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#1
10-17-2007, 05:57 PM
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Weirdo resumes.
Okay, I'm sifting through resumes (for an office/clerical job) and as usual there are some immediate discards. I am tempted to call one particular person in, just to get a look.
Here is an excerpt: Quote:
 “A very attractive skillset. Unfortunately, this position requires someone who can consume large quantities of Mountain Dew and has demonstrated an ability to complete Nintendo’s Legend of Zelda without a bathroom break.”Anyone got any good ones to relate? 
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#3
10-17-2007, 06:27 PM
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#5
10-17-2007, 06:45 PM
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Doesn't sound all that weird, but it guarantees that 98% of your applicants will have no concept of the standard arrangement of the alphabet.
I feel sorry for the OP and his company... I've seen temps do wacky things like dump everything they didn't get to under N for "Not Done" or T for "Tomorrow, I'll get to it" - kooky stuff like that. My all-time favorite was the 25-ish guy who had no concept of even numbers. He was completely flummoxed that a check number could end in 0, 2, 4, 6 or 8, and couldn't locate them in a file to save his job. No idea how he got into the building at 310 That Street and navigated the elevator to the 12th floor.
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#7
10-17-2007, 06:57 PM
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I had a temp help me file some correspondence. The way the routine worked in this office is letters came in on accounts, the account file was pulled, and I referred to the file while replying to the correspondence, and filed my response. The temp just filed the incoming mail in the file. This is, of course, a recipe for disaster with many customers wondering why they never got a response. This temp was dense, but she was extremely cheerful and completely devoid of attitude, so she cheerfully went through all my files to find the ones that had loose incoming mail. Bless her heart.
Weirdest resume/ application I ever saw, and I saw it repeatedly, for every job we posted, was from Extreme Detail Man. He had held many low-level jobs for short periods of time. He got the concept of action verbs. However, every job was described like: Cooked burger. Put burger on bun. Put pickle on burger. Put onions on burger. Put lettuce on burger. Wrapped sandwich. Put sandwich in bag. Took money from customer. Gave change to customer. Imagine 20 pages of that. Several of his jobs were fast food, so the part above is a close paraphrase. I felt bad for him, he was pretty clearly mentally ill but still expected/expecting to support himself. But he did not have the makings of "an asset to our team."
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#9
10-17-2007, 07:05 PM
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#10
10-17-2007, 07:21 PM
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#11
10-17-2007, 07:22 PM
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I once received a resume that was all in the third person. It was full of sentences like "Beth has demonstrated her leadership abilities by chairing XYZ project and..."
That one still confuses me. Is there some industry where this is common?
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#13
10-17-2007, 07:50 PM
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Maybe it is a weirdo magnet, though... I started in property management--by being the filing girl. Bahwahahaha!
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#14
10-17-2007, 10:14 PM
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#15
10-17-2007, 10:24 PM
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Send him my way. My guild needs help getting Hydross down, and he sounds perfect!
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#16
10-17-2007, 10:32 PM
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I once started a job where the previous occupant had tried really, really hard, according to the bosses, but just couldn't cut it.
It didn't help when I found that 75% of the wall of cabinets behind my desk was filled with the papers she couldn't file, the travel vouchers that just had to be signed and returned for reimbursement, and anything else she didn't know how to/didn't want to deal with.  Took me two years to clean up her mess. And yes, that involved filing. Lots and lots of filing. Of course, that was the same firm that had an offsite storage database that hadn't been properly maintained. The only guy in records who was actually capable of finding anything from offsite storage was, of course, the one who sent a penis joke to the wrong person and got fired on the spot.  Seriously, I would think that running a guild and migrating it across two servers would actually speak pretty well to someone's people skills; keeping people happy in that situation could be difficult, it would seem to me. Not, perhaps, relevant to the job at hand, but still useful information for some employer.
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#17
10-17-2007, 10:38 PM
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Now I'm all bummed and stuff. That reminds me, I had another resume which included way too many sentences ending with "...and stuff" to be considered strictly professional. (Three. Am I being too harsh for considering this way too many? Again, I guess I was asking for it.)
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#18
10-17-2007, 10:47 PM
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"Sir, I am a slacker, but I am a responsible slacker who is actually doing constructive things in my gaming time. And I need a job to pay for my Hot Pockets."
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#19
10-17-2007, 10:51 PM
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Rather cool actually, but I met a guy once who would put "Nobel Peace Prize winner" on his resume. Seems he was part of a UN Peacekeping Force somewhere when that agency won the Peace Prize in I think it was 1977. So technically, he was a co-recipient, along with a few thousand others.
