I'd like to kill my roommate, but I'm afraid just doing it once wouldn't be enough

The BBQ Pit
1

I’m renting a room in a house owned by my best friend, who lives across town in a place with his girlfriend. My roommate in the house is a deeply regretted ex-boyfriend of my friend’s girlfriend. I’ll call him Dave.

Dave earned his current status of “felon on probation” for committing one of the stupidest crimes imaginable: he did way too much coke and meth, then went in to work at a convenience store. Upon getting there, he proceeded to scratch off $1500 worth of the store’s lottery tickets, then overdosed and dropped to the floor in a slobbering heap. A customer found him and called the police.

After living here for a couple of months and repeatedly noticing small things such as handfuls of change go missing, I forbade him from entering my room.

A week later, I discovered a crippling amount of spyware on my PC. I checked my browser history and found that dickface Dave had apparently been jacking off to web porn in my room - in the chair I’m sitting in now. Fuckin’ nasty! I bitched him out, he apologized, and I started locking my computer before going anywhere.

Two weeks later, I tried to pay my cable bill only to find out that Dave had ordered $36 worth of pay-per-view porno while I was at work, and apparently fucking jacked off in my bed! Christ! Is there no place that’s safe?! It took about two dozen repeated accusations to get him to admit to it and (eventually) pay me back. At first he tried to claim that someone have BROKEN IN and decided not to steal my computer, TV, or Xbox, but rather just order some PPV, rub one off and leave. Three times in one week. Dave tends to think everyone is as dumb as he is and that he can get away with that kind of shit.

After that, I bought a padlock for my room and figured I was finally safe. If only.

About a week ago, my friend decided to kick Dave out of the house for non-payment of rent. He gave the little rodent 45 days notice. On the same day, a box of checks I ordered from the bank showed up earlier than expected.

See where I’m going with this? Yeah. I never knew the checks arrived because Dave stole them from the mailbox.

Unbeknownst to me, since I’d taken out enough cash to pay for living expenses for a week and therefore wasn’t checking my balance, he wrote out $750 worth of my checks to himself, rendering me completely fucking broke. Current balance: $0.00.

I found this out yesterday when I tried to take out money for food from the ATM. The bank was still open, so I was able to get copies of the checks. Fuckstronaut was so irredeemably stupid that he actually wrote them out to his own name (he put “Happy Birthday” in the memo line) rather than make them out to cash!

The back can’t officially do anything until Tuesday when their fraud specialist gets in, but I was able to file a police report. The officer told me not to let on that I know anything until they come to arrest him on Tuesday or Wednesday, lest he decide to skip town. That’s harder than it sounds. He’s two doors away from me and apparently awake; I just heard his door slam. All I want to do is wring his damned neck for stealing every penny I have, but I have to fake politeness instead. I’m not good at that, so I’m just avoiding him.

I’ll never see a penny of my money again, and now I’m stuck having to borrow gas money and food from my parents until I get paid. I’m filled with rage, but there’s nothing I can really do about that. I wonder if the cops would care if I gleefully videotaped his arrest this week. Hmm…

Also, just for the hell of it, does anyone know what happens to the possessions of someone who is arrested, but doesn’t have any relatives within 3,000 miles of his stuff? I could get some fraction of the money he’ll never pay me back that way, but I’m guessing that’s not kosher. It should be, but oh well. I’m fucked. I know it. :mad:

2

You should be able to get your money back through your bank. See what the fraud specialist says, but I’ve had co-workers who were able to get their money back after their debit card was stolen.

I know you’re angry, and you have every right to be, but take solace in the fact that Dave is getting what he deserves, and that you were instrumental in bringing about his karma.

3

Bloody hell! Thank goodness you’ve been able to borrow some money from your folks to tide you over.

I eagerly await the update on his ass getting busted, oh the sweet revenge. Make sure you keep us updated!

4

The teller told me I had no hope of getting the money back, but I’m sure the fraud specialist knows better. I guess we’ll see.

Will do. When the officer told me that I’d have to testify at Dave’s preliminary hearing, he made it sound like it would be a chore. Quite the opposite; it’s going to be awesome to look him right in his beady little eyes while telling everyone what he did!

There’s no chance that I’ll miss the arrest, either. The quite friendly and helpful (he just called me again five minutes ago to confirm some more details) officer said that they’d give me a ring before they came over and have me let them in and lead them to his room.

“Oh, Daaaaave! A few nice men are here to see you, buddy!”

Perhaps I’ll make a bag of popcorn and put a folding chair in middle of the hall to watch the show.

5

YouTube it!

