dumb things on resumes....

I’m currently looking for additional help for the QC lab the I run here in SC, and am getting MAJOR side pains from reading some of these “resumes”.

One, written in pencil on white paper, listing current job as the “manger” at McDonalds.

One listing his graduation from the 4th grade as an accomplishment.

Another stating that she took “frensh 5 onors” in High School.

So, you can probably guess where this is leading…

What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever read on a resume?

I once was reviewing resumes and came across this very elaborate one; it was on an 11 x 11 sheet of paper folded over to 8 1/2 x 11. Introductory info on the folded flap and you opened it to find job info and qualifications. Printed, not copied, and on very high quality linen paper.

Unfortunately, he misspelled a word in the very first sentence of his objectives. (He apparently was looking for a position as an “engineeer”.)

The effect was unintentionally pretty funny. Given the amount of effort he had put into his presentation it’s too bad he never thought of a proofreader. :rolleyes:
I also once got one written in red crayon on blue-lined notebook paper. I have no idea what the idea there was. :confused:

(Note to self, get rid of crayon and buy a printer)

Well, my mom got a resume once in which the candidate for a technical writing position stated that she “fluently writen and spoke Englihs and Vietnamese.”

I once had a typo in a resume I created for a secretarial job that involved a fair amount of writing. They didn’t call me for an interview. I wasn’t surprised.

Just as well – I got a much better job. As a writing tutor. :smiley:

Daniel

Maybe that is his job! He goes to McDonalds, eats the food, and speaks French. (French Fries, that is).

:smiley:

A friend of my family works at the local medical school’s admissions office. The deadline to apply for the next school year had passed, and she received an application from a very qualified student the day after the cutoff date.

On a sticky note inside the application, she/he had written “Please forgive me for being late with this. I had a brain fart.” Her application didn’t even get a second glance solely because of the note.

I looked over resumes for a programming position we had. This one guy, nice enough, but he pointed out the fact that he was considerd one of the top 100 Scrabble players in the country. Really wasn’t pertinent to the position.

Wait a sec…

I work as an editor. My resume’s spelling and grammar are flawless. My margins are even. I shape the content and key words to the demands of the job position.

And I still get no freakin’ calls!!

What am I doing wrong?

A collection of cover letter and resume “bloopers”. The applicants were applying for a research editor position at a parenting publication.

The I spel real good category:
*I would laik to apply for the position as Research Editor.
*As a former Reasearch Editor and Technical Writer…
*I create good repore with writers.
*I am an experienced and wiley researcher.

Unclear on the concept:
*I am very interested in your job opportunity. I am a dedicated stay at home mother.
*Objective: An engaing position with a non-profit organization [also a contender for the spelling category]

How nice for you:
*I collect facts like some people collect state plates, velvet paintings and clowns; however, my hobby gathers no dust or
derision.
*I ENJOY EDITING, I OFTEN EDIT THE NEWSPAPER FOR RELAXATION (the entire, very long cover letter was all caps–ugh)
*I am also the mom of a toddler turning 2 on 02-02-02 (pretty cool, huh?!)
*I’m a great face, voice, communicator and worker.
*At the age of nineteen, I was promoted to manager of Baskin Robbins Ice Cream Store.
*I have 2 children (girl 10, boy 16) who have turned out rather well, so far- or so the neighbors tell me. Before having kids I never felt the tugging need to procreate but I surprised my wife and myself by turning into an pretty good dad. So, I have the experience thing going for me when it comes to turning this knowledge into a job.

Duh!
*As the downturn in the economy continues, it’s imperative to have qualified individuals onboard to ensure company stability and continued success.

Ways to impress a prospective employer:
*Must I be so bold as to say I am exactly what you are looking for? Well, yes, I must.
*This job appeals to me because … I could ride my bike to work.

Huh?
*I am closely parenting my children, 7 and 9, minding the details and optimizing the desirabilities since conception.
*The exposure from helping expected mothers and the research I learned from that has imprinted my essential to share with others the myths, facts, stories of joy and fear of bringing up a child/children.
*I hope you’ll do some original research of your own and ask me to an interview. Perhaps we can exchange techniques?
*I don’t let deadlines pass by with whooshing sounds.

Twiddle

Bubble font… remember that? Got a resume with the candidate’s name in Bubble font. AHHHHHHHHH! Did not get a second glance.

But my favorite?

One that listed as goals ‘finding a wife and settling down to have kids’. (made me want to say ‘Not on this job, bub, we only hire lesbians…’)

(Oh, Twiddle, those are great!)

Quite apart from the spelling mistake…

Someone used the word “wily” to describe themselves in a cover letter?

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ahhhh. That takes me back. Gobear, I used to live in Washington. I am also an editor. I would send out 5 or 6 letters a week to jobs I would have been perfect for. And no calls for weeks and weeks. I did eventually get a job. I learned later that they received well over 100 resumes for that position. I had a few other editing jobs in the DC area, and the same things happened. Well over 100 resumes each time. The DC area has a lot of editors. That’s why the pay is so low too. Until the economic downturn, I had a job here in Austin, Texas, that paid twice what I was paid in DC, with less responsibility.

But keep trying. If I could successfully dupe a few companies into hiring me, you can too.

Not a resume, but still a good one.

One time while a manager at a fast food place that will remain unnamed, I was going through the applications one day, and came across one that had us ALL in tears laughing.

You know that one area, where it asks if you have ever been convicted of any crimes other than a misdemeanor or traffic ticket?

Well, it’s not unusal to see something written there, actually you see it often, it’s no big deal, but this one took the cake.

He had filled up the whole 3-4 lines that were available, and then started writing in the margins, and when he ran out of room on the right margin on the front, went to the BACK page.

This guy had written his WHOLE police record, misdemeanors and felonies. And it was an impressive career also. Burgurlary, assualt, attempted rape, couple more assualts, some theft under $150’s (which was a misdemeanor at the time) and just loads of other stuff. All with dates.

I have never seen anything like that before, nor have I seen anything like that since. But you would think that someone wouldn’t be so, uh, forthright on a simple fast food application.

I process all the incoming resumes for our company.

You would be absolutely astounded at how many people spell their own name wrong on their resume. Or, at least, they spell it differently in different places. This happens at least two or three times per job opening.

One of the resumes we received recently listed under “Hobbies”: “Collecting (and staring at) Anna Kournikova calendars.” (Actually, the spelling “Kournikova” was so badly mangled it took us a while to realise what the guy was talking about.)

Another cover letter gushed that the applicant would really really love the working atmosphere at “Loyola Marymount.” Except, uh, we’re not Loyola Marymount here.

Oh crap. I just remembered the other thing.

For one of our programming positions, this guy pointed out explicitly that he owned a car, and he would be more than willing to let the company borrow it if we wanted to.

Well, gee, thanks!

I’m trying to figure out what the problem with this one is. What job was it for? I mean, it seems like a pretty good accomplishment to me.

Got a resume form a guy who added his email address in the contact info…which is of course not a problem, but I think we can all agree that “pimpdaddy@whatever.com” is not a professional address. (For non-pimp-related work, of course.)

Also read one woman’s “Goals” section several times before I figured out one unintelligible grouping of words was something she’d never seen in print so just randomly guessed at. (I forget what the exact wording was, something like “for thurad fancmint in field.” We passed it around and I finally realised it was supposed to be “further advancement in field” or something. YIKES!)

On one of the job applications we got at a grocery store where I used to work, the guy listed under the ‘applicable skills’ category:
“Experienced stalker. Can master similar skills very quickly.”