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#20
10-17-2007, 10:51 PM
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Dude, managing a Ragnarok server? Designing custom quests? That takes some serious dedication.
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#21
10-17-2007, 11:05 PM
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I should have gone with my first instinct!...and stuff.Quote:
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#22
10-17-2007, 11:06 PM
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You know, just that ad alone would make me want to work for you, 'cos I dig that sense of humour and I have great attention to detail. And stuff.
And filing! Great Og, man, filing! I totally dig filing! Well, I mean, I rather like it. Sort of. On occasion, anyway. Once or twice a year, if it really needs to be done. Come to think of it, I really don't much care for filing, actually. Hate it, as a matter of fact. Filing killed my grandfather. Nastiest paper cut I've ever seen. He should have bought Hilroy folders like I told him to. I have an inexplicable craving for a meticulously assembled burger, now. Thanks.
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#23
10-17-2007, 11:46 PM
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Recently I looked over an application, in the general things category she put "Was a vegan for a year, interested in Veganism, Vegetarianism, Altertantive Medicine, Alternative Birthing" (maybe a few more similar things). For Position wanted (and the position we were hiring for) "Cashier"
Well those things are all well and good, but I'm not sure they really apply here.
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#24
10-17-2007, 11:53 PM
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I won't lie. I'd try to get the job. Repetitive tasks like filing or stocking stuff in a stockroom are nice. They allow me to go on autopilot at work and just kind of have a good time. I like challenges, but at some jobs I've been to it seems every single day is "we have to get this done or we fail as a business" day and I don't know how vital mopping the floor is to a business plan (unless you work at Mop-co, Og bless them). Also, I have to agree with Mindfield, the sense of humor is wonderful.
Please move the job to Ohio. Brendon Small
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#25
10-18-2007, 12:19 AM
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#26
10-18-2007, 01:08 AM
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#27
10-18-2007, 01:11 AM
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The strangest, and saddest resume I got (It sure didn't look like a joke, but then I can be naive). It was written in longhand and was about three pages. It was from a guy in an economically disadvantaged country. He told how he worked in a shoe factory and had to ride his bike to get there and how he was supporting his entire family (mom, dad sisters) on his income.
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#28
10-18-2007, 01:23 AM
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I met an American guy over here in Tokyo once. He had just recently graduated with an MBA and was looking for a job. He had made up an name card and on the back showed his qualifications.
MBA, (Name of school) Some job I don't remember Mechanic, Excellence with trunks Marine Extraordinaire (master of small arms) It was a WTF moment for me.
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#29
10-18-2007, 01:29 AM
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Maybe she was pre-emptively joking? (okay, probably not, but I'm trying...) Brendon Small
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#30
10-18-2007, 01:36 AM
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When I was in grad school, I had a part time job at a temp agency. Part of my job was to go through hundreds of resumes and compile a best of collection. We didn't just place college kids for part time work, but also placed professionals in temp to permanent positions.
I remember one of the professional resumes had obviously been created in some resume builder software. I knew this because the applicant had left in fields such as "List Second College or University Here," and "Second Address Line, if needed." I literally reviewed thousands of resumes for that job and that one still sticks with me.
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#31
10-18-2007, 03:03 AM
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Most were letter "M" and above. I guess my predecessor felt A-L was enough for anyone.
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#32
10-18-2007, 03:17 AM
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#33
10-18-2007, 10:14 AM
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In the restaurant business, we don't see many resumes, but I've got a folder full of weirdo applications.
Here's one from a lady who answered "Have you ever been convicted of a felony? If yes, explain:" with "Yes. Tried to set my baby daddy on fire. Will explain in interview." Here's one from a guy who writes that he left two of his last three jobs because "Managers are idiots". Once I ran a want ad in search of a delivery driver. The newspaper misprinted it..."Now hiring divers. " A kid came in to fill out an application, carrying goggles and a snorkle.  He was hired on the spot.
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#35
10-18-2007, 10:39 AM
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#37
10-18-2007, 11:07 AM
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I have "unbeatable parallel parking skills" on my resume. I put it as a joke and then decided to just leave it. Got my current job with that resume. Its completely true. I could parallel park a minivan into a glass of water. Can't drive for shit though.
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#38
10-18-2007, 11:19 AM
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OK, I got nothin'.
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#39
10-18-2007, 11:26 AM
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At my last job, the supervisor asked me and a coworker to look over a stack of resumes for a position that opened in our department.
One of them had on top of her resume completely unnecessary info. Something like "I'm currently living in my parents' house which is 75 miles away, but I can arrange to stay in a hotel if I've got the money unless my sister and brother-in-law let me stay at their place. If that doesn't happen, I'll have to commute from my parents' house and I might be late because of the long drive." I moved it to the bottom.
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#40
10-18-2007, 11:36 AM
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I used to manage a medium sized club, during a bad period of finding work for young people. Any part-time waitress or bartender job would result in at least 100 applicants.
My favorite - or at least most memorable, actually, was from a girl who spent hours turning her resume into a craft project. Her name was written in glitter-glue, as was the border on the paper. She used birthday-party invitation laserjet paper with balloons and streamers background. Everything was written with an exclamation point at the end. She mailed it, folded in thirds in a standard business envelope, and stuffed card confetti inside to fall on the floor when I opened it. (The kind you'd use on New Years - martini glasses and stars and whatnot...) Her resume was heavily dotted with references to the fact that she's worked as a stripper, and included a list of "Happy Customer References" with a few notes after names saying (Don't call at home, use cell, or I can have call you) after. I wish I would have saved it. It was a true work of art. I did interview her. I absolutely needed to meet this person. Honestly, I probably would have hired her, as she was funny and very pleasant, however, she was also stoned out of her gourd and mentioned this fact several times in her meeting.
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#41
10-18-2007, 11:49 AM
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I've worked temp filing jobs. In the beginning it was: open correct file drawer - search along tabs until you find the gap. The scary thing was that, after a few days, I would open the drawer and just SEE the gap. It saved a lot of time. I mentioned it once to my youngest son and he said that when he was in the army, the exact same thing had happened to him. It's not something that either of us could do right now. We'd have to re-immerse ourselves. But it seems strange that we can both do it. Especially since neither of us like filing all that much. Is it some common zen-of-filing thing that just doesn't get talked about much?
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#42
10-18-2007, 11:49 AM
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I hate filing. It's the worst chore of office work. Especially now that the powers that be are implementing a new system which will involve more file folders. Ugh. (Each residential property had four folders: owner correspondence, contract/taxes/insurance, tenant, and payables, + strata if applicable.) It was easy to file things: strata minutes went into strata, paid invoice into payables, email from owner into owner, copy of insurance.... Now we'll have seven files for residential properties, including Contracts, Contractors, and more. Doesn't make sense to me.
Anyway, my to-be-filed goes into the third tray of my inbox. I have a nice, cheerful bright yellow smiley-face taped to the bottom tray. My goal is to have that smiley-face either visible or only covered by 5-10 items. It's a goal, not always an accomplishment.
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#43
10-18-2007, 11:50 AM
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#44
10-18-2007, 11:53 AM
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#45
10-18-2007, 12:01 PM
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#46
10-18-2007, 12:26 PM
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There are a multitude of reasons I avoid the HR department.
We once had a girl come in to apply for a job and when asked to step into the personnell directors office (a woman) her boyfriend wanted to go in. No, actually, he insisted. Thankfully, the applicant was told that if she couldn't interview all by her self then they had very little faith she could work all by herself. I worked for a placement agency. We hired geeks. We had a 6 page, tiny font form that listed possible skills in IT. It was grouped into areas. When we had someone that we knew was a coder apply, I would have to explain to them that they were expected to finish that form in less than 10 minutes, that it was just an overview for us, we didn't need extreme detail. I found this out after I led one into a little room and he didn't come out for 3 hours. We just hired a guy who forgot to list on his application that he is a sexual offender (lewd/lascivious on a child under 15). Oopsie! I can see how that can slip your mind. I think that the meticulously made hamburger guy might be really, really good at filing. I filed documents under A, I filed documents under B, I filed documents under C.....
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#47
10-18-2007, 12:50 PM
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I, too, would have applied to that job ad. I do like filing. You get to put stuff away in a logical order, neatening things up, organizing stuff, you get to use those cool plastic flappy alphabet things - what's not to like? It's very zen.
I've often thought of weirding up my resume a bit. I'm not completely normal, and I would thrive in a company that also isn't completely normal. I've always held off, though, because everyone says you'll never get hired if your resume shows any personality at all.
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#49
10-18-2007, 01:54 PM
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"Rape, murder, arson and rape." "You said 'rape' twice." "I like rape." By the way, could everyone in this thread who says they like filing please come to my office immediately? I'll provide soda! 
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#50
10-18-2007, 01:54 PM
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The only really weird thing I can think of is the guy who had a cover page on his resume. Not a cover letter, but a cover page (the resume was bound). On the cover page, he had drawn a full-body self portrait, in pencil. And his drawing skills appeared, to me, to be those of an elementary school student. I'm sure this, as with many of the weird things you see on resumes, are a misguided attempt to "set apart" the subject. They hear "make your resume stand out" and then think that a hand-drawn self portrait on the front page is a good idea.
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