Is anal bleaching for you?

[Qadgop the Mercotan]

Anal Bleaching

After having read the article, I must conclude that no, it's not for me. Despite their assertion that the phenomenon now goes far beyond "the young jet set and the detail-oriented gay community."

Any dopers feel that this process may provide a bright spot in their future?

[Malacandra]

This is something I don't think I need, on the whole.

[TokyoBayer]

Sign me up.


Nay.

[NajaNivea]

I must admit, I did open this thread awfully quickly. On the other hand, considering that NajaHusband didn't even notice the full Brazilian waxing* I once had done for his birthday, I'm pretty sure any effort here would be wasted.**




* Is this a situationally appropriate smiley? I think so.
**I think the phrase "anal bleaching" is going to crack me up all day.

[danceswithcats]

Drat. There's always something new to be considered. Now I've got to go down to the shop, get out an inspection mirror and a flashlight so I can evaluate the hue of Mr. Starfish with respect to the rest of my nether bits.

[Heffalump and Roo]

That's just one of a myriad of things in that article that I'm not considering.

[BoBettie]

a bright spot in their future?

*snicker*

[KneadToKnow]

A "hole" pun and a "crack" joke, but I still nominate "detail-oriented gay community" as the funniest line so far.

[Ike Witt]

How much money do you have to have and how much vanity do you need, to even have the idea of anal bleaching cross your mind?

[silenus]

It's on my list of things to do right after I win the lottery. I want to be all spiffy and shiny when I take a dump on the Superintendent's desk.

[msmith537]

Originally Posted by Malacandra

This is something I don't think I need, on the whole.

[TheLoadedDog]

"May cause discolouration. Test on a small, inconspicuous area first."

After all these years reading that, NOW I know what they're talking about!

[Auntbeast]

I'm with KneadtoKnow "detail oriented gay community" is hilarious. Just what the detail oriented gay community needs, is for people to imagine them all getting anal bleaches.

Me: Why, his hair is frosted, his nails are manicured...I wonder if his ass is bleached?

I'm pretty heterosexual, but I'll carry the offended banner for a few blocks on that one.

[Otto]

I have a dream that one day I will live in a nation where I will not be judged by the color of my asshole but by the content of my asshole. I mean character.

I would never refuse to sleep with or date someone based on the color of their anal skin. If I knew that someone would, I would not date or sleep with that person. Well, I might sleep with them.

[Qadgop the Mercotan]

Originally Posted by Auntbeast

I'm with KneadtoKnow "detail oriented gay community" is hilarious.

Well, I interpreted that bit as referring to that part of the gay community which is detail-oriented, rather than thinking that it implied a stereotype of the entire gay community being detail-oriented.

Given that, I suppose that detail-oriented types would be more interested in detailing "de tail" as it were.

[KneadToKnow]

Originally Posted by Qadgop the Mercotan

Well, I interpreted that bit as referring to that part of the gay community which is detail-oriented, rather than thinking that it implied a stereotype of the entire gay community being detail-oriented.

Given that, I suppose that detail-oriented types would be more interested in detailing "de tail" as it were.

And that's why I still say it's the best line in the thread: true comic genius requires depth and breadth, and when you're talking about the ass already, that's a brilliant combination.

[Shagnasty]

I bleach mine at home by drinking a 50/50 solution of Clorox and Castor Oil every other day.

[Qadgop the Mercotan]

Originally Posted by KneadToKnow

And that's why I still say it's the best line in the thread: true comic genius requires depth and breadth, and when you're talking about the ass already, that's a brilliant combination.

Yes, it has potential as a meme, doesn't it?

[Thudlow Boink]

Just what the world needs: more white assholes.

[KneadToKnow]

Originally Posted by Qadgop the Mercotan

Yes, it has potential as a meme, doesn't it?

Potential? Hell, I'm planning on using it twice a day until I hear it on Robot Chicken!

[Cat Whisperer]

I am so far behind the times, I don't think I can ever catch up. I haven't even had my breasts augmented yet, for heaven's sake! And my husband still has hair on his chest, if you can imagine it.

Bleach your anus? How do you get to know it needs bleaching? Where are people showing off their anuses that the colour of them becomes a concern? Are there "bend over and spread 'em" beaches? There is so much here I don't understand.

[Annie]

I figure that once a suitor has occasion to linger on the state of one's sphincterage, the deal's not going to fall through unless you don't clean properly.

[Czarcasm]

Originally Posted by TheLoadedDog

"May cause discolouration. Test on a small, inconspicuous area first."

There are areas on your body people are less likely to see than your asshole?!?

[DoctorJ]

How awesome does the rest of your body have to be to make this the next item on your list? "Sure, I'm happy with my skin, hair, eyes, tits, face, nails...but come to think of it, my bunghole is a shade or two darker than I'd like it to be."

[Otto]

Originally Posted by featherlou

Bleach your anus? How do you get to know it needs bleaching? Where are people showing off their anuses that the colour of them becomes a concern? Are there "bend over and spread 'em" beaches? There is so much here I don't understand.

The only person I know of who's had this done is adult film star Tabitha Stevens, and the procedure was captured for posterior, er, posterity on an episode of Dr. 90210. Miss Stevens would, one presumes, be in a position to know the color of her asshole. In fact she's probably been in that position quite often in the course of her career. Following the procedure Miss Stevens, who had previously acknowledged some issues with her extensive plastic surgery habits, pronounced herself "addicted" to anal bleaching. Tragically, the episode did not include the usual "before" and "after" photos and so it was left to the viewer to imagine the results.

[KneadToKnow]

Originally Posted by Otto

Miss Stevens would, one presumes, be in a position to know the color of her asshole.

(italics added)

We have a new second place!

[Guinastasia]

Originally Posted by Otto

I have a dream that one day I will live in a nation where I will not be judged by the color of my asshole but by the content of my asshole. I mean character.

Sig please?


I read somewhere that it started out for pornstars, and then, um, "spread" to the anal-conscious public.

What's next? Cornrowed pubic hair, perhaps?

[cherry]

Originally Posted by Otto

The only person I know of who's had this done is adult film star Tabitha Stevens, and the procedure was captured for posterior, er, posterity on an episode of Dr. 90210. Miss Stevens would, one presumes, be in a position to know the color of her asshole. In fact she's probably been in that position quite often in the course of her career. Following the procedure Miss Stevens, who had previously acknowledged some issues with her extensive plastic surgery habits, pronounced herself "addicted" to anal bleaching. Tragically, the episode did not include the usual "before" and "after" photos and so it was left to the viewer to imagine the results.

There was another porn lady, maybe her I don't remember who also did a demonstration of having her anus bleached on the Howard Stern Show. But I didn't think it was a common practice.

[Otto]

Originally Posted by KneadtoKnow

We have a new second place!

Of all threads in which to be number two...

Originally Posted by Guinastasia

Sig please?

Feel free.

[Obeseus]

Originally Posted by Guinastasia

What's next? Cornrowed pubic hair, perhaps?

Seen it.

[KneadToKnow]

Originally Posted by Obeseus

Seen it.

Ditto. Granted, it was in a cartoon in Hustler, ca. 1980, but still.

[Autolycus]

G-spot enhancement is also taking off; apparently, you can expand and sensitize the area by injecting it with hyaluronic acid or collagen. The payoff? A constant state of arousal lasting between three and six months. Imagine the happy soccer moms not screaming at you in the parking lot for once.

Now, if we do with this near the prostrate gland.... No! Down that path lies madness.

[lobstermobster]

Yeah I could only assume that people would do this if they had parts of their body extremely well lit and then filmed. I mean it goes along with wearing full body makeup and having your personal waxer on a speed-dial number higher than your own parents. I don't think its absurd for people in porn to do this. For the rest of us (I'm assuming no one here is in porn) I would think it would be a very unusual vain decision.

As far as I know, my butthole has not been filmed.....yet.

[Cluricaun]

Bleaching? How passe. I darken mine with lampblack.

[TheLoadedDog]

I think one of the funniest things in this thread isn't actually in the thread. See, if I'd posted this - even with the same title - I'd have stuck it in MPSIMS. But QtM, with a stroke of comedic genius, actually presented it here in IMHO as a genuine poll: well, is anal bleaching for you? A masterstroke of dry wit.

[11811]

I think y'all got the wrong definition of detail workin' here....

Yeah, my ass is in the shop gettin' detailed. Had ta get it done before Bob and Sue's big weddin'.

[Qadgop the Mercotan]

So noone at SDMB wants to be able to feel like the sun shines out of their nether orifice?

I'd expect at least a few folks from my home state would want to try this. After all, one of our tourist mottos is "Wisconsin: Smell our dairy air!"

[EddyTeddyFreddy]

Originally Posted by Qadgop the Mercotan

After all, one of our tourist mottos is "Wisconsin: Smell our dairy air!"

Manure desperate for the touristas, huh?

[Khampelf]

A little known fact: After it was discovered that a combination of the position required, and the harsh chemicals could cut off circulation to the area in question, rendering it cyanotic, the procedure was renamed "The Crystal Gayle Treatment"

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Cuz don't it turn my brown eye blue.




Ducks and Runs...

[Guinastasia]

Originally Posted by Otto

Of all threads in which to be number two...


Feel free.

Thank you. Done.

Obeseus, I would think that would hurt. (Pulling, and all)

[Slithy Tove]

I can't help but envy anyone who lives in whatever part of our society it is where their personal and professional deficiencies may be overlooked so long as his or her butthole is as cute as the Easter Bunny's nostril.

Obligatory Onion link

But no bleach for me, although I would like extra starch and military creases (be sure to use a cold iron, please!)

[descamisado]

Originally Posted by Guinastasia

Thank you. Done.

Obeseus, I would think that would hurt. (Pulling, and all)

Why yes, yes it does.

I only tried it once before I found out detailed oriented gays keep that area trimmed below cornrowable levels.

Damn you, 11811, for stealing my joke.

[Critical Mass]

Originally Posted by Qadgop the Mercotan

Is anal bleaching for you?

Somebody asked Michael Jackson that same question a couple of decades back.

[danceswithcats]

Originally Posted by qwest

Somebody asked Michael Jackson that same question a couple of decades back.

True dat. With him, it's hard to tell where the asshole begins and ends.

[CalMeacham]

Curiously enough (or not, knowing this crowd), we've covered this before, more than once. Here's a thread on it from three years ago:

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...Anal+Bleaching

[poetwarlord]

I thought anuses are supposed to be darker. That gives them character. Perhaps the next fad could be for people to put lipstick on their anuses to give it a more distinct personality.

[Napier]

OK, look, when you see an anus and it is not very appealing, you are not in a bleaching situation anyway. Anuses are supposed to be unappealing. That's how they work as a metaphor for everything else in the universe that is unappealing.

Supposing, though, that you see an anus and you do find it appealing - in this circumstance, if it should occur, there's really nothing to fix, is there?

Besides, can you imagine going through that, and then one day you're sitting there thinking "Oh, no, I shouldn't have eaten that blueberry pie!"

[Wile E]

Sometimes I think I really need to rethink my habit of clicking on any thread started by QtM.


I feel I need to add this punchline; "Rectum?! It damn near killed 'em!"

[RickJay]

Originally Posted by poetwarlord

I thought anuses are supposed to be darker. That gives them character. Perhaps the next fad could be for people to put lipstick on their anuses to give it a more distinct personality.

Then how would you know if it was blood in your stool, or Estee Lauder?

[Little Nemo]

Interestingly enough, I was reading an autobiography of a woman who models for adult films and magazines just last week. And she says that she gets a lot of anal-themed work because apparently she has a naturally attractive anus - which she says she hadn't known until it was mentioned to her by some photographers.