6

I don’t understand how you can not kick his bedroom door in and wring his neck until his eyeballs pop out. You are a better man than I am.

7

I am completely with you and all, but it is wrong to hope that Dave gets some help and straightens his life out?

Who has to call his parents? Dave? Ugh–just think of the pain he is causing so many people. How pathetic.

I hope you get some money back.

8

If the checks were forged, and you reported it promptly, the banks should refund the money.

9

Why are the cops waiting until Tuesday or Wednesday to arrest a recidivist felon on probation?

10

And, um, what made your best friend decide to rent to this guy?

11

They probably have to confirm with the fraud guy at the bank too. There has been a fraud. It was either Dave or neutron star is claiming fraud by saying someone else stole his checks. I’m sure they don’t believe the former but they will have to get the cancelled checks (the originals, not ns’ copies). They will have to confirm with the fraud guy that the signature does not match the sig card at the bank. They will probably try to get the security tape of him cashing the check. They don’t have enough for a warrant at this point. And don’t forget, the bank is a victim here too. They are the ones who are going to eat the money if it is found to be fraud. They get a say in this too.

Neutron star, you might want to look into getting a restraining order against Dave. You would have to look into the laws in your state. Here in New Jersey restraining orders are only for domestic violence. What many people don’t know is that DV covers roommates also. You don’t have to have a relationship with someone for it to fall under domestic violence as long as you live in the same house. And don’t get hung up on the violence part of it. DV statutes cover non-violent things like harrassment too. Like I said you would have to look into the laws in your state.

12

What a shitty situation. I imagine you’ll get your money back- I’m surprised that the bank teller has the authority to say something like you have no hope of getting back. I can’t think of what the difference is if someone steals your bank card or your checks and steals your money.

Good luck with it.

13

It’s not easy, but I’m managing so far. It wouldn’t exactly be a tough fight, either. I’ve got eight inches and sixty pounds on him.

Pretty much everything that Loach said. The fraud department won’t be in until Tuesday since Monday is Veterans Day. At this point, they can’t even verify where the checks were cashed. Once they can, they’ll be able to get videotaped evidence of him cashing them. We’re guessing that he did it at my bank, though, since he also has an account there, it’s inside the grocery store where he works, and he doesn’t have a car.

I would have liked to have been a witness to the scene if he’d tried to cash one of them there and he got my sister as a teller, but unfortunately he must have found a teller that didn’t recognize me.

The police want to go after his girlfriend, too, since it was pretty clear to me that one of checks was in her handwriting after I compared it to a love note that was sitting out in the kitchen. I don’t know her last name, so I have to wait until she visits (probably tomorrow morning) to get her license plate number. That’s actually what the cop called about this morning. He drove by the house to see if he could get the plate himself, but she wasn’t here.

A couple of reasons. First, his house was sitting empty at the time Dave moved in and he needed some income to be able to pay his mortgage. Second, he’s the kind of person that will always give people a second chance and doesn’t like to believe that someone will screw him or his friends over if they haven’t done anything to deserve it. Usually that attitude is effective. Sometimes, obviously, it is not.

14

How did he get paid? The signature in the checks is forged, how is having paid them not the bank’s fault?

15

Does he still have the box of checks? What’s to stop him from trying to cash more of them?

And he’s just going along as if nothing was wrong? Does he think you simply won’t notice your checking account is empty?

The mind boggles.

16

hope he didn’t take a check…

17

I think it was already determined that Dave is not the sharpest tool in the shed. It might be taking some of us some time to realize exactly how dull he is, but if you have ever watched Cops, there some dim bulbs out there.

18

No kidding. Petty thieves should be arrested immediately. Especially if they are acting under the cover of familiarity.

19

The bank put a stop payment on every check in the box. Oddly, the check numbers he cashed were 503, 505, and 506 in a box that started at 500. I have no idea if the others are ones he practiced on or if he tried to cash more and they haven’t hit the bank yet. Even if they do, I know I won’t be responsible for those.

I’m not exactly dealing with a criminal mastermind here. Really, he’s astoundingly stupid. I haven’t seen any evidence of him getting ready to hightail it out of here to avoid the heat that any person with two brain cells would have to know is coming. He’s just sitting in his room watching football right now, utterly oblivious.

That’s something I plan to ask the fraud person on Tuesday. When I asked my sister what usually happens in these cases, she said “Uh… I don’t remember. It never happened to me.” She’s going to ask some of the other people at the bank tomorrow, though, so hopefully I’ll find out something then.

20

Fuck you, you threadshitting scumbag troll.