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#1
10-04-1999, 01:51 PM
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SanibelMan is not my friend and has not been so since last year. I cannot manage to get it through his thick skull and into his tiny brain, however. He continues to badger me and, since this message board looked interesting, I decided to join with his hotmail adress, that way he and Wordsmith would quit badgering me about my views on e-mail and I could join this board. He is a spineless wimp, by the way. He insulted smoking, comparing it to banging one's head against a wall, and one of my relatives smokes. He also is demeaning to me, and almost dropped my dog onto a tile floor once. He has left an extremely insulting message as a reply to the one that I started last week, because he is so afraid that he will insult the other people on the message board. If I was boorish, I would already have mashed him into an economy-sized can of tuna. I even have a witness of SanibelMan's insulting and manifold flaws. The witness's screen name is Falstaff
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#2
10-04-1999, 02:51 PM
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I've had about enough of this and am taking matters into my own hands. With leniency from the TM, let me give this a shot.
Hear ye! Hear ye! The Court of the Pit is now in session, the Honorable ChiefScott presiding. All who have business before the Court draw near and you shall be heard. In the matter of GuanYu v. Sanibelman, the plaintiff alleges irreconcilable differences and is petitioning the court for the dissolution of the relationship with the defendant. Since the Plaintiff and Defendant are new to this jurisdiction let me explain how this works: Plaintiff states (in this order, and numbered): 1) What he wants the outcome of this trial to be; 2) The facts as to why he thinks he is entitled to that outcome. This narrative should deal with facts, no speculation and no hearsay. Defendant states (in this order, and numbered): 1) What he wants the outcome of this trial to be; 2) The facts as to why he thinks he is entitled to that out come; 3) Refute any fact presented by the Plaintiff in his opening post; 4) amplifying information which may or may not be germane to the case before the court. Plaintiff states (in this order, numbered): 1) Objections made. 2) Refute any fact given by the Defendant in his response. No additional information may be given without permission of the Court. 3) Any motions the Plaintiff wishes the Court to consider. Court rules on objections. Defendant states: 1) Any objections. 2) Any motion the Defendant wishes the Court to consider. Court rules on objections. Court questions petitioners. Court rules on motions. Court instructs both parties for closing arguments. Plaintiff states: Closing argument. Defendant states: Closing argument. Court rules. Should damages or punishment be called for the Court may ask for another statement from each party. Gentlemen, I am now all ears. Plaintiff, please state your case, bearing in mind the Court's instructions.
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#3
10-04-1999, 02:58 PM
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The Court further directs that the Plaintiff and Defendant respond within 24 hours of the previous post in this preceeding. Penalty for failure is forfeiture of case. The Defendant will be shown leniency in time for his first post due to the Court's limited notification ability. If any one may contact the Defendant, the Defendant is to be instructed to report to this thread to answer to charges levied against him. The court will render rulings and decisions within 24 hours.
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#4
10-04-1999, 03:51 PM
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Let's see: Sanibelman is intelligent, literate, friendly, respectful of others, and has a genuine interest in learning and expanding his horizons.
Guano-u is a semiliterate obnoxious jerk who apparently came here for the purpose of showing all of the grown-ups what an ignorant asshole he can be. Guano-u, grow up. Get a life. Get a brain. Get a personality. Get rid of the 'I'm hot shit' attitude - cause you ain't. Thank goodness SM no longer has you attached like an albatross around his neck, or a leech on his backside. He is one of the young people on this board that gives me hope for the future. You, OTOH, are headed straight for Life's Big Garbage Dump if you don't smarten up. ------------------ The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best. - Henry Van Dyke
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#6
10-04-1999, 04:28 PM
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No, you may not Unca. Let's see if this, in any way, will work in resolving some of the petty disputes brought to this forum. Gimme a day or two of leeway and I'll get beck with you.
By the way, you may refer to me in this thread as Your Honor. Ben-- Your insight is always appreciated, but for the purposes of this proceeding I will not be able to consider your comments when rendering decisions. I am still awaiting the Plaintiff's opening statement. The clock is ticking. The Plaintiff and Defendant are urged to post as expeditiously as possible, so as not to drag out these proceedings.
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#7
10-04-1999, 04:54 PM
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But ChiefScott, your honor!
When in that list of procedures are the plaintiffs and defendants allowed to call forth witnesses for questioning? ------------------ The truth, as always, is more complicated than that.
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#8
10-04-1999, 05:02 PM
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Your Honor,
Do you wish me to post my arguments now, or shall I wait for Plantiff to open?
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#9
10-04-1999, 05:33 PM
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The Court is pleased to acknowlege the presence of the Defendant.
Witnesses may be called, if needed, during the questioning phase by the court. Often, cut and dry cases can be adjudicated using only statements given by the Plaintiff and Defendant. Should either party feel a witness may support his claim, he may, during the motions phase of the proceedings, make a motion to bring in a witness' statement.
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#10
10-04-1999, 05:37 PM
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The Defendant will wait until the Plainiff opens. Should the plaintiff fail to post within 24 hours, the Defendant may make his opening statement per the posted Court rules and the court will then rule.
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#11
10-04-1999, 07:40 PM
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As you wish, Your Honor.
I would also like to note that the Plaintiff might not be expected to reply to the Honorable Judge's request until tomorrow morning at 8 AM ET at the earliest, due to his lack of access to internet-capable computers. I hope to reply to this thread no later that 6 PM ET tomorrow afternoon.
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#12
10-04-1999, 08:37 PM
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Your Honor -
Can one apply to be a character witness? If so, I would like to be one for the defendant. ------------------ Leslie Irish Evans http://leslie.scrappy.net
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#13
10-04-1999, 11:47 PM
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GuanYu, do you like anybody on this message board? Anyone at all? Other than yourself?
Yes, your honor, I know I'm out of order. And I don't care. Hold me in contempt (if you don't already).
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#14
10-05-1999, 12:53 AM
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(always risking contempt from Your Honorship ChiefScott)
The first thing we do, lets kill all the lawyers Henry VI, Act IV, Scene II (...opening bag of Cheetos, belching, and resting feet on court rail) ------------------ "...send lawyers, guns, and money..." Warren Zevon
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#15
10-05-1999, 01:17 AM
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The entire post was laughable, but I gotta comment on:
Quote:
Many, many people find smoking irritating or disgusting and the fact that the relative of a dunderhead smokes isn't going to change anyone's mind. Quote:
------------------ "The secret of life is, there ain't no secret, and you don't get your money back."
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#16
10-05-1999, 01:52 AM
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Point of Order, Your Honor.
May a member of the gallery sit in your lap and kiss you upon your cheek every time Your Honor makes a bold and just ruling in order that that same member of the gallery may show proper appreciation for Your Honor's manly integrity? {Sorry, I can't but help to think I'm watching a bawdy British courtroom skit as I read this thread.}
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#18
10-05-1999, 07:41 AM
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I do have a small amount of time to be on this message board today, and with it, I shall say that I do like some people on this message board (despite the fact that several have insulted me, this being the BBQ pit). The reason why I chose this screen name is because it is thet name of an interesting Chinese war general during the Three Kingdoms (san guo) period. Perhaps John would know about the subject. Furthermore, I have studied Chinese for four years, somewhat on and off, so I assumed that it would be a valid screen name.
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#20
10-05-1999, 11:00 AM
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Your Honor, we await your decision as to whether or not the Plaintiff's request for a 24-hour extension will be allowed.
Additionally, regarding witnesses: I request that all witnesses must be registered users of the SDMB, and that they should have registered before the beginning date of this thread (10-04-99). Witnesses shoud post themselves, instead of being quoted by either the Defendant or the Plaintiff. I believe these rules, if followed, will be fair and just, and I humbly request that the Court consider these guidelines for implementation. If anyone on this board wishes to be a character witness for myself, the Defendant, they may e-mail me at jonkleinow@macconnect.com. Thank you for your time, Your Honor.
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#21
10-05-1999, 02:05 PM
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The court apologizes for the delay in his response (damnable Challenge-Athena satellite system..)
The Court will be lenient, but the Plaintiff is trying my patience. You must respond, in the proper format by 9 a.m., 6 OCT 99. The proceedings will continue then. The Defendant is directed to prepare his opening statement, per the Court's first post, and be ready to present his case promptly at 9:30 a.m., 6 OCT 99. Furthermore, neither the Plainiff nor Defendant will post to this thread outside of the Court's format. The Plaintiff is officially sanctioned. Please, sir, prepare your case and post it. Your meager attempts at garnering pity from this Court are contemptable. You shall be censored if this continues. The Court cares not a whit what your name means nor how much schooling you've received. You have brought an accusation against a SDMB poster. Support your contention or suffer the consequences. Furthermore, the Court urges the Plaintiff to acknowledge the Defendant's motion for witness guidelines. I'm inclined to agree. Should the Plaintiff wish to argue against it, he is directed to make a separate post, after his opening, stating why he feels the motion should not be granted. GND -- You may not apply, though you may be called during the questioning phase. grrrl -- Just keep the noise down. Pony -- Bailiff, remove the Jarheads and Wingnuts from the courtroom. Moriah -- Next week I open the inappropriate innuendo proceedings. kellibelli -- I'll excuse the Canadian carousing. Court is in recess until 9 a.m. 6OCT99.
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#22
10-05-1999, 03:34 PM
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Hey Chief, how's Floyd treating you? Local paper says naval vessels are taking a beating. Local paper is also just about worthless, though.
Moriah: Watch it! That's how we lost the Chief in the first place! Anyway, I'll get out of the way of the proceedings.
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#23
10-05-1999, 03:37 PM
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RECESS!!! I'm first on the swings! I called it, I called it!
------------------ The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average (mean) number of legs. -- E. Grebenik
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#26
10-05-1999, 07:06 PM
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Rule Number 42:
"All persons more than a mile tall must leave the courtroom."
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#28
10-05-1999, 10:53 PM
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(yelling defiantly at Your Honorship ChiefScott)
YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!! GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME BAILIFF, I'M GOING OUT FOR MORE CHEETOS!!! (Going out to lobby with orange fingers) ------------------ "...send lawyers, guns, and money..." Warren Zevon
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#29
10-06-1999, 12:28 AM
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OK, this horseshit has gone far enough!
GuanYu, everyone here thinks you are a troll...we tolerate you for the sole reason that it amuses us to insult you...get a fucking clue. Sanibelman, everyone here thinks you are an articulate, sincere,thoughtful,intelligent young man, we are proud to know you. Your posts are always welcome and they contribute in a valuable way to the ever changing landscape of the boards.Do not even think about leaving because of the above mentioned troll. Oh, and I would like to see the judge in his chambers...  KIDDING!! Whe I read the op, I couldnt help but think: "Wow, Sanibelman must be relieved!"
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#31
10-06-1999, 04:21 AM
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Omniscient shall be consulted on all facts rendered, and veracity will be determined for the court.
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#32
10-06-1999, 07:27 AM
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I ask for no pity from this motley court. I was simply replying to questions asked me by other board members, and, as for the explanation of my Chinese name, I thought you might be wondering why in the hell I chose it .
------------------ "ADD people don't suffer fools gladly" --anonymous
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#33
10-06-1999, 08:00 AM
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1)I wish for SanibelMan to quit my presence and to let me be. Most of all, however, I would like him to evolve into a vertebrate. The sole reason why members of this message board support Sanibelman is because he flatters them. Almost every time people have disagreed with him on the SDMB, he has apologized profusely, whether he was right or not. Thus, my requests are that he leave me be and that he quit being a coward and a wimp.
2) I want the aforementioned outcomes for this trial because he has been as abrasive and as vehemently crude as I can think of a human having the ability to be. He follows me whenever I'm spotted by him, and yet, if I disagree with him for some reason (possibly because he is a dolt), he insults me with a snide manner reserved for one's greatest opponent. When he once came to my house, he was extremely rude to my family; he did not follow any of the rules that have been laid down in my house--for instance, he picked my shizi gou (shihtzu) dog and almost dropped her on my tile floor, he never said thank you, and these were the least of his attitude 's appearances. Anything else that he did I would consider personal and inappropriate to be discussed in court. Yes, this suckup has a meanstreak, and that's why I want him to do the abovementioned actions. ------------------ "ADD people don't suffer fools gladly" --anonymous
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#34
10-06-1999, 08:21 AM
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If I Went to your house, I would slap your mama's face and yell "YOU SHOULD HAVE HAD AN ABORTION!!!"
Then I would RAM that shitty little dog right up your prissy ass! I think Sanibelman showed remarkable restraint. Bite me judge! Where the hell are those cheetos?
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#35
10-06-1999, 08:58 AM
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1) If the court shoud decide in my favor, I will ask that the Plaintiff be removed from this message board. He has not been able to contribute maturely to this board, and has only insulted its members.
2) I believe that I am entitled to that outcome because HIS rude and boorish behavior on this board should not be tolerated. The evidence that he presents has all taken place outside of this message board, and I believe has little relevance to this case; however I will respond to his accusations. 3) About the visit to his house: While I may have once picked up the dog, it was never in any danger and when I was asked to leave it alone, I did. As for whether or not I said "thank you" when leaving his house, I distinctly remember thanking his mother, as a hostess, for giving me permission to come to their house and use my spare time with GuanYu (however much a mistake that may seem now). 4) I do not have any new points to amplify with the Court; however, I will amplify the above points at a later date with the character witnesses, if the court shoud allow it. Thank you for your time.
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#36
10-06-1999, 09:26 AM
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:::slipping Kelli some lithium...:::
------------------ Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps. http://www.angelfire.com/ny3/zettecity/index.html
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#38
10-06-1999, 11:05 AM
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The Court awaits the Plaintiff's objections and responses.
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#39
10-06-1999, 11:21 AM
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Hmm, there seems to be TWO Guano-yus posting - one intelligent and articulate, the other ignorant, boorish, and illiterate.
SM, you're not filling in for this guy when he can't get to a computer, are you? BTW, SM was here first, and has been an asset to the board. GY came along later, allegedly because his ex-friend, SM, told him about this place, and has been a rude, arrogant pain in the ass. Gee, what a hard decision to make! ------------------ The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best. - Henry Van Dyke
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#40
10-06-1999, 08:28 PM
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Court is back in session.
First, the Defendant posed no objections to the Defendant's "witness motion". The motion is granted. In his opening statement, the Plaintiff in his first sentence of his desired outcome stated, if he wins, he wishes the Defendant be held from his presence. In his second, the Plaintiff insults the Defendant. In his third, his third is an assertion with no facts presented to back it up: no cites. Also, this is not an "outcome desire". Fourth, Assertion. No cites. Not a desired outcome. Fifth, reiteration of first sentence, with two insults. 2) Full of opinion. The plaintiff does not want to be followed, disagreed with, responded to in a snide manner, or to have the Defendant drop his dog. The Defendant responds by requesting 1) Plaintiff be removed from board. Then makes an assertion with no cites. 2) Assertion; no cites. Refutation of Plaintiff's statement in wrong section. 3) Defendant refutes Plaintiff's "dog" and "politeness" assertions. 4) No new points. Gentlemen, your arguement boils down to this: Plaintiff -- Leave me alone, respect my family, don't pick up my dog. Defendant -- Remove the plaintiff from the board. I need to hear no more. The court is ready to rule: This case is dismissed. Neither the defended presented a single fact, save for personal experiences outside this board. There is no way to verify any of this, and if there was, the Court could care less. Your petty differences outside this board should be left outside this board. Do you hear the Lioness bitching to the Lion that he left the seat up on the toilet again? I urge both of you to temper your posts for a while. I order each of you to cease the attacks on one another immediately. Furthermore, should there be future instances of abuse between the two of you, the Court will impose damages on both of you. Do not even refer to each other in your posts. My suggestion is you stay away from each other in your personal lives, and don't take anything personally from each others posts. As an aside, both of your responses failed to follow the format the court stipulated. Court is adjourned.
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#41
10-06-1999, 08:28 PM
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Earlier this evening, I recieved the following message from ChiefScott over E-mail:
Quote:
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#43
10-06-1999, 10:12 PM
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ChiefScott, NOT... SO... FAST!
I decide to play along with your game, and this is how it ends? I E-mailed you after your initial post. I told you that there was no need to go through with this - GuanYu was just bitching, and if let the TM take care of him , the thread would have died. But since you started your little "court", I decided to play along. I tried to follow your rules, even though I didn't understand what it was you wanted out of the trial. If you hadn't posted, I would have asked GuanYu where it was that I called him my friend. And, while I'm on the subject, where did I say that? My most recent post (as posted before this thread) used the word friend in quotes - "friend" - implying sarcasm, or at least I thought so.So... what was the outcome of the trial supposed to be? He said I wasn't his friend. I agree. When I made my opening, I tried to follow the rules you posted as closely as possible. Certainly you realized that there could be no truely verifiable facts in this case - hell, I could have been making the whole thing up. So what was it that you expected from this trial? (Oh, by the way, I thought that was kinda ironic how both ChiefScott and I posted at the same time...)
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#44
10-06-1999, 10:33 PM
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Neither of you gave a single cite to prove your allegations.
You said "He has not been able to contribute maturely to this board, and has only insulted its members." No proof, no cite. I could assert that moriah flirted with me in this thread. Moriah -- "May a member of the gallery sit in your lap and kiss you upon your cheek every time Your Honor makes a bold and just ruling in order that that same member of the gallery may show proper appreciation for Your Honor's manly integrity?" Do you see the correlation between an assertion and a fact now? Neither of you had a significant board compaint which should take up the time of this Court, let alone hard drive space. Re-read this thread and realize just how juvenile your complaints were. I was willing to deal with you as intelligent adults. You didn't respond in the requested format and the posts that were made were sophomoric. My decision stands. Get on with your lives, both of you. You've still got a lot of maturing to do. It may sound harsh, but the real world's a harsh place young man.
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#45
10-06-1999, 11:29 PM
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ChiefScott, might I refer you to : http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum5/HTML/000250.html ?
GY's very first post on the board, after reading the thread where SM asked about privacy, etc. because his friend who wanted to sign up was paranoid about his e-mail addy. One can see why he was worried - is there such a thing as an 'e-mail bomb'? ------------------ The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best. - Henry Van Dyke
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#46
10-06-1999, 11:38 PM
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No score. It's a draw.
So we go to sudden death. A quick show of hands, please . . . Fans of SanibelMan, please speak up. GuanYu supporters, do the same. Those who favor putting them both in a sack with a rabid wolverine, y'all jump in too. I'm for option 3, myself. But I'm a dick that way. -andros- ------------------ "Listen Children Eternal Father Eternally One!" Exceptions? None! -Doc Bronner
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#47
10-07-1999, 12:27 AM
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Quote:
------------------ "The secret of life is, there ain't no secret, and you don't get your money back."
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#48
10-07-1999, 12:55 AM
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hmmm....Both sides seem equally convincing and persuasive. We don't want to see this drag on, like OJ.
Your Honorship, ChiefScott, maybe this should be settled in the old, time-honored tradition of trial by combat. It could be unarmed, or (my personal favorite) with heavy, blunt instruments. Just a thought, Your Honor. Also, apologizing His Judgeship for previous loud and undignified outbursts. As a last request, Your Magnanimous Font of All Wisdom And Justice, can I order out for pizza for the peanut gallery? I had to give Kelli the last of the Cheetos before she goes postal in these sacred chambers of justice. I even have coupons. ------------------ "...send lawyers, guns, and money..." Warren Zevon
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#49
10-07-1999, 12:59 AM
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Mmmmmm.....lithium
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#50
10-07-1999, 04:30 AM
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Hey, SanibelMan!
Quote:
I have to admit, I feel kind of sorry for GuanYu after all this. He's posted a grand total of 8 times so far, much of it in self-defense. What's the deal? Can't we give a guy more of a chance than that? I can understand why GuanYu was annoyed by your posts in the Kellibelli thread. From the outset, you went out of your way to treat him like a pariah. GuanYu was a pretty good sport to play along with this silly trial, which reminded me of something straight out of a middle school cafeteria. I'm not saying his posts have elicited a lot of great thoughts. But I don't see any justification for this gang bang.
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