What do you expect me to do about it? (minor rant)

[Slypork]

Let me start out by saying that I love my wife. I really do. But she has done something again that just pisses me off. This is such a minor PITA that it’s not Pit worthy.

I’m sitting at my desk when my wife calls to ask me if I had the debit card.
“No, I left it on the kitchen table last night.”
“Well, it’s not there. Are you sure you don’t have it?”
I check my wallet and confirm that I don’t have it.
She tells me, "I’m pretty sure I saw it this morning but it’s not there now.”
I repeat that I don’t have it. I suggest that she send the kids on a scavenger hunt for it.
She starts getting frustrated. “Great. We lost the card.”
I tell her to call me back if she still hasn’t found it in a couple hours.
Then I hear her say, quietly, “Oh, here it is. I must have stuck it in my purse when I was cleaning up the table and forgot about it.”

This is not the first time that she has called me at work to ask where something is or to tell me about something that has gone wrong with the dishwasher/furnace/lawnmower/computer/dog, etc. What in the name of God’s greasy gonads does she expect me to do about it? I’m almost 2 hours away from home (public transportation) and am not able to psychically determine the location of every object in our house or how to fix things over the phone. Phone computer tech support I can do, but I can’t walk you through repairing the pool pump. I can only guess as to where the crock pot is but, if you can’t find it there, I don’t have a freaking clue.

Guys in my office say they get this all the time from their wives. Maybe it’s because she’s stuck at home and misses me. Maybe she thinks I’m the Shell Answer Man or a member of the Psychic Friend’s Network. Maybe she’s just frustrated and hopes I might have a fresh angle. Maybe she thinks I can pull a fresh furnace filter out of my ass and teleport it to her. But really, what kind of help can I give her over the flipping phone?

[Sattua]

Awww. She wuvs oo and just wants someone to discuss things with. Women have a really hard time keeping things to themselves.

Remember, men from Mars, women from Venus. She isn't calling asking you to fix the problem. She just wants empathy.

[tdn]

Originally Posted by Sattua

Remember, men from Mars, women from Venus. She isn't calling asking you to fix the problem. She just wants empathy.

Yeah, but erie774 left the debit card on Venus.

[AuntiePam]

Sattua is wise. Your wife is bored or stressed and she wants to talk to you, but she thinks she needs a reason to call you at work.

[Jodi]

Originally Posted by erie774

What in the name of God’s greasy gonads does she expect me to do about it?

I think the next time it happens you should ask her this. Women love communication, so she'll appreciate it!

[Slypork]

Originally Posted by Sattua

Awww. She wuvs oo and just wants someone to discuss things with. Women have a really hard time keeping things to themselves.

Remember, men from Mars, women from Venus. She isn't calling asking you to fix the problem. She just wants empathy.

Originally Posted by tdn

Yeah, but erie774 left the debit card on Venus.

When she calls me to say she “wuvs” me (where’s the puking smiley when you need it), I can handle it and enjoy knowing that after almost 18 years of marriage that we still love each other very much. If she is calling to bitch about her dad or the neighbors, I don’t mind and listen and empathize. If she wants to share some joke or ask me what I want for dinner, I love the break in the routine. When she calls to ask me where the dog’s leash is, then I’m a little perturbed. If it’s not on the hook where I always put it and I didn’t bring it downtown with me, then I don’t have a freaking clue! Open your eyes! Ask the kids! Call Nancy Drew! Just don’t call me!

I swear that men and women aren’t just different genders but really are entirely different species. I’ll always love her but I’ll never understand her.

[Ellen Cherry]

Originally Posted by erie774

If it’s not on the hook where I always put it and I didn’t bring it downtown with me, then I don’t have a freaking clue! Open your eyes! Ask the kids! Call Nancy Drew! Just don’t call me!

I swear that men and women aren’t just different genders but really are entirely different species. I’ll always love her but I’ll never understand her.

I'm the Answer Woman at home because nobody remembers where they put anything. They ask me. I notice where I see things laying around, and say, "I think I saw that on the back of the toilet."

So maybe your wife thinks you saw it somewhere else and can remember where it was. If you always say no, well, I guess she needs to stop asking.

[Slypork]

Originally Posted by Ellen Cherry

I'm the Answer Woman at home because nobody remembers where they put anything. They ask me. I notice where I see things laying around, and say, "I think I saw that on the back of the toilet."

So maybe your wife thinks you saw it somewhere else and can remember where it was. If you always say no, well, I guess she needs to stop asking.

Roseanne once said that her family thinks that a uterus is a tracking device for lost items. I guess my wife thinks that testicles are used for echolocation.

[Lanzy]

I disagree with the Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. We're way too different to be located in the same Solar System.

[lilflower]

I do not think it's gender-specific, but probably related to being stuck at home with the kids and wanting someone to talk to. If I am at work at an office, it's because I am out of town so my husband likes to call me when I'm hundreds of miles away and ask me why there are no clean forks in the house or to tell me that we need laundry detergent. He knows I can't do anything about it. I think he just needs some adult interaction.

[gigi]

Originally Posted by tdn

Yeah, but erie774 left the debit card on Venus.

Shit, that's got to be at least six hours away (public transportation).

[Risha]

My husband, too, has trouble understanding that I'm not expecting you to fix the problem. Suggesting solutions might just piss me off - I've probably already thought of what you suggested! I just want someone to bitch about it to.

erie774:
1. Sympathize (and not in an absent minded way that says you don't really care),

1b. DON'T offer suggestions on how to fix it unless specifically asked,

and 2. Say goodbye and hang up.

You'll both be happier.

[rainwalker78]

Originally Posted by Jodi

I think the next time it happens you should ask her this. Women love communication, so she'll appreciate it!

I think I will try that one next time my wife calls.

Anyone got any sheets that will fit a couch?

[Dr. Woo]

Good lord. I get this all the time from my husband, who leaves things wherever he happens to be at the moment. There's an accusatory tone to the queries though, like he thinks I moved his cell phone/gps/ipod/vhf/car keys/black bag/red sailing jacket/gate key/badge/whatever-the-fuck it is that Mr. Accessories has misplaced. It is NOT a social call.

One of these days Alice. One of these days.

[Zambini57]

Originally Posted by erie774

Guys in my office say they get this all the time from their wives. Maybe it’s because she’s stuck at home and misses me. Maybe she thinks I’m the Shell Answer Man or a member of the Psychic Friend’s Network. Maybe she’s just frustrated and hopes I might have a fresh angle. Maybe she thinks I can pull a fresh furnace filter out of my ass and teleport it to her. But really, what kind of help can I give her over the flipping phone?

Guys where I work also get numerous calls from their wives over mundane crap that if they (the wives) just thought about it for 2 seconds they could solve it on their own.

I personally think it is a form of passive-aggression.

Wife sits at home with bratty kids and thinks hubby is having a ball at work with the boys.

Well, she's going to stick a pin in his balloon.

[Yllaria]

You're overlooking an opportunity to have fun with the lost articles thing. Tell her you've read a article that states that you can tap the unconscious parts of the brain for information. All she has to do is stand where she last saw the article. Close her eyes. Hold out her hand and visualize the object in it. Try to really feel the object. Then call for it loudly and firmly, ten times, waiting twenty seconds (roughly) between each call. She should use the twenty seconds to listen for a reply. It won't come as actual hearing, but she should get an intuitive tug in the direction of the object.

She can call you back if her intuition isn't powerful enough for the process to work. Hey, you're the location expert. You're helping. And, oddly, sometimes the process works.

Not sure what you can do with the broken things, other than taking out a pen and paper and scheduling time to take care of it when you get home. Or asking what steps she thinks will solve the problem. Seriously, sometimes just talking with someone who speaks in complete sentences can jump start the brain cells. (Assuming your kids are young.)

You have my sympathy, of course. Nothing is quite as frustrating as a problem that you have no hope of getting to.

[ivylass]

My kids do this sometimes. They'll call and ask me for permission to do something, when their father is right there in the very same house with them! Maybe they're afraid Dad will say no.

[elbows]

When she calls to ask, 'Where's the XYZ ?"

The answer is; "I don't see it anywhere here." My hubby is always asking me where kitchen things are when I'm in the office on the computer. This is my favorite response.

When he rephrases it, "Where might I find XYZ ?", I give him my best guesses. When I have to get up to help him look, I always say; "Okay, but if it's any of the places I suggested you owe me a dollar!"

Often, I get a dollar. I am however thinking of upping it to a fiver, y'know inflation and all!

[StuffLikeThatThere]

elbows, I am going to implement your method. Himself is all the time asking me where things (his watch, his cell phone, his belt) are, and doesn't like it when, in response, I query, "Where did you leave it?" I'm going to tell him that I'll suggest places, but I get cash money every time I'm right. It won't stop him doing it, but at least I'll get something out of it.

I think this is a gender communication breakdown. I've had to learn to preface certain conversations with, "I don't want you to do anything about this. I just want you to pay attention and by sympathetic." It works well. He knows exactly what's expected of him, and he can muster it up.

erie, I think your wife wants you to sympathize. If you can batten down the must-solve-problem-instantly reflex and say, "Wow. That stinks. I hope you find it. If you don't find it by the time I get home, I'll help." you might score many many points. At least for me, knowing the situation isn't permanent helps. If the basement is flooded with water and I don't know what to do, I at least have the assurance that at some point, if I can't figure it out, someone will come and help me. It makes me feel less desperate.

Zambini57, dude, that sounds pretty hostile. It seems unlikely to me that said wives are actually looking to ruin their husbands' days. Or yours. I'm not saying it can't be annoying, but you seem a tad bitter about it.