My wife is threatening to sick Dr. Phil on me because...

The BBQ Pit
1

…I actually have the nerve to want to communicate with her.

Sometimes when I try to call her, she just doesn’t answer the phone. Her reasons are understandable, (asleep, phone wasn’t charged, etc) but despite them, I may really need to talk right away. Or it may be a case of not knowing why my daughter is not at school.
At any rate, when I can’t reach her by phone, I wonder if she, yet again, forgot to charge her phone, left it at home, left it in her car, lost it…etc. For those of you who think I’m crazy for assuming any of these things, she has done all of what I just said at least twice, some of them she has done so many times I dare not hazard a guess. sometimes she just sleeps during the day after spending the night on the SDMB. Meanwhile, our 5 year old, scoots a chair over to the pantry so she can climb up to where the cereal is kept. (because, “Mommy wouldn’t wake up and get me breakfast”)

But hey, she just saved me between 50 and a 100 dollars, because the nature of the attempts to call her yesterday, were about babysitting arrangements so I could take her out for her birthday. (Today is her birthday) But since she not only shut me out, but went on the offensive, because I was trying to call her. I couldn’t make the arrangements and at the moment, she is still clueless about it. But now there is no sitter, no dinner out, and I’m an asshole for trying.

At least it’s not like last year when I made a deposit for reservations at a nice restaurant, only to find that she assumed I wouldn’t be taking her out. She made plans with her friends. When I finally got through to her, she said she didn’t want to go to the restaurant I had made reservations at, and we ended up going to Red Lobster. At least I was able to take her out, and we both enjoyed it.

I can only speculate that tonight when I get home, she will bail on me, leaving me with my usual mundane household responsibilities of cleaning the kitchen, making dinner, and putting the kid to bed. It’s what happens every night, even when she’s off work. I can’t do anything nice for her without it causing a huge argument before hand. It kinda sucks the fun out of it.

2

Sounds like depression. Maybe Dr. Phil isn’t such a bad idea afterall…

Sam

3

Only if beating the snot out of Dr. Phil is the prescribed therapy.

4

Ouch.
My I suggest hypnotoad?

5

Shit, sounds like she’s running out of excuses to avoid you.

6

Sounds like your wife is the one that needs the shrink.

7

What the hell?

8

I don’t know about Dr. Phil, but it sure sounds like you guys are in need of some kind of help!

9

Do you think this thread is a good idea, when your wife is also a doper?

10

Absolutely. Couples therapy is desperately needed here.

11

We have no secrets, and we agreed when we joined that the pit was open season.
I’m sure we’ll be hearing from her soon enough.

12

I think that you will soon put this under the heading of - Places Not to Have an Argument with the Wife In

13

Apparently the tone of my original post is a tad misleading. It wasn’t my intention to bring the argument into this forum. (although our history of public arguments is the stuff of legends).

Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife very much. And I no doubt have shortcomings that peave her.

I needed to vent, friends and coworkers are too biased to give me an impartial viewpoint, So I came here.

14

I think Dr. Phil would be a great idea, but your wife would be in for a big surprise if she thinks that he would side with her on this one. And that whole not feeding the kid thing? Bad idea. I don’t know how often this happens, but you might consider leaving the food out before you go to work in the morning. Climbing on chairs is dangerous and if your child fell and got hurt, that could cause a lot of trouble, especially if your sleeping wife left her there to bleed to death, not knowing what happened.

15

Actually this morning kiddo got up with me and I made sure she had breakfast before I left.

That scenario has gone through my head more than I care to think about. I keep hoping we won’t be one of those families that ends up in the news for something like this.

But when I confront her about it she makes me feel like I am being unreasonably neurotic.

16

The OP is a little sketchy on the details, but I’m guessing there tends to be some sort of questioning afterward when she doesn’t answer the phone? Or that you call repeatedly instead of just leaving a message the first time? If she’s indeed getting defensive, like you said, she must be getting some forum to be defensive in, you know?

More details would really help get a clearer idea of what the issues really are, here.

Oh, and you guys agreeing the Pit is open season doesn’t make this thread a good idea. Just because you can do something, that doesn’t mean you should do it.

17

Your wife is acting in the same manner as my wife was acting.
Before she moved out.
You two need to talk. Face to Face, not on the phone or on the boards.
Good Luck

18

i’m not comfortable with the fact that we’re all responding to just your side of the story, but you make a convincing case, and i’d hate for this thread to errupt in inter-marital disputes.

but you should seek help. right away. words are cheap, think of it as you being the bigger person for going for help first (but don’t tell her that). good luck

19

The issue of her not answering the phone goes way back. I used to leave messages on her voicemail, but she sometimes goes days without checking it. I’ve tried text messages, and email…to no avail. I’m not the only person who has an issue with this. I’m just the one complaining. Her Father often calls me to tell me he’s frustrated because she won’t answer.

It once got so bad that I got a call from my Father in-law because she wasn’t answering his calls. He had been trying to call, because my stepsons dad called to yell at him because HE had been trying to call.

To answer your question, sometimes I call repeatedly. If it isn’t urgent, I try every half hour, or so. then I might try calling more frequently as it gets more urgent.
I don’t see why I should just give up on trying to comunicate with my wife. But that is what she expects me to do. Yesterday, after about Four hours I noticed she was active on my SDMB buddy list. So I tried calling about every couple of minutes. My thinking was that if the phone was out of ear-shot, I might catch her on a potty break, or kiddo might hear it and bring it to her. Turns out she was on the phone with someone else. My repeat attempts to call her were what put her on the offensive when she finally returned my call.

She refused to use call waiting because she considered it rude. Since she was at her computer she could have sent me a quick text to say she would call back, but it didn’t occur to her.

The main issue for me is that I’m frustrated that my attempts to do something nice for my wife so frequently end up being the source of major tiffs.

20

Clearly you guys have some relationship problems that need to be worked out. Two things immediately jump out of your OP at me:

  1. You feel like your wife is checking out of the relationship, by avoiding your calls, not doing a good enough job with household chores and taking care of your daughter, and not appreciating the things you try to do for her.

  2. The OP is more about proving you’re right and/or the better person in the relationship than it is about fixing problems. If your discussions with your wife take the same form, divorce seems inevitable. Storing up slights to throw back at your spouse when you’re angry or hurt is a recipe for relationship disaster.

I hope you guys can get some counseling and work things out.