Quick question, then I’m out of the thread (nothing to add or help with) I saw someone mention his wife is here as well. Who is she?
Ooh, not Dr. Phil! Anything but him! :rolleyes:
I Intentionally left out her identity so she could have some dignity and remain silent if she chooses to.
Jesus, brainiac, how about putting the cereal someplace where the kid can reach it without climbing on a freakin’ chair? This post is possibly the harshest thing I’ve ever posted here, but Christ, man, try rubbing a couple of brain cells together! I’m certain that you’re not just waiting for your kid to crack her skull open to prove that your wife is a terrible mother, and I am quite sure that the problem is that you’re dumb as a ball of damp lint hand haven’t thought of this solution yourself, so that’s why I’m offering this helpful suggestion rather than something less constructive.
Plus what everybody else said. Airing your laundry like this on a public message board is where your wife is a member not a good idea, and based on what we’re seeing here both of you could use the help of a caring professional.
With all due respect NorwegianBlue, it is about the most stupid thing I have ever seen to “pit” your IRL wife when you are both dopers. If your relationship wasn’t completely in the shitcan before, it will be shortly. She may have her problems, and this this accidently-on-purpose disabling or ignoring almost any means of contacting her may indeed be a big, passive-aggressive, “fuck you”, but don’t castigate her through the messageboard, it’s mean spirited and asinine.
To be honest with you, the mere fact that you have done this, makes me think that interpersonal communication-wise you are about the biggest, most clueless dumbass to walk down the pike in some time, and whatever your peeves with your wife, she probably has a bucketful of equally valid complaints about you.
**
Jesus, what the fuck are you thinking! Have a mod close this thread, and go apologize to her.**
I figured that would be the case. Based on what I’ve seen from other posters, though, you may actually want to rethink this endeavor. Without knowing either of you, it would be real easy to take the part of her not waking up to feed the kids as being incredibly hungover, if awake by that time. This doesn’t sound like a good plan.
And while most Dopers are very helpful, this isn’t exactly group therapy.
C’mon dude. I’ve had some pretty good rants in my head about my ex-husband. Do you know why I don’t post them? Because he’s a doper. It’s just not couth.
As much as the petty part of me would love to watch this trainwreck, I suggest you contact a mod to delete this soon and then go have a talk with your wife.
I don’t know if staying up all night to the point of sleeping through being able to feed your child is a sign of depression or just gross irresponsibility, but it needs to be addressed soon. It won’t be addressed if your ‘offensive plan’ consists of being able to say “see, these people are on my side.” That ain’t gonna work. No matter how good you think it’s going to feel.
Take that for what it’s worth.
I dont’ understand the logistics of your relationship. Do you live with your wife? It seems like you do. What’s with all the calling, then? Why don’t you speak to her in person? You know, lie in bed at night, hold her hand, chat. Say, “Oh, I was thinking about making us some reservations at Laddy Da Restaurant for your birthday…does that sound like something you’d like to do?” Maybe she wants to know about stuff like that before the day of.
If my husband called me like it sounds like you and her family are doing, I’d have ripped the phone out of the wall long ago. I find the phone incredibly annoying. I don’t even know where the thing is most of the time. My husband may call me once a week or less, and even that’s usually to ask me to look something up on the net because they have a bet going at work. Half the time when he calls, I’m changing the baby, or doing laundry, or in the shower, and I ignore the ring. He leaves a message and, when it’s convenient for me, I call back. Or talk to him when he gets home.
If you’re doing something she doesn’t like and she’s reacting to it negatively, don’t argue on and on and on with her about how you’re right and she’s wrong. Come to some sort of compromise. Don’t call her 8 billion times a day every 30 seconds if it obviously doesn’t work. Leave her notes. Speak to her in the morning. Change your tactic.
Oh, and instead of calling her 100 times, why don’t you just wait till you get home to talk to her? Unless you or your child are headed to the hospital or God forbid, the morgue, there is nothing all that important that it can’t wait.
Just to add to the chorus of “really bad idea”…
For some reason, your username stuck with me from another thread. Because it was mentioned that thread, I know who your wife is. I’m probably not the only one.
So please ask to have this thread closed. You’re not offering her the dignity you claim.
I wanna live with a _________
I can be happy the rest of my life
with a __________.
A dreamer of pictures, I run in the night,
you see us together, chasing the moonlight,
my ___________.
“sick”
- snort! -
LOL
Actually, after the clarification, I’m more confused than ever. You call every thirty minutes for stuff that’s non-urgent? You mean, like to shoot the shit or ask her to pick up some milk or talk about stuff that will keep until you get home? Why? And where do you work that you have that kind of free time? And doesn’t that seem a little, well, suffocating to you?
Sorry, that was probably a bit harsh for the circumstances, but I was having college flashbacks. My roomie and I had this friend who was a swirling vortex of need, and when we’d go home for the weekend, we’d come back to find messages from her on the machine. Like, ten or twelve of them. She’d start calling mid-afternoon, and call every half-hour. Then it would bump up to every fifteen minutes. Then it would go to every ten or so. And all she wanted was to see how our weekend was and to maybe catch some dinner at the cafeteria together. The constant calling and calling and calling made it feel less like she was trying to communicate with us and more like she was harassing us. That behavior came across as so clingy and so needy and so smothering that on more than one occasion, we actively avoided her. We acted a whole lot like your wife, to be honest. Didn’t answer the phone in case it was her, pretended we hadn’t seen the message light blinking on the answering machine, all that sort of thing.
I’m not proud of acting that way, and I’m not in any way saying it was right or justified, but the incessant calls about nothing were driving us crazy.
That being said, it seems like there are problems galore here, on both sides. Your wife leaving the kid to climb around on stuff to get her own breakfast disturbs me. I mean, my best friend was dressing and feeding herself and her sister before school while her mom slept in when we were 8, but all the stuff was laid out at a safe height the night before. It also sounds like she’s withdrawing not just from you, but from most everyone. Of course, some folks just aren’t phone people and pretty much never answer the phone no matter what, but still.
Something that really bothers me, though, is the way you talk about your wife. There’s nothing I can really put my finger on, but there’s this undercurrent to your posts that’s not just the anger you expect in the Pit. It feels…dismissive, contemtuous like whatever her reasons for doing this are, they couldn’t possibly be all that important.
The other thing that bothers me is that you don’t seem to be taking any responsibility for this situation that is the source of so much conflict. You’re not taking her out for her birthday, and it’s all her fault because she doesn’t answer the phone when you call. And frankly, this situation isn’t entirely of her own making. If you’d made arrangements for her birthday earlier in the week, instead of leaving it till the last minute, you would have had time to talk about this at home. Or you could have left her a note this morning. Or, since you were on the computer and thought she was on the computer, you could have emailed or IMed her. But you didn’t do any of those things, and apparently you don’t do any of these things as a matter of course. You just keep doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result, and when you get the same result, it’s her fault. That’s just fucked up.
Wait a second. You are pitting your wife. A fellow doper. On. Her. Birthday.
Hell of a gift, dude.
Holy shit, I totally missed that.
That is some seriously weak shit, my friend.
Actually, the thirty minute intervals are until I get an answer…we don’t talk every thirty minutes. and by non-urgent, it’s a call like, “we’re late on the rent, please drop it off before they kick us out”
Actually, I gave up on the IM, PM, Email, voicemail thing a long time ago. she doesn’t check them. My next recourse when I really need to communicate with her is to either call someone close by, (like a neighbor) which she really hates and I stopped doing due to the fallout. or leave work and come home.
to the rest of you:
What a lot of you are missing out on here is that my wife and I don’t live a “cut and paste” lifestyle. you can’t just take your own experiences and apply them to ours. I was on a rant this morning, about nothing more than my wife not answering my calls.
I did not come here for therapy, or counseling. only an idiot would do that.
And yes, I did pit her on her birthday, and yes she’s a fellow doper. But she and I have an understanding about that. I had a blog some time ago just to describe our arguments. She found it more amusing than most of the readers.
This thread was not intended as an invitation into our personal lives…but it appears that is what it has become. Therefore I have asked the mods to remove the thread.
Please give it that kind of respect and let it die.
I’m sorry, but I must say you are truely an ass.
*“O that he were here to write me
down an ass! But, masters, remember that I am an
ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not
that I am an ass.” * - Dogberry
…beautiful response.
Very interesting…
Well, I’m sure you’re all waiting with baited breath to watch the sparks fly upon my arrival, but I’m pretty hungry right now. We’re off to dinner with little Cinnamon in tow and I’ll be back once I gather my thoughts.
Sorry for keeping y’all waiting, but I’ll give you a little hint as to what’s in store. My first reaction upon hearing him tell me about his on the phone as I drove home to meet him tonight:
“You pitted me on my birthday?!? That’s hilarious!”
God love him, he can be such a tool sometimes. :smack: