Traveling Salesman jokes

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

A traveling insect repellent salesman is working hard to make a sale to a farmer. The farmer offers the salesman a proposition: The salesman will be stripped naked, tied to a chair in the pasture, sprayed with his own product and left in the pasture overnight. If he does not suffer a single insect bite when the farmer checks on him in the morning, the farmer will place an order for more than the salesman had sold in his career. The salesman agrees.

The next morning the famer goes to the pasture to find the naked, bound, insect repellent-sprayed salesman utterly exhausted. He looked him over, and did not find a single insect bite on him. If not the many biting insects in the pasture, what was it that caused the salesman to be in such a state? The salesman said, 'I told you my product worked! The bugs never even came near me. But…

'Doesn’t that damned calf have a mother?

2

A traveling salesman has a new route in the hot, dry, southwestern part of the country. After a particularly grueling week, he stops in a neighborhood tavern and tells the bartender that he needs a cold beer, a hot shower and the local whore.

The bartender replies, “Well, I can set you up with the cold beer. The hot shower you can get at the motel up the road. But as far as a local whore is concerned, all we have is ol’ Harry at the end of the bar.”

The salesman looks at the guy sitting at the last stool and says, “No thanks, I’m not into that kinda stuff.”

The next week, the salesman stops in the bar again and asks for a cold beer, a hot shower and the local whore. The bartender answers the same, and points out ol’ Harry as a way to satisfy the salesman’s last request. The salesman looks over at Harry and again says, “Nah, I’m not into that kinda stuff.”

Well, after about 10 weeks of the same requests and the same answers, the salesman starts to think about ol’ Harry and leans over to the bartender and asks, “Listen, if I decide to hook up with Harry, how many people are going to know about it?”

The bartender thinks for a minute and answers, “I figure, five.”

“Five!?!” exclaims the salesman. “Who’s the five?”

The bartender replies, “Well you, me, ol’ Harry, and the two guys that’ll have to hold him down on the bed. You see, Harry’s not into that kinda stuff, either!”

3

A farmer goes to the road near his field and sees a traveling salesman tied naked to a large tree stump, head hanging down and ass in the air. He asks the man what happened.

The salesman says, ‘I picked up a hitchhiker and he pulled a gun on me! He made me take off all of my clothes and tied me to this stump! And then he stole my car and all of my merchandise!’

The farmer starts pulling down his overalls and says, ‘Mister, this just ain’t your day!’

4

A traveling salesman stops at a farmhouse and asks the farmer if he can put him up for the night.

“Sure,” the farmer says, “put I don’t have a spare bed. You can stay free, but you will have to sleep in the bed with my son.”

The salesman says, “Shit, I must be in the wrong joke.”

5

A traveling saleswoman stops at a remote farm house. She tells the two bachelor famers, Ned and Ted, her car has broken down and asks if they can give her a place to sleep for the night. Ned and Ted say, “Sure, but we only have one bed. You’ll have to sleep between us.”

In the middle of the night, Ned is awakened by a hand on his crotchal area, and the saleswoman whispers in his ear, “Ned, I must have you! But I don’t want to get pregnant, so put this on.” She hands him a condom, he puts it on, and they make passionate love.

An hour or so later, Ted is similarly awakened. The saleswoman whispers in his ear, “Ted, I must have you! But I don’t want to get pregnant, so put this on.” She hands him a condom, he puts it on, and they make passionate love.

The next morning, she calls a tow truck to take care of her car and is on her merry way.

Six months later, Ned and Ted are out working in the garden. Ned says, “Ted? Do you care?” Ted says, “Care about what?” Ned says, “Do you care if that lady gets pregnant?” Ted says, “Not really.” Ned says, “Well, let’s take these things off then.”