Tuba
First of all, thank you for allowing me to air out my grievances here. In the grand scheme, they are minor issues. My neighborhood is not being blown up by car bombs. There are no rampaging soldiers going door to door destroying our homes. No raping of children or mass murders or weather related disasters anywhere around my immediate vicinity that I know of. But those things go on in other places, and my complaint is trivial when placed in their context.
However, I don’t live in the grand scheme. I live in a small part of the world, a significance portion of which is this community, the Straight Dope. I don’t have to be here; I’m here by choice because I love the people here, and the things they say. No, not all of them, and no, not always. But the vast majority. And some who were enemies before have been kind enough to mend fences with me. RedFury, EddyTeddyFreddy, Twickster, and others.
Yes, I know. My life is pathetic, but there it is.
Because this board is important to me, you occupy a very special place in my life. You are, after all, second in command only to Ed himself. You and I have never been enemies. You are so important to us (my wife and I) that we think of you during holidays and special times. You visited our grandson’s website, where you left a touching message that we both still cherish. When you and I correspond, we almost always ask about one another’s well being and wish each other well.
Knowing what I do of you, I’m confident that that is not some special treatment that you reserve for us. As I imagine it, you correspond throughout the day with members of SDMB, and are likely just as thoughtful and considerate with all of them as you are with us. I think of you as the mother goddess who spreads her wings to protect us all.
Unfortunately, our last correspondence was not so nice. You have asked that I not quote directly from it, and so I will have to speak of it in paraphrases. You seem to have misunderstood what I was asking for, so in accepting your invitation to open this thread, I’d like to try to start over. I’m not a very good writer because I do not always put down into words what I’m thinking. My thoughts go through my head really fast, and it’s hard to capture them all. This sometimes leaves me sounding cryptic, or having to clarify myself. I understand that, and it is with that in mind that I’d like to try to put together what I’m thinking as carefully and respectfully as I can.
It began with this thread, where I and others were surprised to learn that a particular word was offensive to a particular nationality of people (or at least, to the OP). Apparently, there had been some other discussion about it in a couple of threads, but I knew nothing of it, and neither did many of the other respondents.
Now, as I and others understood it, the OP chose to air his grievance in public (and in the wrong forum) before making any sort of appeal by e-mail or private message. In the past, that has always signaled that a discussion is fair game for the membership at large. The discussion became somewhat heated, but most of that heat came from the OP. And it included this post, in which he directly called me a name: “godbotherer”, a pejorative term which typically references a fanatical evangelist.
I suppose it is inevitable that what the poster said about my usage of “hand-stabber” — a pejorative term which typically references aggressive hard atheists — will have to be addressed, and I am fine with that. First, I already long ago promised not to use the term anymore, and since then I haven’t. Second, I certainly have never directly called anyone a hand-stabber in any ATMB thread. Finally, you have now declared the term to be forbidden altogether, and so no one will be using it anyway anywhere.
And so I reported the post, expecting nothing more than an admonition to MrDibble that he should not call people names outside the Pit. I certainly did not expect him to be banned, and have no idea how you drew that inference. I didn’t even expect an official warning. All I expected was fairness — an enforcement of the rule which prohibits calling people names outside the Pit.
If I understand what you were trying to tell me, and again in the broadest of terms with paraphrasing, you felt that everyone in the thread had misbehaved to such an extent that your only choices were to admonish everyone (which SkipMagic did) or else close the thread (which SkipMagic also did.) That’s fine, and that’s your call; however, the fact remains that one particular member was head and shoulders above all the others with his hostility, and it wasn’t me.
As Anaamika pointed out, after making it clear that she does not generally take my side, MrDibble’s response to me was a personal insult. And in fact, his most ardent defender, aside from Polycarp, told him in no uncertain terms that he was being a jackass.
[Emphasis mine]
There is no question that he insulted me personally, and yeah, like I said, it ain’t a car bomb or anything. But I did what I was supposed to do about it. I reported the post. The next day, I followed up with an e-mail inquiry to one of the mods who intervened in the thread to ask about the status of my complaint. And then, upon his recommendation, I contacted you. Again by e-mail.
And here is my complaint: after going through all the channels we have been told time and again that we should go through, in good faith, and expecting a fair resolution, I am left with his rather bizarre quagmire:
(1) A member was allowed to insult me personally in ATMB without consequence.
(2) I am forbidden henceforth from using the term “hand-stabber”, even though I don’t, and haven’t since February of 2003 when I was explaining to someone what the term meant.
(3) You seem to believe I have called for MrDibble to be banned when I haven’t.
(4) I am forbidden to reference anything actually said in our correspondence, and am therefore obstructed from even defending myself against specific charges.
(5) Even though no one may ever call aggressive hard atheists the name “hand-stabber” even in the Pit, “fundie” and now “godbotherer” are both okay to hurl at people of faith in or out of the Pit.
I’m going to stop with those because the situation they represent is sufficiently bizarre that there is no need to cover the rest of it. And I suspect that most of it, especially some of the more hurtful stuff, was nothing more than an explosion of emotion anyway. I can understand that. As I say, you doubtless have so much correspondence to deal with that you cannot give a thorough consideration to every complaint that arises.
But honestly, Tuba, when I opened your reply, the first thing I wondered was whether you had answered someone else’s complaint by mistake. It bore little resemblance to anything I was asking you about. It did not address any of my questions. It brought up things out of the wild blue yonder that had nothing to do with what transpired or the issue I raised.
At this point, I’m satisfied with having been able to express myself to you. And again, I’m grateful that you allowed it. I’m still gob-smacked by the tone and intensity of your replies, and still bewildered by their sheer irrelevance. But I have been your defender even when you went through your toughest times here, and I’m not going to drag you through any mud now.
I would only ask that, in the future, you try to keep in mind that for some of us, this place is home. You are our mentor. We admire you. If you cannot be thorough, at least be kind.
Sincerely,
Lib