.

9

Be thankful. If you had eaten bacon for breakfast she would have said you are a pig in bed. If you had eaten eggs she would have claimed that you are nothing but a yolk in bed. If you had eaten a bowl of muesli she could have pointed out that you are nuts in bed. If you had toasted a Pop Tart she would have compared you to Britney Spears in bed.

10

:o

[Emily Litella] Nevermind! [/EL]

(Heh - print it out and save for later reference, though!)

11

…whoosh…!

12

Maybe she wants you to smear peanut butter and jello all over it?

13

Be nice, people.** Whynot **was trying to be helpful.

14

Nah, they’re okay. They’re right, I *was *whooshed! Consider it a compliment to a clever OP, not a slight on my reading comprehension skills. :smiley:

(Or we can blame it on the copious amounts of cold medicine I’ve been taking, how 'bout that?)

15

…Besides, it *was * good advice. Just not for this particular OP! :smiley:

16

At least she didn’t say you were lousy in bed.

17

I’m in PMS mode. Don’t mess with me with yer lame-ass puns. Not worthy of ‘whoosh’. At best, a phlegmatic little ‘wiff’ (too weak to even deserve the ‘h’). You know, the kind of ‘oh yeah, that’s really hilarious’ ‘wiff’ that you give when grandpa has come out with ‘take my wife…please’ for the eighty-fifth time that weekend expecting you to laugh and he’s not even suffering from dementia.

‘Crummy’. Fah. Properly, 'crumby’ .

18

Ahahaha! I almost got whooshed too. Good one, Tokyo. Here I was lamenting your tough situation! Eat in the kitchen next time!

19

Shall we throw water on you to distemper the burgeoning volcano of PMS-y goodness you are at the present time?

d&r

20

Quiddity, I had to read the thread, see people saying “whoosh,” go on a 90-minute shopping trip in the snow, come back here, and re-read the thread title before I got it. So don’t feel so bad :slight_smile: