Nipples: a little lime and salt around the edges.

[1010011010]

Looking for suggestions of things to put on ShadiRoxan's nipples to encourage a boobie obsessed hellspawn to give 'em a rest.

Lime: "Boobie yucky." Worked for about a day. Learned to deal with it.
Alum: "OWL! DADDY! OWL! I LIKE!" Seriously weird kid.
Big Black Sharpie™ X's: "Heehee! Boobie Broken! <chomp>" Next...
Curry: No reaction.

Any ideas?

[Least Original User Name Ever]

Take over for him. Hellspawn can't get to the niples if you're already there.

[Queen Bruin]

According to Aunt Pittypatt in Gone With the Wind, quinine is the surefire cure to stopping thumb-sucking. I imagine this would work on nips, too. Can you still get quinine that's not in tonic water?

Maybe she should just drink a lot of G&Ts.

[1010011010]

Originally Posted by Least Original User Name Ever

Take over for him. Hellspawn can't get to the niples if you're already there.

I have suggested preemptive interdiction. Vetoed on account that she doesn't want anyone messing with them at the moment.

Queen Bruin,
Gin and Tonic is denied on account of fetal alcohol syndrome.
Will look into quinone.

[SnakesCatLady]

I don't have kids so I have never breastfed, and I don't know how old your child is - but maybe just say no? Keep a bra on so he can't just latch on?

This isn't intended to be rude - I really don't know!

[Least Original User Name Ever]

Originally Posted by 1010011010

I have suggested preemptive interdiction. Vetoed on account that she doesn't want anyone messing with them at the moment.

Queen Bruin,
Gin and Tonic is denied on account of fetal alcohol syndrome.
Will look into quinone.

Hm. What a bummer...

I mean, if they're just...out there...they need attention!

Tell her to tuck those puppies back in, or else you'll suck them off.

[1010011010]

Originally Posted by SnakesCatLady

Just say no? Keep a bra on so he can't just latch on?

We're aiming to do it in a way that he doesn't want it, rather than from the angle that he still wants it but gives up trying due to repeated denial. Mainly because he doesn't give up trying until he ends up in the corner for hitting/scratching/biting/pinching/demonic possession/etc.

[Zsofia]

How about that bitter apple stuff you spray so the dog doesn't chew on things? It's obviously non-toxic and, trust me, it tastes seriously gross. I've sprayed it at a plant to keep it from the cats, who regard it as a piquant seasoning, and gotten some tiny bit of overspray in my mouth or on my lips - errrrgh!

[Queen Bruin]

Originally Posted by 1010011010

Queen Bruin,
Gin and Tonic is denied on account of fetal alcohol syndrome.
Will look into quinone.

I figured - I was making a (weak) joke.

[Czarcasm]

I say go with the quinine.
Of course, I drink diet tonic water by the liter.

[cornflakes]

An old friend used Tabasco, though I don't think that I would use it on my nipples.

[Vinyl Turnip]

Originally Posted by 1010011010

We're aiming to do it in a way that he doesn't want it, rather than from the angle that he still wants it but gives up trying due to repeated denial. Mainly because he doesn't give up trying until he ends up in the corner for hitting/scratching/biting/pinching/demonic possession/etc.

Thank you, sincerely, for eradicating the last scintilla of lingering doubt I had over whether my vasectomy was the right decision.

I'm not averse to dressing up my wife's nipples with condiments, as long as I'm the sole beneficiary— but the prospect of dealing with a creature so unruly that it's easier to paint one's teats with something caustic, rather than to simply lift them gently out of reach, is not appealing in the least.

(I'm sure he's a lovely kid, though!)

[Quartz]

In Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, the Nurse used wormwood IIRC.

[Mangetout]

I'm not sure about putting the lime on the coconuts.

[Unauthorized Cinnamon]

From my reading, and some personal experience, here are a few effective ideas that cause the least trauma to mom and baby:

• Wear clothing that makes them inaccessible
• Avoid situations that are nursing cues - e.g., no lounging on the couch for us; or have dad put the kid to bed
• Don't say "no," say, "in a little while," and gradually increase the interval
• In situations that normally cue nursing, or if asked, or if asking seems imminent, offer another fun activity, and/or a drink or snack
• Likewise, lavish your child with attention and love
• If the reason for weaning is sore nipples from pregnancy (pretty much all other causes are fixable) or lack of sleep, explain in a way the child can understand - lots of "nummies" "go to sleep" at night, for instance
• Above all, don't try to go cold turkey, if it's avoidable. Omit one nursing a day for a week or two, then another, and so on

It takes patience, but it may wind up being easier on everyone than trying to make nursing disgusting for the child. In any case, good luck!

[CalMeacham]

I don't know if it would dissuafe young'uns, but this sounds like an attractive recipe for adult guys....

[Amp]

After reading this thread I can't decide if I'm hungry or turned on.

[Auntbeast]

Amp,

You aren't alone.

And I have boobies! And I breast fed my daughter.

I'm sooo confused.....

But egads, I was terrified of having to negotiate with a terrorist who could talk. Another valid reason for no extended breastfeeding. (Yes, Mummy, I'm off for a bit of rugby, I'd like the left breast if you please. Oh, and the curry added a nice touch.)

[Cervaise]

Originally Posted by 1010011010

We're aiming to do it in a way that he doesn't want it, rather than from the angle that he still wants it but gives up trying due to repeated denial. Mainly because he doesn't give up trying until he ends up in the corner for hitting/scratching/biting/pinching/demonic possession/etc.

How about a taser?

[Hypno-Toad]

How about making the kid have a spoonful of cod liver oil right before each session? He can't have any milk until the oil is all gone. Then make it two table spoons, then three, etc...

[vetbridge]

This guy makes cool nipple shields. Link disabled, possibly NSFW.
http://www.xs4all.nl/~aaj/sitewerk/sitepaginas/usconsbestel.html

[cmkeller]

Maybe you could get a valkyrie costume from a nearby opera supply store.

[WhyNot]

One friend of mine (she had to take one of the few drugs which really does come through the breast milk at unsafe levels, so she had to go cold turkey) simply told her daughter, "The milk's all gone! You drank it all! All gone!" Surprisingly, it worked.

[Hypno-Toad]

Thinking about the OP, I wonder what effect the salt and lime might have on a person later in life.

"Geez, Bob! you really like those tequilas!"

"Yeah. I don't know why, but they remind me of home..."

[Cervaise]

Originally Posted by Hypno-Toad

"Geez, Bob! you really like those tequilas!"

"Yeah. I don't know why, but they remind me of home..."

"Okay, but you do know a real margarita isn't made with heavy cream, right?"

"You make 'em your way, I'll make 'em mine."

[Indygrrl]

Originally Posted by Zsofia

How about that bitter apple stuff you spray so the dog doesn't chew on things? It's obviously non-toxic and, trust me, it tastes seriously gross. I've sprayed it at a plant to keep it from the cats, who regard it as a piquant seasoning, and gotten some tiny bit of overspray in my mouth or on my lips - errrrgh!

Yes, lots of dancers use this to prevent licking. It works.

[1010011010]

Originally Posted by Indygrrl

Yes, lots of dancers use [bitter apple spray] to prevent licking. It works.

I do so love the Dope.

I ordered some bitter apple spray last night.
We'll see how that works.

[cmkeller]

Indygrrl:

Yes, lots of dancers use this to prevent licking. It works.

I thought that's (part of) what bouncers are for. Assuming you're referring to adult entertainment establishments, I thought they always have a no-touching rule.

[WhyNot]

Originally Posted by cmkeller

I thought that's (part of) what bouncers are for. Assuming you're referring to adult entertainment establishments, I thought they always have a no-touching rule.

If a guy has got money and is deterred all peaceful like of his own volition, then why would you want him thrown out?

[cmkeller]

WhyNot:

If a guy has got money and is deterred all peaceful like of his own volition, then why would you want him thrown out?

Well, unless "Bitter Apple Tasting Boobs" is somehow publicized, I imagine that the spray is a deterrent only to those who've already crossed the line and licked, and then, that might not convince the creep that he might not get lucky with one of the other girls. Big, beefy bouncers ready to toss customers who get out of line would, I think, encourage a greater comfort level amongst the scantily-clad employees.

[Indygrrl]

Originally Posted by cmkeller

Indygrrl:



I thought that's (part of) what bouncers are for. Assuming you're referring to adult entertainment establishments, I thought they always have a no-touching rule.

Some clubs don't have bouncers, some clubs allow contact, some dancers allow contact, etc. The laws and rules are different in every state and in every club. There's nothing a bouncer can do if you are in a private dance with a guy and he licks you. They aren't going to see something that's close-up between you and the custie.

The best line of defense is being an experienced dancer and knowing how to use "defensive dancing" to your advantage. I couldn't tell you the last time I was licked or grabbed. It just doesn't happen to me. But newbies almost always have these problems. That is when we recommend the bitter apple spray to them.

/hijack

If I started an "ask the stripper" thread, what forum would it go in? IMHO or MSPIS?

[Sunrazor]

I'm thinking that if hellspawn is talking, it understands "no", or at least it should. There will be disappointment, to be sure, but the sooner it tastes the bitterness of unfulfilled desires, the sooner it will become acclimated to what some of us call "real life". My personal philosophy was, if a child wanted something I didn't want him to have, I told him "no". He would, of course, run through the entire reportoire of vocal unpleasantness, which ultimately yielded no results for him, and he learned what "no" meant.

[elbows]

If you can't say no to this what does your future hold?

[cmkeller]

Indygrrl, color me educated. I thought enforced "no touching" was pretty much a rule all over - not by law, but as a business necessity for the image of the club and the comfort of the dancers.

[Frank]

Originally Posted by Indygrrl

If I started an "ask the stripper" thread, what forum would it go in? IMHO or MSPIS?

MPSIMS would probably be best.

[Gukumatz]

Originally Posted by Mangetout

I'm not sure about putting the lime on the coconuts.

Well, see, the painful part comes when the kiddo (or possibly 1010011010) has to drink it all up.

Holy wizened mammaries!

[Indygrrl]

Originally Posted by Frank

MPSIMS would probably be best.

Ok, here is the thread for anyone who is interested:

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...03#post8648703

[Like Fry]

Originally Posted by cmkeller

Indygrrl:



I thought that's (part of) what bouncers are for. Assuming you're referring to adult entertainment establishments, I thought they always have a no-touching rule.

Boy does that clear that up, Im sitting here trying to figure out why ballet dancers needed to prevent licking. Dont know why but when I hear "dancer" thats what I think.


Fry

Im not a prude, I swear......

[Boyo Jim]

Originally Posted by Unauthorized Cinnamon

From my reading, and some personal experience, here are a few effective ideas that cause the least trauma to mom and baby:

• Wear clothing that makes them inaccessible
• Avoid situations that are nursing cues - e.g., no lounging on the couch for us; or have dad put the kid to bed
• Don't say "no," say, "in a little while," and gradually increase the interval
• In situations that normally cue nursing, or if asked, or if asking seems imminent, offer another fun activity, and/or a drink or snack
• Likewise, lavish your child with attention and love
• If the reason for weaning is sore nipples from pregnancy (pretty much all other causes are fixable) or lack of sleep, explain in a way the child can understand - lots of "nummies" "go to sleep" at night, for instance
• Above all, don't try to go cold turkey, if it's avoidable. Omit one nursing a day for a week or two, then another, and so on

It takes patience, but it may wind up being easier on everyone than trying to make nursing disgusting for the child. In any case, good luck!

Um, the list for adult males is pretty much the same.

[toadspittle]

Originally Posted by Like Fry

Boy does that clear that up, Im sitting here trying to figure out why ballet dancers needed to prevent licking. Dont know why but when I hear "dancer" thats what I think.

Me too. I'm working on promoting a book of ballet photographs right now, so I just immediately assumed it had something to do with ballet dancers trying to train themselves to not moisten their lips when they're onstage, or something.

[1010011010]

To the collected Nancy Reagan "Just Say NO" crowd.
It takes somewhere between 30-40 minutes of escalation of violence and several cycles of punitive isolation before he finally gets frustrated enough that he opts to scream and cry for another 15 or 20 minutes rather than continue trying to attack the boobies.

Usually he's interested in whatever snaps him out of his "The world, she is ending!" tantrum after that. Sometimes he immediately goes right back to attacking the boobies. Or he slyly tries this puppy-dog-eyed gambit thing to get a pity titty as the hysteria winds down.

Just say no? It is to laugh. Also, though the restrictive clothing might prevent the demon child from latching and orally abusing some pregnant lady's tender nipples, all the pawing and squeezing and pulling and biting aren't exactly pleasant, either.

There's also the further concern that if he's overtly coerced into weening, there'll probably be a recidivism problem when the younger sibling arrives and the boobs are again in service, just not for him. And maybe some resentment and physicality. Almost 3 year old vs. newborn. Hmmm....

This way if he wants to nurse again after seeing the younger sibling getting some we can put on some bitter apple (or whatever works) and he'll remember why he doesn't want to do that anymore. Or maybe tandem nurse. Not my call.

[Boyo Jim]

Originally Posted by 1010011010

To the collected Nancy Reagan "Just Say NO" crowd.
It takes somewhere between 30-40 minutes of escalation of violence and several cycles of punitive isolation before he finally gets frustrated enough that he opts to scream and cry for another 15 or 20 minutes rather than continue trying to attack the boobies.

Usually he's interested in whatever snaps him out of his "The world, she is ending!" tantrum after that. Sometimes he immediately goes right back to attacking the boobies. Or he slyly tries this puppy-dog-eyed gambit thing to get a pity titty as the hysteria winds down.

Just say no? It is to laugh. Also, though the restrictive clothing might prevent the demon child from latching and orally abusing some pregnant lady's tender nipples, all the pawing and squeezing and pulling and biting aren't exactly pleasant, either.

There's also the further concern that if he's overtly coerced into weening, there'll probably be a recidivism problem ....

That is SO me.

[MrFantsyPants]

Try licking your fingers after using that antibacterial alcohol gel, then imagine that on nipples.

[Terminus Est]

Better figure it out soon. You don't want to end up like this woman: Breastfeeding at 8 years old http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxv6R9fUO74 [NSFW]

[Frank]

Originally Posted by 1010011010

It takes somewhere between 30-40 minutes of escalation of violence and several cycles of punitive isolation before he finally gets frustrated enough that he opts to scream and cry for another 15 or 20 minutes rather than continue trying to attack the boobies.

Does he respond like this anytime, or - heaven forfend, every time he is told, "No"?

[HMS Irruncible]

Originally Posted by Indygrrl

The best line of defense is being an experienced dancer and knowing how to use "defensive dancing" to your advantage. I couldn't tell you the last time I was licked or grabbed. It just doesn't happen to me. But newbies almost always have these problems. That is when we recommend the bitter apple spray to them.

If I licked a nipple and it tasted exceedingly bitter, my first thought would be "if the last guy got a line of coke, I want one too!"

[SnakesCatLady]

How old is this child? What happens if he sees a toy in the store he wants?

Goddess I am glad I never had children.

[kittenblue]

I found the most effective way to wean my daughter was to just not be home for a few days at bedtime, which was the only time she nursed at that point.. We had a sitter, Daddy did bedtime duty one night, and so forth. After three days, she wasn't interested anymore. Then she got an ear infection, and the only thing that comforted her was nursing...I despaired, thinking she was going to be attched for life. But the next night, she went right to sleep without nursing, and I'm glad to say she never backslid again. I honestly can't remember how I weaned the boychild, but it was as easy.

Just don't be available those few days, and have something more interesting happen....my kid loved her sitter. And keep emphasizing the "mommy's milk is just for babies, and you're such a big boy now, right?" if he puts up a fuss when the new baby arrives.

[1010011010]

Originally Posted by Frank

Does he respond like this anytime, or - heaven forfend, every time he is told, "No"?

Originally Posted by SnakesCatLady

How old is this child? What happens if he sees a toy in the store he wants? Goddess I am glad I never had children.

2.3 years old. I can't recall what exactly happens when he sees something we wants and isn't getting... so presumably it isn't particularly spectacular. The worst toystore meltdown I can think of was over a small bicycle. He did this yearning hand/arm gesture yelling "BIKE!" until it was out of sight, refused to be put down and was generally churlish for about a minute, and then decided he'd rather run around the store than be carried. The End.

He's not particularly couth, generically speaking, but he's not the kid laying in the middle of the floor jibbering about how he's being oppressed by the non-toy-buying mothers of the world.

Keep in mind that he hasn't been nursing as a food source for a while. It's like taking away a little kid's favorite bear or comfort blanket for no reason that can be made apparent to them other than arbitrary cruelty. Yet another reason we'd rather he decide he doesn't want boobies for comfort anymore than try to force-ween him.

[Apricot]

If you ever give in after that tantrum, all you've done is taught him that that's what it takes to get boobie. He already knows boobie is worth it.


If you never give in, the disregard this thought. I do know that there are kids out there that are that high strung. If that's the case, maybe consider continuing to breastfeed? Most kids will go through phases where it's more and less important to them. Picking a highly important time (say, when they are frusterated by other changes in life) to wean makes it more difficult, though possible.